Daddy, Daddy,can you open my PinkyPrincess on a Pony?
Sure, sure.
Huh.
PINKY PRINCESS: Do you love rainbows?
Well, actually,I prefer football.
(HORSE WHINNIES)
PINKY PRINCESS: Would you like a rideto my magic castle?
No, I'd like you outtathe freaking box!
(PLASTIC SMASHING)
Here you go.
Why don'tyou go see if Mommystill has the receipt?
JIM: Oh, baby!
Hey. Hey, what areyou doing home?
Well, I missed you,and I thought I'dsurprise you for lunch.
Oh, that is so sweet.
Yeah, it is, isn't it?Okay, come on. Let's go.
What?
Come on, I onlyhave a half-hour
to send youto heaven and back.
(CHUCKLES)Honey, I can't.
Come on,it'll only be five minutes.We'll leave our shirts on.
No, honey, I gotta gopick up Kyle at Dana's.
All right, fine.
Okay, Andy, come on in.It ain't happening.
What?
Whoo! Thank God.It's getting nippyout there.
You make Andywait outside?
Oh, no, no, no, no,it's my choice.
You get a little loud.
All right, Jim,don't forget, you haveto be home at :.
We have Emily'sbaby shower tonight.
Oh, yeah, that.I can't.
What?
Gus is cominginto town tonight.
Since when?
Since this morning.He called me.
He's going to b*at the airport.
Oh, the Gusmeister'scoming in?
Mind if I tag alongfor a salty story or two?
Ah, I don't think so.You know, his wifejust left him,
and I think he needsto talk to an old friend.
We've had these plansfor weeks.
I know, honey,but he's just going tobe in town tonight.
Oh, honey, come on,it's a couples' shower.
I don't wannago alone.
I'll go with you,Cheryl.
Yeah, pass.
Huh. Guess it's just meand my palm tonight.
Oh.
My organizer.I like to...
Like toplay games on it.
Shame on you!
Come on!
(GROANS) Do wehave to look at yourwedding album again?
I get it.You're married,I'm not.
Let's move on.
Dana, no, I want to lookfor pictures of Gus.
Jim's friend?
Yes, Jim swearshe was at our wedding,
but I don'tremember him at all.
Hmm.
Is that him?
No, that'sSeth somebody.
I made out with himunder the gift table.
You know,it is so frustrating.
Gus always shows upat the worst times.
Hmm.
Who's that?Is that Gus?
No, that'sMike somebody.
I made out with himin the coat room.
But I don't get it.When Jim doesn't want
to do something,he just says no.
Yeah, but he onlygets a certain amountof "no's" a month,
and he's used them all up.
Yeah, he said noto the school fundraiser,
no to the Geigers'housewarming,
and no to Donna Carter'sbirthday party.
Wait. Donna had a party?Why wasn't I invited?
She's not a fan.
Hey, that?Is that him?
No, that's Marv somebody.He was a fan.
Andy, all I'm saying is,if a werewolf bit a vampire,
he'd still have troublewith the sunlight.
Oh. Look atthe wedding album.
Oh, look at us there.Look at that.
Yeah, I know.
Check me out.A randy -year-old
with nothingbut a pink tuxedo
and a kidney stonehours from passing.
What a night!
Hey, honey, would youpoint out Gus to me?
I can't find him.
Sure. Let's see...
Where would he be...Oh, right there!
That's the backof someone's head.
Yeah.
It's the backof Gus' head.
You know, Jim, it's weird.Gus is your oldest friend.
I don't have any ideawhat he looks like.
I don't know anythingabout him.
Well, his nameis Gus Dimas.We grew up together.
What else do you needto know?
Well, what's his birthday?
June , .
Where does he live? San Diego.
College? Syracuse.
Job?
Well, he runs a B&B.
Hobbies?
He makesdriftwood sculptures.
He also chairsthe local chapter
of the CaliforniaSea Lions Foundation.
And you know what else?
At the wedding,he said you were
the most beautiful bridehe'd ever seen.
Ring a bell?
Maybe that last part. (LAUGHS)
What about me?Did he say anythingabout me?
He's not a fan.
Come on.
I can't believe shedoesn't remember Gus.
He's practically family.
Andy,there is no Gus.
What? I made him up.
The Gusmeister?The Gus man? Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
Greyhound Gus? Ha!
Completely fake.
What about thosegreat storiesyou've told?
Like the timeyou guys wereon that bus
and if it went below ,it would explode?
Hmm.
Or when you were fishingfor that giant shark
that was terrorizingthe local beach community?
Look, let meexplain Gus,
and then we're goingto take a little tripto the video store.
Wait, Jim.
Why would you make upan imaginary friend?
I want toget out of things,
I mean, like thiscouples' baby shower.
Just tell Cheryl no.
Oh, no, no, no.In marriage, there are onlyso many "no's" per month,
and this month,particularly,
she had a tonof boring crap.
So I've burnedright throughall my "no's."
So, unless I wantto hear her complain
and complainand complainand complain,
I play the Gus card.
Wow.
Cheryl actuallykeeps track of how manytimes you say no?
Andy, a marriageis a giant score card,
and by the end,I just want to bea little below par.
Well, mission accomplished.
Thank you.
Aunt Dana, will youever have a baby?
Oh, of courseI will, sweetie.
But what if you don't?
What did I just say?Now get off my back.
Dana, Dana,I just checked
the guest listfor the wedding. Mmm-hmm.
There is no Gus Dimas.
Oh, you gotto confront Jim.
Oh, I can't. I can't.
There's always that% chance I'm wrong,
and if I am,he'll t*rture me forthe rest of my life.
No, no,I need an airtight case.
Okay, I'm offto the airport,
so have funwith that thing.
Okay, great, great.
Honey, what timedo you thinkyou'll be back?
Oh, I don't know.You know, Gus ispretty torn up.
He's going to need totalk it out a little bit.
Yeah.
You can't reallyput a clock on that.
Right. Yeah, I'll probablybe back about :.
Sounds right.See you then.
Okay. Have fun.
Dana. Hmm?
Call me on my cell phonein five seconds. What are you doing?
I'm going to goto the airportand meet Gus.
Yes! (EXCLAIMS)
Hey, look, girls,somebody's part ofMommy's secret plan
and you're not.Who's the loser now?
CHERYL:Hey, Jim, honey.
Yes, yes, yes. Would you givemy best to Gus
and tell him how sorry I amabout him and his wife?
Oh, I will. Aw.
Thank you so much forunderstanding, honey. Yeah.
You know, if he hada wife like you,
he wouldn't bein this mess.
(CELL PHONE RINGS) Oh, honey.
Hold that thought. (LAUGHS)
Yello?
Oh, hey, Emily. Yeah,I was just about to...
What?
Aw, that's too bad.
Well, tomorrow night's great.Okay, I'll see you then.
All right, bye-bye.
What?
Well, Emily's two year oldis throwing up,
so she has topostpone the shower.
(SIGHS)
What a shame.
Yeah.
Okay, see you later. No, no, honey.
You don't get it.Now I can go with youto the airport.
Oh, to see Gus?
Well, yeah,and to comfort him.
I mean,unless there's...
There's somereason you thinkI shouldn't go.
No.
Great. Let's go.
All right.
But you know,if Gus wants to go
to a strip club,you got to come along.
No problem.I got singles.
Hey, psst!Buddy, buddy, buddy.
How about if Igive you bucks,you be my friend?
Hey, Jim. Yeah?
That him?
No. Oh.
What about that?That him?
No. Wait, wait, wait.
Yeah... Hey! Hey...
No, no, it's not him.
What does he look like?Can you at leastdescribe him?
I wish I could tell you,
but it's just,you know,
he changes his hairstyleall the time,
he yo-yos in weightback and forth.
I mean, he's like Madonna,always reinventing himself.
Well, you know,I'll tell you,
I'm gettinga little tired of this.
This is the only flightin from San Diego,
and all the bagshave been picked up.
No, there's oneright there.
It says, "oranges."
Well, that'sgot to be his.
He's from San Diego.
They eat a lotof oranges out there.
I mean, they justgrow on trees.
You just pick 'em.
I know howfruit works, Jim.
Hey. Hey.
What are youdoing here? Baby-sitting.
No, no, no.I was supposedto baby-sit...
I can't believe theydouble-booked us.
I know.I'm sick of it, too,
so piece by piece,I'm stealingtheir good china.
But Cheryl's car'soutside.
I thought she wentto the baby shower.
Change of plans.She went with Jimto the airport to meet Gus.
Interesting.
You know what?
I'm really thirsty.
Do you like our teacher?I like our teacher.
Do you knowwhat another word for"stupid" is? "Pathetic."
Gracie,I need the phone.
Oh, nobody.
My favorite colorwas purple,but now it's gold.
She's going to haveto call you back. Hey!
Oh, yeah? Well, you'rea stinky butt, too.
No, you are.No, no, no, no,you're a stinky butt.
Infinity!
Um...
Hi... Hi, Mr. Anderson.
CHERYL: Jim. Yes?
I just talkedto the airline.
All the passengersare off the plane.
Weird.
Yeah, is there somethingyou want to tell me?
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Hello?
Mayday... Mayday! Give me the phone,you poo!
I want to talkto Justin! Mama bird knows!
Repeat,mama bird knows! I want to talk to Justin!
Gus! How are you?
You missed your flight?That is so you.
(LAUGHING)
Yeah, yeah.No, your orangesmade it.
Yep, they did.
I want to talk to him.
Uh-huh.Tomorrow night?
Sure, tomorrow nightwould be great.
All right, all right,all right, all right.
Calm down.
Uh, yeah, yeah.
Listen, Cheryl wantsto talk to you.
So don't hang up.
Gus...
There's nobody there.
Ah, darn cell phones.
You know what?You got the radarin the airport.
Probably threw offall the calibrations.
The calibrations?
Yeah, calibrations.I could explain itto you,
but it'djust confuse you.
Hey, you know what,though?
You couldsee Gus tomorrow night.
Oh.
You got that baby showertomorrow night.
Come on, can't you giveCheryl a break here?
Okay.
Confession time. What?
The shower isactually tonight.
What do you mean,tonight?
Well, yeah,well, you know,
I really didn't wantto go without you,
and I wantedto meet Gus,
so I kind of playedwith the trutha little bit.
Isn't that a hoot?
I may be old-fashioned,
but since whenwas it a hoot to lieto your spouse?
I know, I know.
I'm sorry,but, honey, look,
now I canstill meet Gus, huh?
In fact, why don't youbring him over for dinner?
That soundslike a great idea.
To me, too.
Hey, and you know what?
If we hurry,we can still make itto the shower.
But didn't the showerstart already?I mean, you know...
Well, you know,honey, we probablymissed name tags,
but we canstill make it fordiaper pin bingo.
Great. Yeah.
Wait.
Don't you have toget Gus' oranges?
Guess I have to.
Uh-huh.
That is so weird.
I can't findhalf our good china.
Mommy? Yeah.
When's Uncle Gusgetting here?
Yeah, Jim,where is Uncle Gus?
He was supposed to behere an hour ago.
He is coming,isn't he?
Of course he's coming.You know what?
I should havejust picked him upat the airport myself,
but he felt so badabout last nightthat he took a cab.
Oh, that Gus...Yeah, that's oneconsiderate guy.
Yeah. There's a namefor people like that.
Yep.
What?
Considerate.
I just said it,like, two seconds ago.
Where were you?
Listen, girls,
why don't you guystake a breadstickand go upstairs,
and I'll call youwhen he gets here, okay?
Unless...
You think Gus mightnot be coming.
Cheryl, don't say that.
Now you got meall worried.
Cheryl!
Andy, attend to me.
Would you look at him?
I got him on the ropes.He's got no moves left.
Yeah,you played him likea big sweaty violin.
Yeah.
But in case Gus is realand good-looking,
I'm just goingto do that.
Oh, would youput those away?
Nobody's coming.
(DOORBELL RINGING)
Hey, that's Gus!It's got to be Gus!
Oh, Gus.
Hey...
I have a telegram.
Sure, a telegram, huh? Telegram?
JIM: I'll take that.
Thank you.
Oh, you want a tip?
Here's a littleCalifornia sunshine.
Andy...
It's...
It's from Gus' wife.
My... My handis shaking too much.
You read it.
Andy, hold it.Hold it.
Um...
"Bad newsfrom San Diego."
No!
"Stop.
"Gus Dimas passed awaythis morning."
No!
"Stop."
I can't believe it!I can't believe it!
Gus.
Gus is gone!He's gone! He's gone!
I guess God neededa new best friend.
(SOBBING)
Look,
I think I need to bealone with my thoughtsright now.
Jim?
Yes, yes, my young,young, beautiful bride?
(SIGHS)
Nothing.
I guess we'll be havingdinner without you, then.
Cheryl,
how could you eatat a time like this?
Gus, my friend,my best friend,
that I've knownsince this high,
is now laying coldon a slab.
All right, what arewe having for dinner?
Lasagna.
(SOBS)
That wasGus' favorite dish.
All right, well,out of respect for Gus,
I should havetwo portions.
Gus liked wine,didn't he, Jim?
JIM: Yes.
Yeah, I can hold.
(PINBALL MACHINE BEEPING)
Hey, what'sall that noise?
Oh, see for yourself.
(LAUGHING) Yeah!
A pinball machine?You let him buy that?
No, Gus left it to himin his will.
What?
(MOUTHING)
Sorry I keepbeating you, buddy.
I guess I just gota little angel sittingon my shoulder.
Right, Gus? Wink.
(LAUGHING)
Yes, I'd liketo make a donation
to the CaliforniaSea Lion Foundation.
What?
Yeah, yeah,I'm honoring Gus
by making a donationto his favorite charity.
Yeah, I'd liketo donate $, please.
$? Cheryl, um...
You know what?You're right.
He wasyour oldest friend.
I'd liketo donate $.
(MOUTHING)
Yeah, $. Right.
Uh, a receiptfor tax purposes?
Huh.
No, that seems tacky.
Oh, okay, yeah.I need your credit card.
Thank you, honey.
No.
Thank you.
You know,you guys could reallyuse some counseling.
Eh, probably.
Jim.
How are you goingto get out of this one?
It's bucks?
Andy, it isa small price to pay
for a manlike Gus Dimas.
Think ofthe big picture.
All the weddings,all the baby showersI got out of.
It is the best moneyI ever spent.
To Gus?
To Gus. (LAUGHING)
Hey, Jim, great news.
I got them to namethe next sea lion pupafter Gus.
Yeah, and it only costan extra bucks.
Is that okay with you?
Of course.
How can thatbe okay with you?
It is $.
You drove to Canadafor free X-rays.
Cheryl...
It is only money.
And I certainlyappreciate the gesture,
and you knowwho else is goingto appreciate it?
Sherman.
Sherman?
Yeah, you know Sherman.He grew up with me and Gus.
Actually,Andy and I were justabout to go see him.
Weren't we, Andy?
Why, yes, Jim.Yes, we were.
Yeah, you see, uh...
Sherman'sall broken up,losing Gus and all,
so we thought we'd goand bowl away the pain.
Come on, Andy.
Jim, Jim,there is no Sherman.
If there was,I'd remember him.
Really? Yes.
Well, then who wassitting next to Gusat the wedding?
You're sucha good woman, honey.
Just a bad memory.That's all.
Hey, Andy,did I tell you
the time thatSherman was in Vegas
and a guy offered hima million dollars
to sleepwith his wife?
What an indecentproposal.
Yeah.