01x05 - Still Volunteering

[bunniefuu]

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Judy look at this Sunday left this right

in front of the back door I could have

k*lled myself that's you it's an

anniversary present what villain Judy

said I do on April 22 it's not our

anniversary did you forget that special

night huh this one year ago today I

asked you to paint the garage fun

tonight be gentle

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[Applause]

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what's up Bradford Elementary who's

ready to blow the roof off this recital

anything about it folks is a bunch of

five year old singing I'm as good as

it's gonna get sorry I'm late some idiot

in a minivan company off that was me I

would stuck behind you drive like a

woman remember to breathe cheese and

crackers yes I did what the hell is that

cheese and crackers when I said she's I

didn't mean she's with the Z says here

kids love him hey the kids has a Z to no

avail you couldn't put a little more

effort into it this is our daughters

were saying I was running a little late

I was the one who reminded you the

recital was tonight Oh congratulations

Phil you remembered something you're one

for like a billion if this someone spent

a whole day whittling a freakin

watermelon for God's sake I did that I'm

kind of known for my edible basket that

sounds dirty real credit should go to my

melon baller Mary Sims i coordinated the

recital Bill and Judy Miller we

coordinated showing up high we talked on

the phone oh you were in charge of the

cheese and crackers aren't these things

great they're individually wrapped plus

they don't expire until left Wow never

you know what we have a funny food we

don't have to put these out well Phil

and I just had a little miscommunication

we're both working three kids you know

technically these are cheese and

crackers it's not like they're gonna

k*ll anybody but if you do feel sick

there's a toll-free number to call

bill arranged him like a seashell

believe me I understand Bizzy I have

four kids in my own business throwing

yoga and spinning and some days I don't

know which end is up maybe your husband

could help you with that anyway it's all

worth it shows my kids how much I care

well we care about our kids to a lot

yeah we even quit yoga to spend more

time with them here your programs you

might want to take your seat you're

welcome for what I didn't giggle when

she said take your seats pick your feet

you catch that attitude of hers were the

parents that don't care holy crap did

you see this program can't believe I got

to sit to a hundred other on telling the

kids just to get their arse oh no I'm

sure yours is headed for Hollywood still

it's tina's big night stop Lynas oh you

gotta be kidding me it's printed on both

sides

writing six vice versa swim cap she'll

be riding six white horses when she come

chill me riding six white horses she'll

be right my horse is still be ready hey

how's our little star he's good sh**t

she's what's right back no way we're

microns tell Aunt Linda all about the

recital she was great humming that shall

sleep right her daughter was singing her

little heart out you guys fell asleep no

we fell asleep way before she went on

don't blame us I was full of cheese and

there was a kid singing rock-a-bye baby

sleep before the bow broke honey mommy

and daddy are so sorry we didn't mean to

fall asleep will be dreamt about you

why don't you go to bed you have school

in the morning I don't want a god I'm

feel good mmm well you're not warm go on

up and we'll be up soon to tuck in you

to go to your homework I'm sorry did you

say something that I must it not at all

46 well you must be very proud don't

start no she's right though we blew it

that nap left is fresh and alert for the

drive home safety first that's what the

child learned tonight we never did this

with Brian and Lauren I think we're

slacking off the team we are not till

when Tina lost her first tooth you put a

poker chip under her pillow she don't

enough to go to the river boat and cash

out she'll thank me I'm not going to let

Tina kit short end of the stick here

just because she's young yeah I know all

about that I'll not just again excuse me

mom and dad documented every second of

your life Judy first word duties first

step oh look you get for soup the only

record of my childhood is too blurry

pictures and some hair that i'm pretty

sure it's from the doc I've seen the

pictures they might be from the dog too

bill that's not funny yeah you let him

laugh your poor little daughter is

pretending to be sick so she doesn't

have to go to school tomorrow because

you embarrassed her god I didn't think

about that you know what Phil she might

be right I felt the same way my third

grade dance recital nobody was there to

watch me and I tapped my ass off are you

complaining about it grew back

oh stop it got a point you know we need

to get more involved in Tina's life's

like that crazy fruit carving lady is

with her kids you know what we're gonna

do tomorrow ask her to start taking care

of Tina no we're gonna go down to the

school and volunteer or ignore the

problem and hope it goes away well from

now on we are gonna give Tina 110

percent your ID she's our daughter we

could try a little harder it's something

text me and daddy daddy

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I'll stop they have in kindergarten now

Brian and Lauren didn't have nearly this

much Halloween Festival computer lab

nature watch oh I remember from

kindergarten as graham crackers naps and

trying to see some girls underwear come

a long way bill Oh mr. and mrs. Miller

you look rested hey fruit lady has the

bowling good morning Mary we want to

apologize about what happened last night

believe me we are very embarrassed and

yet you came back yet for volunteering

getting more involved in penis school

yeah good for you that's really good for

you yeah like bills gonna sign up for

morning greeter I am yes you are all

right and you're finding your real name

not Pat mcgroin volunteering as a chore

and some of us see it as an opportunity

to make a difference in our kids lives

really well I am making a difference too

I'm sure you are bet your sweet basket I

am

can you believe her yeah what an idiot

why would anyone sign these in 10

children this is Tina's mother mrs.

Miller she'll be leading animal corner

this morning because as we learn from

the day the paramedics came I'm allergic

to rabbit okay kids let's get started

how many of you have pets at home how

many of you have more than one pet okay

how many of you on your second or third

daddy hi you must be Ben I'm Bill Miller

I'm the new volunteer you're a big guy

how's this morning greater thing work we

open the door get the kid out sent them

on their way right we're greeters not a

pig true I said I can't be late for work

this morning the kid they usually

punches me in got fired for punching the

end now just remember a little courtesy

goes a long way why don't you watch one

rookie morning ladies good morning mrs.

burns hey I hear you went to Florida my

wife have a cousin ok so how many of

your mommy's have gotten new nose I knew

it we gotta get started mrs. Miller has

to get to her very exciting job where

she helps to dentist and they're cheap

skates to you know what I got for

Christmas bonus last year who knows what

number this is yeah uh which one of our

little friend should I get out that neck

yeah that'll happen anyone else

apparently the head girl you know what

I'm a little pressed for time I take

them both yeah

whole area here all used to be Apple

gorgeous as far as the eye could see

over there and that you know what I

could use the best safety vest Oh hold

the fort I'll do it just like you told

me all right people we're going to do

things a little differently I want y'all

buckle by the time you get here and you

can kiss your kids in your own time how

you doing see you later oh come on come

on oh honey Santa doesn't like slowpoke

come on you're k*lling me here are you

doing all right away away calm has a

funny face that's called hamster face

let's all make hamster paper

[Applause]

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we'll play funny games just like Daddy

and let's go back and see if those other

men contacts little better idea i

disturbed w*r hi while the school

insurance will cover the accident and

hamster might pull through beautifully

skate again well your mind did you just

hear what I said we volunteer one day

and insurance adjusters and

veterinarians had to be brought in so

thanks does it was kind of like a career

day for the kids so we keep messing up

at Tina's school she came home she went

straight to bed she's humiliated she's

probably up there trying to shove her

head nor easy because it's gonna be fine

we'll make it all up to her tomorrow at

the Halloween Festival do you know what

you're doing with that hot glue g*n yeah

making cat masks hello Judy I militar

hot real hot that's what I thought Mary

I just want to see how everything was

going great just great come on are you

doing

listen I hate like heck to do this but

due to recent events the festival

committee decided that they would feel

more comfortable if I took over the

decorations from you what I'm going to

need your supplies way to wait a minute

you're asking us to quit well let me

tell you something lady the Millers are

not quitters oh well then I guess you're

fired okay that we know how to deal

you're firing us from volunteering you

can't fire volunteers I know you

wouldn't think so and yet here we feel

free to come to the festival it's not

like we can stop you from coming we

checked my god we've been fired from

volunteering this is worse than the time

the Salvation Army wouldn't take our

couch well if you want me to break into

our house tonight and get our stuff back

I don't have any fingerprints left maybe

you'll be less humiliating 14 up we just

stayed home Judy if we stop doing things

because of public humiliation we

couldn't go back to the grocery store

you can hold our heads up high because

we tried our best we're going to that

festival tomorrow and nobody can stop us

know what you're right there what do we

have to be ashamed of Oh have plenty to

be ashamed but we're going anyway

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my God look at Mary she's dressed like a

scarecrow probably got a discount on

that costume since she already has a

stick up her butt hello welcome to the

after school harvest vegetables not this

was a Halloween party well halloween

scary for little children we thought a

harvest festival would be more

educational Oh what are these your

organic oatmeal cookies somebody make

them or did they fall out of the back of

a horse well healthy snacks are an

acquired taste now why don't you enjoy

some fresh lighter our children pressed

it with our cider press this morning

like to stay to press your head another

pumpkin seeds in a cup of soil so we're

gonna dig a small hole drop the seed in

and later today you can take it home and

wait for it to grow will not be fun oh

yes I don't think kids love more than

squash it's waiting ten months for

squash our poor kid she heard we were

kicked off the committee she tried to

fake sick so she didn't have to come

she's miserable you blame our this

party's pathetic if we hold hands and

wish real hard do you think Mary would

go back to the cornfield okay I've heard

enough asparagus is no friend of mine

I'll be right back are you going I gotta

do something about this you're planning

to disrupt this festival with some

stupid prank all I have to say is why

you still standing here

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how you belong clean out my eyes boy

this is an emergency there's a monster

loose in the school term I can't cider

press oh no he's headed this way look

out kids it's the candy monster kid pull

up all is candy that's the only way to

stop them and eat it before the main

scarecrow lady can catch you doing

everything hey we may have ruined a

recital a couple of cars a hamster but

we save this price excuse me but they

wouldn't even say your party if it

weren't for me I worked very hard on

this and then you people just lost in

here and make a mockery in my special oh

stop hitting me I'm not a pinata your

friend well I guess what this is about

you don't do this for the kid just a

minute sweetie you do this for yourself

because that's all you think that dare

you honey mommy's talking are you doing

say oh good job Mary thank goodness for

Mary what will we do without Mary what's

important to us is being here for our

beautiful daughter my mouth feels it

maybe you have fever you're sick

awesomesauce ina light on you oh poor

thing bill Tina has a fever you know

what this means my daughter is an

embarrassed by us we're not bad parent

she was just sick and we didn't notice

hot

we should probably go how's Tina I think

she's feeling better she liked the soup

you made her she's very happy you put

the TV in her room does she want me to

do anything else yeah oddly enough she

wanted you to rub my back and make me a

scotch and soda can't believe she was

sick all that time and we didn't even

notice we really messed up that's only

because we were trying to be something

we're not good parent no super parents

you know some species an animal don't

even need parents the offspring are

prepared for life the second daily to

warm what's your point I don't know but

wouldn't that be great we shouldn't try

to keep up with a woman like Mary Sims

but we should try to get more involved

in Tina's school like we did with Brian

and Lawrence exactly how were you

involved with our school a lot of ways

how about that time I hope with your

science project the effects of beer on a

middle-aged man

well lorem remember that time i

chaperoned your class trip to the Sears

Tower chaparral you forgot to wake me up

I missed the bus so you had to drive me

downtown pointed out sites along the way

told me to quit starin at the hookers or

I'd get VD let me tell you something

your mother and I may have made a lot of

mistakes with you kids now that's it

what is this American dream for kids to

do better than their parents look at us

you got no place to go but amazing we're

still alive

honey coming to best and I was just

making some more Halloween decorations

for front porch you using the glue g*n

yep your hand glued to the back of your

neck oh yeah

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