01x19 - Bench Warmer/Cool Jerk

[bunniefuu]

Helga: arnold!

[ Barking]

hey, arnold!

[ Glass shatters]

[ girl shrieks]

helga: hey, arnold!

Arnold!

Arnold!

Arnold!

Ar-nold!

Move it, football head!

Kids: hey, arnold!

It's great we're on the same team.

Hope we both get to play.

In this league, we'll all get to play.

[ Whistle blowing]

[ panting]

I'm coach wittenberg.

Welcome to youth league basketball.

As I am coach of this team

it's recumbent that you do whatever I dictate.

So heretofore, our strategic strategy

will constitute the idea that we revolve our offense

around one player.

Tucker?

Yeah, dad?

Dad?

This is tucker.

Would have been league m.v.p. Last year except for the voting.

Now, for all intents and purposes

our strategy will consist thusly:

get the ball to tucker.

Everyone understand?

[ Mumbling ]

louder, please!

All: yes, coach wittenberg.

Good! Now it's time for lay-up practice.

Move it!

Arnold, pass the ball to tucker.

Gerald, pass it to tucker.

Stinky, pass the ball to tucker.

Nice pass to tucker.

Arnold?

Excellent pass to tucker!

Gerald, very, very nice.

Stinky, way to pass it to tucker.

Let's break it up a bit here

and start passing to tucker.

Get the ball to tucker.

Don't even dribble, just pass it to tucker.

Good catch, tucker!

I want you to be dreaming passes to tucker.

It's all getting the ball to tucker.

Some team, huh?

I wish we could run that play

we worked out in the park.

This really bites.

[ Whistle blowing]

boys, it's our first game.

And before we go out there

I want you guys to remember the words of the great guy lombardo:

"there is no "i" in team."

Now, get out there and make sure tucker gets the ball!

[ Whistle blows]

[ crowd cheering]

what?!

Arnold, you fragrantly didn't listen to me.

The game plan is simple.

Get the ball to...

I know, sir, tucker.

But he wasn't open.

Don't unrespect the game plan!

Think about your insubordinates.

You're out of the game!

Park yourself on the bench!

Grandpa, I think I'm going to quit the basketball team.

Quit, why?

I'm benched because I wouldn't pass the ball

to the coach's kid.

Have I told you about how I wanted to be in the circus?

Yeah, grandpa, but...

When I was a kid

I wanted nothing more

than to be a trapeze artist.

But the only job I could get

was cleaning up after the elephants.

Years with my pail and shovel.

Following around jumbo and big nellie.

I thought about quitting

when I remembered what my grandfather said to me.

What?

"Don't quit, you ninny!"

So I stuck with it.

And got a chance at the trapeze?

No, although I did get an audition as the bearded lady.

But, arnold, those were the cleanest elephant cages

this side of the bengal bay.

Grandpa, you make a lot of sense. Thanks.

Any time, short man.

[ Players yelling]

[ crowd cheering]

[ whistle blowing]

foul! Two shots.

Come on, tucker! We need both shots.

Don't let me down, son.

You can't miss those free throws, tucker!

Suck it up, son.

[ Buzzer]

[ cheering]

coach: you don't miss free throws

with the game on the line!

Almost makes you feel bad for the guy.

Yeah, almost.

Coming, arnold?

I'm going to sh**t.

Okay, see you later.

I can't believe it.

Hey, arnold.

Where'd you learn to sh**t like that?

You know, around.

Man, I could never do that.

Come on, son, don't let me down.

Make the shot, don't let me down.

Come on, son, don't let me down!

Make the shot! Make the shot!

Every time I try

I think of my dad and I choke, big time.

I really need to learn how to sink my free throws.

I guess I can teach you.

Really? Hey, that would be great!

All right.

Meet me tomorrow at the outdoor court

near d'amato's grocery store.

:, Don't be late.

Okay...

How many little dots on the ball?

I don't know, I never really thought about it.

There are ,.

You must know the ball intimately.

[ Far eastern music playing]

okay, we're ready to start free throws.

Finally.

You're kidding.

Trust the ball.

Trust the ball?

Trust the ball.

[ Thunk, glass breaking]

you didn't trust the ball.

Now... Do it again.

[ Breathing deeply]

yeah.

Good.

Coach: boys, this game

is critical if we want to make a playoff

so whether we win or lose

I want you guys to go out there

and win!

Thus spoken

I want you to remember one rule:

no missed free throws.

Okay, now go get 'em.

Come on, boys.

[ Cheering]

[ whistle blowing]

foul. Two shots.

Boy: come on, tucker, baby.

Come on.

Trust the ball, tucker.

[ Crowd cheering]

[ blows whistle]

[ cheering]

[ cheering]

[ buzzer]

your free throw sh**ting is terrific.

What did you do?

Ah, nothing special.

Just good old-fashioned hard work.

All on your own, huh?

Yeah...

All on my own.

That's my boy, tucker.

[ Buzzer]

keep it up in the second half

and the game is ours.

All right, tucker, stinky, robert,

lamar and frankie--

you guys start the half.

Gerald and robby, take a breather.

Arnold... Bring me a towel.

Hey, what's the matter?

Ah... Nothing.

[ Crowd cheering]

ref: reaching in, two shots.

Don't let me down, son.

Trust the ball.

Yeah, all on my own.

[ Laughing]

what are you doing, tucker?!

[ Boy jeering]

[ farting sound]

[ laughing]

[ yelling]

he's not trusting the ball.

Okay, we're down, but we're not up.

The only thing we have to do

is sink one shot.

We tie the game, and vanish the foes in overtime.

Gerald, take the ball up court

and give it to tucker in the low post.

Tucker, you better sink this shot, son.

Don't let me down.

[ Buzzer]

tucker!

Foul, two shots.

Don't let me down, son.

Ow, my shoulder.

Aw, he's faking it.

You all right?

I got hurt when I got fouled.

Hey, we need a replacement sh**ter out here.

You have to put somebody else in.

What?! There is nobody else.

You can always put in arnold, dad.

Arnold?!

He doesn't follow the rules.

He's not a team player.

No, dad, listen.

He isa team player.

He's the one who taught me how to sh**t.

Tucker! The playoffs are on the line here.

I can't put him in.

He can do it, dad, and so can this team.

Give them a chance... For once.

[ Groaning]

get in there, arnold!

And don't screw up.

[ Fans cheering]

[ cheering]

boy: don't bite it, arnold.

Time out.

If we make a two-pointer instead, we'll win the game.

Let's do that play we worked on.

I'll put the ball where it needs to be

and you guys do the rest. Got it?

Team: let's go!

[ Buzzer]

[ cheering]

[ chuckling]

crowd: arnold, arnold...

Coach: you guys are great!

[ Team cheering]

what a victory, men. Arnold?

You have restowed upon me

a volatile lesson in teamwork.

From now on, the suppository of the team strategy

will proceed as thusly.

Everyone touches the ball.

[ All cheering]

then we pass it... To tucker.

Dad...

Who will... Pass it

to the rest of you.

[ All cheering]

harold: you guys are the worst

nucular ballplayers I have ever seen.

You're facing me-- harold

the greatest thrower of ba*ls who ever lived.

Aw, give it up, pink boy.

You haven't hit a kid in throws.

Oh, yeah? Watch this!

Hold still, arnold, I'm beaning you.

[ Grunts]

harold, harold

you okay, man?

I hurt my nosie.

Let me see that!

Helga: aw, you're fine, rudolph.

I am not fine, I'm hurt bad.

And I'm going to kick arnold's butt.

Who, me?

Yeah!

[ All shouting]

let him go.

[ Engine revving]

what are you doing?

We weren't doing nothing.

Whoa.

Sid: it's frankie g.

Kids: it's frankie g.

Don't look like nothing.

Looks like something.

Let him go.

You okay, kid?

Oh, yeah.

Good.

Now listen, idiot boy.

In the future, leave football head alone

or I'll introduce you to some pavement.

Yes, sir, mr. G., Sir.

Good.

I'll give you a ride.

Really?

Okay, frankie g.

Call mefrankie.

Wow, this is unprecedented.

The kid riding on frankie g.'S bike!

He's the coolest guy in the world.

[ Engine starts]

you're okay, kid.

What?

I said

"you're okay."

You got potential.

Arnold: you want my pencil?

[ Tires screeching]

[ shouting]

see you tomorrow, arnold.

Later, frankie.

[ Kids shouting]

[ kids all talking at once]

speak to me, buddy, tell me.

Come on, come on, leave my man alone.

If arnold doesn't want to discuss frankie g. Now

he doesn't have to.

Come on, man, spill it!

[ All talking]

wow, where'd you go?

Nothing to tell.

He's a really nice guy.

He thinks my head's cool.

And he wants to be my friend.

What else is there to say?

[ All talking]

he's not so scary.

I don't know, arnold.

There's something I don't like about frankie.

Maybe you're bummed

'cause there's someone cooler than you for a change.

You realize that's impossible, arnold.

I am the coolest.

Kids: hey, look, look... Arnold!

[ Kids shouting]

kid: you rode his bike-- that's cool.

Anybody frankie g. Thinks is cool

must be the coolest kid in the universe.

[ Bell ringing]

frankie: hey, arnold!

Talk to you later, gerald.

How's it going?

Great.

You ready to do stuff?

Well, not right now.

I'm supposed to go to school.

[ Chuckles] yeah. Good one.

Anyway, get on.

We got things to do.

[ Engine revving]

well, okay.

Arnold: this is where you live?

Yeah, come on in.

You can meet the guys.

Man: hey, it's frankie.

Hiya, frankie.

We'll do something later.

Woman: what, frankie's here?

Pay me my rent.

Aw, come on, mrs. Roselli.

You'll get it.

When have I ever let you down?

Aw, you're a good boy, frankie.

You're a good boy.

You're a nice lady.

You hungry?

Come over any time to eat.

I'll come over tonight.

Okay, but bring the rent.

Arnold: wow!

I never saw anything like this.

Yeah.

Frankie likes music.

Frankie:arnold.

Guys.

Frankie: tony b.

Philly d.

Joey c.

And chas.

Excellent to meet you, old boy.

Chas is new.

Frankie: guys... This is arnold.

Hello! Hey, touchdown.

How you doing, kid?

Have a seat, arnold.

I'll get you a yahoo.

Uh, hi.

I like your head.

Thanks... I think.

Yeah, man, he's perfect.

What a collection.

You know, most kids your age

don't appreciate this music.

What a system!

Arnold: it's amazing...

Triple-stack cd remote with -bit oversampling

microtuner

joint woofers

with separate sub channel.

Where'd you get this stuff?

Hey, anything you want, you can get.

You work hard, plan things out

have priorities in the right order.

Cool.

Guys... A toast.

To our new friend, arnold--

may he always know the meaning of friendship.

Guys: to arnold.

Guys: [ burping]

[ burps]

frankie: from now on

you're one of us.

Guys: one of us!

[ Tires screech]

see you tonight, frankie.

Hey, arnold, where have you been?

We were supposed to go skateboarding.

Oh, yeah, I forgot.

But, man, gerald!

I had the besttime.

I met frankie's friends.

And guess what?

We like the same music.

You skipped school.

Frankie said he wanted me

to go with him and I went.

What's this frankie stuff?

Well, he's my friend.

Come on

you don't even know the guy.

Sure I do.

I was talking

to my man, fuzzy slippers

and he said this frankie g. Is bad news.

What do you mean, bad news?

He just is.

If you're smart

you'll stay away from him.

Gerald, you've always had

a big brother to hang out with.

I haven't.

For the first time in my life

somebody older likes me

even though I'm just a kid.

I'd think you'd be

happy for me.

Instead... You're jealous.

That's wack, man.

What are you talking?

You heard me. You're jealous.

I thought you were cooler than that.

[ Door slams]

arnold, hurry up, we'll be late.

Hey, frankie

can I ask you a question?

Sure, sh**t.

Is there a reason you want me

to hang out with you guys?

What are you talking about?

The reason we're hanging out together is

you're really my friend, right?

Of course, I'm really your friend, arnold.

And you're really my friend, right?

Sure, frankie.

And friends do friends favors, right?

Yeah. What's the favor?

Get on.

[ Starts engine]

they're late.

Gene's hi-fi?

What're we doing here?

You'll see.

Okay, frankie g., We're all set.

Let's do it.

Do what?

Come on, arnold

I want to show you something.

[ Cats yowling]

see that window up there?

You're the only guy

with a head the right shape

to get through that window.

All you got to do is crawl through

and unlock the door, see?

You mean...

Yeah, I need a new tweeter for my system.

[ Guys laughing]

[ laughing stops]

so you needed me

to help you steal a tweeter?

Look, arnold...

You want to be cool, right?

Sometimes you got to bend the rules a little.

I thought we were friends.

We'll be better friends

when you get through that window.

No.

You're not listening.

Hey! Leave me alone!

No, let go of me

I won't do it!

Watch this.

[ Groans]

come on, stop.

I don't want to do this.

[ Siren wailing]

cherry tops!

So long, sucker.

Later days, triangle face.

[ Guys shouting]

let me down.

[ Siren wailing]

arnold!

Arnold, you okay?

[ Sirens stops]

huh? Gerald?

Hang on, I'll pull you out.

[ Both grunting]

[ crash]

thanks, gerald.

Where did you get that thing, anyway?

It was in the attic.

[ Makes siren noise]

how'd you know I was here?

Hey, I followed you.

Those guys were trouble.

Fuzzy slippers tells no lies, man.

I guess I acted pretty dumb.

Yeah, you did.

Hey, gerald, do me a big favor.

Yeah, what?

If I ever do anything like that again

drop a piano on my head.

You got it, man.

Now, who did you say was the coolest?

You know, you're a bold kid, gerald.

Wait a minute, that's my line.

Oh, yeah.