Wolf Cop (2014)

[bunniefuu]

Ah f*ck!

Good morning Woodhaven.

This is WCK, I'm Bob

I'm Dan, and we are BAD Radio.

B-A-D Radio.

The clock is tick-tick-ticking

down to you know what.

The world famous

Drink n sh**t.

Don't you judge me.

Looks like some people

might have started early.

We're still getting daily reports

about missing dogs and cats.

I'm not pointing any fingers

No, but I'd avoid eating the

hotdogs they're showing on me.

And I'd avoid those

pork stores anyway.

You know what I've heard Dan?

People are certainly

scared to getting eaten

by the infamous

Woodhaven walking bear.

- Be a bear is on the attack.

- We were.

Mayor Bradley is looking

like the election frontrunner.

So will it be golden

boy Terry Wallace or

returning heavyweight Mayor Bradley.

Who has what it takes

to clean up this town.

Not enough mayors in the world to

help our Woodhaven Sheriff Department.

Speaking of which eclipse morning

radio is of course brought to you by

Liquor Doughnuts.

Liquor Doughnuts,

what more could you ask for?

Where is he?

- I'm right here, genius.

- Chief, I was just about to...

Save your bullshit, Lou.

I could smell you the moment

you pulled into the station.

f*ck!

Tina should have been off

night watch, what, 2 hours ago?

Get an update from her.

- What's up his a*s?

- They hit Munro's gas station last night.

- Who?

- P.D's.

Sergeant Tina Wash.

- Hey, this is Willie Higens.

- Willie. You again.

Yeah ah.

Slow down.

Okay.

I got it.

Disturbance call.

Your boyfriend Willie Higens.

You think you can get this one?

Willie!

- What is it this time?

- Shhhh.

Won't you come around back?

Officer.

Let me show you.

- Please tell me this is Bigfoot sex tape.

- No.

Do you believe in the occult, Lou?

Because I think I know

what's been happening

to all the missing

pets around town.

Jesus Christ?

Teenagers.

They've been sacrificing them to Satan.

God knows why, I don't know. I assume

they've doing some kinky sexual stuff.

But they've been creeping around

in the bushes out back all week.

I'm here in the woods.

I know this is dark,

I mean come along.

- Look! Here!

- There's the mark of the beast.

Proof.

So I'm going to give you an AK-47,

I'm going to take an M-16.

- We're going to fire on those kids...

- Have anything in heavy metal?

Like lead... mercury?

- No.

- Oh my God.

Been a slice.

But I have other police work to do.

This is real, Lou. You gonna see

an eye when I do is citizen arrest

on a teenager with a f*cking shotgun.

Remember what happened to

the boy that cried wolf, Willie.

Nothing happened to him.

But that town's flock was f*cked.

Town's flock was f*cked.

Lou, come in.

You there? Over.

Go ahead.

How did that thing go with Higens?

Ah, a bunch of kids

partying in the woods.

Following up a possible lead now.

Your usual.

Stocking up for the Drink n sh**t?

Thanks to our forefathers, in two days,

this bar will be full of drunk hunters.

That's what we need. Bunch of

drunks with g*ns running around.

Very funny. I'll have you know

I haven't fired mine in years.

Are you sure you

still know how to use it?

Jess, whiskey for my boys

and water for my horses.

Deputy.

Keeping the streets safe I see.

Come on.

Beat it!

It's time for a change, Woodhaven.

It's time to take on those who run

this town with the drugs and corruption.

Our local law enforcement has done nothing

for generations, and Mayor Bradley,

she's more concerned with selling

this town than with running it.

It's time we clean up Woodhaven,

and a vote for Wallace

is a vote for change.

Vote for Wallace!

Number 1, number 2, 3, 4...

Hello!

Hello.

- Did you find anything?

- Anything?

- The disturbance calls.

- Just some kids partying in the bush.

Well. Seems like they're at it again.

We just got another complain.

Maybe you could catch him

in the act for a change.

Well, I just started my shift.

I could take it.

No, Mr Phinias will be here.

He can deal with it. There you go.

Maybe try getting off your

bar-stool this time. Just this once.

Party's over!

Pack it up!

Save you the pay for work.

Go the f*ck home.

Aaargh!

What the hell?

- You!

- Behind you.

- Hello.

- You're awake? I'm impressed.

- Who's this coming in? What's up?

- Well, there's been an incident.

- Hey! Don't do that.

- Or what?

You forget to shave?

Follow me.

Yeah. Terry Wallace.

Mayoral race just got a

whole lot easier to call.

Hello. Did you see anything

suspicious last night?

Just didn't peg Terry for a junkie.

Yeah, sometimes people wear

different face in public.

Especially politicians.

It's a shame. He had my vote.

Ahh. Thank you.

Here we go.

Well, that's why I want to try .

Hunter found him this morning.

Called it in.

Looks like he called

the whole town too.

f*ck!

I never saw Terry

as much of a hunter.

What about the neck wound?

I imagine the critter

got to him last night.

Keep your eye open

for a stoned coyote.

Well, I mean is it an

attack or or is it an OD?

Terms of cause of death, I'm leaning

towards an OD but I'll need an autopsy.

All right now, Terry is

a well known figure so

we keep this quiet until we

got all the facts, alright?

Mayor, was this an animal attack?

Well, of course we can't comment

on all the details at the moment,

but, as you know

it is our top priority.

How will this impact the festival?

Well, I think in the

wake of this tragedy,

the Drink n sh**t is going

to have to be canceled.

Oh no!

- What is it Tina?

- How do you know it was me?

- I smelt your perfume.

- I didn't wear any.

You buying this?

Feels oddly familiar, no?

I'm not trying to dredge up the past.

I'm just saying.

When was the last time they

canceled the Drink n' sh**t?

I know where you're going

with this and I'm not biting.

Just saying.

No, sh*t!

I'm standing in the forest where

locals have gathered for generations

drink in hand to hunt the

mystical Woodhaven beast.

Today, this annual tradition is in

jeopardy due to a gruesome discovery.

To Terry Wallace.

Such a shame about Terry.

This town could have

used some of your blood.

- Wallace certainly got it today.

- Wooh.

Too soon?

You know everyone in town.

Popular, very pretty.

Maybe you should run.

You think I'd give Mayor Bradley

a run for her money?

- You got my vote.

- Mine too.

You don't have to ask.

What's this?

- Police work.

- Really?

What?

I just don't think I've ever seen

you do actual work before.

Well, as Terry normally said,

it's time for a change.

Alright, we're closing early tonight.

Down it or drain it.

What the f*ck for?

- Private party.

- What the f*ck!

Don't worry, we'll be

here tomorrow, I promise.

f*cking bullshit!

Alright, these will keep you

company while I'm gone.

Friday morning better...

I think you're trying to get me drunk.

- Almost done, handsome.

- No rush.

- Everything alright?

- Yeah. You?

- You want to get out of here?

- That is the best idea I've heard all day.

Whoo!

You alright fella?

Ooh!

Must have eaten something funky.

- Well, let's get you to bed.

- That sounds...

I'll be right back.

What the...

Aaargh!

Eeeargh!

Aaargh!

Aaah!

Oh! What the f*ck!

Jessica!

Morning, Lou Garou.

How's your butt?

Willie, what the hell?

I'm sorry man. I don't

take cops. I improvised.

What the hell's gotten into you?

Oh, that's exactly

what I was going to ask you.

Play.

- What are you showing me?

- That's you, Lou. Last night.

This is Willie.

I just shot Lou Garou.

He's a f*cking wolf. I just put

3 tranqs right into his back.

Lou? Wolf.

f*cking, he's out.

So who's crying wolf now?

Ok ok. So I washed

your uniform last night.

It was a little dirty dirty,

so I put it in the cold cycle.

A lot of blood.

I'm going to make you some breakfast.

- I think you shrunk it.

- What? What was that?

Thank you Willie for helping me.

You're welcome.

I could throw you in jail

for kidnapping an officer.

Yeah you could and

I could sell you to science.

- You are a real f*cking guy, Willie.

- Thank you.

Now for the secret ingredient.

You thirsty boy?

Have a dog.

Man, he likes to party.

- That proves it.

- What the f*ck!

Wolfbane! It was what we call

as vampire wolfbane. It's the...

Don't say it.

It's what you are. The things got your

f*cking senses going into overdrive.

Hey. I want you to listen. You may or

you may not just start to get your period.

I'm gonna make you some new eggs.

Don't bother.

Tina's coming.

I'll be damned.

Now, last night was the full moon.

So I did some research in

between now and the solar eclipse.

- I'm gonna have to keep an eye on you.

- For how long?

Two days, give or take.

But Lou, we gonna have

to lock you up tonight.

Come by the station at dusk.

Jesus, Lou. I've been

looking everywhere.

Good morning to you too.

What's your panic?

There's been another incident.

Jessica's bar.

Say, how did you

find me anyway?

It might come as a surprise

but I'm a police officer.

Lou, you know I've given up

expecting you to be a great cop.

But the least you could do is

be a cop that shows up on time.

Now, I don't know if you're ashamed, but

I do know that your dad sure sh*t would be.

- Jessie, thank you. We'll keep you posted.

- Well, thank you Ray.

Make yourself useful.

See Jessie to her car.

Chief, with all due respect,

between this and Wallace,

I think we're in over our head. Might

be time to bring someone in from the city.

This stays local.

You understand?

Maybe you could stop trying to do

my job and secure the crime scene.

- Mmm. How about that?

- Aah.

- Jess, I'm really sorry. I don't know...

- You weren't yourself, Lou.

- You didn't do this.

- Did I hurt you?

No. No, you saved me.

We'll talk later.

Lou.

That is some gnarly sh*t.

Don't!

Like a face.

Hey, kind of looks like you.

Oh, sorry I'm late, Chief.

Had to stop by at the Buritt.

Do some investigating.

So if you had to guess,

what happened here?

Two dead man in the bathroom,

if not for the excess of severed flesh,

I would have guessed lovers quarrel.

- Is that animal hair?

- I don't know. What do you think Lou?

Look! You've been covering me

a lot lately. Why don't you take off?

I'll cover the night shift.

- Are you drunk?

- That would be nice.

- Nice?

- Yeah.

Okay.

Well, this is nice.

One simple task.

Not to cop out..

and blow into me by 10 pm.

- Boss, we tried, but when we got there...

- You were late!

Timing is everything.

It's how the world runs,

it's how...

a business thrives.

Every second is precious.

Cause you see, time... is the

one thing that money can't buy.

- But he wasn't a... He was a...

- A what?

A big f*cking wolf.

- A wolf?

- Yeah. f*cking yeah.

Now are you sure that your

eyes weren't playing tricks on you?

I saw what I saw with my own eye.

Well, let's see then shall we?

Keep your eye on the time.

You dumb f*ck!

Hey!

You got any books on devil worship?

- Where did you find this?

- Library. It's been ... for use.

- The eee like jee, but I don't get this.

- Werewolves.

It says here, werewolves are

created in a baptism of blood.

The sacrifice of an innocent

turns another into a beast.

Yeah, that makes total sense.

According to this, werewolves

are pretty much impossible to k*ll

during phases of the full moon.

So it's usually a village idiot.

Village idiot?

Hey Lou, this is a book about you.

Someone easily contained

leading up to the reckoning.

What the hell is that?

I'm not a werewolf expert, man.

I don't know.

The reckoning.

The reason for the ritual.

The blood of beast is

drained during the solar eclipse

and the wolf is rendered weak.

Who the hell is my werewolf, Bud?

Looks like changeling,

shape-shifters.

Apparently the blood of one werewolf

can maintain their power for decades.

What do they do?

Crystallize it, drink it up like Tang?

Who f*cking does that?

What to do think of

myself when I'm a wolf?

I recognise you, man.

Same uniform plus you know...

You were drunk, so

I knew it was you. Why?

Well, we found 2 dead men this morning,

ripped to shreds in a bathroom.

And you think that was the hairy you?

Oh, I remember an attack.

Don't remember k*lling anyone, though.

You did seem like freak.

You're so strong, right?

You had all those...

teeth and those claws.

Plus you got that,

you know, low self esteem,

more like you daddy issues,

you now call it,

so you gotta have some rage, right?

That's a lethal combo, man.

I would have k*lled myself.

But hey, don't worry man.

Horse strength.

Street name: See You in a f*cking Week.

Jesus, Willie, that's

enough to drop a hippo.

That's the plan.

sh*t!

- Tweedle dee, tweedle dum.

- Just taking an official noise statement

- on those noise complaints.

- I made it... I means since his arrest.

Okay. You stay awake now.

You call me if anything comes up.

You bet.

Ah, yes sir.

f*ck!

Christ.

Lou! I'm so nervous.

Oh, I'm excited and nervous.

- Yeah.

- Yeah. It's exhilarating.

- Okay. Now, take off your gitch.

- No.

- Yeah, yeah. Take it off. For science.

- I'm not taking my gitch off, Willie.

Lose your gitch for science.

Lose your gitch.

Okay, turn around, hands

on the wall, bend over...

I'm just...

I'm talking about the...

Now you can, f*cking just like

transform right in that spot.

- Really?

- We got a shot.

Take off your gitch.

It's for science, man.

Just forget the gitch.

Hello.

You guys sh**ting a movie?

What? No!

It's a science movie.

Lou, can I talk to you for a second.

Alone.

I'll be back in a minute

and forty five seconds.

- What's going on with you?

- What do you mean?

You've gone from lazy to weird. And

you're spending a lot of time with Willie.

- He's helping me.

- Willie, is helping you?

- Okay, well now I'm worried.

- You wouldn't understand.

Wouldn't I? Willie, you and I

have more in common than not.

You know why I became a cop?

It's a long story.

My dad used to run the bar.

Chesters Bar.

He got mixed up in the

wrong crowd, and...

And when he went missing, your dad

was the only one that tried to find him.

- The only one who cared.

- I already know this.

I don't believe your father's

death was an accident.

Anymore than I believe my father was k*lled

by an animal attack, like Terry Wallace.

I know this town has secrets,

but if you don't want to trust me...

just... be safe.

Can I have my shots?

Appreciate your concern.

- Lou, what does she want?

- Nothing.

Okay.

Is it almost... time?

Sure, you don't want that pill?

It didn't hurt, man.

You just... put it right up.

I should do this sober.

Easy.

Showtime.

sh*t!

It's not recording.

You know, it's like the most

beautiful thing I've ever seen man.

You what?

No, it's beautiful.

Is that a ?

No, I'm good, I'm done.

Oh! Okay, okay!

Jesus Christ.

You got to be kidding me.

You want f*cking... doughnuts.

I don't even know what it means,

man, because I tell you in that dream

I mean, you look pretty

and it hurt so good.

Go fish.

Lou, it's not...

Hey, it's not that you play... fish.

We've been playing for about

3 hours, you should probably

Take one card.

Take three card.

Did you... did you get a match?

No, Lou.

Pop your f*cking brakes.

- Lou, this is not a good idea.

- Robbery.

- Lou, you're a wolf.

- Cop!

Last one.

Hurry.

Oh man.

That's some f*cking dream.

Shut it!

Drop it!

What the f*ck are you?

The voice.

Show yourself.

f*ck!

Get up.

I've got half the guests.

Shut up!

Shut the f*ck up!

Thank you officer.

Hey Lou, don't forget to m*rder

someone else on the way to the car.

Low profile man!

Well done, Lou. That's one more

thing for us to explain now, man.

Why don't you just

go run down the street,

we all talking about

how you act for man.

Could we get out of here, we go home

before you blow down the whole town?

What?

I know what you're

thinking and I approve.

f*ck them!

- Hey Lou.

- You called?

Okay, you pinched you ride,

now what?

Oh, it's that way.

Yikes, don't spray!

Aargh!

I think you're in too much asparagus.

Let's roll.

This is f*cking cool!

You got f*cking rabies.

- This is still a crime scene.

- You gonna arrest me?

No. I just have a few

follow up questions.

Well, I have nothing further to add.

How about a drink then?

You know? I used to sit right

here when I was a little girl.

Drinking Shirley Temples

and watching my dad work.

- Tina here.

- This dispatch. Attempted robbery

reported at Liquor & Doughnuts.

Reports are of a g*ng of pigs and

- and large wolf on the scene.

- What?

Cheers.

b*tch!

No one comes in.

Got it?

Chief, come in.

Tina here.

There's been an incident at

Liquor & Doughnuts. Two dead. Piggies.

m*therf*cker!

Lou, Lou! Keep your steering wheel

there, man. We gotta head back.

Hey, what do you smell?

What the f*ck are you sniffing?

We're out of road, man!

Think about this, man!

Go on!

Get out of here!

f*ck me!

f*cking...

There's gotta be more, sir!

Not again!

Lou! Watch your back.

That's really bad!

Hey! We got a

really f*cking problem.

Lou!

Lab's exploding man.

Let's go.

Let's go, Lou. Now!

That's a meth.

Come on Lou.

Nice work.

Sorry, really ain't good in fighting.

- Place of work!

- Let's go.

It's got a b*mb.

It's got a b*mb.

Tina, two dead robbers.

I mean, what happened?

- It wasn't me.

- Well, where is Lou?

- No idea.

- Well g*dd*mn it,

he's suppose to be on duty.

- Maybe it was a vigilante.

- Well, did you at least get a description.

Ah ha ha. I did.

Tell him what you told me.

It was a big f*cking wolf cop.

Tina here.

There's a fire. Route 13 just off

junction 8. Fire trucks are on the way.

You got to be f*cking kidding me.

You know, I think we need to lay low.

There's a guy running around with no face.

Like you clearly ripped

his whole face right off.

Good evening, gentlemen.

Oohhh.

I'm ready to give my statement now.

- Yeah, I don't think this is a good idea.

- Say bye bye, Willie.

- He is much stronger than you.

- He'll be in good hands.

For your safety you should keep him

away from booze and doughnuts.

I'm just...

Hey, you call me if you need any...

I'll just go f*ck myself.

Look here.

What big teeth you have.

Whoo, that's not all.

Hey, Jim he...

I don't want you to

take this the wrong way.

I'm glad I waited this sleep with

this improved version of you.

Everything alright, lover?

I'm sorry, Lou.

But there is a lot about me

you just don't know.

To be truth, but that's I thought

we were getting along so well.

Now dear, good doggie, lie down.

Such a beautiful creature.

Boss, we thought you were dead.

Gather the men. Meet me at

Enders Road in two hours.

Okay.

Okay.

Now that you successfully bug the

wolf right out of him, that's disgusting.

You're slipping.

You've got one job,

and one job only.

Contain the prey until the eclipse.

- This one's different.

- I don't give a good g*dd*mn.

He was your responsibility.

I think this one is going to give us

some problem during the hunt, okay.

I've been documenting his whole process

and I'm trying to figure out why

he's stronger than all the others.

Let me tell you something.

He's a lot stronger.

- Why?

- Well, you tell me.

Lou Garou is not my choice.

Well, it doesn't make any sense, okay.

Well, it's just... This guy's a loser.

Unless it has something

to do with the liquor.

You know what would

happen if anybody saw that.

What are you up to?

What the f*ck?

Hey, what's going on?

You speaking of sunglasses at night,

be sure to wear them today kiddies.

Because, it's one hour

to the solar eclipse.

And if you stare directly at it Dan,

- You will go blind.

- Interesting trivia.

32 years ago, was the last time

the Drink and sh**t was canceled.

Here's summer calling it,

the curse of the eclipse.

So how long is this

solar buzz to last?

The inter-web says

seven and a half minutes.

So if you idiots gonna

put your eyes long enough

you should be okay.

Wow, seven and a half whole minutes.

- I know that will be tough for you.

- That will be tough for me.

Hey, the eclipse thing and weather

coming after this word from our sponsor.

You guessed it.

Liquor and Doughnuts.

- What's the plan, boss?

- What the f*ck are you wearing?

Have you seen what we're up against?

Watch the perimeter.

You sh**t anything with a heartbeat.

Come on!

You know what they say, Lou.

Keep you friends close,

but your enemies closer.

I'm just f*cking with you, man.

I'm a shape shifter.

Help!

Scream all you want, Lou.

For as it is empty, we

canceled the Drink and sh**t.

How long you shape shifters

been running this town?

Two hundred years, give or take.

It takes a lot of work

and a lot of sacrifice.

Can't believe I slept with

a 200 year old woman.

Who said I'm a woman?

Aye, this isn't our first picnic, man.

Your strength comes from the night.

All this rather shitty little town.

Not the most ambitious bunch, are you?

Oh, you'll be surprised, how far up a

ladder a little novice blood can go.

No time.

Stay focused.

He's a k*ller.

It's easier that way.

Sorry, it had to be you man.

Uhh!

- Less than 8 minutes.

- Guess, you're man. And get me that wolf.

Big, f*ck wolf!

No...!

Goodnight, sweet friend.

Hands, where I can see them.

- Move, and die.

- Tina!

You don't understand.

We're protecting

Woodhaven from that beast.

Save it, wolf f*ck!

Hands behind your head.

You're making a big mistake.

You know, the last wolf

I f*cked was your father.

Boss?

Why are you dressed like that?

f*ck you!

Not so tough now, are you, huh?

No!

Nice one, huh?

Back at ya.

- We should get out of here.

- Yeah.

This is your fate, Lou.

Like your nosy father.

I need to put you down.

It's funny.

This is the exact spot of new sacrifice.

Nice continuity to it,

don't you think?

Well, Tina.

I'm impressed, Lou Garou.

But it's time to serve your purpose.

Big mistake.

How does that feel?

Let's end this, Lou.

What do you expect to...?

A promotion.

Get up Lou.

Are you okay?

Yah, I could use a drink.

- I could use a hospital.

- Okay, two stops.