02x12 - Fear and Loathing with Russell Buckins

[bunniefuu]

( Engines revving )

( Spectators cheering )

( Siren wailing )

-Adam- .

We are eastbound on mckinley

Pursuing a street racer:

A red chevelle in excess

Of miles an hour.

Requesting an air unit.

-Adam- .

We've discontinued pursuit.

[Captioning sponsored by
fx networks]

♪ We never thought of finding ♪

♪ The place where we belong ♪

♪ Don't have to stand alone ♪

♪ We'll never let you fall ♪

♪ Don't need permission ♪

♪ To decide what you believe ♪

♪ Whoo! ♪

♪ I said jump! ♪

♪ Down on jump street ♪

♪ I said jump! ♪

♪ Down on jump street ♪

♪ Your friends will be there ♪

♪ When your back
is to the wall ♪

♪ You'll find you need us ♪

♪'Cause there's no one else
to call ♪

♪ When it looks hopeless ♪

♪ A decision's what you need ♪

♪ You better be ready to,
be ready to ♪

♪ Jump! ♪

♪ Jump street! ♪

( Engine revving )

Fuller's here.

We have to go.

That's my car, doug.

They promised me

They'd put your car
back the way it was.

Why my car?
Pull one from impound.

We'll give you a car
we pulled off the hill.

They'll never
recognize a
roadrunner

With "born to
boogie" on it.

That's what

Our boy's driving.

No plates.

Less wind resistance.

He's a white male,
brown hair, to .

That narrows it down.

He's good for a dozen pursuits
and three hit-and-run felonies.

We can't catch
one guy?

We almost had him.

When he ran a red light at

The city added
one black-and-white

And a civilian vehicle

To the loss column.

So much for
budget cuts.

These races are becoming
a big draw.

City traffic's
trying to work it

But the racers have look-outs.

( Crash )

Can't they just sh**t it
and put it out of its misery?

All done.

( Engine revving )

My ears are ringing.

What?

This is a vintage machine,
a work of art...

Like a da vinci.

Now it's a warhol.

Hanson:
russell?

Russell buckins?

In person.

Whoo!

Mugga wugga hugga hugga.

Whoo, man.

Old friend?

Very old.

Doug penhall...
Russell buckins.

You a cop, too?

Yeah.

Send me to jail.

Teach me a trade.

You're out of work again.

"My occupational
hazard is

My occupation's
just not around."

Jimmy buffet.

Last time we talked, you worked
at that radio station.

I got fired.

I played "louie, louie"
hours straight.

It was an all
"louie, louie" weekend.

I bolted myself
into the control booth.

They got me out
with an axe.

That was you?

What are you doing here?

I'm just cruisin' on through
to the mountains.

And I'm going to a wedding
of a friend of yours.

A very special friend.

Who?

You got to guess.

I'll give you a hint.

It's somebody
you'd never expect.

Who?

Debbie eaton.

Read it and weep, pal.

Debbie eaton?

Debbie eaton.

Debbie eaton.

I thought I'd crash here

And tomorrow cruise up
in my convertible.

Do you want to go?

Debbie eaton's getting married.

Penhall:
whoa!

"Tom, just wanted you to know

"It's the things
we never said

"That were important.

Love you always... Deb."

Isn't that nice?

Always? Always?

"Always" turned out
to be / weeks.

What happened?

I don't know. We were headed

In separate directions.

You could have made your move,
but you choked.

We never got that far.

I meant to call her.

Good thing you
didn't wait too long.

There were obstacles.

You were the obstacle, man.

Ther's seomthing
I'm missing here.

Details.

I met her a party four weeks
before school ended.

I was nuts about her.

So we started going out
but I had a girlfriend.

We both knew there was something
there but the timing was bad

And then the next thing you
know, graduation.

She went to europe then to
michigan state,
I went there too.

Well, a couple of years of
sleeping in and getting high.

So, did you ever see her again?

Well, we we're supposed
to get together the
following christmas.

We we're going to go down to
florida for winter break but--

But you choked.

I didn't choke. I had to work
and help my mom.

That was the truning point, man.

You make me sick.

So, who's she marrying?

Some clown that went
to law school.

So, what's it gonna be?
You gonna cruise up
with me or what?

Tommy, she's getting married and
this could be your last chance

To ask her out on a date.

He's right.

I can't! I got a court date.
I gotta work.

Penhall:
he is right,
you know.

Hanson:
give me a break.

Russell hasn't
changed a bit.

He's still living
day to day.

In high school, did you have
an onion-head haircut?

Did you wear crew neck t-shirt
with a pocket protector?

I didn't have
a pocket protector.

Two out of three.

Did you ever get sent
to detention?

Did you ever
get caught shoplifting?

Or get an "f" for
blowing off your homework?

That's what I thought.

So I was
a responsible kid.

What's wrong with that?

Green means go.

Penhall:
whoo!

Whoo!

A responsible guy like you

Has got to have three,
four days of overtime.

She's getting married.

Going there won't
change that.

Didn't you ever see
the graduate?

It never changes.

And they never
get any smarter.

What's the big deal?

Did you ever drag race?

Did you ever borrow
somebody's car

And go for a ride?

Or get into a brawl
after a football game?

Did you ever punch
somebody out?

I'm going to punch you out.

Now you're talking.

You missed something,
my friend.

You missed being
a teenager.

Maybe.

But now they pay me to do that.

Smoke was filling up the car.

The guy's so far back...

Those smog checks are a drag.

I'm talking here.

Hey, tommy lockhart.

I heard you come in.

That your mustang?

Uh-huh.

She all bark and no bite?

Nobody's ever gotten
in front of her.

I don't know.

You don't look
so fast to me.

Let's blow.

He spotted you as
a tough guy right away.

Hey!

He's more dangerous
than he looks.

Did daddy buy him that car?

I tell you what...

You're the one
walking away.

You know something?

You're trying too hard.

You got to earn
the right to race me.

First you race charlie,
then little mike

Then spector.

Then, maybe we'll talk.

And we're not going
to race for nothing.

I don't ever
race for nothing.

Bucks against
your pink slip.

Let's go. Right now

If you think
you're so fast

Or get the hell
out of here.

Mind if I talk to my man

The man who's going
to blow your doors off?

Somebody ought to.

You okay?

I can b*at this guy.

What are you
talking about?

You're not supposed
to race him.

I got to get him
to the line.

Make sure you make
the call.

I'll make the call.

Good, because he looks like
he could blow your doors off.

, Maybe .

You're out of your
league, friend.

We don't got
the cash

But I'll put up the pink slip.

Done.

Okay, listen up.

When the chevelle
is on the starting line

Hanson will radio us.

Now, remember,
we want the red chevelle.

Any others you
scoop up is gravy.

Any questions?

The starter's in place.

Where's hanson?

He's coming up to
the starting line.

All right. Stand by.

What the hell!

( Horn blaring )

How is he?

Not good.

You had
an undercover officer

Racing at miles an hour
in the middle of the night.

The officer and I
are terribly sorry

For what happened
to your son.

But he was on the street

Breaking the law without
anybody twisting his arm.

It wasn't the first time.

He will face charges
for what he's done.

Only if he lives, captain.

You guys are going
back to the academy.

What?

Are you kidding?

Do I look like
I'm kidding, penhall?

No.

It's departmental policy
for young officers

Who commit a grievous error.

You'll be interviewed by i.a.d.

Then recycled
through the academy

Tomorrow at hours.

When did I become
my partner's keeper?

When you were sworn in.

I was yards away.

Should I have thrown myself
in front of the car?

I didn't know

He would take off.

You acquiesced, penhall.

You'll get a
on your record.

He didn't do anything.

That's right.

He didn't do anything.

That's why the department
calls it acquiescing.

Partners are responsible
for each other

And you know that
it works both ways.

Your screw-up last night

Could cost him
his job, too.

Think about it.

That's all.

Acquiescing?

Hanson, get a unit
to take you home.

Your car has been
impounded as evidence.

You picked a great time
to become irresponsible.

Good morning.

All:
good morning, sir.

Let me give you all
four words of advice.

Don't...

Make...

Me...

Angry.

Okay, listen up.

Futrell.

Here, sir.

Abrams.

Here, sir.

Wilson.

Here, sir.

Pryor...

Here, sir.

Penhall...

Here, sir.

Welcome back, officer penhall.

It's good to be back, sir.

For those of you
who don't know officer penhall

He's an example of what
you don't want to become.

He's being
recycled--

Couldn't make it on the outside.

But he's being given
one more chance.

So let's all try and keep him
from screwing it up...

Because he looks like he could.

Hanson.

Hanson?

Hanson!

( Russell laughing )

Have you lost your mind?

Are you sure about this?

Yes.

I don't want to hear
any lectures from you.

I just want to remind you

That you're the guy
who folds his socks

Before you put them
in your drawer.

Well, maybe I'm tired
of folding my socks.

Okay, welcome aboard.

But you better
wear your helmet.

Will debbie be
surprised to see you.

Doesn't it scare you
the way you're living--

No job, no security?

Hey, I got security.

I got security knowing

I don't owe nobody
for anything

And I can go
wherever I want
whenever I want.

What about you?

Do you like
what you're doing?

What are they
going to do to you

For not
showing up?

Fire me.

Shrewd move, hanson.

Just drive, man.

Yeah.

Hey, russell...

Yo!

It's good to see you, man.

Same here, baby.

Whoo.

The academy just called me.

Hanson didn't show.

Well, where is he?

That's why I called you in here.

Find him.

Yes, sir.

What about the prelim
on the lafko case?

What about it?

Hanson and I got
subpoenaed last week.

The hearing's tomorrow.

Find hanson.

How did I get stuck
with you, penhall?

Your name begins
with "p," you idiot.

Penhall...

Pryor... Pinhead.

Penhall, do you have
something to say?

No, sir.

Penhall, why are you here?

I love being
a police officer, sir.

No.

You are here because
you're a screw-up.

You were a screw-up
the first time

And all you've done
since you left

Is screw up.

Consistency has always been
the strongest part of my game.

You know why
you're a screw-up, penhall?

Because you've forgotten
how to be a team member.

When a police officer
works undercover

He gets to dress
like a lowlife

And talk
like a lowlife.

After a while,
if he's not careful

He forgets what he is

And he starts acting
like a lowlife.

Sir, permission to be
assigned another partner

Due to a personal conflict.

Denied.

During your years of service,
you'll be assigned to many

Lousy partners.

Get used to it.

Class-- except penhall--

Ten-hut.

Now, officer penhall

You stay here
and act like an individual

While the rest
of the team goes
out for coffee.

Class...

Dismissed.

Hey!

Pull that
head up, recruit.

Thank god.

You've come to
pull me out, right?

Sorry, penhall,
but we're on a hanson hunt.

Oh, great.

He screws up,
and I pay for it.

You know
where he is?

No. Don't you?

We checked his house,
phoned his mom

And nobody's seen him.

Ioki:
he better show up.

I.a.d. Is climbing
all over fuller.

He's supposed
to testify tomorrow.

He could get
canned for this.

Hanson?

Canned?

He's never done
anything wrong.

He doesn't even
know anybody who has
done anything wrong.

Except for me.

What?

Russell buckins.

Hanson, the problem is
we all have this inflated view

Of our own importance.

But the reality is

We're all just synthetic fiber
on some space mutant's shoe.

You got any proof
to back that up?

If you had been more selfish

We wouldn't be watching debbie's
wedding from the cheap seats.

I always wondered
what debbie would be like.

Yeah, I know what you mean, man.

She was always some kind
of fantasy for me.

Abso-freaking-lutely.

But the thing is, I always
wondered if the real thing

Could ever be as good
as the fantasy.

It was better.

What?

What was better?

It'll be better.

It will be better.

Hey, I got
a problem with tenses.

You had her.

Hanson, we're in the middle
of a major thoroughfare here.

Tell me the truth

Or I'll rip
your throat out.

Hey, it was
a long time ago in college.

Come on.

We were friends.

We were at school together.

These things happen.

My friend?

It was one time, you know.

If it makes you
feel any better...

She screamed your name.

I'm telling you,
you can do it, man.

You do it.

I would, but
I got a bad back.

Since when?

Since just now.

It's bucks.

All you got to do
is stay in the ring

For seconds
with sheila.

No.

Come on.

One minute, seconds.

You can buy debbie
a great wedding gift.

No.

I'll take your picture.

We'll show it off
at the wedding.

It will make debbie
like you better.

Come on, man...

How big can sheila be?

This is the stuff
legends are made of.

( Sounds of punching )

Sheila, sheila, sheila!

Got it.

All right.

You and your partner
receive a radio call.

There's a suspect,
armed and dangerous

Hiding out somewhere
in this building.

When you get here

The building has
already been evacuated.

The guy in the bathroom?

That's okay.

They got the guy
in the bathroom.

How about the basement?

The building has been evacuated.

And the guy
in the bathroom's g*n?

He was unarmed.

He taped it to
the back of the toilet.

They got the g*n that was taped

To the back
of the toilet.

Anything else?

Just a thought.

Didn't want anybody
to get hurt.

Good.

Okay, penhall and pryor,
first up.

Go.

Where you going?

The back room.

You take the front.

The book says
we stick together.

"Two man perimeter search"?

The book don't work
on the street.

You just said
so yourself.

Come on, man.

We can cover more ground

This way.

We can handle it.

Don't hurt yourself.

( g*n cocking )

You're dead.

Shields:
congratulations, penhall.

You're dead.

I'll call
my parents, sir.

Why weren't you
with your partner?

I hadn't realized
that my partner

Had started the preliminary
search without me...

Sir.

Thanks for covering me.

I'm sorry, man.

It just came out.

Forget about it.

It won't happen again...

Partner.

I'm not your partner.

You don't know the
first thing about
being a partner.

Look, I'm sorry.

You want me
to tell shields?

I will, okay?

Taking off on your own
wasn't the mistake.

The mistake was
I shouldn't have

Let you do it.

Hanson...

Tom hanson.

He's a guest
at the eaton wedding.

No, I don't know what
the groom's name is.

No, he's not in the wedding.

He...

No...

He's not
the groom.

Thank you
very much.

Nothing?

I still got hotels left
if my ears hold out that long.

I hope ioki's
having better luck.

Judge:
why isn't
tom hanson present?

Some sort of an
emergency, I'm sure.

This case will be continued
until : a.m. Tomorrow.

Officer ioki...

Tell mr. Hanson

That if he does not
have a valid excuse

For ignoring his subpoena

He'll be found in contempt

And he'll be fined
or imprisoned.

Thank you very much.

Ahh! Good you're up.

I'll be honest, hanson.

I've never
seen anybody

Degenerate this
fast before.

What did I sleep on?

You blow off your job,
you wrestle a bear

You get a tattoo...

What can I say?

I'm impressed.

I thought I was dreaming.

You were, kind of.

A lot of guys
wouldn't let

Somebody brand new
work on their arm.

It took a lot of guts.

Guys die from these things!

You can get
blood poisoning.

You had too much
alcohol in you.

How could you let me
get a tattoo?

Forget about
the tattoo.

You can't forget
about a tattoo.

That's the point.

You got one?

Uh...

No.

Hey, I'm just looking
for the right object.

I mean, an indian's
perfect for you.

Me, I got to look around.

So look,
here's the plan:

We blow into town,
clean up

Hit a few bars,
whatever.

The rehearsal dinner
is set for seven.

That's when we
make our entrance.

We're crashing debbie's
rehearsal dinner?

We'll eat
someplace else.

Once she sees you

She'll blow off
the wedding.

Once she sees me,
she won't recognize me.

Relax, man.

She told me she
never forgets a face.

All right,
all right, new plan:

You stand in
the back of the chapel

Pound on the window
and yell:

"Elaine, elaine!"

Hey, what's
the matter, man?

You going to puke
or something?

I must be nuts.

What am I doing?

You called
the hospital.

The kid in the wreck
will be fine.

I mean about debbie.

There's nothing
between us anymore.

You're wrong.

It's in my head.

I'm telling you, she
screamed your name.

I'm not going to
make a fool of myself.

Don't wuss out
on me now.

We're only
a half a t*nk...

( Both screaming )

( Honking)

( Honking )

( Tires screeching )

( Crashing )

Sheriff:
yes, sir, I will tell him that.

I'm glad I could help.

Well, let's see...

$ Fine, plus $
for towing the jeep.

By the way,
it's impounded

And undriveable.

Give me a break, huh?

I mean,
"vehicular cowicide"?

Is that really on the books?

That was a $ , cow.

You don't have insurance.

Hey, neither did the cow.

This is a no-fault state

Isn't it?

Undercover cop, huh?

You got a
great town, sheriff.

Can we go?

We're going to
this wedding.

We'll get a limo.

Your captain says
you're late for court.

If you don't
show tomorrow

Your case
is blown.

Were you just planning
on not showing up, son?

I forgot about the subpoena.

There's no way

I could
make it now.

Rent a car.

You drive straight through

You'll make it.

Come on, hanson.

You're not serious.

We got the wedding.

Where in hell did you
pick up this felon?

I appreciate that.

We got a wedding to stop.

You haven't much choice.

Of course
he's got a choice.

I mean, this is
america, isn't it?

I can't go
to this wedding.

I'm a cop.

I knew it.

I knew you'd wuss out.

Isn't this
perfect?

You're one yard away
from the goal line

And you call
time out.

Don't play for the tie.

Go for the touchdown.

Go for the...

( Imitating crowd cheering )

Touchdown!

( Cheering )

Touchdown!

I can't!

One time.

Goal

To go.

Huh?

Who is this guy?

Woman:
russell buckins!

You look great, deb,
extremely great.

What do you say
we ditch this guy?

We can be in vegas
in seven hours.

I remember the last
time we did vegas.

Hey, the kid settled
out of court.

Hey...

You'll never guess who
almost made it here with me.

Who?

Nope.

You got to guess.

I'll give you a hint.

Somebody you would
never expect.

Uh...

Tommy hanson.

Tommy?

The invitation said
bring a date...

How is he?

Gained about or pounds.

You can still
make out his face.

I'm kidding.

He looks great.

He remembered me?

Are you kidding?

I couldn't get him
to shut up.

You didn't say anything about...

You mean that night
before finals

In your dorm room...

When you screamed his name?

No, come on.

What kind of guy
do you think I am?

Oh, great. Thanks, russell.

Hey, do I detect
the smell of a torch here?

Just tell me what he said.

He took it like a man.

His exact words were:

"You guys were
in college together

"You were friends

And these things happen."

Coming here and all...

How close did he get?

The one yard line.

Man:
and isn't it true

You knew the defendant
before his arrest?

Yes, it is.

Isn't it also true
you argued with the defendant

And, in fact,
had great disdain for him?

I had arguments
with the defendant

But I didn't dislike him.

Would you consider
him a friend?

No.

It's odd that,
out of everyone on that campus

You singled out the defendant
to detain and search.

What was your
probable cause?

At that particular time

He was the only person
sprinting across the quad

Screaming at
the top of his lungs

Wearing a blood soaked t-shirt.

No further questions,
your honor.

We got a hostage up here, man.

You leave,
I let her go.

If you don't,
I'm going to waste her.

Can't we
talk this out?

No!

She don't have
that kind of time left.

Shut up!

There's a tree
in the back yard.

I can get to
the second floor.

You think nobody's watching
out the back window?

Listen to me
and don't screw up.

Red's your color.

That's it.

You cops just blew it.

Penhall:
come on, man.

It's not worth it.

Let's talk.

No talk!

She's dead!

Pryor:
hey, what
is that?

You smell that?

( Knocking )

Is this part of
the field problem?

( Pounding at door )

Somebody call the
fire department.

We got a fire here.

Hostage safe
and sound, sir.

I got to tell you, coach

Maybe I did miss something
when I was a kid--

Taking care of my mom
after my father was k*lled.

But these last couple of days...

Seeing buckins,
wrestling a bear

Getting a tattoo,
even going to jail...

It wasn't bad.

You're a little ripe

For your teenage rebellion
stage, hanson.

Nobody's saying you can't
take a few days

Relieve the pressures.

It gets to everybody.

But you were way out of line.

You blew off my orders
and i.a.d.

And you nearly let lafko walk
on an attempted m*rder charge.

I'm sorry.

Sorry isn't good enough.

You want my badge?

Is that what you feel like
you want to do?

You want to know what I feel?

I'm tired of putting
my butt on the line

For complete strangers.

If they want to do dr*gs, fine!

If they want to cr*ck up
at miles an hour, fine!

Let them k*ll
each other.

Maybe someday

I want to get married,
have a kid.

I don't want
to miss anything.

All right, look.

You did something wrong, hanson.

Fortunately nobody d*ed.

I can make a few calls...

Straighten things out
with i.a.d.

Get you some time off.

I don't think it will matter.

I've typed up
my letter of resignation

At least a half a dozen times.

Give it some time
before you call it a career.

And hanson?

You're not russell buckins.

I know.

You going home?

I don't think so.

( Knocking )

You forget your car keys, honey?

Honey?

Tommy.

You remembered.

I never forgot.

Miss ryder, could you
give me a few minutes?

Certainly.

Can you come in?

Only for a year or two.

Bucky said you were coming
and then you weren't coming.

I was and then I wasn't.

Now I'm here.

You look beautiful, deb.

I feel like I should be
standing on a cake.

Okay, look, here's the deal.

We find a house,
we buy some clothes

We buy some food,
and we get this thing right.

You've got great timing, tommy.

I'm a late bloomer, sorry.

I don't even know
why I'm here.

Look, I better go.

Tommy?

Don't go yet.

Debbie, I know this is going

To sound crazy, but, um...

Maybe you should
postpone the wedding.

You can't be serious;
it's four hours away.

I know, but I am.

This is it, deb.

Tommy, we can't.

I can't.

I'm going to hawaii tonight
on my honeymoon.

Burt's picking up the tickets.

I know.

I paid the bellboy to call him.

You did what?

I had to see you alone.

I can't believe
I'm even considering this.

I can't believe I'm asking you.

What about burt?

He'll get over it.

We didn't.

What will it matter
in a hundred years?

Tommy, I can't
hurt burt like that.

I'm getting married tonight.

You love this guy?

Yeah.

I do.

I'm sorry.

Don't be.

Mind if I don't stick around
for the wedding?

Deb, I'm real sorry
about winter break.

I'll always wonder.

Don't ask me again.

I know you didn't.

You didn't do it.

I know you didn't.

You didn't.

Did you?

No way.

No way.

Not a single way.

Did you?

If you did,
and you didn't tell me

You're a dead man.

Dead.

I would welcome incarceration
for your m*rder if you did

And you didn't tell me.

Dead man.

Dead... Man.

I know you didn't do it.

Did you?

Debbie tells me you got
some kind of a job or something.

Actually, I've been doing
a little writing.

Writing.

I didn't know
you were into that.

I'm not, really.

But I make my own hours
and there's no dress code.

What about you, man?

You figured out what
you're going to do yet?

No, not yet.

Dead man.

I'm not kidding.

What do you write?

Magazine pieces,
lifestyle stuff mostly.

Where do you get your ideas?

You know... Life.

You ought to have plenty
of material from this trip.

Come on, man.

You're kidding, right?

Tommy!

I'm selling it
to rolling stone

Or the alumni newsletter.

I'll make you famous.

He did.

He did, that son of a...