01x23 - Fortress of Attitude

[bunniefuu]

* Cyberchase!

* We're movin' we're beatin'
hacker at his game

* Don't tell me that he's trying
to hack the motherboard

* We'll get him every time

* Cosmic worlds, freaky places
that we've seen

* We got the power
of one two three four!

* Runnin' in a cyberchase
we'll meet him face to face

* We'll stick together,
all the time!

* Adventures in cyberspace

* The chase is on! Just wait
and c-y-b-e-r- chase!

[Hacker]
citizens of cyberspace,

You are listening
to all- hacker, all the time!

Surrender now, or get more
hacker more of the time!

As you know, I have the
superior brainpower to destroy

Or render useless any cybersite
I choose!

That site could be yours...
Or yours...

Or even yours!

For everyone within the sound
of my melodious voice...

...and that should be just
about everyone, I warn you:

Surrender to my demands...
Or else!

[Motherboard]
consider him muted!

Unfortunately I can't stop
others from hearing his voice

He's wearing them down.

[Jackie]
how long has this been going
on, mother b?

[Motherboard]
too long!

Five cybersites have already
agreed to his terms.

[Matt]
no wonder.

I've got a headache the size
of yankee stadium!

[Inez]
we'll shut him down,
motherboard

Just tell us where the voice
is coming from.

[Motherboard]
don't know. Digit is...

[Digit]
I found where the hack is
yakkin' from!

Check this out!

[Matt]
the noise is coming from that?

[Inez]
a statue of hacker
in a ridiculous pose?

[Digit]
not just any statue,
my earthly buds.

A giant one
in the northern frontier!

His voice comes through
a recording device

Stuck in the, um, uh...what's
that dangly thing called?

[Inez]
the uvula.

[Digit]
right, the uh, uh...
What you said.

And it comes out a bunch
of loudspeakers.

[Motherboard]
we need to shut off his voice.

Before anymore cybersites give
in to his demands.

What we need is a plan.

Did you say plan?

Look, here's the plans to
the statue - inside and out!

[Hacker]
my legendary chin is imposing,
intimidating, and incomparable.

All the 'i' words of
importance.

Oh, that word too.

Can't forget a splendid
'i' word like important

To describe
my astounding appearance.

Were beauty pageants not
a frivolous waste of time,

I might've entered one-

[Buzz]
surrender hot line.
Who? Got'cha.

Cyberlantis, they give up!

[Hacker]
excellent!

My plan is working
to perfection!

What's the point?

Any and all competition is so
much uglier than those...

[Digit]
all clear!

[Matt]
man, is that annoying!!!

[Inez]
the sooner we destroy
the voice box -

The sooner we can hush
the hacker.

[Jackie]
what if hacker finds out
we're here?

[Digit]
he won't...as long as we don't
set off any alarms.

And believe me, there's alarms
aplenty inside this thing!

[Matt]
whoa! Look at all those
booby-traps!

[Jackie]
didge, if you fly up
to hacker's mouth

And drop a rope down for us -
we never have to go inside!

[Digit]
you want me to go up there

And drop a rope down here?
I-is that what you just said?

[Jackie]
you're not afraid,
are you buddy?

[Digit]
me? The finely feathered
afraid? (Chuckle)

Whatever gave you that idea?

A little wing room, please?

[Inez]
oh no! It looks like

There's some kind of auto
defense system up there.

[Digit]
yoikes! Yeow! Woo-gie! Oh!

[Matt]
didge!

[Kids]
you alright? You okay?

[Digit]
no problem!

Sorry, didge. I didn't see
those lasers until too late.

[Digit]
guess I'm having
a bad beak day.

[Inez]
looks like our only way in
is through here.

Didge, can you open the lock?

[Jackie]
wait! We better not open
the door

'Till we silence this alarm.

[Matt]
I've got an idea.

Ta da! Silent as a lamb.

[Digit]
pee yew!
Don't try this at home!

[Inez]
no!

The plan shows another alarm
inside the wall!

We can't open the door until
that alarm's off too!

[Digit]
and how are we supposed
to shut off the inside alarm

If we're outside?

[Inez]
according to the plan,

The inside alarm's
to the left of the door.

See? It looks like it's the
same distance left of the door

As the outside alarm
is to the right.

[Matt]
looks like just won't do, inez.

If dige drills thought the wall
and misses,

We'll set off the alarm.

[Inez]
so let's compare the distances
on the plan.

Anyone have a ruler?

A measuring tape?
A yardstick?

Don't we have any way of
measuring distances?

[Digit]
I brought rope, that's it.

Who knew we'd need a ruler?

[Inez]
never mind,
I'll just use my thumb.

Let's see, from the door
to the outside alarm

On the plan is one thumb width.

And from the door
to the inside alarm

Is one thumb width, also.

My measurements show the alarms
are both the same distance

From the door!

[Jackie]
I bet if we tried
that with the real door

We could locate
the inside alarm!

[Digit]
hello?! We don't have a ruler,
remember?

How are we going to measure
anything?

[Matt]
we don't need a ruler to
compare two distances.

We can use your rope
on the building

Just like inez used her thumb
on the plan.

[Digit]
I knew that!

[Jackie]
we can measure along the stripe

From the edge of the door frame
to the alarm.

Just stretch the rope tight.

Got it!

Now walk this same length over
to the other side of the door.

[Matt]
perfect! The alarm should be
right here!

[Inez]
okay, didge, do your stuff!

[Digit]
whoa-oa-oa-oa-oa!!!

[Jackie]
I see the alarm!

[Digit]
earthlies...

[Delete]
surrender hot line.

What? Sorry, no maybes!

Give up or not give up.
You got it!

Solaria's a give, boss!

[Hacker]
y-yes! The meter of mastery
will soon be filled!

My domination of cyberspace
will be complete! (Laughs)

[Buzz]
you know what, deedee?

Good thing we soundproofed
the wreaker

Or I'd surrender myself!

(Laughs)

Surrender hot line.

[Hacker]
did I mention I was a tall
scoundrel...

[Inez]
ok. We're just under hacker's
feet.

And this switch powers
all the alarms.

We need to shut it off.

[Matt]
I'll get it.

[Jackie]
wait! What if it's a trick?

It was a trick.

[Inez]
this is not good,
not good at all.

[Matt]
at least we can't hear hacker's
rap in here.

That's a good thing.

[Digit]
but this isn't!...whoa!!!

[All]
...whoa!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaa!

[Matt]
jax...nezzie, where are you?

[Inez]
according to the plan, we're
in one of the statue's legs.

And you two must be
in the other.

And don't call me nezzie!

[Inez]
looks like these legs are
elevator shafts.

And they go up to a level
in hacker's stomach.

[Jackie]
ew! Do we have to go there?

[Matt]
we can see the opening! It's
near the top of the shaft!

[Jackie]
maybe this lever controls
the elevator.

Coin operated??!

Leave it to hacker to make
money off us

While we're trying to stop him!

Let's see if it works.

[Inez]
wow! Good thing we decided
to test it first.

It went right past
the purple door

Up to the ceiling.

We would've been crushed.

[Matt]
guys, you all right in there?

[Jackie]
yeah, we're fine.

Just stay off the elevator
'till we figure this out.

Let's see what happens
if I move the lever lower.

Got any more quarters?

[Jackie]
still not the right position!

[Inez]
keep trying!

We've got to get
to the purple door.

[Jackie]
oh man!

(Groan)

[Inez]
at last the right spot!

[Jackie]
too bad it cost us five
quarters to find out.

[Matt]
five quarters?!

We've only got three!

Meaning we've only got
three tries,

And we don't know where to put
the lever!

[Inez]
don't worry, matt, we do.
It's um...about...well,

It's, it's sort of closer
to the top than the bottom.

[Matt]
sort of' doesn't help!

We need to know exactly
where to put it.

[Jackie]
I'll measure it.

Move the lever...one hand width
up from the bottom

Thumb to pinky.

[Matt]
gotcha!

One hand width.
Better test it.

[Digit]
hey! What happened?

[Matt]
I should've known.

Jackie's fingers are way longer
than mine.

[Jackie]
musical gifts' -
so my piano teacher says.

[Inez]
that's why it didn't work!

You and matt need
the same size objects

To mark off the distance.

[Jackie]
let's see, what do I have?

A hair scrunchy?

[Matt]
like I'd have a hair scrunchy.

Hiking boots?

[Jackie]
nope. Even if I did, my feet
are smaller than yours.

[Inez]
wait, guys!
We both have quarters!

Quarters are all the same size!

One, two, three, four, five!

The correct lever position is
exactly five quarters up

From the bottom!

[Matt]
we're on the mark
five quarters up!

[Digit]
I sure hope this is right!

[Matt]
it better be right.
This is our last quarter

So no test. Get on.

See you guys
in hacker's stomach!

Nothin' but net!

(Telephones ringing)

[Buzz]
hey, boss! It's judge trudy
from sensible flats.

She's okay with adoration
and unending respect

But, uh, she's got a problem
with the servitude part.

Uh, she wants to know if you'll
take two outta three?

[Hacker]
never! It's complete surrender
or nothing!

[Jackie]
I can't believe we're inside
hacker's stomach! Yuck!

[Matt]
c'mon, guys, stay focused.

We need to reach
this staircase here.

Then up the stairs
to hacker's head,

So we can remove the voice box!

[Digit]
follow me!

Yoikes!

[Matt]
hang on, didge!

[All]
we got you!

[Jackie]
oh, man, this floor's
like a mine field!

Every one of these tiles could
be booby trapped!

[Matt]
we better test each one before
we step on it -

Feels solid. Safe!

[Inez]
cool! That means all the green
ones must be safe!

On the other hand...maybe not.

[Jackie]
we're going to be crushed!

[Matt]
hang on!

Maybe the booby-trapped tiles
are the loose ones -

And the safe ones are solid.

[Jackie]
fine! Let's just find a path
to the staircase

Before those walls make us
into a sandwich!

[Inez]
give me something to toss!

This one's solid!

So's this one!

It looks like the first three
safe tiles

Are each
the same distance apart.

[Jackie]
if it's the same distance
each time...

[Matt]
...then we can measure our way
to each safe tile!

No more guessing!

[Jackie]
I've got a quarter left
to measure with!

[Digit]
great! That should only
take a day and a half.

[Inez]
digit's right, we need
something bigger!

[Jackie]
I know! My skwak pad!

[Matt]
yeah, the skwak's bigger

But if we set it on the tiles
to measure

We might set off
the booby traps!

[Digit]
sheesh! This whole place
is coming apart!

[Jackie]
digit, you're genius!

We can use the skwak to measure
and never have to touch

The floor!

Hold this up, matt

[Jackie]
mark it!

Again!

[Matt]
evenly spaced marks...
Each a skwak pad long. Cool!

[Inez]
a ruler that measures
in skwaks...

Held above the tiles...safe,
effective...hmmm, I like it!

[Jackie]
the distance between the first
and second safe tile

Is nine skwak lengths.

Nine skwaks between the second
and third safe tile!

And nine more takes us to
this black tile. Wish me luck!

Phew! No booby trap!

[Matt]
way to go, jax! Keep measuring!

[Digit]
and make it snappy, will'ya?

'Cause if we don't get
outta here soon...

We're not gonna get gutta here
at all!!!

[Hacker]
my fellow cyberspacians

Huh... Cyberspacies?
Cyberspots?

Hm, I'll have to work on that.

As your new and incredibly
handsome leader...

[Jackie]
jump!

[Matt]
man, that was close!

[Digit]
too close!

[Jackie]
c'mon! Up the stairs!

[Inez]
slow down, guys! I think
we passed the mouth!

[Inez]
oh no! The stairs!

(Gasp)

[Matt]
oh no!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!...

[Jackie]
in here!

[Digit]
I think my wing is cramped.

[Matt]
whoa! Inez!

[Hacker]
and all because of my chiseled
movie star chin.

Unequaled, unmistakable,
unforgettable.

[Inez]
we're in hacker's mouth!

[Matt]
and there's the voice box!

[Matt]
now that sounds good!

[Buzz]
boss, boss,
poddleville gave up!

[Delete]
yeah! And r fair city's
thinkin' about it!

[Hacker]
quiet! Do you hear what I hear?

[Both]
I don't here nuthin', boss.
Yeah, me neither..

[Hacker]
that's the problem,
you duncebuckets!

My voice has stopped
broadcasting into cyberspace!

You know what that means?

[Delete]
ummm...can I ask buzz?

[Hacker]
get the cyberscooter!!!

[Both]
okay! Yes, boss!

[Matt]
at least we don't have to
listen to hacker anymore.

[Inez]
yeah, but we've still got
to remove that voice box!

[Matt]
how? We can't even get
to it from here!

[Jackie]
hey, guys! Up here!

[Digit]
we're in the hacker's nose!

[Jackie]
ew! Don't remind me.

[Digit]
wait! What if you let out too
much rope?

Then I'll be laser-kabob!

[Matt]
time out! We better measure
how long to make the rope.

[Inez]
looks to me like the voice box

Is the same distance down
from the ceiling

As it is up
from the floor.

[Matt]
let's make sure.

[Matt]
one thumb width. And that's one
thumb width as well.

You're right.
The distance is the same!

[Inez]
only one problem.

We have no way to measure
how far that distance is.

[Matt]
oh, yes, we do.

That ladder went right up
to the voice box!

[Jackie]
be careful, matt!

[Inez]
that's ten skwak lengths.

[Matt]
got it!

[Inez]
plus nine...
And a bit left over.

[Digit]
whoa-oh...i don't wanna be
lowered one feather closer

To those lasers than I have to!

Exactly how much
is a little bit'?

[Matt]
um...we can't tell you.

The smallest unit we can
measure exactly

Is a whole skwak pad.

[Inez]
too bad we can't just fold it
and make smaller units.

[Matt]
maybe we can!

All I have to do is fold it
in half once ...twice...

Then a third time.

[Inez]
cool! A ruler measuring a half
skwak, a quarter-skwak,

And an eighth-skwak!

[Jackie]
I'm with you! I made one too!

[Inez]
the little bit extra measures
out to

One-eighth skwak lengths
on the nose!

[Matt]
so the ladder is nineteen
and three-eighths

Skwak lengths long!

[Jackie]
okay. Nineteen and three
eighths skwaks

Down to the voice box

Before we measure the rope
we better measure you

So we can determine the total
length we need.

That's one! That's two!

[Hacker]
I'll find out what's going
on up there myself!

[Jackie]
done! Nineteen and three
eighths skwak lengths of rope -

Plus a little extra for
the part I'll tie to the vent.

Beak it, didge!

[Matt]
hurry!

[Jackie]
all set!

[Digit]
gulp! Birds awaaaay!

[Matt]
yeah! We did it!

Good measuring, nezzie!

That rope was just the right
length.

[Hacker]
you! I should've known!

[Matt]
why didn't we think of that?

[Hacker]
so, you thought you could
silence me, did you?

[Digit]
pull me up, jax!

Yoikes! Ahhhhhh!

[Kids]
di-giiiiit!

[Hacker]
you think I have only one tape,
you insolent earth worms?!

Now, as my prisoners, you will
witness all of cyberspace

Surrendering to the sound of
my victorious voice!

[Jackie]
no way, hacker!
Ah-oh-ahhhhhh...

This way!

[Matt]
uh-oh! Up, up and away!

[Hacker]
no one defeats the hacker,
especially those kids!

[Jackie]
I can't believe this failed!
This is terrible.

[Digit]
chill, earthlies!

When hacker plays that new tape
of his, he's gonna find things

Are just a little bit louder.

Check that,
make it a lot louder!

[Buzz]
get 'em!

[Hacker]
citizens of cyberspace,

You're listening
to all-hacker all the time!

[All]
ahhhhhh!

[Inez]
motherboarde's timing
couldn't be better!

[Matt]
and it looks like hacker's plan
isn't going

To measure up after all!

[Hacker]
those kids'll pay for this!