01x01 - Welcome to Area Fifty-Something

[bunniefuu]

Male announcer: And now,
nickelodeon and dreamworks'

Monsters vs. Aliens.

- ♪ mva

- ♪ mva

- ♪ monsters vs. Aliens

♪ it's us vs. Them

♪ foe vs. Friend

- ♪ brain vs. B.O.B.

- ♪ it's a super-freaky job

- Oh, yeah,
it's freaky.

- ♪ mva

- ♪ monsters vs. Aliens

- [cackles]
- ♪ monsters vs. Aliens

♪ monsters vs. Aliens

- ♪ mva

[dramatic music]

♪

[beeping]
- this, monsters,

Is where the unidentified
flying object crashed.

- Right here on the table?

- In australia, bob.

- So it's not unidentified.

Technically australian.

- Yes, bob,
you're totally right.

It's easier
than explaining.

[breath spray spritzes]

- Monsters, I don't need
to tell you how bad things got

The last time aliens
set foot on earth.

- Indeed, mr. President.

The golden gate bridge

Sustained catastrophic
structural damage.

- Bridge? Dr. c*ck,
I'm talking about

My approval ratings.

Fleeing like a ninny

Hurt my "tough on
extraterrestrials" image.

Also, the wet pants
didn't help.

So, I need you
to stop these aliens--hard.

- Mr. President,
you can count on team monster.

[heroic music]

♪

[engine whirring]

♪

[engine whines]

♪

- ♪ mva

- Ooh! Ooh!
[device trilling]

These are the smallest aliens
I've ever seen!

- Not aliens, bob.

Those are
myrmecia desertorum,

Commonly known as "bull ants."
- ah.

Then these are the biggest ants
I've ever seen!

- Indeed, but we're
not here for ants.

We're here to investigate

This mysterious object
from the stars.

- Okay,
let's get this over with.

Where do I give 'em
the ol' one two?

- Whoa, link, I'm not sure

"the ol' one two"
is the answer here.

- Susan,
when it comes to aliens,

The ol' one two
is always the answer.

- It doesn't seem
to be doing anything weird--

[electronic beeping]
whoa!

Okay, that felt weird--
and wrong.

[device hisses]

Really wrong!

- Susan, it's absorbing
your quantonium.

- No!

[shudders]

- Susan,
you look different.

You changed your hair.

- Bob, she's--
just take a look.

She's small.

Whoa!

That all you brought?

You're on earth, baby.
Link's hizzy.

You gotta bring more than...
[ant screeches]

That.
[ant roars]

- Wait, wait, that is
the biggest ant I've ever seen.

- I don't suppose
you could talk to it.

- Sorry,
I don't speak ant.

[ant growls and screeches]

- Sweet mama monger!

Look at the size
of that thing.

- [high-pitched shriek]

He did it.

- Mr. President?

Well, I thought
you were in washington.

- I was, but with
the whole alien situation

I thought I should be here,
underground, safe.

We are safe, right?

- General monger, sir.

We've got another
unidentified flying object

And it's coming
right at us!

- [high-pitched shriek]

Totally him again.
Get it together, man.

[ant screeches]
- [yelps]

- Whoa!
Can this guy dance or what?

- [yelping]

- Coming through.
[ant screeches]

Brilliant strategy,

Drafting a local
to fight for you.

Now, let's see
what makes you tick.

- Back off, ant.

You don't wanna tussle
with all this muscle.

Ow!

[pained groans]

- Get away from him!

- Ooh! Ahh!
[ant screeches]

- Hey, over here.

Here, boy.

He's like a big pup--

[chuckles]
who's a bitey scamp?

[chuckles]
ticklish.

Ticklish!
[chuckles]

- Tell me you
got a plan, doc.

- This is alien technology,
link.

It would take
the brightest minds

From the finest universities

Decades to unravel
its most basic workings.

- So you can't fix me?

- Dear girl,
don't be silly.

I was just putting my
forthcoming accomplishment

In context.

[device hisses]

- Oh, no!
Now I'm growing!

- Voila.

Now I simply
transfer the quantonium

Back into susan,
and once again,

The ginormica
we all know and love--[yelps]

[machine pulsates]
hmm.

- Uh, should it be making
that wo-wo-wo noise?

- I would say run!

[expl*si*n]

- Oh, drat.

- General monger,
I'm going to lead

From behind on this one.

[shrieks]

[grunts]

- Sorry, sir.

The constitution
states the president

Must make first contact
with alien visitors.

- Greeting aliens
is in the constitution?

- The secret constitution,
article four.

Been that way
since teddy roosevelt.

[door hisses, whirs]

[camera phone clicks]

- [yelps]

[pained grunts]

- Gravity.

Misjudged the gravity.
Ooh!

Ah, sorry about that.

Now, where are my notes?

Oh, yes.
Of course.

[clears throat]

Take. Me.
To. Your. Leader.

- I'm not sure
how I feel about this.

- Good news, susan.

There are still trace amounts
of quantonium in your blood.

- And the "good" part is?

- You're . % taller
than you should be.

- I'm supposed to be
ginormica.

"ever-so-slightly-larger-
than-normal-ica"

Isn't going to cut it.

- Buckle up, rock stars.

We just got word
from area fifty-something.

We got another
alien situation.

- Where?
- At area fifty-something.

[engine whines]

[brakes screech]

- Uh, this man
is our leader.

- Uh, technically,

I'm just one of three branches
of government.

A lot of checks
and balances on my, uh--

- Mr. President,
your most esteemed excellency,

On behalf
of the rest of the galaxy,

I want to say...

Sorry.

- Pardon? What?

- We feel just awful about
the whole gallaxhar kerfuffle.

Very embarrassing for us.

That's why--
[phone ringtone plays]

- Hold that thought.
[beep]

Kinda in the middle
of something.

[garbled chatter]
milk and beef jerky. Okay.

I'll stop on the way home,
but it'll be a while.

[kissing]
okay, bye. Bye.

[clears throat]
you were saying?

- You see, we feel awful

About the gallaxhar incident
and would like to--

[phone ringtone plays]
- yes?

[garbled chatter]
that's tonight?

Well, record it
and we'll watch it later.

No, don't watch it without me.
It's the finale.

You'll say something,
then I'll know who won and--

[clears throat]
gotta go. Bye.

- [mumbling] gallaxhar.
- Continue.

- Y-yes.
We would like to--

[phone ringtone plays]
- ugh.

There's no peace and quiet
when you're commander-in-chief.

- Perhaps a little
alien technology will help.

[chuckles]

- No signal?
Nice.

- If cutting off
all communication

Is the only way
for us to commence

Intergalactic diplomacy,
I say, "so be it."

- Alien technology.
I like it, mr., uh--

- Coverton.
[joints crack]

- Area fifty-something,
do you copy?

- Frequency's all jammed.
- I don't like this.

- And I don't like
ham salad.

- As I was saying,
I'm here to build bridges.

Or, uh, rebuild them,
as the case may be.

- Sweet molasses!

- So let me get this straight,
mr. Coverton.

You don't wanna flambe
our cities, harvest our organs,

And/or turn us into
a mindless zombie work force?

- Not until I know you better.
[cackles]

- [shrieks]

- Kidding.
[chuckles]

I so got you.

- [chuckles]
you did, you cutup.

The uggies always make up for it
in personality, don't they?

- But seriously,
mr. President,

I feel like I already
know you so well.

In fact, I have a gift
just for you.

[air hisses]

- [yelps]

- My bio-thermal scanners

Have located
what could be an alien.

Definitely an alien.

And it's--sweet tooth!

The president!
- What?

- He's trapped in some sort
of devious alien device.

- Ham salad.

- I'm getting something
on the parabolic mic.

- [high-pitched shriek]

- Uh, I don't think
that's the president.

Sounds like a little girl.

- [high-pitched shriek]

- No, bob,
that's our president.

- Link,
we are going in hot!

- [high-pitched laughing]

I love this thing!

- Everybody loves
a fun bubble.

- I'm not wild about it.

- Oh, please, general.

Your leader is--

- About to be rescued
by team monster!

- Monsters, no!

- [screams]

- Whee!

Whoo! Yeah!

Everybody rumba!
[expl*si*n]

- Monsters, stand down!

- Ignore the general.

He's obviously
under the alien fiend's

Mind control.

- [yelps]

[groans]

- This is for earth's
most-dominant species.

[light slap]
- yeah, humankind! Whoo!

- Actually,
I was thinking of c*ck,

But whatever.
[light slap]

- We got you,
mr. President.

- [screams]

Oof!

[groans]

Did you...
Change your hair?

- Mr. President,
you're safe now.

Monsters have
the situation under control.

- [laughs]
whoo!

- [groans]
- right?

- [kisses]

- What were
you monsters thinking?

- I wasn't.
No brain!

- We saw an alien.
In all probability, evil.

- So you just run in
and give the ol' one two?

- Yep!
When it comes to aliens,

The ol' one two
is always the answer.

That's what link says.
Right, buddy?

- Yeah, I might have said
something like that.

- But what about
the cylinder

That slurped up
all my quantonium?

- Sounds like
a stray balgarbian probe.

They're always leaving those
about the galaxy.

- So it wasn't
one of yours?

- [scoffs]
of course not.

[warbling tone]

Simple coincidence.

Mr. President, I feel unsafe
with these monsters around.

Maybe I'll come back
when you're ready, in a...

Century or two.

- But--but I won't
be president then!

What if I got rid
of the monsters?

All: What?

- You mean kicked them
to the curb?

- They're out of here.
[all gasp]

They are so fired.

- Mr. President,
you can't do that!

- Just did.
I decided.

I'm the decider-er.

So it's decider-ed.

It's aliens in
and monsters out.

- Yay!

Wait, boo?

Boo!

- Please, general.

Maybe you could get
the president to reconsider.

- Are they still here?

- Hi, mr. President!

- So, what do we do now?

I kinda have
a limited skill set.

- Mr. President,

Welcome to the power center
of this ship.

But please, whatever you do,
don't touch anything.

These instruments are very--
[loud beep]

No--
- I touched.

Is that a problem?

- What in blue blazes?

- Oh, dear.
[yelps]

[groans]

He activated
the self-defense mode!

Flee!
Flee for your life!

[lasers blasting]

- What do we do now?

We're monsters
without a cause.

- Yes, we do
seem fairly pointless.

- You want pointless?

I'm not even sure I qualify
as a monster anymore.

- I'm not pointless,
but I kinda wish I was.

[expl*si*n]

- What was that?
- Give you one guess.

- Go, go!

The president
is trapped in there.

Uh-oh.

[battle cry]

Do something!

It's your dag-burned
space ship!

- Yes, yes,
I'm working on it.

Mr. President,
the self-defense mode

Can be deactivated
with a simple code.

- Gotcha.
Hit me with that code.

- The first letter
is zrub.

- Zrub?

- It's the one
that looks a bit

Like an upside-down
ice cream cone that's on fire.

- Uh, how about one
that's sort of

A three-legged wolverine
with a bagpipe?

- No, that's quav--aah!

So, bad news.

Your president
is apparently, um, doomed.

Which I suppose means
you'll be in the market

For a new world leader.

- Negatory!

The president
will be rescued.

All I need are--
- monsters.

[strained groans]

Reporting for duty.

- And me!
Monster on the, uh, inside.

- Bob, show them why
you're indestructible.

- Indestruct-o-ball.

Good idea!

- My turn.

Hop in.

- [whistles]

- They have no idea
what they're doing.

They could make things worse!
- [screams]

- Then you better get in there
and show 'em what for.

- Oh, no, no,
no, no, no.

My people do not
"get in there."

We stand on the sidelines
and make scathing quips.

- Get in there!

- [groans]

- Hey, look who decided
to join us.

- It's your ship.
Feel free to lead the way.

- I'm here strictly
in an advisory role.

Now, the first wave
of defense will be--

- Agh!

- Yes, those.
[hydraulics hiss]

- Hey!
- This is fun!

Whee!

- Whoa!
Ooh!

[laughs]

The alien technology
failed to anticipate--

[groans]

My c*ck ability--
[grunts]

To withstand--
[grunts]

The worst of--
[grunts]

[screams]

Going--going--
going great in there.

Going--lotsa laughs.
Going good.

- [grunts]

Follow me.
- Now careful.

The next chamber will prove
much more difficult.

- Difficult for you,
funky feet,

But link's on this
like butter on bread.

Ugh!

- That's an immobilizer ray.

- Yeah, thanks.
I get that now.

[yelps]

- [groans]
- sorry.

Immobilizer ray.

- [groans]

[all scream]

- It's hopeless.

We'll never make it
to the president.

Oh.

So what say
we give up, hmm?

Listen, I've been dying to try
a special earth beverage.

Uh, "leemonade"
I believe it's called.

Is it good?
Hmm?

- Susan, I have an idea.

At least,
I think it's an idea.

- Give it to me, bob.

The idea?

- Oh, right!

Let the ray hit me
and then use me as a shield.

- Bob, that's brilliant.

- Okay, get ready to roll.
- Ready!

- [laughs]
that tickles.

- Thanks, bob.
- No problem.

Yep, feeling
pretty immobile now.

Whoa!

- [sighs]

[both groan]

- Hey, guys,
you're here too!

- [groans]

- The president
should be behind--

- This door.

- [gasps]

Hey, that's like
the thing that zapped me!

- Oh, let's not
waste our time bickering.

We have a president
to save!

See, there he is.

- Coverton,
thank goodness you're here.

And you too...
Uh, I wanna say sarah?

- Susan.
- Don't step on the floor!

It's pressure sensitive.

That is virtually
unbreakable.

- Mr. President, your
approval rating is dropping.

- [high-pitched shriek]

[glass cracks]

Oh, clever.

Well played, sarah.

- [annoyed]
yes, sir.

- Carefully,
mr. President.

Climb onto my lap.

- [grunting]

Whoa!

- Aah!

Oh, kralnaz.

- Tell me,
on your planet,

"oh, kralnaz"
means something good.

- No.

It means the ship
is leaking hyperion,

And when it blows,
it will destroy half the world.

- Oh, kralnaz.
- Hold on.

Which half of the world,
huh?

[glass shatters]

[hissing]

[expl*si*n]

- Duck and cover!

[massive expl*si*n]

- Whoo!

That was awesome.

Did you see that, susan?

Susan?

Hey, where's susan?

- I'm afraid
that susan is...Gone.

- Really?

I hope she went
someplace nice.

- I'm sure she has,
buddy.

- [grunts]

- Whoa.
All: Susan!

- Once again,
monsters save the world.

- Please, half the world.

- Fascinating.

Apparently, the quantonium
left in ginormica's system

Absorbed the expl*sive
hyperion energy

And reactivated
her powers.

And it did more than that.

Susan,
think small thoughts.

- Small thoughts? Okay.

Snowflakes, ladybugs,

Those itty-bitty
hot dog hors d'oeuvres.

- Cool.
- Well, I'll be.

- Check me out.

I can totally control
my ginorma-sizing.

- All right, susan.

That's really--
aah!

- Sorry, bob.

Okay, maybe not
totally totally control.

- No problem!

- Monsters, for your performance
in saving me and the world,

But mostly me,

I'm officially
welcoming you back

To area fifty-something.

[all cheer]

- Yeah!
- Boo!

No, wait.

Yay!
Right?

- It's gonna be great
having you work

Alongside my new bff,
coverton.

- What?
An alien is staying here?

- I know.
I'm so jealous.

- Oh, mr. President.

Were I to go
to washington with you,

We'd just waste all our time
giggling and gossiping.

Point is, from now on,

You guys are all
one big, happy family.

- [forced]
that's...Awesome.

- Super...Awesome.

[phone ringtone plays]
- hello?

[garbled chatter]
I'm leaving right now.

[joints crack]

- Unfortunately,
my coverlord,

Our plan to neutralize
ginormica failed.

But I have the full trust
of the president.

And even better,
I have been placed

In the earthlings'
most secret base.

[knocking]

- Hurry up in there!

Mother nature's calling me
with a bullhorn!

- Gotta run.
Coverton out.

[toilet flushes]

Sorry, your earth commodes
are so confusing.