05x08 - Nothing Lasts Forever, including Parents, Money, Youth, Your Room, Dress Shirts, Me, You, and the Gintama Anime

[bunniefuu]

Gin: Greetings, everyone.

Gin: Today's ****** was ******* because of the ******* *************,

Gin: so we have a ****** ******** special that's basically a *****!

Nothing Lasts Forever, Including Parents, Money, Youth, Your Room, Dress Shirts, Me, You, and the Gintama Anime

Shin: Uh, excuse me.

Shin: I had no idea what you said

at the beginning because of all the censoring.

Gin: Read between the lines, Pachi-boy.

Gin: Just look at what we're wearing.

Gin: And a kotatsu in May?

Gin: They're reusing old footage for this conversation.

Gin: Eight episodes into the new show and

we're already resorting to cheap tricks.

Gin: And eight's supposed to be a lucky number?

Gin: No wonder your name has Japanese word for eight in it.

Shin: What's that supposed to mean?!

Kagura: The success of the movie led to the TV series returning after one year.

Kagura: Everything was going too smoothly.

Kagura: This show is always on the verge of falling apart.

Kagura: The second series could end at any time.

Kagura: We might as well air the same episode eight times, starting next week.

Kagura: Since Shinpachi's name has the word for eight in it.

Shin: We can't do that!

Shin: And first, we have to figure out

what we're doing for the rest of this episode!

Shin: If we keep reusing old footage while babbling about nothing,

Shin: the producers who were so happy about the show

coming back will have to go back to apologizing to everyone.

Gin: Well, let's play a song for now?

Gin: A song for the valiant efforts of Hasegawa-san, who's managed

to survive despite his dark future, much like this show.

Gin: Take it away.

Cardboard...

"The God of Cardboard" MADAO

Cardboard...

They've taken everything away.

My home, my job, my salary.

I couldn't fight back

as I lost everything.

And then I...

became a middle-aged dumb-ass oldie.

They've taken everything away,

but the God of Cardboard gives stuff to me.

Cardboard can be transformed

into a bed.

At night,

cardboard keeps away the cold.

Cardboard...

O, God of Cardboard.

Cardboard...

I softly closed my eyes and went to sleep.

They've taken everything away.

My pride, my savings, my assets.

I couldn't fight back

as I wore down.

And then I...

Was still a middle-aged dumb-ass oldie.

They've taken everything away.

But the God of Cardboard gives stuff to me.

Cardboard can be transformed

into a house.

Cardboard keeps away prying eyes.

Cardboard...

O, God of Cardboard.

Cardboard...

I softly curled up into a ball.

Cardboard...

Kagura: Who exactly benefited from this?

Special Announcement

The Gintama Movie Production Committee

Zura: Is this the end?

Zura: Instead of falling into enemy hands,

Zura: we should finish this like warriors

Zura: and cut open our bellies.

Gin: Don't be a fool.

Gin: Stand.

Gin: If you have time to plan out a pretty death,

Gin: why not live a pretty life to the very end?

Gin: Let's do this, Zura.

Zura: It's not Zura.

Zura: It's Katsura.

Katsura: The man's silver hair was lined with blood.

Katsura: He tore across the b*ttlefield...

Katsura: ...like a Yaksha.

Gintama the Movie II

Birth of the White Yaksha

Preview

Tendo: This blessed land

Tendo: should not be wasted on those barbaric apes!

Sakamoto: Charge!

Takasugi: Kiheitai! Follow my lead!

Sakamoto: You just charged in by yourself.

Sakamoto: You crazy in the head?

Katsura: You shouldn't be talking.

Sakamoto: Got that right.

Takasugi: Here.

Takasugi: Need a hand, Gintoki?

Gin: Shut up!

Gin: I don't need your help!

Sakamoto: I've made up my mind.

Sakamoto: I'm going into space.

Sakamoto: This w*r is k*lling off my friends.

Sakamoto: I'm sick of...

Sakamoto: ...watching friends die.

Takasugi: I see...

Takasugi: You were the one who...

Takasugi: Gintoki!

Gin: This guy is mine!

Takasugi: Tsk!

Takasugi: Back off!

Gin: Shut up!

Gin: Ma...

Gin: Master Shoyo!

This is when it all began.

Coming next spring.

Also screening: Shinsengumi - Arrival in Kyoto -

Preorder Bonus Everyone who preorders their tickets will receive Elizabeth D glasses!

Shin: Man, I didn't expect the second movie

to cover this storyline.

Gin: You bet.

Gin: They're following up the success of

Gintama the Movie: Benizakura Arc the New Translation.

Gin: And this isn't a rehash of one of the arcs from the TV series.

Gin: This is a completely original story.

Kagura: No one thought that the fake movie scam

from Jump Anime Tour would become real.

Gin: Grown-ups are scum.

Gin: They're quick as lightning to ride on

the coattails of success.

Shin: Fastest in the world, or so they claim.

Kagura: At this rate, we can do a movie every year.

Kagura: If this one is an original story,

the next one can be another remake of a TV arc.

Kagura: After "Birth of the White Yaksha,"

we can do "Kagura and the Steel Troops."

Shin: That arc doesn't exist!

Shin: And you clearly copied that title from someone else!

Gin: Oh, I'm pretty sure that the audience has noticed by now.

Shin: Huh? Noticed what?

Gin: Well, we're sitting here talking about a second movie...

Gin: ...but it ain't gonna happen.

Kagura: Life ain't easy for this series.

Shin: I knew it.

Shin: Wait!

Shin: Stop lying through your teeth!

Shin: We had a successful movie run and the series is back on TV,

Shin: and you're still trying to pull that crap?!

Kagura: The successful movie only made / of what One Piece did.

Gin: You know...

Gin: The success of Gintama the Movie: Benizakura Arc the New Translation

Gin: was somewhat because we spent

four years lying about making a movie on the TV show.

Gin: We aren't big daddies here.

Gin: Can't plant our seed on an annual basis.

Shin: What kind of metaphor is that?!

Gin: So we'll need to spend time setting up the next movie.

Gin: In three years, when the next World Cup is.

Kagura: Though this show might not make

it past the preliminaries for movie consideration.

Shin: You guys aren't even trying, are you?

Okita: Chief.

Okita: Either way, the second movie won't use this storyline.

Shin: Okita-san.

Hijikata: Birth of the White Yaksha?

Hijikata: The Shinsengumi will look even worse.

Okita: Exactly.

Okita: So if there's a second movie,

it should be "Gintama the Movie: Okita Becomes a Sadist,

Hijikata Dies in the Wasteland."

Hijikata: What kind of subtitle is that?!

Hijikata: Why are you kind of copying the title from someone else?!

Hijikata: Why are you k*lling me off?!

Kondo: Calm down, Toshi.

Kondo: It doesn't matter if three years pass until the next movie.

Kondo: It doesn't matter if we don't play a major part.

Kondo: We will stay the course and

stand upright like true samurai!

Hijikata: You need to change your course!

Shin: Wait!

Shin: Why are you naked again?!

Kondo: Well, in a movie, an actress is

supposed to provide a nipslip or, I mean,

a little sexual tension!

Shin: Kondo-san!

Shin: S-Sis!

Otae: Please, Shin-chan.

Otae: We don't need any more movies

after the Benizakura Arc movie

where I was somewhat the main heroine.

Shin: How selfish can you be?

Kyubei: I strum a melody for Otae-chan.

Kyubei: There is no other way.

Shin: What are you talking about, Kyubei-san?!

Kagura: Boss lady!

Kagura: Let me be the heroine next--

Zura: In the TV series, I may play a fool,

Zura: but in the movies, I cut a dashing figure!

Zura: All according to the law of movie-Gian!

Okita: Takeshi!

Hijikata: Wait up, Takeshi!

Madao: Oh, sorry about that.

Madao: The title of the next movie is "MADAO and the Steel Troops."

Madao: It was a lie?

Kagura: I want to have a go at being the heroine.

Otae: Then the three of us can be the main characters of the next movie,

"Three for the k*ll."

Kyubei: I'll play Sengoku...

Sa: You can't satisfy me by making me an extra!

Gin: Stop it, stupid!

Katsura: I am Gian!

Hijikata: You stupid bully!

Shin: Hey!

Shin: What the hell's going on?!

Shin: How are we supposed to stop this circus?!

Gin: How would I know, fool?!

Elizabeth: Man, look at you all whining.

Quit Smoking

Elizabeth: That's why you're One Piece Quarter.

Elizabeth: Actually, it took four years to make / the amount.

Elizabeth: So if you want to be number one,

Elizabeth: you'll have to spend sixteen years preparing.

Gin: Huh?

Gin: What kind of logic is that?

Elizabeth: Hey, Luffy Quarter.

Gin: Huh?

Elizabeth: Finish this.

Gin: Hey!

Gin: That's impossib--

Elizabeth: Bye.

Gin: Don't run away, dammit!

Shin: Wh-What do we do, Gin-san?

Gin: Can't help it.

Gin: Everyone gather round!

Gin: We'll have to go with that!

Gin: Here we go!

All: Three!

All: Two!

All: One Peace!

Gin: Ask Mr. Ginpachi!

All: Is back!

Gin: Okay, it's been a while.

Gin: Let's go straight to the first question.

Gin: From someone with the pen name YNG:

Gin: In episode , "Not Losing to the Storm",

Gin: there was a scene where Gin-san was hit in the balls.

Gin: I'm a girl, so I don't know how much that hurts,

Gin: but a certain person said that

"it hurts as much as a direct ignore-defense attack

Gin: on the abdominal area after a body blow

removed all of the abs and other protection down there."

Gin: I don't understand what that means.

Gin: Could you give me a simple explanation of how much it hurts?

Gin: This question has been keeping me up at night.

Gin: Okay, here's your answer.

Gin: Abdominal area without any abs makes no sense.

Gin: Since you have abs,

Gin: but no balls,

Gin: it's hard to understand.

Gin: I'll use a metaphor that's more romantic

so the girls will understand.

Gin: Now, let us pretend

Gin: that you are drinking tea in a field of flowers.

Gin: And then your pet bunny escapes.

Gin: You run after it,

Gin: but a prince on a white horse happens to pass by.

Gin: However, he doesn't have enough time to react,

Gin: and the white horse stomps on you.

Gin: However, you were wearing a helmet, so you're fine.

Gin: But then the prince loses his balance and is thrown off the horse

Gin: and is about to hit the ground,

Gin: when your butler catches him in mid-air

Gin: since your butler used to be a gymnast.

Gin: But since your butler strained himself, his back gives,

Gin: leaving him in excruciating pain.

Gin: Your butler screams in pain.

Gin: But then he wakes up.

Gin: Yes, it was all his dream

Gin: in a crappy book that left you in pain

Gin: and your mother in more pain as she watches you,

Gin: and your father in even more pain after he accidentally hit his balls.

Gin: That kind of pain.

Gin: After a long suspension, he's finally back.

Gin: Yes, bringing chaos and destruction back to class -Z...

Takasugi: I simply destroy.

Takasugi: Heartless and hardcore.

All: Takasugi-kun!

Final Episode

Gin: Hey.

Gin: Close your textbooks.

Gin: Now, Mr. Kakashi from class N

had his Sharingan stolen after school yesterday.

Gin: There are quite a few suspects,

Gin: but it's too much effort so I'm going to pick someone from this classroom.

Gin: Does anyone know anything?

Kondo: Teach! Takasugi-kun looks suspicious!

Kondo: He must be hiding the Sharingan under that eye patch!

Kondo: He wants to copy my Ninja Centerfold!

Gin: Is that true, Takasugi?

Gin: Kondo's centerfold is just above his hairy ass.

Gin: You'll only be copying a bunch of ass hair.

Takasugi: Heh, who would want that?

Gin: There you have it.

Gin: Well, I understand why the delinquent Takasugi would be a suspect,

Gin: but he doesn't need the Sharingan to improve his image.

Gin: After all, Takasugi already has plenty of emo kiddie tendencies,

Gin: such as being a delinquent, wearing an eye patch,

and having a desire to destroy everything.

Takasugi: You want me to destroy you?

Gin: Well, I recommend that you refrain from picking up new personality traits

Gin: to boost your popularity in the character rankings.

Gin: You'll only confuse the audience by adding to your character.

Gin: New additions frequently fail hard.

Gin: It happens all the time in anime sequels.

Kagura: That's right.

Kagura: Those characters tend to be written off

at the end of the second season.

Shin: Teach, I feel sick.

Shin: Can I go to the nurse's office?

Shin: Shimura.

Shin: You're going straight to the faculty office.

The End

Shin: And so, did you enjoy the Celebrating the th Episode

of the New Series with Another Boring Recap Special?

Gin: Next week's episode will be

Celebrating the th Episode of the New Series with Another Recap.

Shin: The hell it will!

Shin: And yeah...

Shin: If you're curious about next week,

Shin: stick around after the ending credits.

Kagura: Are you talking about Piramekino?

Shin: No!

Shin: If we aired a recap this week and Piramekino next week,

Shin: it wouldn't be a joke anymore!

Shin: The show would be on the verge of fading out!

Gin: Now, now.

Gin: In any case, as long as nothing happens,

same time next week.

All: Be there!

Preview

Bar: What?

Bar: You want to know who the strongest person in the Kabuki District is?

Bar: There are four monsters on a level of their own.

Bar: The Fierce and Divine Mademoiselle Saigo.

Bar: Jirocho Doromizu the Gallant.

Bar: Peacock Princess Kada.

Bar: Empress Otose.

Bar: The Kabuki District Four Devas

The Kabuki District Four Devas Arc

Bar: are in control of the Kabuki District.

Pirako: I have come to join Odd Jobs.

Pirako: My name is Pirako Chin.

Gin: Huh?! A k*ller?!

The arrival of one girl...

Gin: This little twit?!

Shin: This little girl works for the underworld?!

Signals trouble for the Kabuki District -

Pirako: I only know how to decorate with flowers.

Pirako: I'm here to turn the town where Jirocho is...

Pirako: To turn the Kabuki District into a garden of bright red!

Kada: There is no reason for us to fight.

Four factions -

Kada: After all, isn't our enemy Jirocho?

In an all-out w*r.

Saigo: You bastards ready to have your balls ripped out?!

Jirocho Doromizu the Gallant

drops in unexpectedly.

Jirocho: You think you can take my balls by teaming up?

Otose: I don't have any members in my faction.

Emotions intertwine...

Otose: They serve no use at all.

I'm sick of waiting for you to pay the rent. Take your fools and scram. Never come back to this town. -Otose

Otose: They just happen to be...

Otose: ...my family.

Gin: Gran!

Jirocho: So you're the White Yaksha?

Two warriors who refuse to back down...

Jirocho: There are plenty more like you out there.

Gin: Crush us if you can.

Gin: The Otose Family will

be paying our respects.

A Lawless Town Tends to Attract a Bunch of Whoohooey Folk

-Otose