02x34 & 02x35 - Future Tense/Lynner Takes All

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Crashing through
the crowded halls ♪

♪ Dodging girls
like Ping-Pong balls ♪

♪ Just to reach the bathroom
on time ♪

♪ Leaping over laundry piles

♪ Diapers you can smell
for miles ♪

♪ Guy's got to do
what he can to survive ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house

♪ In the Loud house

- ♪ Duck, dodge, push,
and shove ♪

♪ That's how we show our love

- ♪ In the Loud house,
in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ One boy and ten girls

♪ Wouldn't trade it
for the world ♪

- ♪ Loud Loud Loud

♪ Loud house

- Poo-poo.

[upbeat rock music]

♪

- Say "hi" to the Internet!
[Lola's car honking]

[dog barking]
- ♪ I love to do nothing

♪ And hang out
and waste time ♪

- Ugh, I'm covered
in dandelions.

- Well, you look "dandy,"
and I'm not "lion." [laughing]

[car horn honks]

[pleasant big band music]

♪

- Who's that?

They look so, so...

[dreamily]
Perfect.

- Yeah, I'll say.

Their shiny teeth hurt my eyes.

- Looks like they bought
the Crowleys' old house.

- Guess we got a new family
moving in on the street.

- Let's put off weeding
until tomorrow

and go welcome them
to the neighborhood--

as soon as I clean up.

- On it!
[leaf blower whirring]

Good to go.

[guitar riff]

[knocking]
- Hi!

We're your neighbors.
I'm Rita Loud,

and this is my husband, Lynn.

- Great to meet you.

Bumper and Jancey Yates.

- And I brought you
a little housewarming gift--

some of my famous "Lynn-sagna."

- Thank you!
How nice.

Though, we really
don't do dairy.

- It makes our kids sluggish.

But we could share it
with the needy.

- Oh!
Won't you come in?

- Uh, we won't take up
too much of your time.

We're sure you have
a lot of unpacking to do--

- Or not.
- Wow. [laughs]

How did you do that so fast?

- We don't like
putting things off.

It sends a bad message
to the kids.

[all laughing]

- Oh!
Speaking of our kids...

- Hey, Mom and Dad.
Can I borrow the car tonight?

I have to be at practice,

and then
my computer coding class.

- Of course, Beatrix.

Don't forget to eat
your protein-based snack

before class,
and your carb-based snack after.

- I got first place
in the State Math Bowl!

- Great work, Bumper Jr.

You can put that
in the trophy room.

[pleasant big-band music]

♪

- I got the internship
at the UN!

- That's fantastic, Belle!

- And I finally nailed
that tricky passage

of Bach's
"Partita in D Minor."

♪

[Bumper and Jancey clapping]

- Almost.
But watch your transitions.

- Will you guys take me
to my gallery opening tonight?

- Of course, Beau.
- Gomawoyo.

- He's in a Korean-English
immersion program.

♪

- Wow, your kids
sure are impressive.

- Yeah, is there anything
they're not good at?

- Well, we feel like
they have to be well-rounded.

It's such a competitive world
out there.

- If we don't encourage them
to realize their full potential,

we're failing them.
I'm sure you guys can relate.

[guitar riff]

- So...they were nice.

- Oh, yeah.

[together]
We're failing our kids!

- Where are we going?
I was supposed to meet the guys

at the mud hole after school!

- Your father and I
signed you up

for some extracurricular
activities today.

- We just feel it's
really important for you guys

to be well-rounded
in this competitive world.

- Well-rounded?
[laughs] You want us to bulk up?

Sweet.
- No, Lynn, you're actually

going to the learning center.
- You're great at sports, honey,

but to realize
your full potential,

you could use a boost
in your academics.

- I'm great at math.
A TD plus extra point

equals seven, but if you go
for a conversion,

then it's eight.
Boom! Math!

[tires squealing]

Flag on the play!

- Uh, "Ceramics Studio"?

Are we lost?

- No, sweetie.
This is your stop.

You're great at science,
but to be well-rounded,

you need to embrace the arts.

[tires squealing]

- Yes, good call.
I was just on the verge

of curing the H N virus,
but, hey,

why don't I go make
a coffee mug instead?

- Royal Woods Community College?

What the hey, Pop Star?

- Luna, we love your fun lingo,
but to get ahead in life,

it wouldn't hurt
to brush up on your English.

[door creaks open]

- That's wack, bro.

- And Lori and Leni,

you'll be taking
SAT prep classes.

That's the best way
to get into a good college.

- What about just using
the front door?

- Let's book Leni
for the double session.

[tires squealing]
- We don't need no education!

- Life isn't all about
laughs, honey.

We think you'll learn
more about serious matters

by interning
at the mayor's office.

- Well, "mayor" day
be ruined, too.

[laughs] Get it?

But seriously,
I don't wanna do this.

- Basketball?

- We love how
independent you are, honey,

but when you get out
into the real world,

you'll need to know
how to work with a team.

- Of humans?Blech.

- Volunteering at a soup kitchen
will look great on your resume.

- You know
what won't look great?

Me in a hairnet!

- Finishing school
will teach you

some valuable social graces.

- I got social graces
up the wazoo!

[burps]

- Where am I going?

A police academy?
m*llitary school?

- Nope, you're going home.

To read comics.

[angelic choral music]
- I knew I was your favorite.

"The Senator Squad"?

"Lawmaking in action"?

- Yes, these are
educational comic books.

They'll help
broaden your outlook.

- So...not your favorite.

[guitar riff]

- I'm so proud of us.
- Me too.

Our kids are on their way
to becoming well-rounded,

high-achieving adults.
- Just like their 'rents, huh?

So, wanna watch that video

of old people
falling out of boats?

- Do I!
[old man shouts, water splashes]

♪

- Another day,
another educational comic.

- At least you don't have to
spend your day

making ceramic gravy boats.

- At least you can talk
how you wanna, bro--

I mean, m'lady.

- [yawns]
Kids, where are you going?

It's Saturday.
Go have fun.

[all cheering]

♪

- Luan, that's not a duck face.

[camera snaps]

[scoffs] Leni!
I wasn't ready!

- Say hi to the Internet!

- ♪ Do-wah, do-wah, do-wah

[Luna playing guitar,
horn honking]

- Hiya, Louds.

- Hey there, neighbors.

Got some fun plans
for the weekend?

- Yes, we do!
We're doing some volunteer work

for the city--
planting trees.

- It's all about
turning downtime

into well-round time.

- Najunge boja!

[dramatic musical flourish]

[traffic whirring]

- What happened to
"it's Saturday"?

The only thing I should
be picking up is my axe.

- You'll thank us
for this one day.

- [screams]
- But probably not today.

- I've got mud in my mouth.

- Lucky.

♪

- I'm going to be seeing

hamburger wrappers
in my sleep tonight.

- All right, kids.
[children gasp in fear]

- You're free to do
whatever you want

for the rest of the day.
- Guys!

I just ran into Bumper Sr.
at the coffee shop,

and he said they're taking
their kids to the symphony

for cultural enrichment!

- What?
Wash up, kids.

We're going to the opera!
[children groan]

[man singing operatically]

- [whispering]
Do they look enriched?

[children snoring]

[classical flourish]

- Wasn't that enriching, guys?

- I just ran into Jancey.

Her kids are raising money
for schools.

She says it's important
to keep them civic-minded.

- Back in the car!
[children groan]

- I'm really starting
to not like the Yateses.

[guitar riff]

[knocking]

- Hi.
Are you registered to vote?

- Bogus, dude--
I mean...

[affected accent]
That was rather uncouth.

[doors slamming]

- I know where you live!

♪

- Can we please go to bed now?
- Of course.

Jancey says kids need
hours of sleep

for maximum brain growth.
- Oh, well,

thank goodness for Jancey.

- I think we've earned
a little R and R.

You wanna watch that show
where they reenact old movies

with cats?
- Do I!

[dramatic music,
cats meowing]

announcer: We interrupt
"Cats-ablanca"

for this special news report.

- I'm standing here
with the Yates family,

who just saved
an endangered turtle.

- We want our kids
to appreciate the importance

of protecting wildlife.

- Dang it!
We didn't think about that one.

- Kids, wake up!
We're going turtle saving!

♪

[turtle growls]
- You wanna feed him, honey?

I've been doing it all week.
[chuckles nervously]

- [chomps]
- Ow.

- [chomps]
[both yelp]

[door creaks open]
- Hey, Mom and Dad.

I passed finishing school
with honors.

- I took first
in the State Math Bowl.

- We just took
our practice SATS.

My verbal score
went up points.

- Mine too,
so now it's .

- Behold the fruits
of my ceramic labors:

full-place settings.

- I made the all-star team.

- We cleared
the entire interstate

from here to Flint.

- I tutored some new citizens
in English,

then registered them to vote.

- I helped solve
the city's parking crisis.

- Wow, guys!
This is all so amazing.

We're so proud of you.

- What say we take
a little break

and get our ice cream on, huh?

- Sorry, Daddy.

Ice cream doesn't look good
on a resume--

especially if you spill it.

- Plus, it'll literally
just make us sluggish.

- Well, how about
a little trip to the movies?

- I don't see how that
will help us get ahead in life.

- Regretfully, I must concur.
Now we must excuse ourselves

to study our state capitols
flash cards.

- No ice cream?
- No movie?

[together]
We're failing our kids!

- Kids, come outside!

[guitar riff]

- Can we make this quick?

You're cutting into
our well-rounded time.

- Forget about
well-rounded time.

Forget about everything.
Just go have fun.

- Is this a trick?

- No.
We're sorry we've been forcing

all these activities
on you guys.

We got so caught up
in worrying about your future

that we forgot about
your present.

- But what about college?
- And our resumes?

- And embracing the arts?

- That stuff's important,

but there will be plenty
of time for that.

You're kids!
You should enjoy being kids.

[all cheering]

[car honking]
- Leni, there's a--

ah, whatever.
Say "hi" to the Internet!

- [screams]
Ah! Spider!

- Hey there, Louds.

We're off to the Postal Museum.

- Learning about the past

will help our kids
shape the future

What are you guys doing?

[Leni screaming, Luan giggling]
- Just having fun!

- Fun?
What's the purpose of that?

- Well, we think
that in this competitive world,

it's good to let kids
unwind a little.

- Huh.
We didn't think of that one.

- I guess if we switch
from the : tour

to the : ,
we can squeeze in...

seven minutes of fun.
What do you say, kids?

[upbeat rock music]

[children laughing]

- Hey,
while the kids are playing,

do you wanna watch videos
of old people

falling out of boats?

Jancey and Bumper:
Do I!

[heavy rock music]

♪

[Lincoln shouts]
- You ready, Stinkin'?

It's go time!Whoo!

- Tonight's game night
in the Loud house.

Sounds fun, right?

Not when you have a sister
like Lynn.

- Yo, twins!
Hope you read the menu,

'cause you're about
to get served!

- It's not that the rest of us
don't like playing games.

Heck, we don't even care
that Lynn wins every time.

It's just...

She's not exactly
a "good winner."

- Oh yeah, baby!
I win!

Lynn-er, Lynn-er,
chicken dinner!

- I thought
we were having salmon.

[heavy rock music]
- Yes!

I win!
Hah!

Losers clean up!

- And if you think that's bad,

last week she waited
till everyone fell asleep

and then wrote "loser"
on their foreheads.

Fortunately,
I got out of that one.

♪

- Hey, I was just wondering,

do you guys know
any good therapists?

- Well, Clyde recommends--
- To help you deal

with your loss tonight?
Burn!

[siblings sigh]

- Okay, guys.

What'll it be tonight?

- Go-go fishie.

- Good choice, Lily.
Go Fish it is.

♪

- Lynn, do you possess
any sevens?

- Hope you've got gas
in your boat.

- Pardon?
I have no aquatic vehicles.

- 'Cause you're going fishing!

- Lori, you seemed
pretty interested

in deuces last round.
Got any?

- [sighs]

- Boom!
[heavy rock music]

Welcome to Losertown,

population: you, you, you, you,

you, you, you, you, you, you.

- Well, now that
that's over with...

- Wait, wait, wait.
Hold up!

Tonight's special.
It's my...

[button beeps]
th win in a row!

I am unbeaten by you chumps!

[celebratory music]

Whoo!

- [coughing]

Dudes, this confetti's
made from our homework.

Bogus!
- [sighs]

I can't take this anymore.
She is so obnoxious.

- If only we could b*at her
just once,

maybe she'd stop gloating.

- How are we gonna do that
when she's better

at every game on the shelf?

- Maybe we need to try
a game that isn't on the shelf--

something
that Lynn doesn't know,

something that one of us
is really good at.

- I think I might
have just the game.

- "Pretty, Pretty
Pageant Queen"?

I don't even know
how to play this.

- Oh, okay.
If you're afraid of losing--

- I'm no loser.
It is on!

♪

- Oh! Just earned my sash.
Just two spaces from being

the pretty, pretty
pageant queen!

- Hold up.
It says in the rule book

that if you can roll
three tens at once,

you get three tens
from the judges

and an a*t*matic win.

[spits, dice rattle]

- [scoffs] Good luck.

The odds of such an occurrence
would be in , --

- Did it!
[siblings gasp]

- [groans]

- [grunts happily]
Lynn-er, Lynn-er,

chicken dinner!
[imitates clucking]

- We will never b*at her--
at anything.

- I know a game
I can b*at her at.

[toilet flushes]
Plumbing Pro.

You have to remove
all the objects

from the plumbing
without touching the sides.

- [scoffs] This looks easy.

I'll start by removing
the hairball

from the shower drain.

[game buzzes]

- Uh-oh!
You touched the side.

One more buzz and you lose.

- [growls]

'Scuse me a second.

[door creaks open, slams]

[grunts]
You wanna lose, Lynn?

[grunting] Huh, huh?

You wanna be the mayor
of Losertown?

[grunts]
Then get your head in the game.

[grunts]

[shouts]

[door creaks]
- She's coming back in.

- Let's do this!
[shouts]

[heavy rock music]

[game flushes]
Yes!

Another win for Lynn.

[game cracks,
siblings sigh]

- Guys!
I don't know why

I didn't think of this earlier.

The Ace Savvy trivia game!

There's no way she can b*at me.

♪

- Okay, guys.
Whoever answers

this last question right, wins.

[ticking music]

- [whispering]
Lincoln,

what the heck?

You haven't gotten
a single answer right.

- It's not my fault.
Lynn keeps getting in my head.

- "Who is Ace Savvy's sidekick?"

[buzzer sounds]
- Oh, that's so easy.

- Oh, is it?
Are you sure?

It could be a trick question.
I'm just sayin'.

[chuckles]
Game's riding on this.

It'd sure be a shame
if you choked.

[imitates choking]

[tense music]

- Massachusetts!

[buzzer sounds]
- [scoffs]

Even I know this one.

It's One-Eyed Jack.

- Correct.

- Boom!I win!

Better get out of here
before I breathe in

too many loser fumes.

- Sorry, guys.
I totally choked.

- It's okay, Lincoln.
[sighs]

None of us is good enough
to b*at her.

- But what about all of us?

Behold!
"The Settlers of Cat-Land."

The objective is to build

as many cat structures
as possible.

But here's the kicker:
One cannot do so

without forming alliances.

Ergo,
if we freeze out Lynn,

she is bound to go down
in proverbial flames.

[victorious ringing]

- What? [stammering]
Seriously?

No one has a yarn ball

to trade me for some catnip?

- [chuckles] Fresh out!
[siblings murmuring]

- [groans]
I can't build squat.

This game bites it--hard!

[timer rings and meows]

- Well, I see our time is up.

We have a ten-way tie for first,
with Lynn in a distant second.

- Count it again!
- Lynn, I do not make errors.

[victorious ringing]

[siblings cheering]

Well, that ought to stop
Lynn's competitive behavior.

- And all of her gloating.
- Yeah,

I'd say we really
got her "gloat."

We put her on
a "gloat-en"-free diet!

Unless she's a "gloat-en"
for punishment!

Hey, where are you going?
I'm just "gloat-in" started!

♪

- [slurping]
- I can chug faster than you!

[swallowing violently]

[burps]I win!

In your face, "Milk-coln"!Whoo!


[heavy rock music]

Race you to the top!

[crunch]
- Ow!

- Whoo-hoo!
I win!

[laughs] You went down hard.

- I thought I was going up.

- [babbling]

- Yes!I win.

[expl*si*n]
- Boom, I win!

Made an expl*si*n first.
- I wasn't trying

to make an expl*si*n!

[expl*si*n]
Dang it.

- I can wash faster than you.

[rapid splashing]

I can brush faster than you!

[spits, tooth boings]

I can go to sleep the fastest!

[siblings groan]

I can also snore the loudest!

[snoring rapidly]

[siblings groan]

Whoo!
I was up first!

[laughs] Lori, I totally ate
more bacon than you.

Loser!
- [groans]

- Where are you going?

- Anywhere I can
be away from Lynn.

- Pancake challenge, right now!

Which one of you lame-os
is gonna man up?

- Please, take us with you.

- [sighs contentedly]
This is sweet, right dudes?

[siblings chatter in agreement]

- I really need
a break from her.

- Come on, Lynn!

Push it, push it!

Dig deep!
[panting]

Yeah, you lose!

Eat my dust!
[panting]

[siblings groan]

[banging]

- We all know why we're here.
The Lynne situation

is literally the worst thing
that's ever happened.

- [grumbles] We never should've
b*at her at that cat game.

- I say we challenge Lynn
to a rematch--

only this time,
we throw the game.

That way, she'll feel
like a winner again,

and stop driving us crazy.

- A rematch, huh?
[chuckling] Well,

this place is
gonna be spotless--

after I wipe the floor with you!

Booyah!
Let's do this.

Will anyone trade me
a scratching post

for a laser pointer?

- Sure!
- Take mine, take mine!

- Will anyone trade me
a cat bed for a litter box?

- Negatory.
- Sorry!

- I gave my last one to Lynn.

- Your turn, Lynn.

- Yes!
Ball of twine, chumps.

[dice rattling]

One? Gah!
Come on!

[thump]
- Are you sure you

read that right?

- Six all day long, baby!

♪

Hope you guys are hungry,

'cause it's almost time

for Lynn-er, Lynn-er,
chicken dinner!

Ding-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling!

[mysterious string music]

[game pieces clatter]

[siblings shouting]
- What the--

- What's wrong with you?
- Why would you do that?

- What?
The plan was to throw the game,

and no one else
was doing it!

- Wait a sec.
Throw the game?

You guys were trying
to lose to me on purpose?

- Okay, yes we were.

We just thought
if we let you win,

you'd stop being
so insanely competitive with us.

- I was just trying
to get my edge back

after losing to you guys.

- Well,
to be completely transparent,

the only reason you lost

is because we all
teamed up against you.

- What?
Why would you do that?

- 'Cause after your wins--

- Well, technically ,
but who's counting.

- We couldn't take
your gloating anymore, dude.

- Yeah, we were all
in the same "gloat."

We were tired of eating
your "gloat-meal"!

- Not now, Luan.

- Wow.
So, you're saying

I'm a bad loser
and a bad winner?

- Precisely.
- You all feel this way?

- Yeah.
- Kinda.

- Afraid so.
- We feel this way.

- I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to be a jerk.

I just love playing games,

especially with you guys.

Look,
if you give me another chance,

I promise to be a better sport.
What do you say?

- Why not!
- Okay, Lynn.

- Yes, first to apologize!

Uh, sorry,
that was the last one.

Better sport, starting...now.

♪

- That's all my cards.
So I guess...

- You can say it.
You win.

- Okay, cool.
I win.

Good game, guys.
Good game.

[door creaks open, slams]

[heavy rock music]
Yeah! I rule!

Lynn-er, Lynn-er,
chicken dinner!

[singing]

- At least it's not
to our faces.

- She is trying.
- She was pretty good!

- Getting there.
- Baby steps!

- [grunts, shouts]

Winner!

- ♪ Cramped inside
this tiny space ♪

♪ May sound bad
but ain't the case ♪

♪ In the Loud house
- ♪ Loud house

- ♪ Duck and dodge
and push and shove ♪

♪ That's the way we show
our love in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Loud house

♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs
that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line to take a pee

♪ Never any privacy

♪ Chaos with kids

♪ That's the way
it always is ♪

♪ In the Loud house