03x12 - Deal Me Out

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Crashing through
the crowded halls ♪

♪ Dodging girls
like Ping-Pong balls ♪

♪ Just to reach the bathroom
on time ♪

♪ Leaping over laundry piles

♪ Diapers you can smell
for miles ♪

♪ Guy's got to do
what he can to survive ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house

♪ In the Loud house

- ♪ Duck, dodge, push,
and shove ♪

♪ Is how we show our love

- ♪ In the Loud house,
in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ One boy and ten girls

♪ Wouldn't trade it
for the world ♪

- ♪ Loud Loud Loud

♪ Loud house

- Poo-poo.

[upbeat music]

♪

- Two tickets, please.

- And two programs.

- Whoa.
Check this out.

There's gonna be a panel
of Ace's arch enemies.

I hope the Old Maid is there.

- And I have some questions
for the Flash Card.

There's a rumor
he's getting his own spin-off.

- Clyde and I are going to the
Ace Savvy Convention tomorrow.

It's one of the most sacred
Clincoln McCloud traditions.

- Hey, there's Lance and Trent.

Hey, guys.
Picking up tickets

for the convention?
- Nah.

But my little brother is.
We're just waiting

while he's in line.

- Hello, boys.

Who wants a picture
with their old pal Ace?

[both gasp]
- No thanks, dude.

We're a little past
our Ace Savvy phase.

- Yeah, we gave that up
when we were seven.

- No big deal.

Guess it's just not
in the cards.

- And that's why
we gave it up.

[scoffs]
So dorky.

- So what are you guys
doing here?

- Uh, us?

Uh, just hanging at the mall.

Like guys do.

- Yeah, you know,
looking for chicks,

buying aftershave--
mature stuff.

- Cool.

Well, uh, see you
in school Monday.

- Oh, no, Lincoln.
Do you think they're right?

Are we too old
for Ace Savvy?

[children laughing]

- Huh. I guess we are
the oldest kids here.

- And we have outgrown
our costumes a little.

[both struggling]

[cat yelps]

- And according
to the program,

we're too tall for
the Bounce House of Cards.

Wow.
Maybe we are too old for Ace

and we've just been
blind to it.

- Maybe.
But what are we gonna do?

Quit Ace?
It's what brought us together

in the first place.

- Lynn, wait up!

Mom said you have
to stay with me.

Ah!
[both grunt]

Oh, jeez.
I'm sorry.

Here, use my cape.

Ace Savvy is always ready
to lend a hand.

- Thanks.
I'm Clyde.

What's your name?

Dang it.
That story gets me every time.

- I know Ace
brought us together,

but, Clyde,
we were five years old.

Maybe it's time we move on
and find new hobbies,

stuff that's more
for kids our age.

- Dr. Lopez does say
I can't move forward

if I'm always looking
in the rearview mirror.

Let's do it.
- Aces.

Sorry.
Starting now.

Okay, I've done some research,
and apparently skateboarding

is an appropriate hobby
for -year-olds.

[rock music]

Hey, I'm doing it.
Give it a try, Clyde.

- Here I go.
Whoa!

- Whoa!

[both grunt]

- According to my research,

kids our age
really like fishing.

And bonus, we can cook and eat
what we catch.

- I packed us some sandwiches,
but okay.

Ooh,
I think I got something!

- Reel it in!
That's our lunch.

[both scream]

- Ahh!
Get it out!

- [gasps]
Well, the important thing is,

we caught one.
- Yeah.

And we still have
our sandwiches for lunch.

- [growls]

- Okay, Clyde.
Technically, this next hobby

is for -year-olds,

but I thought we could
get a head start.

Hey, Lana. Think you could
teach us some car repair stuff?

- [laughing]

Oh.
You're serious.

Uh, sure.

So, uh, I was just giving
this baby a tune-up.

As you can see,
the timing belt's

a little worn away over here,
which is a problem,

because then your water pump's
gonna need to be replaced.

- What's this do?
- Don't touch that!

- Why not?

[all yelling]

- All good mechanics probably
get b*rned on their first day.

- Oh, for sure.

Could you pass me
some more frozen tilapia?

Are you sure we need to get rid
of our Ace Savvy stuff?

- I know it hurts, buddy.

But now that we have
new hobbies,

we just don't need it anymore.

- Tell that to
my One-Eyed Jack action figure.

He's giving me
his signature death glare.

[sighs]

Flip's Food and Fuel?

I thought we were going
to a pawnshop.

- We were.

I guess I wrote down
the wrong address.

- No, you didn't, chief.
You've come to the right place.

- Pat's Pawn and Prawns?

Who's Pat?

- You're looking at him.

Name's Pat.
I'm Pat.

It says here, "Pat."

[upbeat music]

[munching]

Uh, let's see here.

Eh, I'll give you ten bucks
for the whole shebang.

- Ten bucks?

- Take it or leave it.
Pat's a busy guy.

- Fine.
Wait, Clyde.

We still have our tickets
to the convention.

- [sighs] I guess
we should sell those too.

- You're in luck.
That's my other business.

[cheery music]

Welcome
to Tucker's Tix and Tux.

- I don't know about you,
Clyde,

but I am loving
our new hobbies.

- Me too, buddy.
I am not looking

in the rearview mirror anymore.

Well, I am,
but that's just for safety.

Uh, just realized I forgot
my aftershave this morning.

I should go to the bathroom
and dab some on.

- [mimicking fighting]

- Hi there.
Mind if I join?

- Oh, sure.
You can be Ace.

- Well, usually I'm Jack.

[mimicking flying]

- [evil laughter]

Looks like I've got
the upper hand, Ace.

both: Think again, Flash Card.
No one makes Ace Savvy fold.

- Sorry, I just really love
this episode.

You mind turning up
the brightness?

[both gasp]

- Sorry it took so long.
Got to the bathroom,

and I realized
I hadn't shaved.

So I had to do that first.

- No problem.

I, uh,
was over at the pond,

talking bait
with some fishermen.

- Just two guys
checking out mufflers.

What an age-appropriate way
to spend a Saturday.

- Totally.
I don't feel bad at all

for missing
the convention today.

Ah, here's a beauty.

I bet it really...
muffles.

[kids laughing]

[coughing]

Ah, I got to go use the--
[coughs]

Bathroom.
Bug flew into my throat.

- A bug?
Are you okay?

What were its markings?
- [coughing]

I didn't see it.
I just tasted it.

[coughs]
Ugh, be right back.

[laughing]

- [sniffing]
Huh.

There is a difference between
Douglas fir and evergreen.

[kids laughing]
- Cool! Ace!

- So I threw Wild Card Willy
in the clink,

then shuffled off
to the Fortress of Solitaire.

- No way.
- Sweet.

- Excuse me, Mr. Savvy?
Big fan here.

Can I get a quick photo?

Now, I just have
a few questions.

Starting with episode one...

- Sorry that took so long.

That bug was really
stuck in there good.

- That's okay.
A bug actually flew

into my mouth too.
I went to a different bathroom.

Well, guess it's time
to buy one of those mufflers.

- I can't wait
to see the Old Maid

on the villain panel.

- Me too.
I hope she brings her evil cat.

[both laughing]

- Kids, right?

- So glad we're past
all that dorky stuff.

- Let's go grind or--
or shred or--

you know, whatever it's called.

both: Nope.

No.

[gasping]
Jackpot.

We've got two of a kind!

- And then Lynn came out
of nowhere and roller-skated

right over him.
- It's okay.

I can fix him.
Though I'm not sure

he'll ever shuffle again.

- Dad, One-Eyed Jack and I
have solved the case

of the missing bologna.
[cat meows]

- We've got the culprit
right here.

- Good work, boys.
You've done it again.

both: Ace and Jack forever!

- Clyde,
I can't do this anymore.

So what if we're too old
for Ace?

I'm just not ready
to give him up.

- Me neither.

I don't care
what Dr. Lopez says.

Please don't tell her
I said that.

I don't want
to hurt her feelings.

- Clearly, this makes us happy.

So I say we enjoy it
as long as we want to.

Let's go get our stuff back.
- And our tickets.

We can still make
the convention.

Let's just hope Pat and Tucker
are both working today.

Here's the money you paid us
for the tickets.

We'd like to buy them back.

- Hold up, chief.
Price has changed.

You're forgetting
about the handling fee,

the storage fee,
and the resale fee.

[both groan]

- Hey.
I'm the nice guy here.

Wait till you try
to get your toys back.

Then you're gonna
have to deal with Pat,

and he's in a mood.

- How about we trade you
a new muffler for them?

[cash register dings]

- Clyde,
that was so cool

when the Flash Card said
you asked him a good question.

- I know. I don't even mind
that he called me "Clad."

Look, there's some kids
from Lori's class.

- [laughing]

- How do you know that?
- No reason.

I'm not saying I memorized
her yearbook or anything.

- Uh, they must be here

with their little brothers
and sisters.

- Oh, jeez.
They're walking this way.

Get ready to be teased.

- Stand tall, Clyde.
We can get through this.

- Hey, One-Eyed Jack,
that utility belt is rad.

What booth
did you get that at?

- Oh, actually, I made it.

- No way!
The detail is amazing.

- Thanks.
It even fires poker chips.

- Sick.
- Wait.

You guys are into Ace Savvy?

- Yeah. What do you think
we're doing here?

- We've been into Ace
since we were, like, seven.

- Really? You never felt like
you were too old?

- No way. We'll never be
too old for Ace.

- Look! They're selling
One-Eyed Flap Jacks.

We got to go snag some.

- You guys want to join?
both: Yeah.

- Hey, Clyde.
Can you spot me some money?

I spent all of mine
on mufflers.

- No problem, buddy.
One-Eyed Jack is always ready

to lend a hand.

[rock music]

♪

[pummeling and yelling]

[police siren wailing]

- Police!
Open up.

- You're probably wondering,
"What did you guys do now?"

Well, to explain,
I have to go back a few days.

You know us Louds.

We're notorious for fighting
over everything,

which usually leaves us
with nothing.

- Okay, we need some tunes
for the ride.

What should it be?
- Rock.

- Love songs.
- The sports station.

- West Coast rap.

[all yelling at once]

[air horn blares]

- If you kids can't decide,
your father and I

will decide for you.

[banjo music]

both: Yee-haw!

[all groan]

- Kids, I'm off
to the grocery store.

Any requests for dinner?

[rumbling]
- Sardines.

- Chicken nuggets.
- Bean chips.

- Banana cream pie!

- Ahh!

- Worms!

The butcher usually
sets some aside for me.

[all yelling at once]

[air horn blares]

- If you guys can't decide,
I'll decide for you.

Goulash it is.

[all groan]

[all yelling at once]

- [sighs]
Time for "ARGGH!"

[gasps]
Oof.

- You mean
"Vampires of Melancholia."

Ah!
- You mean "Prison Pageants."

- [growls]
Basketball.

[pummeling and yelling]

- You guys can't be
remotely serious.

[laughing]
But really,

I want to watch
the Circus Channel.

[all yelling at once]

[air horn blares]
- Well, if you kids

are going to fight,
I'll take the remote.

Thank you.

- Now we just wait
and watch it grow.

[birds chirping]

[all groan]

- But then I discovered

that to get what you want
in this family,

you don't necessarily
have to fight.

[baseball fanfare]

- Uh, Lynn, I usually watch
"ARGGH!" after school.

- Ah, no problem, Lincoln.

Only / innings left
in this game.

[both cheering]

- Mom, I usually watch
"ARGGH!" after school.

- I know, Lincoln, but let Lynn
watch her game today, okay?

She has a friend over.

- A friend, you say?

I called my discovery
"playing the friend card."

It means Mom and Dad
give you special privileges

if you have a friend over.

I'm pretty sure my siblings
weren't aware of it.

But now I was.

- Move it, Lincoln.

We're watching
"The Dream Boat."

- Uh, girls, let Lincoln
watch "ARGGH!"

He has a friend over.

[both groan]- Sigh.

- Guys, I'm baking cookies.
Who wants to lick the beaters?

[rumbling]

all: I do, I do!

- Get out of my way,

or I'll find you in your cell
after lights out.

- Lola, you really got to stop
watching those prison shows.

- Girls, Lincoln has
a friend over.

Let them have the beaters.

- Drop it, Stinkin'.
We have dibs.

- Girls, let Lincoln play.
He has a friend over.

[both whistling]

- Dinner is served.

- Chicken nuggets?
Bogus, dude.

I asked for
bangers and mash.

- And I clearly recall
requesting sardines.

I'm low on my omega-s.

- Well, Lincoln
has a friend over,

so Clyde got to pick
tonight's dinner.

- And I suggested
chicken nuggets.

- And I said
that was a great idea.

- I call this emergency
sibling meeting to order.

Something stinks
in this household.

And I'm not referring
to our collective

chicken nugget breath.

According to my calculations,
there is a direct correlation

between the amount of time
Clyde has been over

and the number of privileges
accrued by Lincoln.

Someone
who fancies himself a wit

might call this
"playing the friend card."

[all gasp]
- You are so right, sis.

- I got this.
During guard change,

I'll sneak up on him
in the shower.

- Uh, sister,
that won't be necessary.

I have another plan.

- I can't wait
to watch "ARGGH!"

- Me too.
I hope Hunter can escape

from that haunted
port-a-potty.

- You boys want to join me and
Roxanne for "Prison Pageants?"

- Mom!

Lola's watching TV,

but Clyde and I
are supposed to watch "ARGGH!"

- Sorry, honey.
Let Lola watch her show.

She has a friend over.

- But I have
a friend over too.

- True, but Lola
got to the TV first.

[guitars strumming]

- We may not get the TV,

but at least we can have
some cookies.

- All out, brah.

Dad said Sam and I
had first dibs.

- We may not have the TV
or the cookies,

but at least
we can choose lunch.

Hey, Dad, Clyde said he would
love franks and beans today.

- Well, Lincoln suggested it,
but I agreed.

- Sorry, guys.
Lunch is already made.

- Yeah.
- Ahh!

- My friend Haiku
is staying for lunch

and requested blood sausage.

[bird caws]
- Friend? I don't see a--

ahh!

- Okay, we may not have the TV,
or cookies,

or the lunch we want,

but we can still
play badminton.

- Sorry, Lincoln.
Whitney and I have the court.

I'm onto you, buster.
And in case you thought

you were getting
any other privileges today,

everyone else is onto you too.

- [gasps]

[both gasp]
- Yikes.

That's a lot of kids.
You want to hide at the mall

for a few hours?
- Do I?

It'll be quieter
and less crowded.

- My sisters had discovered
"the friend card."

But they forgot
that Lincoln Loud

is the man with the plan.

So I just came up with a way
to outsmart them.

- Whoo-whoo!
Doubleheader time.

- We'll be watching "ARGGH!"
Thanks.

- [chuckles]
In your dreams.

I have a friend over,so, uh--

- Yes, you have
one friend over.

But I have two.
And two is greater than one.

[girls scream]

[rock music]

- Guess what, Lincoln?
I can do math too.

And three is greater than two.

[boys scream]

[laughter]

- Hey, Sam and I had dibs
on that popcorn.

- Gee, sorry, Luna.

But I've got
three friends over.

And three beats one.

- Dude, I thought
we were on the same side.

- Yeah, well,
Lincoln brought in two friends,

so I did what I had to do.

- Well, fine.
I can call my friends too.

Operator, can you help me
place this call?

[upbeat music]

Dude, mind if
we cut in?

- But Becky and I
are playing--

- No, totally, dude.
I get that.

It's just that you only have
one friend over,

and I have four.

- Can you please pass
the remote, Lynn?

It's time
for my fashion-show show.

- [mimics buzzer]
I have three friends over,

so I get the TV.
Thank you.

- Three?
Oh, that's so cute.

I have five.

Wait...

Yeah, five.

- Excuse me, Leni,
my friends and I have to watch

our dating advice show.

- Sorry, Lori.
I have five friends over and--

- Oh.
Only five?

I'll save you the trouble--
there are six of them.

Remote, please.

- Pardon the intrusion,
eldest sibling.

But it's time for
the congressional hearings.

- But, Lisa--

- Lucky seven, baby.
Count 'em.

- Move it, Lisa.
My eight friends and I

want to watch
"Prison Pageants."

- Sorry, Lola,
but my nine friends and I

would like to watch
"Vampires of Melancholia."

- Hit the road, Jack.
My ten friends and I

have a concert to watch.

- Everyone "nose"
that is more than .

And we have a comedy special
to watch.

- You guys, this is
literally out of control.

Lana, did you really
have to invite

of your muddy friends over?

- Don't bark at me.

Lincoln invited randos over
from the arcade.

I bet you don't even know
all their names.

- I do too.

There's Jeff--
or is it Josh?

- By my calculations, with this
many people in the house,

we could be approaching
a thr*at level of...

stampeding T-Rex.

- Hey, I was watching that!
- Too bad.

- No, too bad for you!
- Give me the remote.

I want to watch
the sports channel.

- Uh-oh.
Make that erupting volcano.

[pummeling and yelling]

- That's just great, Lincoln.

Those complete strangers
you invited into our home

just started a fight.

- Jim would never do that.

It was probably
Lola's pageant group.

They looked vicious.

- [scoffs] My money's on

Lynn's meathead jock friends.

- Ugh.

[all arguing]

[rock music]

[police siren wailing]

- Police!
Open up.

- And now you're caught up.

[all yelling]

- Okay, kids.
Break it up.

Party's over.

- Ugh, get me out of here.
- Stop shoving me.

- Wait, Leni.

You don't leave.
You live here.

- Oh, right.

- What is going on here?

Why are there kids
walking out of our house?

- Are you the parents?

I'm afraid you've got
a $ ticket

for noise violation.

Try to keep your kids
under control.

- Anyone care to explain?

- I will. I've got the story
down pretty well by now.

And now you're caught up.

- Well, you guys are going
to have to use your allowances

to pay for this ticket.

- And I hope you've learned
your lesson.

- Definitely.

We're done playing
the friend card.

In fact, we fold.

[laughing]

- Guys, from now on,
why don't we just take turns

choosing what show to watch

and who gets to lick
the beaters and junk.

- Pretty sweet idea.

We can start
with dinner tonight.

- Lori, you're the oldest.
Why don't you go first?

- Ooh, okay.
I think we should have--

- Um, sorry, honey.
Tonight's dinner

has already been set.
We're having goulash.

- Goulash?
- Why?

[doorbell rings]
- Well... [chuckles]

We're having friends over.

- ♪ Cramped inside
this tiny space ♪

♪ May sound bad
but ain't the case ♪

♪ In the Loud house
- ♪ Loud house

- ♪ Duck and dodge
and push and shove ♪

♪ That's the way we show
our love in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Loud house

♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs
that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line
to take a pee ♪

♪ Never any privacy

♪ Chaos with kids

♪ That's the way
it always is ♪

♪ In the Loud house