02x16 - The Big City

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Gamer's Guide to Pretty Much Everything". Aired: July 2015 to January 2017.*
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"Gamer's Guide to Pretty Much Everything" is about a professional teenage video gamer, who is forced to go to high school for the first time, after a thumb injury. Coping with his new lifestyle, he focuses on friendships and visualizes life as a video game.
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02x16 - The Big City

Post by bunniefuu »

Here they are, guys.

My tickets to New York for Nationals.

You people should be thanking me.

We wouldn't even be going if I didn't find us a responsible chaperone.

Your chaperone has - arrived.

- Are you okay? You just fell down a flight of stairs.

What? I think I'd remember that.

Conor, you got us first-class tickets to New York? How'd you swing that? Oh, I saved money by classifying Wendell as a companion animal.

You guys get to sit in first class while I have to sit with the pets? No, you're not sitting with the pets.

It's more of a kennel sitch.

There is no way I'm getting in there.

You want a meat stick, boy? You want a meat stick? Go get it.

New York, here we come! Ho, ho, ho, New York City.

Check out all the hustle and bustle.

Where'd Dwayne go? I think the bustle got him.

This is incredible.

Look at the skyscrapers.

I love New York, and New York loves oof! Hey, you just hit my bag with a nerd! Yeah, keep driving, tough guy.

Trust me, you do not want a piece of me.

- [Tires screeching.]

Oh, he wants a piece of me.

- Go, go, go! [Title music.]

Gamer's Guide Gamer's Guide 2x16 - The Big City Gamer's Guide Out of all of the restaurants in New York, I think we picked the right one.

Welcome to New York Billy the Squid's.

Can we get a table over by Guess we'll sit here.

All right, guys, our first match is this afternoon, so I made a little scouting report of our toughest competition.

We all know BigBaller37, from Operation Mayhem, - also known as Spencer.

- Boo! - Hiss! - Man, his teeth are white.

But there are three gamers on other squads we gotta look out for.

GhostX, BloodWitch99, and finally, PonyLover.

[Ashely gasps.]

Those poor ponies.

Ah, cool.

I got bustled right back to you guys.

[Phone chimes.]

Guys, we just got a tournament alert.

We won our first match by forfeit.

BloodWitch99's team dropped out.

Winning without having to do anything.

That's the American dream.

Well, we got a couple of hours in the city.

If I were you guys, I'd go stake out a spot to watch tomorrow's Central Park parade.

You wanna go do anything but that? Yes, please.

Well, those guys are missing out.

The Happy Hog balloon is gonna pass right in front of our hotel.

Hold up.

You telling me that that big, inflatable pig is gonna be out there in the open where anyone could pop ulate the streets, and look at it? You betcha.

Did you hear that? Yep, and I know exactly how we're gonna pop that hog.

I've been waiting five years to use this rock.

It's the perfect chucking rock.

That's why I've named it Charles.

I would've named it Chuck.

Chucking rock.

Dang it.

That's why Nana always said you got the brain in the family.

[Deep exhalation.]

Smell the Nationals.

I know you haven't seen gamers of this caliber before.

The best of the best.

The Conors of the Conors.

These guys are gaming royalty.

I am so gonna dominate.

See? Royalty.

Now, don't be intimidated just because you're a rookie.

I've been to just as many tournaments this year as you have.

Uh, yeah, but you've never been to Nationals, which means rookie.

Oh, no.

It's Brock.

My old coach from my solo days.

We left things really weird.

I've gotta get outta here Coach Brock, look, it's Conor! Oops.

Rookie mistake.

Hey, Conor, I've been trying to get a hold of you for months.

Have you been avoiding me? You haven't answered my texts, my calls.

You're slowly backing away from me as we speak.

I am not backing away from you.

It seems like you are.

You're getting smaller.

Okay, look.

Maybe I just don't wanna talk to the coach who pushed me so hard, he destroyed my solo gaming career.

Come on! Come on, Conor, do it! Go rapid fire, go rapid fire! I said do it! You shouldn't have done that.

Okay, that was the past.

I wanna talk about the future.

Conor, you're backing away from me again.


I am not.

I'm pretty sure you're backing away from me this time.

No, I'm quite sure I'm not.

Oh, that's one of your jokes.

Ha! I get it.

I enjoy humor! [chuckles.]

You guys are in luck.

The Happy Hog balloon will be just a stone's throw away.

- [Chuckles.]

You got that right.

- No Of course, it's not as good as the view I'll have.

I'm gonna be in the parade.

Hold up.

Huh? I volunteered online to be a Happy Hog balloon holder.

I'll be so close to it, I'll be able to reach up and touch its delicate underbelly.

[Both talking at once.]

Hey, maybe we could do that, too.

I don't know if you two have what it takes to be certified balloon handlers.


We can hold a rope.

And walk? [Scoffs.]


At the same time? Oh, come on! The same time?! We're not gods! All right, guys, this is it.

Time to focus up and just do what we've done all season.

Become a Mexican wrestler? - Work as a rodeo clown? - Catch a sewer pig? No, I mean the gaming stuff where we pull together as a team and win a bunch of matches.

ALL: Oh, yeah.

We are here at the IGL National Championships.

I'm your host, Jovenshire! Oh, please, please.

Please clap louder than that.

There we go! Who's ready for some World of Warlocks? Players, take your positions, and begin.

Thanks to BloodWitch99's team dropping out, we swept through all the matches in our bracket.

Before we knew it, we were hearing the sweetest sound of all.

And Thumbs of Fury wins! You're going on to tomorrow's championship match! We did it, guys.

If we play this good tomorrow, we could be national champions.


Conor, something weird is going on.

I know.

Look at the bracket.

All the top teams have dropped out except for Operation Mayhem.

No, not that.

Coach Brock is over there talking to a plant.

Oh, that's just his pre-game ritual.


Why is he doing his pre-game ritual? He doesn't have a team in this tournament.

And introducing a man who has a team in this tournament, Coach Brock! And the most dominant team in all of gaming history, the new and improved Operation Mayhem! BigBawler37.



And PonyLover.

He doesn't just have a team.

He has a super team.

Get ready to be famous, Wendell.

Finally, the whole world is gonna take us seriously.

I don't know about this, Dwayne.

I feel stupid.

Ah, you won't feel stupid when we turn onto 42nd Street, and I pop this baby on live TV.

Wait, why do you get to pop it? Uh, 'cause it was my idea.

And I just finished sharpening this.

It's my poppin' stick.


This is my moment.

I've got Charles the chucking rock.

Stand down, Dwayne.

Wendell, you're blood, and I love you, but I will end you.

Oh, snap! He totally took off.

Hey, buddy, you need to stay with your chaperone, okay? Thanks for meeting me up here.

I thought you'd come alone.

Anything you wanna say to me, you can say in front of my teammate.

All right.

Abandon your team and come join mine.

You can't say that in front of my teammate.

Why do you think I've been trying to get a hold of you for so long? You say the word, and I'll make you the new leader of Operation Mayhem.

Forget Nationals.

You could be a world champion, Conor.

I am gonna be a world champion, with Thumbs of Fury.

Thumbs of Fury will never be world champions.

You know why? 'Cause we have Franklin.

I mean hey! Conor, which side of history do you wanna be on? Give us a minute.


I'll take in more of the sights.

Oh, beautiful.

Look at this door.

This could be an amazing opportunity.

What? I belong with Thumbs of Fury.

Maybe you have taken us as far as we can go.

Look, Conor, I just want what's best for you.

And you'd support me, even if I left? Of course.

That's all I needed to hear.

Coach Brock.

I'm Thumbs of Fury all the way.

That's too bad, Conor.

You really could've been something.

[Falling down stairs.]

Oh! Ooh! Ahhh! [Crashing.]

Ohhh! I don't know if I made the right decision, but the one thing I do know is that, with you guys, I'm happy.

Happy Hog? No, just regular happy.

No, look.

Happy Hog.

Franklin?! [Shrieking.]

Hey, it's you guys.


How could this happen? No, no, no, no, no, no, no! I get it now.

Hey, look, there he is.

Franklin, you're right over the roof.

Now is the time to let go.

I can't.

You probably never knew this about me, but I'm kind of a wuss.

Maybe we can pop the balloon and bring him down.

Yes, we can.

My whole life has been leading up to this chuck.

This is your destiny, Charles.


You should've named him Chuck.

Bye-bye, piggy.

Aw, Franklin, you got in the way.

I'm okay.

All right, let's get to the tournament.

Small problem.

Door's locked.

Okay, we'll call the hotel.

They'll send someone up.

We must be up too high.

I've got no service.

- No service.

- No service.

No service.

No phone.

I don't trust anything smarter than me.

We are gonna miss our championship match if we don't find a way down.

Look! There's a window-washing platform.


Now all we have to do is wait for the window washer to come up here, rough him up, and take his keys.

- Yes.

- No.

Two of us will lower ourselves down on the platform, and then, we'll come back up and open the door.

I need someone who's strong, - athletic and brave.

- Say no more.

- I was thinking of Ashley.

- I was, too.

We're going kinda slow.

Why do you think it stopped? I don't know.

There are only three buttons on this thing.

Start, stop, and this one marked emergency.

- Well, this is an emergency.

- No, don't! Ashley! Hang on! I got you.


I got you.


Conor we just Kissed.


We did.

DWAYNE: Oh ho ho! Conor! Hey, you do you, man.

Chaperone sees nothing! - We should probably get going.

- Yeah, good idea.

FRANKLIN: We made it! I'll catch up with you guys.

I have an idea.

Wow! I'm surprised you guys are still here.

I heard your coach was looking to replace one of you.

And who told you that? Your coach, when he offered me the spot.

I wonder which one of you guys was gonna get cut.

I'm sure you'll figure it out.

I know it's not me.

I'm carrying all of you.

Let's focus up, guys.

Let's do this.

And it all comes down to this moment.

Thumbs of Fury.

Operation Mayhem.

And me, Jovenshire! Your Ready.

Let your worldsnting a pfill with warlocks! Come on, guys.

That means begin.

Yay, Thumbs.

Keep on using those thumbs.

Whoo! I have no idea what's going on.

We knew they were better players than us.

But after everything we went through on the roof, Thumbs of Fury played without fear.

Ashley blasted anyone who came near our base.

Eat my boot, sucka! Franklin worked his magic as our wizard doctor.

Keepin' our health bars full, y'all.

And Wendell's trash talk kept the other team off their game.

So much that your grandma won't even hug you anymore.

With me leading the charge, we put up the fight of our lives.

When we went into this match, everyone expected us to lose.

What they didn't expect was Ashley dominating the final minute with moves I didn't even know she had.

Come on, Ashley, you got this.

What's wrong with you guys? She's destroying you.

Forget that.

I'm going rogue Here comes she k*lled me.

And your IGL national champions are Thumbs of Fury! This is our moment, guys.

Enjoy it.

At the end of the day, I think the key to our success is our friendship.

And good, old-fashioned rage.

So, you and Conor, huh? I did not see that coming.

Neither did I.

It just happened.

Well, do you like him? Yeah.

I do.

Oh, man, this is just like the movie Chainsaw Wedding m*ssacre.

You know, without the chainsaw wedding m*ssacre part.

You know there's only one thing to do.


Bottle up these feelings and avfor a couple of years.


You have to tell him how you feel.

You're right.

Hey, guys, what are you talking about? Well, you see We were just talking about what happened.

You mean when we were out on the Yep.

- And I - Yes, you did.

I did.

I, uh can't stop thinking about it.

Neither can I.

Which is why it can never happen again.


You know.

We're friends, and that's why our team works.

I almost messed that up.

The last thing we need are distractions if we're trying to make it to world championships, right? Of course.

Makes total sense.

I think they're waiting for you.


Uh Hey, Ashley.

I had to come say congratulations.

You dominated out there.

You really should be leading your own squad.

What are you talking about? Well, Operation Mayhem is still a favorite to make the world championships, but Spencer's too much of a liability.

How would you like to be our new leader? Really? Me? Hey, Thumbs of Fury made you a great gamer, but I can make you a star.

Come on.

Is there anything holding you back? Not anymore.

I'm in.

Aw, cheer up, cuz.

We still have a whole day in New York City.

We can climb the Eiffel Tower, go see some of them pyramids.

That sounds cool, but nothing's gonna cheer me up.

All I wanted to do is pop the Happy Hog balloon.

Guys, good news.

The Happy Hog balloon is floating back down.

He's coming home! This is my chance to pop it.

Find me something sharp.

- Harpoon, harpoon.

- No, guys, you can't do that.

- DWAYNE: Hey! - I've always hated that pig.

[Dwayne and Wendell yelling.]

WOMAN: Take that, porker! [Horns honking, loud pop.]

ALL: No!
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