03x16 - What Wood Lincoln Do?

[bunniefuu]

[rock music]

♪ ♪

- Good morning, class!

I have some exciting news.

This week's unit
will be woodworking.

It's an important life skill,

and I know you won't be...
"board".

[laughs]

Really?
Nobody?

- Woodworking?
Clyde, I'm hosed!

- Hang on, I need to pity laugh
for Mrs. Johnson.

[forced laughter]

Good one, Mrs. J.

I "saw" what you did there.

[laughs]

Okay, now why are you hosed?

- Woodworking's just not
my thing.

Every time I try
to build something,

I get jelly legs,
my vision goes blurry,

my hands get sweaty
and my ears start ringing...

- Ah, like me
blowing up balloons.

[weakly] Tell my story...

- Exactly.

[jazz riff]

[breathes deeply]

Okay, step one.

Oh, boy.
Here comes the blurry vision.

[groans]

- Lincoln!
Are you okay? Oh!

Oh, are you
playing dead with Lucy?

- No
I have to build

a step stool for class.

- Oh, honey.
I know how you are

about woodworking.

But this looks pretty easy,

and I can help you!

- Really?
Thanks, Mom.

So here are my materials...

- Lincoln, we are not building
with pine.

Let's go get some hardwood.

- There's different kinds
of wood?

[jazz riff]

- "Shoulda Coulda Wooda"?

I don't get it.

Oh, now I get it.

[jazz riff]

I thought we were
just getting wood.

- Well, I found a few things
I needed for other projects.

- Oh, look!
They have step stools.

Why don't we just buy one?

They're only $ . .

- Lincoln, we are doing this
the right way.

It's gonna be fun!

Oh, stain.

- Ah!
[strains]

[jazz riff]

- Okay...

Let's see if we can
cr*ck this together.

"Attach the bottom step
to the side rail

using a flathead screwdriver."

- Here we go.

- That's
a Phillips head screwdriver.

This is a flathead.

- There's more than one type
of screwdriver?

Okay, cool.
I got this.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Honey...

[laughs]
That's a screw, not a nail.

- Ugh, well, how was I supposed
to know that?

- Okay, don't get frustrated.

Why don't we just forget
about the screws

and just try wood glue instead,
okay?

Great.
Here, open this,

and put on a nice, fine bead
of glue

along the seam.

[squelching]

- Gah!
See?

I told you
I'm no good at this.

- [sighs]
Okay.

[laughs]
Lincoln, I'll tell you what.

Why don't I build it,
and you can just...

watch how I do it?

- Oh, that sounds great.
Let's do that.

- That way, if you ever have
to do

something like this again,

you can handle it yourself.

- Oh, totally.

[jazz riff]

- Mm, good effort.

Nice work.

Uh... [laughs]
At least

you didn't hurt yourself.

[gasps]
Lincoln!

This is amazing!

Way to step it up!

- [laughs]

Too funny, Mrs. J.

Hey, way to overcome
your fear, Lincoln.

Makes me want to go
blow up a balloon.

- Well... actually,
my mom built that for me.

- Okay, class, we're going
to move on

to our next woodworking
project.

- We're doing another one?

- Birdhouses.

Now, they're
a little more challenging,

but since you've all completed
the step stool,

I think you can do it.

[bell rings]

- Oh, boy.
Here come the jelly legs.

Uh...

[jazz riff]

- Hey, Mom.
I stopped by Flip's

and got you
a blue raspberry Flippee.

- Oh, that's so sweet, honey.
What for?

- Just a little thank-you
for helping me out

with the step stool.

- It was my pleasure.

- I'm glad to hear you
say that,

because I've got
this other little project

I thought
we could tackle together:

building a birdhouse.

Huh? Huh? Huh?

- Well, sweetie, you don't need
my help, remember?

I already showed you

how to do
these projects yourself.

- Oh, totally, but for me,

it's not just about doing
the project.

It's about
the mother-son bonding.

It's about... this.

- Lincoln, I know
what you're up to.

What kind of parent would I be

if I did all your projectsfor you?

- A really nice one?
Dang it.

- You have your wood.

You have your plans.

I know you can do this.

- Ugh.

[high-pitched ringing]

Here comes the ear-ringing.

Ah!
Ah!

Ugh.
I just can't do this.

Hm...
Maybe I don't have to.

[mischievous music]

♪ ♪

Hey, Walt.
I just need to borrow

your house for a little while.

- [angry squawking]
- Ah!

Don't get your feathers
in a bunch.

I'll bring it back.

Ah!
Oh, whoa!

I promise!

[dramatic musical tone]

[jazz riff]

[triumphant fanfare]
- [gasps] Wonderful, Lincoln.

This is incredible!

Oh, is that actual bird poop?

- Oh, uh, I wanted to give it

that lived-in look.

Oh, Lincoln?

How'd you like to earn
some extra credit?

- Sure.
Never say no to that.

- Great.
I need a dresser built ASAP.

My mother's coming to visit
this weekend,

and she always complains

there's no place
to put her girdles.

Since you're such
an expert woodworker,

you could build one
in no time!

- Oh, uh,

I'd love to,
but I have so much homework.

- You're excused
from homework.

- Well, I have to eat
right after school,

or my blood sugar
gets low.

- I'll feed you.
- I have to walk our dog?

- I'll send my dog-walker over.

- Um...
Um...

- So we have a deal.
Thanks so much!

- Uh...

[jazz riff]

- Here are the plans
for the dresser,

and here are all
your materials.

If you need anything,
just holler!

- Yeah, no.

[radio static]
Clyde!

Come in!Clyde!

- Hey, Lincoln.
What's up?

- I have a code Forest Green.

I'm at Mrs. Johnson's house,

and I have to build a dresserASAP.

- You know, Lincoln,
I hate to be that guy,

but maybe you should've built
the step stool

in the first place.

Then Mrs. Johnson could've seen
that you're no expert,

and she would've
never asked you

to build a dresser.
- Oh, my gosh, Clyde.

You're right!
Shoulda, Coulda, Wooda.

- Oh, gee, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean
to make you feel bad.

- No, Clyde, the store.

We can just go there right now

and buy a dresser!

- Ah.

- This is gonna cost me

my last few months
of allowance,

but it's gotta be done.

["Ride of the Valkyries"
playing]

Uh-oh.

[dramatic music]

Uh-oh.
Go, go, go!

both: Ah!
Ah!

[thud]
I really gotta remember

to bring his birdhouse home
from school.

[upbeat string music]

♪ ♪

[both straining]

♪ ♪

both: Ah!
Ah!

Ah!

Ah!
Oof!

- Oh, we're here.

- Now for the hard part.

How are we going
to get it upstairs?

[stealthy music]

- Got it.

[both straining]

[knocking]
- Lincoln?

I made you a snack.

Don't want that blood sugarto drop.

- I'm good!
- Lincoln, you're being rude.

She cooked for you.

- Fine.
Hold this.

- Ah!

- Lincoln, I--
- Oh, hi!

Thanks for the sandwich.
- How's the dresser coming?

- Uh, uh--it's bad luck
to see it before it's finished.

That was a good call, Clyde.

This sandwich is delicious!

I think there's smoked turkeyin here.

- Lincoln!
- Oh, right--sorry!

[both straining]

We're almost there.

["Ride of the Valkyries"
playing]

[dramatic music]

[both straining]

Hurry!

Ah!

[crash]

- [blows raspberry]

- [gasps]Oh, my!

- Clyde, get out of here!
Save yourself.

- No way!
I can help!

I know.
We'll tell her

you built the dresser,

and I was so jealous
how great it was

that I pushed it
out the window!

- Clyde, you're a good friend,

but I don't want you
to lie for me.

In fact, I'm done lying,
period.

[slow jazz music]

- So your mom
built the step stool,

and the birdhouse belongs
to your pet?

- Yes.
I'm really sorry that I lied.

- Well, Lincoln,
I'm pretty disappointed.

This isn't like you.
I-I think you need

to clean this up
and go home.

- Okay.

["Ride of the Valkyries"
playing]

Hey, any chance I can get
that birdhouse back from you?

[jazz riff]

I feel bad about lying,

but I didn't have a choice.

I'm just not good
at woodworking.

- Oh, totally.

Just like me and the balloons.

I tried to hard
to blow them up,

but I just couldn't.

Passed out every time.

Even in the ambulance,
I kept trying.

When they took
the balloons away,

I grabbed some latex gloves,
and I tried to blow up those--

- Whoa, Clyde.
- I know.

I'm spiraling.
- No.

I mean, you actually tried

to conquer blowing up balloons.

I didn't put in any effort.

I just took the easy way out.

- Don't be so hard
on yourself, buddy.

Every uh-oh
is a chance to grow.

I saw that on a poster
in Dr. Lopez's office.

- Huh.
Maybe that poster's right.

Come on, Clyde.
We have to get

all that wood back.

- Well, most of it landed
in ketchup, but okay.

[jazz riff]

[school bell rings]

- Miss Johnson?

I just wanted you to know
that I made a step stool.

I don't expect you
to change my grade.

I only did it to prove
to myself that I could.

- Actually, I haven't done
the grading yet.

I'm proud of you
for giving it a try.

I can tell how hard
you worked.

There's blood
all over this.

- Actually, that's ketchup.

Maybe barbecue sauce.

- Well, I think I'm going
to give you a pass.

[jazz music]

Okay, class.
Our next unit will be...

the clowning arts!

We'll start with balloons.

[inhales deeply]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Cramped inside
this tiny space ♪

♪ May sound bad
but ain't the case ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck and dodge
and push and shove ♪

♪ That's the way we show
our love in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Loud house ♪

♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs
that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line
to take a pee ♪

♪ Never any privacy ♪

♪ Chaos with kids ♪

♪ That's the way
it always is ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪