03x21 - The End of the Beginning

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Bizaardvark". Aired June 24, 2016 - April 2019.
"Bizaardvark" follows two 12 year-old best friends, who post funny songs and comedic videos about their everyday lives on the Internet.
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03x21 - The End of the Beginning

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ ♪

(Paige sighs)

Man, I am just gonna say it:

I love a wedding.

Shocking, Paige.

I'm so glad you cleared that up.

But I gotta admit, this is nice.

Grandma and Red got a huge turnout.

Speaking of turnt out...

when's the reception start?

I am ready to get wild
on the dance floor

with my girlios, Paigeraham Lincoln

and Franklin Delano

Wait, which one am I?

Principal Karen?

Were you invited?

Do you even know Grandma or my Dad?

I know how to whip or nae nae.

Just stay out of the pictures.

(organ music plays)

Okay, it's about to start.

Time for the Bern-man
to jump into action.

Aw! Are you walking
Grandma down the aisle?

Uh, no. My job is much
more important than that.

I'm the flower boy.

How was that not my job?

(Organ plays "Bridal Chorus")


They're called weddings,

and this underpaid news anchor
is officiating on the side

to make a little extra cash.

Lou, this isn't a news broadcast.

Talk to the people.

Ah, yes.

(louder): They're called weddings.

- Wow.
- LOU: Do you, Roz...

Your Grandma is about to marry my Dad.

This is actually happening.

Yup, a few more seconds and we'll be...
brother and sister.

You nervous?

No. Pfft, barely even thinking about it.

I now pronounce you

brother and sister.

You may now be horrified.

(both screaming)

(both continue screaming)


Uh, screams of joy.

Glorious day!

I buy that.

By the power vested in me,

and Malibu Action News,

I now pronounce you

husband and wife.

(organ plays "Bridal Chorus")

I think now is a perfect time to say

Mazel Tov!

You don't know what that means, do you?

Nah, but it felt good.

♪ Let's go make some videos ♪

♪ Hey! Hey! ♪

♪ Let's go make some videos ♪

♪ Hey! Hey! ♪

(dance music plays)

(lively chattering)

Well, I guess that's it.

You and I... (gags)

are officially... (gags)

...brother and sister.


By the way,

I don't know what the bathroom policy is

in your family, but in mine,

it's if it's yellow, let it mellow,

if it's on the floor,

close the door.


Attention everyone, I'm sorry I couldn't

be there today.

I'm dealing with a very small

financial problem.

Nothing to worry about,
I'm still very rich.

There will be no gift.


Hey, guys! Check it out!

I met my favorite Vuuugler:

Viking Guy.

We met at the ceremony.

He's fun!

Did you bring Mrs. Viking Guy?

Oh, ho-ho-ho, no!

You can't tie this viking down.

A man like me needs his face

free to pillage and plunder

on his own terms,

as he sees fit!

(gasps) Oops! My bad.

Who are you

and what are you doing
for the rest of my life?

(sighs) Can you believe this, Frankie?

I know.

We really have made friends
with a lot of weirdos

over the years.

No, I was talking about how
beautiful the wedding was.

Although, now that you mention it,

this is a much different
life than I expected.


Much different life
than we expected high-five!

BOTH: Not what you expected!

That is not what I expected.

Roman Winwood!

I didn't know you were
invited to this wedding.

I wasn't.

Okay, I guess he's not elaborating.

So wait a second,

you guys are best friends,

you live with your other best friends

at the beach, and y'all
make videos all the time?

That could be a TV show.


Yeah, and... you two could be the stars.

You interested?

Wow, a TV show?

That's huge!

I-I-I can't even imagine that.

I mean, who would want
to watch us on TV?

Do you really think we
could have our own show?

I mean, our lives
aren't that interesting.

There is a crazy lady

feeding cannolis to a viking.

I'm gonna sell this!

♪ ♪

Listen up, everybody!

We have an announcement to make.

We're moving to the
Duckworth farm in Kentucky!


Dad, y-you know I'm happy for you,

but I don't wanna move back to the farm.

Yeah, Grandma, all our friends are here.

Don't worry. You two
rapscallions don't have to come.

Yeah, as long as
there's a Vuuugle House,

you can stay here.

PAIGE: Whoa! What's going on?


Whoa! What are you
doing with the furniture?

Hello, unemployed children.


Uh, sorry, got ahead of myself.

Unfortunately, my financial
woes are greater than I let on.

I made some poor investments.

Then I doubled-down
on those investments.

Then I just straight up
lost a giant bag of money.

Sadly I must sell Vuuugle
to pay off my debts.

(all gasping)

That means this is goodbye.

There will be no gift.



If Vuuugle's going away,

that means...

we all have to move away.

What up, home fries?

I got great news.

The Paige and Frankie TV show is a go!

Is this a bad time?

It's a bad time.

You know what? I'ma come back.


So much is changing.

I can't believe we're all
going our separate ways.

I can't believe you guys
are moving to New York

to do your own TV show.

Can I get an autograph before you leave?

Make it out to "Bernie"
with an "i-e." Not a "y."

It's a common mistake.

Bernie, you don't need
an autograph to remember us.

We're still gonna be friends.

Huh, look at that.
I did spell it with a "y."

Sweet tea on a Tuesday,

y'all are lucky you get
to go to New York.

Bernie and I are movin' to Kentucky,

and I'm more nervous
than a longtailed cat

in a room full of rocking chairs.

I'll never fit in now that
I've lost my Southern accent.


So... what are you guys
gonna do when you get home?

I'm gonna reconnect
with my best friend Edgar.

He's a goat!

I'm heading back to school.

Tuesday's pizza day.

I'm gonna pursue
a career in hair modeling.

These curls gotta pay the bills.


What bills do you have? You're .

Well... looks like we'll be
saying goodbye on an ugly note.

(horn honks)

That's my mom.

Well, I-I guess this is goodbye.

Come on, bring it in.


I'm really gonna miss you guys.

This house has been the best.

So many great memories.

I know I say this a lot,
but you're all...



We are fun.

I love you guys.

ALL: I love you, too.

(sighs) Okay.


Not candy.

(Paige sighs)


guess this is it.

The end of an era.

Bye, Vuuugle House.

♪ ♪

PAIGE: Hey guys, I'm Paige.

FRANKIE: I'm Frankie.

PAIGE & FRANKIE: And we're Bizaardvark.

We are here in New York Ci-tay!

I love it here, but not
as much as some people.

What? I heart New York.

I heart it so much!

If I had known they'd let
me drive a golf cart,

I would've sold a TV
show a long time ago!

Let's roll!

ALL: Whoo!

PAIGE & FRANKIE: (cheering)

(cheering continues)

All right, ladies, welcome to where

the magic's about to happen.

Stage Three.

Stage Three! Did you hear that, Frankie?

Stage Three!

Calm down, Paige.

That just means there are
at least two other stages.

Oh, hey, is that the Vuuugle Van?

Oh, yeah.

I bought it off that Liam guy

when he was selling all his stuff.

I also bought this turtleneck.

It is very tight.

Welcome to the stage
of your very own TV show.

Your on-set teacher
will be here soon, and...

Oh, you found the catering.

I cannot believe all this food is free!

It's free, right?

Can I have a waffle?

Another waffle?

And another.

And another.

Paige, this guy keeps giving me waffles!

More, more, more, more.

The show tells the story of
your time in the Vuuugle House,

so we tried to recreate it.

It's a very hard set to build.

I'm not sure we got it right.

Oh my gosh, it's perfect.

It's like we never left.


These stairs don't go anywhere!

And this ocean isn't an ocean!

It's a giant picture!

Yeah! It's all fake!


Hey! Y'all wanna meet your co-stars?

Actor Bernie, Actor Amelia, come on out!

Hey, y'all!

Aren't you so happy to meet me?

Are the eggs over there?

'Cause I heard they're yoked!

- Bernie!
- Ah!

Good, right?

Yeah, actually it was.

Okay. Bye, y'all!

(chuckles) Wow.

They seem fun.

This is nuts.

It's the Vuuugle House
but it's not the Vuuugle House.

It's our friends,
but it's not our friends.

Yeah, it's Amelia screaming, "Bernie!"

But it's not Amelia screaming, "Bernie!"

Good, right?

♪ ♪


I missed you so much!


You look mad.

Is this about me abandoning
you for eight months?

(Edgar bleats)

Okay. Okay.

Take a breath.

We can work through this.

I got you a present!

(Edgar bleats, kicks gift)


Was that really necessary?

Hey, Amelia.

Check this out.

I'm a rooster who wants a cookie.

(high-pitched): Snickerdoodle-doo!

(normal voice): Nah, that doesn't work.

(high-pitched): Oatmeal chocolate chip!


We have literally been here an hour,

and you're already driving me nuts!

Well, I'm not loving it either.

You haven't even shown me the giraffes!

It's a farm, not a zoo.

You know what? We have acres here.

Why are we near each other?

I agree. How about you go
to that side of the farm

and I'll stay on this side.

Sounds good to me.

(Amelia sighs)

- (rooster crows)
- Wait.

I'm not falling for that.

This side of the farm

has the house and the indoor plumbing.

That side just has
smelly cows and an outhouse.

That side has an outhouse?

If it's on the floor, close the door!


All right, everybody.

First scene of Paige and Frankie.

You guys are just getting to the
Vuuugle House for the first time.

And action!

Frankie, this house has a cupcake tube!



And a foam pit!

It's so beautiful!

I can see my reflection in the window!

Bern-dog Nation!


ALL: Oh, Bernie!

And cut!

- (bell rings)
- Ooh, this show's gonna be a h*t!

We're back in an hour.

I got kickboxing with Jaden Smith.


did that feel weird to you?

Yeah. I mean, we only did one take

and he's already leaving.

But I don't know how TV works.


It's like we're reliving fun parts

of our lives, but it's sadder.

And I miss Amelia and Bernie.

Me too.

Yeah, but maybe we'll make good
friends with these guys too.

Hey, uh, do you two want to hang out

tonight after the sh**t?

Do some fun New York City stuff?

(British accent):
No one gives a tinkers curse

what you go do.
I'm going back to my flat.

Oh, my gosh! You're British!

We're not here to be your friends,

we get paid to act like your friends.

Oh, my gosh. You're mean.

- Whoa.
- Yeah.

Frankie, what did we get ourselves into?

I don't know.

Okay, everybody.

I have just been informed
that we do not take a break

after every sh*t.

Who's ready to make some more TV?

We sure are, y'all!

Right, best friends?

(without accent): Cool, cool.

♪ ♪

Okay, everybody!

We're about to sh**t
Bernie's surprise party scene.

Heads up, the cake is fake,

but the Kn*fe is real.

What is this job?

(phone rings)

Oh, my gosh!

Amelia! It's so good to see your face!

You too! How are you?

How's the show?

Good, um...

I think. It's a little weird.

Oh, what do you mean?

ROMAN: Paige, we need you on set!

Oh. Um, sh**t, I'm so sorry, Amelia.

I can't talk right now.

Wait, what do you mean "weird"?

I don't know, it's just like...

our old lives but it's not.

And we miss you guys.

It's just not what we
thought it would be.

I gotta go. Love you.



I just got a text from Frankie,

and I'm not great at reading people,

but I think she's sad.

That says, "I'm sad."

Yeah. Again, it's vague.

Well, I just talked to Paige.

She sounded sad too.

I'm worried about them.

Me too.

We should do something.


But what?

Okay, in this scene,

Amelia's about to bring in Bernie

for his surprise party.

ROMAN: Fake Rodney and
Zane are there too.

And action!

I'm so excited to celebrate with our...


Yeah, me too.

(gasps) Bernie and Amelia are here!

No, they're not here.

They're not here at all.

(British accent): Uh, what's going on?

Are these new lines?

'Cause I have a thing about new lines.

Ask my agent.

Okay, can we try that again

with a little less of
the sad vibe this time?

ROMAN: Yeah! Okay.

And action!

Bernie and Amelia are here!

But they're not here.

- (British accent): Seriously?
- Seriously?

Frankie, this is all wrong.

I know. I thought having our own TV show

would be a dream come true,

but it's not without our friends here.

(sighs) Sorry everyone,
but we have to go.

We're gonna go visit
our friends in Kansas.

- Kentucky.
- Kentucky.

Okay, hang on.

If you girls walk off this set,

I can't guarantee

you'll still be on the
show when you get back.


Some things are more
important than a TV show.

W-Wait, wait, wait.

If you guys are going,
I'm going with you.

But you just threatened to f*re us.

I know I did!

Roman Winwood is a
notorious flip-flopper.

To the Winwood Van!

I renamed it.

Roman, why are you
looking at paper maps?

The van has a navigation system.

Oh, no. The last time
I trusted a navigation system,

me and Bruno Mars ended up
in the wrong Washington.

It got even more confusing

when we picked up Denzel Washington.

Hey if we're going to a Kentucky farm,

why are we going this way?

Because first...

we have to get the band back together.

Frankie, did you see how cool that was?

I put on sunglasses
like I was in an action movie!

Man, that was so fun!

Yes, Paige. Very good.

♪ ♪

No time to explain.

Paige and Frankie are in the van,

we're going to visit Bernie and Amelia.

You in or not, Zane?

I'm Rodney.

We'll work it out in the van. Let's go!

Come on, bring the shampoo.

- Oh, okay.
- Come on!

♪ ♪

I'm gonna call Zane.


Hey, Zane. How you doing?

I'm actually great.

I love being home.

I have a normal kid life

full of normal things

and I wouldn't give it up for the world.

Wanna join us on a road trip?

Heck yeah!

Do you want to know why
we're going on a road trip?

And he already hung up.

♪ ♪

Okay, one more stop.

Buckle up, this one's
going to be the weirdest.

(heart monitor beeping)

PAIGE (through P.A.):
Paging Dr. Horse Face Guy.

We're reuniting the Vuuugle g*ng.

You want in?

(beeping continues)

(heart monitor flatlines)

(electrical charge)

All right, the g*ng's all here.

Next stop, Kentucky.

Amelia and Bernie

are gonna be so happy to see us!

(all cheering)

What do you mean they're not here?

They flew to New York to visit you guys.

I was gonna go too,

but Edgar and I finally
got through our rough patch.

Now didn't seem like a
good time to travel.

Bernie and Amelia are on our set?

(gasps) You don't think
they're gonna meet...

Listen up, Missy,

you might have the same
blinding white teeth,

impeccable wardrobe,
and flawless bangs as me,

but you will never be Amelia Duckworth.

And you? You will also
never be Amelia Duckworth.

Push-up contest to see who's cooler, go!

Am I winning?

Am I cooler?

(British accent): Wow,
the script was right.

You really are pathetic.


Don't talk to my brother like that.


And my bangs are better.



Thanks for having my back... sis.


(phone rings)

Guys, you're in New York?
We're at the farm!


Stay there, we're on
the next flight out.

Looks like we're
headed back to the farm,

my sister from another mister.

Well, you ruined it.

We had a good thing and you ruined it.

♪ ♪


That's a really small cow.


(gasps) They're here!

- Yay!
- (all cheering)


Roman Winwood is not a hugger.

We'll get your bags.

It's so good to see you.

We missed you so much.

I won a push-up contest.

So happy we're together again.

Why are you sad?

I... I don't know, I just...

thought about us all
having to say goodbye again.

What if we don't have to?

What if you guys stay here?

We could all hang out and make
videos like the old days.

Or you guys could come to New York.

Paige and I have a huge penthouse.


Nah, I got nothing.

Anybody wanna see my outhouse?


BOTH: Yes!

You know what?

It doesn't matter where we are.

A beach house, penthouse, farm house.

You forgot outhouse.

No, I did not.

Doesn't matter where we are...

as long as we're together.


what do you guys wanna do now?

Let's go make some videos.

Hay! Hay!


(quiet chatter)

♪ ♪
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