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Feast II: Sloppy Seconds (2008)

Ghosts, Monsters, Vampires, Werewolves, and Witches oh my! Halloween/Horror Movie Collection.
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Feast II: Sloppy Seconds (2008)

Post by bunniefuu »

( Car engine starts )

( Wind howls steadily )

( Dog yelps )

( Low growl )

( Heavy metal music plays )

I'm built to last.

I'll die...
( g*n c*ck )

...when I damn well please.

Biker queen: Aah!

Man: Get me
the f*ck out of here.

Aah.

What do you know about this?!
Oh, sh*t.

What do you know?

You see that?

You see this crispy stump?

Her arm was blown off.

It was those g*dd*mn monst...

( both screaming )

Man: f*ck!

You dickhead lesbo!

( Man continues yelling )

I ain't got no notion
of what went down.

I swear to god.

( Engine roars, man groans )

Aah! No!

You're gonna spill your guts!

All right, g*dd*mn it!
I'll tell ya!

( Machine slicing, screaming )

( Gasping )

Aah!

Aah!

m*therf*cker!

I didn't do sh*t!
Who did?

It was that g*dd*mn b*stard.

Who?!
Bozo!

Bozo!

( Screaming )

( Coughing )

( Engine stops )

Man: His trans-am's gone.

Son of a b*tch.

Which way
did the son of a b*tch go?

The small town down there,

on the other side of the bridge.

That's where he hangs out at

with his gimpy brother.

He left me.

( Coughing )

Those son of a b*tches.

They left me.

They left me for dead.

( Coughing )

Younger man:
You have a heart attack?

( Groans )

My heart.

( Moaning )

TV reporter: ...Daughter
alive in a drainage pipe.

Now, some believe that Gus,

affectionately known
as "short bus" Gus,

possesses a special
psychic gift.

Woman: Take me downtown,
thrust bunny!

Oh! Yes! Aah!

Hurry the f*ck up in there!

We gotta pick up grandma
before the match.

Gus on ti could
just smell her courage.

( Loud bang )

( Woman screams )

Man: What the f*ck
is that?!

Oh, my god! Run!

f*ck' tricky Mexicans.

( Loud roar )

( Beast roaring,
woman screaming )

( Lightning yelling in Spanish )

She's gone, man.

She's gone.

( Growls )

( Shutter snaps )

I'm thunder.

This is lightning.

I bring the rumble.

He brings the pain.

Not politically correct
to k*ll a little person,

let alone two.

( Sighs )

( All screaming )

Man: I will.

( Man hangs up telephone )

Sheriff: How long
you gonna hold out on me, huh?

You can't hide it forever.

But I can hold you forever,
should it come to that.

Six days now
in the clinker, huh?

Well, you probably
want a shower, right?

Not today, bud.

No shower, no bread, no water.

Your odor reminds me of the paste
my as*h*le makes on a hot day.

Can't keep me in here like this.

Who's gonna stop me?

I'm an anti-smack regime
in full effect, son.

I'm a guillotine
lookin' for a head.

Luke.

Luke: Yes, sir?

Now, I know you're cookin'
this crystal meth sh*t

in your school bus somewhere.

Where is it?

Where'd you hide
your bus this time?

Where's your g*dd*mn
lair, junkie?

I don't know nothin'
about no school bus, sheriff.

I'm just a vagabond.

Well, that's fine...

But you're gonna starve in here

until I find it, burn it,

and piss on the ashes.

( Snorts )

( Splash )

Don't give him anything
the rest of the day.

Luke: All right, sheriff.

( Vagabond laughs )

I'm dyin' soon,

and I'm dyin' horribly.

Who wants to get fingered?

( Loud bang, men screaming )

( Beast snarling )

( Snarls )

I'm tellin' you, she's cheatin' on me.
I know it.

( Crickets chirping )

( Sighs )

Dale, it's screwing
with my business.

Dale, I'm not even
number-one salesman

at my own two-employee-strong
car lot now.

All right, Dale, listen.

He's someone in this
f*ck' town. I know it.

No, I don't have
any proof, Dale.

That's where you come, Dale.

Dale, you're talkin'.

Shut up, Dale.
Okay, listen.

That's where you come in, okay?

I need some hard evidence, Dale.

I need some
f*ck' proof. Yeah.

Some soiled panties
or something, you know?

Some errant pubes,
a f*ck' used condom.

I don't care.
Get me some hard evidence.

( Hushed gasps )

Hang on a minute.

We're all set here.

Man: Let's go.

Hey, you guys enjoy
that station wagon, okay?

Man: Hurry up.

Don't forget to come back
when junior's ready to roll.

All right?

Hey, hey.

You folks remember,

I f*ck' slash prices.
Remember that.

Hola, amigos.

¿No credito?

No problemo.

I know cars.
I know engines.

American ingenuity,
it's what I do.

Slash-slash, slash-slash,

slickety-slash.

Like this beauty here... 2,999.

Slash! 999.

No credit? No problem.

I'm so bad, you know it's good.

Suck a d*ck, everyone.

I slash prices.

( Distant voices screaming )

It's ruining my business, Dale.

My f*ck' reputation's
on the line here, Dale.

Get into it, Dale. Let that son of
a b*tch know he's got it comin'.

( Snarling )

( Glass shatters )

( Beast roars, slasher screams )

Bullshit!

( Men yelling )

Slasher: Ooh! Sh...

Ooh!

sh*t, there goes a lawsuit.

( Beast whimpers, man moans )

What the... aah!

I f*ck' knew it!

( Tires screech )

So f*ck' dead!

You are f*ck' dead. You
just f*ck' k*lled yourself.

You can threaten me
all you want,

but I'm empowered now...

By the secret.

I wish for good things
to happen...

To me.

Thought becomes thing.

Motherfuckin' what?

And Greg is my rock.

Greg:
Well, now, take it easy.

Let's not
get ahead of ourselves here.

( Sighs )

I'm a ne'er-do-well,

and I have a mustache.

This doesn't happen overnight.

Mmm?

Slasher:
Of all f*ck' people, Greg.

( Beast growls,
secrets screams )

Okay.

( Engines rumbling )

Ain't nobody home, husky.

Let's get the f*ck
away from here.

Where does he live?

Right there.
That building right there.

Trans-am ain't around.

That tells me you're
sh*t out of luck, lady.

You're f*cking sh*t out of luck!

The monsters didn't attack.

They're gone.

We can make a run for it.

We ain't goin' nowhere, woman.

Greg: What are you
talkin' about?

That jail's the only
safe place in town.

We're going.

Greg, the f*ck' jail
is locked down, okay,

and we can't f*ck' make it.
Look outside.

Have you seen the amount
of blood out there, nimrod?

That's what
going for it gets you.

I wished for this.

This is it.

I wished for this,
and here it is.

This is not the f*ck' help.

I visualized this,
and they appeared.

Secrets: This is proof.

Slasher: Sweetie, help is the U.S.
of f*ck' a. Military, okay?

That's a g*ng.

They got a f*ck' hostage,
for crying out...

Get down! The big guy
is looking.

They're leaving.

We can't just let 'em leave.

Yes, we can.

They've got g*ns.

Duh, and they'll f*ck'
point them at us.

No, this is a time
for mankind to come together.

( Loudly )
You're wrong!

Shut the... m*therf*cker!

f*ck you, Greg.
You gonna tell me about wrong?

You wife-f*ck!

Get out of my way.

Biker queen: Come on.

He's probably
headed for the city.

Bartender: I told you where
he lived, where he hung out.

Now, look,
you cut me loose. Please.

Get comfy.

( Engine rumbles, shuts off )

Slasher: ( Grunting ) Bullshit.
Stupid. Stupid, stupid.

m*therf*cker!
f*ck' stupid!

Biker queen: Grab him.

Oh, what the f*ck?

Biker: Got him.

This sh*t's on you, Greg.
f*ck that.

Greg, by the way,

you're so f*ck' fired.

You know what?

I quit.

Ooh! sh*t.

Is this him?

Bartender: That ain't him.

Feel free to sh**t him, though.

How about you, fatback?

You drive a brown trans-am?

No! No, no, no, no.

I know the guy who does, though.
I sold it to him myself.

That ain't him, either.

That's right. Could
you please... sh*t.

We hadn't even ought to be here.

You and your
f*ck' revenge sh*t

are gonna get us all done in.

( Grunts )

Hey, hey.

Wait a minute.

Let me tell you somethin', mama.

I was a f*ck' marine
in the second world w*r, okay?

And I got over
the g*dd*mn krauts...

Close the f*ck' door, please.

...and I got over
the g*dd*mn Japs,

so you get that stick
out of your a*s,

and get over this f*cking
vendetta bullshit of yours,

and let's get out of here.

What do you say?

We hadn't even ought to be here.

Bartender: You and your
f*cking revenge sh*t.

Biker queen:
There anybody else in here?

No, not in here,

so could you please
close the door?

( Electricity crackling )

( Biker girl screams )

( Beast snarls )

( Biker girl panting )

Biker queen:
Get back! Get back!

Get back!
Shut the f*cking door!

( Roars )

( Beast groans, roars )

Thank you for waking them up.

What have I been saying?
Shut the f*cking door.

Biker girl: Help! Help me!
Please! Open the door!

Open the... aah!

Biker queen: Hold the door!
Hold the door!

( Screams )

( Flesh ripping )

Biker queen:
Hold the door!

That wall's coming down.

What the f*ck?

Wall's coming down.
It's made out of pigeon sh*t.

m*therf*cker!

( Rumbling )

Slasher: Run!

( Beast screeches in distance )

Aah! You as*h*le b*tch.

Bartender: Damn it!

Where'd he go?

They ain't f*ck' here.

( Loud roar )

( Bartender screams )

( Both scream )

Secrets: We're gonna
be safe. I know it.

( Beast roars )

Slasher: Other way,
other way, other way.

( Beast roars )

This is it.
This is where he lives.

Lady, you know what?

You're out of
your f*ck' gourd.

His trans-am ain't here,
he ain't here.

You son of a b*tch.

( Bartender groaning )

Bartender: Why are you
stalkin' the son of a b*tch?

Lose a sister...

Ask me again.

Yeah?
Yeah.

( Kicks door open )

Man: Hold it right there.

Now turn it around.

Turn it around.

Slowly.

sh*t fire and save matches.

This is our hiding place.

You guys take your hide
up the street to the jail.

That's not gonna happen.

( g*n c*ck )

You get out.

How's that revenge thing
workin' out for ya?

We're not going anywhere.

( p*stol c*ck )

( Bartender screams )

( Man gasps )
Boy: Dad?

Aah! Aah! Aah!

( Body slumps to floor )

( Blood drips )

( Whimpers )

Woman: I'm coming out. I'm coming out.
Please don't sh**t.

( c*ck shotgun ) Don't sh**t.
I don't have a g*n.

Please. Oh, god.
Don't sh**t, don't sh**t.

I swear to god
I don't have a g*n.

I don't know these people.

I've never seen them
before in my life.

I'm on my own.

People think
I'm just a dumb blonde.

They have no idea
who I really am.

( g*nsh*t )

Bartender:
She's f*cking leaving.

( Gasps ) It worked!

Oh, crap.

You f*cking chicken sh*t.

No, I didn't mean to...
Damn c**t.

No, please stop!

( Screaming )

( Bartender grunts )
No! No! No!

No! No! No!
No, he's gonna k*ll me!

( Both screaming )

You left us for dead.

You Fraulein twat.

Get on your feet, g*dd*mn it.

Get up here!

They were gonna k*ll me!

Stand right there.
Stand right there.

I said I'm sorry!

Right there. Right there.

I said I'm sorry!

( Grunts )

( Screaming )

No!

Forgive and forget,
huh, old man?

( Bartender growling,
honey pie screaming )

( Flesh ripping )

( Both gasping )

You worthless m*therf*ckers!

You think anyone gives
a sh*t about any of you?!

You all deserve to f*cking die.

You can go to hell.

( Sobbing )

Where'd you get that?

Where'd you get this?

Oh, f*ck me.

And f*ck you, too!

f*ck yourself.

Give it!
Give it to me!

She deserved it.

( Bartender yells )

( Honey pie screams )

Slasher: It's rainin'
b*tches out here.

f*ck you.
( Distant beast screeches )

Stop followin' me.

Secrets: Greg.

Wait for us.

Secrets: Wait.
sh*t.

Get the f*ck... go back.
Go away.

Secrets: Wait.

( Cell phone ringing )
Oh, sh*t.

sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.

Shh, shh.

Slasher's auto barn.

Hello? Who is this?
( Beast roars )

We're in the metal shop.

Just keep moving.

I can see you, m*therf*cker.
Come on.

Slasher: All right.

Keep comin'. Keep comin'.

Watch out for the crap.
The what?

The pile of sh*t, m*therf*cker!

Slasher: f*ck! f*ck.

Yo, man, look out!
What?

Look out!

( Groans )

My nose.
Where you going, c*cksucker?

Over there, in the f*ck' shop.

Where?

Monster!

Shut the f*ck up!

Greg: It's okay.
Thunder: b*tch.

It's dead.
Now come on in.

Be quiet.

Slasher: f*ck.
f*ck me. f*ck me.

All right, follow me.
Come on.

Slasher: f*ck.

Thunder: This is our fort.

It's soundproof, so be quiet.

Slasher: What the f*ck is this?
Thunder: f*ck.

( Bartender breathing heavily )

( Lightning speaking Spanish )

Thunder: Shh.

Come on.
Come on, come on, man.

You all k*ll that monster?

Hell yeah.

Slasher:
And how'd you do that?

We got lucky.

Thunder:
Yeah, yeah, come on!

Come on!
Bring it on, baby!

Bring it on!

Yeah! Come on!

Take that, b*tch!
( Groans )

Biker queen:
Thanks for letting us in.

Thunder: Not a problem.

There's an army convoy goin' town
to town, picking up survivors.

Way I see it,
we got about 15 hours.

Saw it on TV last night
before the power went to sh*t.

Phones?

Sure, they're workin',

except you're the only one
that's ever answered,

and that f*ck
across the street.

That jail is the only
real safe place in town.

She's built solid.
She's made of granite.

And that junkie b*stard's
got it all locked up.

Ain't no way
we're gettin' in there.

( Generator whirs )

It's been goin' on
and off for hours.

( Burps )

It's over.

Beat that, puto.

( Woman screaming )

Oh, stop!

No more.

No!

( Beast roars )

( Screaming continues )

( Beasts roaring )

Slasher: Why you m*therf*ckers
are so relaxed?

You up in here
playin' cards and sh*t?

This town is just waitin' for
a stiff wind to blow it over.

If we keep quiet
we'll be all right.

Slasher: How's that?

Monsters don't eat
where they sh*t,

and they don't hunt
what they can't hear.

Bartender:
Till they run low on food.

Then look out, brother.

Who's the dickwad in the jail?

That's the town meth-head.

Bartender: That turd you
been lookin' for...

The guy in the jail,

that's his g*dd*mn uncle.

Give me the cell phone.

( Phone beeps, rings )

Impenetrable fortress.
How can I help you?

Listen, m*therf*cker...

We're down the street,
and we need to get in there.

Now, you're gonna unlock that
door, 'cause we're comin'.

( Sniffs )

Uh... nope.

For the last time,
I'm gonna ask you nicely.

Lady, tell me if this
sounds like I'm hangin' up.

( Dial tone )
m*therf*cker dies.

He definitely dies.

( Distant beast roars )

We can get in that jail.

We just have to blow them doors.

With what?

This is a f*cking
metal shop, man.

Gotta be something around here.

Yeah, let's blow the doors off
and create a breach.

( Generator whirs )

( Generator fades )

That'd be real smart.

We're trying to use the
building for safety, you know?

What can we do?

Secrets: We have
to think of something.

Honey, we've been trying
to think of something

for the last 24 hours.

You name it,
we've thought of it.

Slasher:
What about makin' a key?

You're the only key-makin'
wrestlers around here.

Make a f*ck' key.

Have you seen that?

It's 100 f*ck' yards away,

something the size
of your as*h*le.

How do you suppose
I'm gonna be able to see it

in order to make a key?

( Groans, knocks )

( Beast roars )

( Honey pie groans )

( Beast snarls )

Thunder:
Looks like a magnum 860...

( Distant beast roars )

...with a one-by-one
rim cylinder.

Magnum eight-six-zero.

( Grunts )

( Creaking )

( Creaking grows louder )

( Honey pie gasps )

( Moans )

( Distant beast roars )

( Screams )

( Distant beast roars )

All right, boys,
what can I do here?

Thunder: All right, look.

The power comes back on,

we're gonna go.

But you f*ck' watch our back!
Got it.

Amigo, it's match time.

We got some lives to save,

so you down for this?

For Maria.

Biker queen:
What the f*ck are you doing?

( Greg grunts )

Greg: Look, running
and hiding won't last.

I mean, those little midgets might
find us safety for a few days,

but we need to be prepared
if it doesn't work.

Bartender: Oh, f*ck.

You're not that guy, are you?

We need to know the enemy
from the inside out.

We need to know
what makes this thing tick.

I mean, what is it, right?

Where's it from?

( Generator whirs )

We have to dissect it.

It's go time.
Come on, let's go.

Come on, boys.
Come on.

( Mumbling )

How does dissecting it
make any sense?

Greg: Hey, don't worry about it, babe.
I'm pretty sure it does.

You ever seen these things f*ck?

I mean, it's disgusting.

( Secrets groans )
Bartender: Oh, jeez.

Oh, sh*t.

All our questions are answered.
Bartender: What?

What's been answered?

( Beast corpse breaks wind,
all groan )

Bartender:
Oh, sh*t.

( All coughing )

( Vomits )

That's just the body
releasing gasses.

Biker queen: Jesus, man.

( Coughing continues )

( Mumbling in Spanish )

( Distant beast growls )

( Roars )

( Gurgling )

( All scream )

( Gasping )

( Curses in Spanish )

( Beast outside snarls )

( Lightning speaks Spanish )

( Shrieking )

( Groaning and straining )

( Dull clank )

( Frustrated shout )

sh*t.

( Grunts )

( Machinery whirs )

Greg: Okay, give me
some light here.

Bear with me, people.

We're on the verge
of a discovery.

( Beast corpse breaks wind,
secrets screams )

sh*t! sh*t! sh*t!

Sorry.

Oh, man,
hey. Ooh, god.

Come here. Can you...

Hey, baby, here, here.

Take my jacket.
Come here.

Let me just...

( Slips in vomit )

( Gasping )
Oh, babe, babe, babe.

I can't take it!

Come here, take my hand.
I just can't.

Come on, take my hand.

Give me your hand.

( Distant beast growls )

Listen to me.

You gotta be strong.

Be strong.

( Secrets shudders )

Okay?

Quit touching the m*therf*cking
organs, as*h*le!

This is science.
Shut up.

( All screaming )

Oh, f*ck!

f*ck!

( c*ck shotgun )

All right, all right.
I'm done. I'm done.

Wait a second.
Look at that.

Look. Look.

What the f*ck is that?

( Bartender groans )

Greg: Is that a...

( Hisses )

Is that cyclops lookin' at me?
Greg: Is that a...

No, I don't think...
I don't think that's a...

( Kisses )

( Low screeching )

( Bikers gasping )

( Emitting piercing noise )

Thunder:
What the f*ck was that?

Stop it.

( c*ck shotgun )

( Beast screeches, noise stops )

( Secrets mumbling )

I wish it to stop.
I wish it to stop.

( Secrets continues )

( Grandma moaning )

Grandma: Ayúdame.

( Door opens )

What the hell happened here?

We were gone for,
like, two f*ck' minutes!

What the f*ck happened to her?!

Son of a b*tch right there.
He did it.

f*ck' son of a b*tch!

f*ck' pendejo.

( Lightning speaking Spanish )

( Banging, roaring )

f*ck!

Thunder: Aw, f*ck' a! We were
supposed to be safe in here.

Thunder: Yeah, we were, till
your queef f*ck' boyfriend

f*ck' set off
the monster alarm.

What?

Thunder: Come on.

( Grandma moaning )

Get a bag.

Slide it up.

Oh, sh*t. Come on.

( Grandma calling grandsons
in Spanish )

Get to the f*ck' roof now!

( Lightning shouting
in Spanish )

( Banging, roaring continue )

Slasher:
Got you, m*therf*cker.

( Greg moans )

( Grandma moaning )

( Squishing )

( Grandma moaning )

( Grandma moans,
thunder groans )

God.

( Moaning )

( Speaking Spanish )

( Speaks Spanish )

( Distant beasts
growl and roar )

Bartender: ( Exhaustedly )
Oh, sh*t. sh*t.

( Grandma speaking Spanish )

( Distant beasts
growl and roar )

Wait, where's Greg?

What happened?

He didn't make it.

They got him.

Oh.

Ooh, baby, baby, come on, now.

It's all right, baby.

( Distant beast roars )

It's all right, baby.

I'm still here for you.

I'm still here.

I'm still...

( Greg groans )

( g*ns c*ck )

( Secrets grunts )

Slasher: What?

Slasher: What?

It's an honest mistake.

From now on,

no one makes a f*ck' move
until you tell me.

Thunder:
Get up. Come on.

( Spitting )

Bartender: You boys...
You boys get that key made?

Yeah.

Lot of f*ck' good
it does up on the roof.

f*ck.

Well, I guess it's
back to being f*cked.

( Distant beasts roaring )

( No audible dialogue )

( Mimics g*nsh*t )

( Beast snarls )

( Laughs )

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

( Gasps )

No, no, no, no!

No! No!

No, no, no!

No!

( Distant beast roars )

( Sharp gasp )

( Labored breathing )

( Beast roars )

( Cat growls )

( Gurgling )

( Screeches )

It's okay, grandma.

You look all right.

( Speaking Spanish )

Old man, you've seen this
before, haven't you?

Bartender: I gotta tell
you little farts something.

It sure as sh*t
ain't gonna end up well.

Ah, f*ck!

Bartender: g*dd*mn it.

( Growls )

( Screams )

( Distant beast bellows )

( Bartender coughs )

Okay, okay, okay, okay,
listen, listen, listen.

There's a...

There's a door on the jail roof.

We can get up there,

we got plenty of time
to pop the lock.

How the f*ck
are we gonna do that?

Biker girl: Shh. Shh.

What is that?

( Distant baby crying )

Greg: God,
that sounds like a baby.

Oh, my god.

Someone's still alive.

A f*ck' baby.

Secrets: My god.

f*ck is that coming from?

( Baby crying, beast growling )

( Distant beasts roaring )

( Distant baby crying )

( Grandma muttering in Spanish )

( Baby continues crying )

( Baby crying, beast roaring )

( Beasts roaring )

( Moaning softly )

( Stupefied sigh )

( Baby continues crying )

( Distant beast roars )

( Birds squawk )

( Baby continues crying )

( Crying continues )

( Baby crying loudly )

( Baby continues crying )

Biker queen:
What are you doing?

Greg: I'm doin'
the right thing.

Bartender: Careful, bub, heroes don't
do too well around these parts.

Under the circumstances, this
might seem really, really dumb.

Ya think?

If it's dumb,
I don't wanna be smart.

This is how you
save a life, people.

Slasher:
What the... oh, sh*t!

Ohhhh, sh*t!

( Baby continues crying )

( Baby crying )

Greg: Hey, little fella.

Everything's okay now.

Everything's gonna be okay.

Come on, now.

He's got the baby.

I wished for that.

Ask, believe, receive.

You can do it, honey!
I got you.

( Glass shatters )

I wish you to succeed!

( Roaring )

He's gonna make it.

Greg: Help!

Help!

He's f*cked.

( Screams )

Hold on, baby.

You can do it, honey!

( Screams )

Yes!

( Baby laughs )

Sorry, baby. I'm sorry.

( Baby splats, g*nshots )

( Crying softly )

Secrets: Oh, my god.

You piece of sh*t.

( Speaking Spanish )

Wow, that's bad,
even for this group.

Slasher: f*ck yeah, it is.

( Screams )

( c*ck g*n )

Whack-a-mole!
Whack-a-mole!

f*ck you, b*tch!
Son of a... f*ck you!

( Roars )

( Secrets screams )

Slasher:
f*ck you, motherfuck!

f*ck that! f*ck that!

( Biker girl screaming in pain )

Aah!

Biker girl: Aah!

We gotta get
to that f*cking jail,

or we're all g*dd*mn dead meat.

Yeah, you got any ideas?

Yeah, I got a f*ck' idea.

It's gonna require a sacrifice.

( Screaming continues )

( Beast roars )

( Screaming )

( Grunting )

( Splat )

Hello?

Hello?

( Clattering sound )

Hello?

( Beast roaring,
honey pie screaming )

( Glass shatters )

It's gonna work.

Has to.

Looks dangerous.

It's perfectly safe
for midgets. Let's go.

That's little people,
m*therf*cker.

What the f*ck ever,
all right? Come on.

This thing is gonna catapult

one of these little guys
all the way over there?

( Distant beast bellows )

Slasher:
Yeah, that's right.

That's right, and then we'll be
safe till the cavalry comes.

No, f*ck that.
I ain't doin' that.

Hold up, hold up, hold up.

We just threw
a woman off the ledge.

These b*tches are
standing here butt-naked

'cause we used they clothes
to make this sh*t,

not to mention I just watched
a f*ck' baby get eaten alive,

and you standin' here tellin' me

that you not even willing
to give this sh*t a try?

All right, but we testing
this m*therf*cker, first.

Fine.

Fine, grab the dead guy.

We'll use him.

Hey, hey, hey,
I ain't f*ck' dead.

And don't touch the d*ck.

Fine, grab the old lady.
She's practically dead, anyway.

Listen to me.
You want to test it, right?

( Speaking Spanish )

Listen, listen... hey!

Slasher: Listen.

Listen, listen, listen.

Listen, listen, listen,
listen, listen.

This is one of those
f*ck' moments, right here.

It's a tough choice,
but it builds character, okay?

Que sera, Que sera, I don't give a f*ck.
We're usin' her.

Lightning: No, no, no.

This b*tch is
practically dead, anyway.

Look, I don't give a f*ck
what you gotta tell yourself

to sleep better at night.
We're usin' her!

This is happenin'.

It's a tough choice.
It builds character. Let's go.

She ain't comin' back, son.

Thunder:
Look, I'm not doin' that.

Sorry, pops.

Man: I can do it!

I will win this!

I will win!

( Beasts roaring )

Man: Come on, it's easy.

Oof.

I won!

No, really, I'm okay.

( Grandma whimpering )

A'ight...

But make this fast.

Biker girl: Hey.

Thunder: Come on. Come on.

Man, if you seen
what I just seen...

Thunder: I know,
I know, I know.

She's not coming back.

Stop.

Greg: Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Lightning: Okay.

( Thunder groans )

Thunder: Oh, my back.

Come on.

( Thunder groans )

Say it!

Do it! Do it!

I sure as sh*t
seen everything now.

( Grandma whimpering )

Come on, grandma.
Let's go.

( All screaming )

( Thunder vomits )

All right, cinch that bag of
grandma and bring it over here.

( Grandma whimpering )

( Lightning crying )

( Screams )

( Greg grunting )

( Grandma whimpering )

Hold on, hold on.

Just tryin' to make sure
the weight is right.

Nah, we goin' have to lose
a bit of grandma.

Come on, man. Come on.

( Cracking, squishing )

( Whimpering louder )

Come on, a little bit more.

Come on, pour some
of grandma out. Come on.

( Retches )

Okay.

Fly with the angels, grandma.

( Speaking Spanish )

( Speaking Spanish )

¿Sí?

( Squishes )

( Retches )

All right, let's give
this thing a shot.

( Engine rumbles )

Hit it.

( Whimpers )

Whoo-hoo!

( Moans )

That is f*ck' American
ingenuity right there.

That's what the f*ck that is.

I know horsepower.

I know engines.

It's what the f*ck do, okay?

This is gonna be
our f*ck' salvation.

( Laughs )

sh*t. That's f*ck' factory-deal
incentive right there.

Mm.

Ow!

Whoo!

All right, which one
of you f*ck' pygmies

wanna be rocket man?

( Honey pie breathing heavily )

( Beast roars,
honey pie screams )

( Screaming )

This is f*ck' bullshit!

Slasher: You ready?

Yeah!

Hey.

A coward dies a thousand deaths,

but a hero dies just one.

Yeah, that doesn't help,
baby-k*ller.

I'm sorry, I can't hear you.

Okay.

We're all depending on ya,

you little fart-knocker.

You can make it!

All right,
let's f*ck' do this!

All right, listen.

Once you land,
you get in that door,

you don't f*ck' stop,
all right?

Once inside, you lay
that m*therf*cker out,

and I mean you
lay him out quick.

We goin' be downstairs poundin'
on the door in seconds.

You gonna be downstairs?

We're gonna be f*ck'
downstairs.

You don't f*ck' stop!
You f*ck' don't stop!

I won't, I won't.

All right.

Aah!

Are you ready?!

I'm ready.

( Engine revs )

Aah!

( Groaning )

You f*ck' assholes.

( Beasts roaring,
thunder screaming )

Hey, should we turn this off?

Get the f*ck out of here!

Abuelita! Abuelita!

f*ck!

My f*cking d*ck!

Ah, f*ck, my d*ck!

Aah! f*ck' d*ck!

f*ck you,

you f*ck' little
g*dd*mn slippery m*dget.

( Train passing )

( Whistle blows )

Greg: Help me. Help me.

Help me.

Aaahhhh!

Oh, g*dd*mn him.

I hate those little f*ck.

Little m*dget.
Little, tiny people.

( Secrets crying )

Special delivery, tattoo.

So, f*ck you!

f*ck you, m*therf*cker!

Abuelita!

( Pounding, roaring )

Bartender:
They're gettin' in!

I'm out of here!

( Beast bellows )

( Gasping )

Aah!