03x10 - Head Poet's Anxiety

[bunniefuu]

[upbeat rock music]

♪ ♪

- Guess who I bumped into
on the way to the optometrist.

Everyone.
[laughter]

What did the bald man say when
he got a comb for his birthday?

I'll never part with it.

[laughter]

- Ohh.

- There go
Bernie's teeth again.

- How 'bout that talent, eh?
That's my granddaughter.

- Thank you.
Well, this is my stop.

So I "moustache" you
to excuse me.

[laughter, horn toots]

- What's that all about?

- Oh, that's my new gig.

I'm the entertainer
on the Giggling Geezer.

- Giggling Geezer?

- The bus Sunset Canyon uses

to take the seniors
on day trips.

Do you realize
what this means?

Today the Giggling Geezer,

tomorrow
the Royal Woods Theater.

- Tomorrow?
Can we still get tickets?

- No, not tomorrow, tomorrow.

Someday tomorrow.

I hope to be the youngest
person to ever perform there.

- Well, congratulations.

Keep reaching for those dreams.

- Aww, thanks.
You're so supportive.

- The more success she has,

the less time she has
to prank us.

- Ah.
[flatulence noise]

Yeah, she still has time.

- [gasps]

Lucy, what are you
doing on the stairs?

- Sigh.
I submitted my best poem

to "The Transylvania Review."

They didn't want it.

I must not have
what it takes to be a poet.

- Your first
rejection letter, huh?

Well, step into my office.
I want to show you something.

These are
my rejection letters.

- It's like a coffin
for your dreams.

- It's just part
of the creative life.

You can't expect to sh**t
to the top right away.

When I was your age, I had
to start at the bottom.

Performing for
our pets' birthdays.

What did the Dalmatian say
after eating a snack?

That hit the spot.

- [whimpers]

- Wow, rough crowd.
[liquid spattering]

Dang it, Charles.

It was a long time
before I was ready

to try my act out
in public.

[laughs]
Good one, Mr. Coconuts.

You bowl me over.

Guess that one landed
in the gutter, toots.

[laughs, crowd booing]

Ah, curly fries!

Even then, I still had
a lot to learn about comedy.

So I enrolled
in a clowning academy.

[nose squeaks,
electricity crackles]

[laughs]

Finally after paying my dues,

I was ready to build
my own business.

How do turtles
talk to each other?

On their shell phones.

[laughter and applause]

[harp music]

Just be patient
and keep trying.

And no matter
how hard it gets,

remember, you always have
a sister who knows

you're spec-tacular!

- I feel a lot better.

You know so much, Luan.

Maybe you could help me
become a successful poet.

- I suppose I could
"stanza" to do that.

After all, I am well versed
in mentoring.

We'd make quite a couplet.

[both laugh]

Okay, so your first step

is to sharpen
your skills at home.

- Fresh tuna shrouded
in a cold beet sauce

and laid to rest
on a bed of pineapple.

Great job, Lucy.

This is the perfect update
to the Aloha Comrade menu.

I was just gonna say
"fish in sauce."

- "Looking for an outfit
that'll knock them dead?

"This black sequin gown
shimmers like the eyes

of a hundred vampires
on a moonless night."

This is perfect.

I can't wait to put it
on my fashion blog.

Done.

- Nice work.

The next step is to get
some formal training.

- Okay, class, give me
your best rhymes for "rose."

- Chose.
- Clothes.

- Bows.
- Decompose.

- Ooh, evocative.

- The next step is to start
putting your work out there.

[upbeat music]

- Oh, honey, these pillows
would be perfect

for the nursery.
I can't decide.

"Rage against conformity"
or "Embrace the darkness"?

- Get 'em both.
You might have twins.

Okay, you're almost ready
to read your work in public.

But first, you gotta build
a thick skin.

[bongos playing]

- "Melancholy night
before a hopeless dawn.

"The sun is rising soon,

but all my joy is gone."

[all jeering]

- Oh, I don't wanna do this.

- It's for her own good.

- I'll show you
how it's done.

That poem is terrible.

I've been more moved
by Lynn's farts.

- Aw, thank you.

- You smell weird,
your hair is wrong,

and I would not recommend you
to my friends!

- "Mean little blonde.

"You throw stones and sticks.

"But what would you know?

You're only six."

- Boo-yah!
That's my girl!

Lucy, time to take
your show on the road.

Why couldn't Timmy
ride a bicycle?

Because Timmy
was a goldfish.

[laughter]

Oh, thank you.

Now I present to you
our visiting poet, Lucy Loud.

I know she'll show you
a good rhyme.

- "The end is near.
Give up all hope."

[all gasp]

- Why don't we try
another one?

You gotta know your audience.

- "Ode to Pop-Pop."

- I like it already.

- "Warm eyes and anchor tattoo.

"Blends his food,
no need to chew.

"Orange suspenders,
he's got style.

He'll lift your soul
with just a smile."

- [sniffles]

[all cheering,
horn toots]

- Well, Luce, I'd say you're
ready to fly solo now.

But if you ever
have any questions,

you can come to me.

- Thank you, Luan.

You're the best mentor ever.

- Honey, Lucy is smiling.
Get the camera!

- That sounds more appealing.

[laughter]

- That's--ohh.

- Driver, pull over.

Bernie lost
his chompers again.

- Come on,
I'll help you find them.

- [panting]

Luan, I've been chasing you
for six blocks.

I have amazing news.

My poetry teacher is
hosting Poetry Festival

and has asked me
to be a part of it.

- That is amazing.
Congrats.

- It's going to be
at the Royal Woods Theater.

- You don't say.

- No kid has ever performed
onstage there before.

- You don't say.

- Is your face okay?

- Yes, it's just so happyfor you.

It's just so, so great

how you didn't have
to struggle too long

to make your dreams come true.

So, so great.

- I can't breathe.

[breathes deeply]

Thank you so much, Luan.

If it wasn't for you,

I never would have made it
to the Royal Woods Theater.

- Yes, I know.

- Found 'em!

Hmm. Whoops.

Not my teeth.

- [sighs]

- I'm really nervous
about my reading tomorrow.

Do vocal exercises help?

I know one called
the endless moan.

[moaning]

- Sure, do that.
That's great.

- Which shade of black
do you think is better

for the reading,
Eternal Sadness or Vacant Tomb?

- I don't know.
Eternal Tomb.

- I read that making good
eye contact with the audience

is important.

How's this?

Is this better?

How about this?

What if I get stage fright?

I mean, I could handle
the Giggling Geezer,

but this crowd
is going to be huge.

- Why are you even
asking me, Lucy?

You're the genius
who got a gig

at the Royal Woods Theater,not me.

So why don't you
figure it out?

- You done with the TV?
[door slams]

Whoa.
- What was that about?

- I think I know.

There's something
that I need to tell you.

- Okay, let's just
get this over with.

Oh, maybe they'll seat us
behind someone with big hair,

so I don't have to watch
my sister steal my dreams.

[toilet flushes]

- But, Lori, I was wearing
fuchsia today!

- ......
- Hey, what's going on?

Why isn't anybody ready
for Lucy's reading?

- Lucy will not be doing
said reading.

- What? Why not?

- She claims to be ill, though
I just checked her vitals,

and she seems to be
medically fine.

It must all be in her head.

[bell dings]

- Hey, Luce, Lisa said you're
too sick to do the reading.

- Cough. Cough.

Yeah, my throat
is k*lling me,

and I think
I've got a fever.

- Pfft, that was weak.

- Hmm, you feel fine to me.

Is there any chance
you're faking

just because you're
afraid to go onstage?

- Um, not exactly.

- Hmm, well, something's
going on.

You can tell me.

- Sigh. Okay.

Lincoln told me
it was your dream

to be the youngest person
to ever perform

at the Royal Woods Theater.

I don't wanna
take that from you.

- Really?
So you're giving up

on this huge opportunity
just for me?

- How could I not
after all you've done for me?

- All right,
get out of bed.

- What?
- You're doing the festival.

I think we should go
with Vacant Tomb.

- That's actually
Eternal Sadness.

Lynn, I don't understand.
What about--

- What kind of a mentor
would I be

if I allowed you to miss
this opportunity?

Look, I'm sorry
I got jealous before.

You've earned this.

- Thanks, Luan.

- Honey,
Lucy's hugging someone!

Get the camera!

[orchestral music]

- Ladies and gentlemen,

please welcome our next poet,
Lucy Loud.

[applause]

- This poem goes out
to the person who got me here,

my big sister Luan.

Dreams burnt to ash.

Hope tangled like laces.

Till love swept in with
puns and funny faces.

Where my path will lead
I can't be sure.

But if ever I'm lost,
I'll look up to her.

- ♪ Cramped inside
this tiny space ♪

♪ May sound bad
but ain't the case ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck and dodge
and push and shove ♪

♪ That's the way we show
our love in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Loud house ♪

♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs
that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line
to take a pee ♪

♪ Never any privacy ♪

♪ Chaos with kids ♪

♪ That's the way
it always is ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪