3x17 - Inglourious Bassterds

[bunniefuu]

"Gossip Girl" here your one and only source into the scandalous lives of manhattan's elite.

Hey! It's the lovebirds.

Hey, you two.

He told you, didn't he? - Speaking for everyone, I think it's great.

Ever since I saw you, all I could think about - was payback for last year.

Did you put something in my drink? She's ready to party.

Make sure you guys show her a good time.

Jenny! - Nate, thank you so much for tonight.

I'm sorry, Chuck.

You need to leave.

What the hell is going on here? Isn't it obvious? You've been played, Chuck, - from the very beginning.

I didn't have the courage to tell you - that I signed the hotel over to Jack.

And the hotel? Oh, lost.

I've come this far without my mother.

I'm not backing down now.

If it's a w*r Jack wants, then it's a w*r he'll get.

And who am I? That's a secret I'll never tell.

You know you love me.

X.

O.

X.

O.

, "Gossip Girl.

" Every w*r has its weapons.

But on the upper east side, the rules of battle are simple - there are no rules.

Well, now I really, really hope those are for my birthday.

Uh, actually Chuck and Blair left them after one of their games.

Happy birthday, though.

So when do I get to unwrap my present? What is that? It's, um, just a garter holster.

It's for my cell phone.

Well, then I'd better take you upstairs so I can inspect it.

Oh, except I have to go shopping with Blair to pick out a dress for tonight.

You still haven't told me where you're taking me, but just so you know, you don't have to dress up - for a Knicks game.

But you do for the Frick benefit.

It's for Asian horned toads.

They're in danger.

That's your surprise a toad benefit? Well, I know it's not what you would choose to do on your birthday, but Chuck bought a table, and we can celebrate this weekend.

And you're going to lunch with your grandfather.

That's festive.

Yeah, I'm gonna hit the hit the shower.

So you have fun shopping.

See you at 3:00? - Yep.

Hello, Mr.

Nate.

Hey.

I feel very bad not wishing him happy birthday or bringing him Polish breakfast sausage in bed.

Oh, Dorota, Nate has to think everyone's blowing off his birthday so he'll really be surprised tonight.

And he likes this game where you k*ll people? It's called "Assassin," and he loves it.

Did you get his phone? In case anyone posts about the party.

I don't want him checking "Gossip Girl.

" Can you hide this? Thank you, Dorota.

You really have surrounded yourself with beautiful things, so easy to auction off.

Gotta love Ebay.

As much as I hate to interrupt your fun, this has gone on long enough.

I want my hotel back.

Name your price.

I don't need your money, Chuck.

Then what is all this for just to hurt me? Just to hurt you? Hurting you is a noble goal.

Granted, you know, it wasn't all that difficult.

You're not the man you used to be.

If you're referring to the fact I'm not in Thailand smoking hash with prostit*tes, change is good.

Young Chuck in love.

Beautiful and sad.

Bart always said you were soft.

My father left me the company instead of you.

I get it.

I'm more than happy letting Lily guide my stock - towards a tidy profit.

I know the Empire is not your endgame.

And if it's wounding me, you've done it.

So why are you still here? It's an interesting feeling holding another man's prized possession.

You wonder how far he'll go to get it back, if there's anything he wouldn't do.

I will do anything.

Well, there is something that caught my eye.

I think I have to unfriend Ryuichi.

I thought the boy you met in Japan was named Hideo.

I met them both.

Uh, Hideo was - More than a friend.

Thank you.

Point is, Hideo and his friends have a fondness for bathhouses and group photos.

Oh, my god.

Unfriend him immediately.

Sayonara, Ryuichi-san.

Yeah, I didn't need to see that.

Hideo was supposed to be my rebound from Jonathan.

Now I need a rebound from Hideo.

It's a vicious cycle.

I'm sure there are tons of boys who'd love to go out with you.

Rufus, Jonathan and I are the only ones at St.

Jude's who are even out.

I should just bury myself - in work like Jenny.

Hey, you know, I like working for Eleanor.

I don't need a guy to make me feel fulfilled - especially when he's unavailable.

Uh, poor Nate.

What? - Just reading the e-mail from Serena reminding everyone - to blow off his birthday.

That seems kind of mean.

It's an act.

She's planning this whole surprise thing at the Waldorfs'.

She's spending the whole afternoon - getting it ready.

Wait.

I don't get it then.

What is Nate supposed - to do all day, just sit at home and think everyone - forgot his birthday? - He spends five hours thinking Serena is a terrible girlfriend.

He'll forgive her.

Five hours.

I, uh have to go to the fabric store.

All right.

Bye.

Bye.

Oh, god.

Denjuro, you are definitely not my friend.

Hey.

Good morning.

Huh? Oh, yeah.

Hey.

Have you been up all night? 'Cause it looks like you've k*lled an entire forest, and your breath smells like something dead.

Oh, thanks.

Um, the application for the Tisch writing program is due in, uh, in in two days, so I just I need to bear down and finish my 1-act.

Is this the same 1-act that you were 95% done with last week, - but didn't want to show me until it was 100% done? - Uh, yeah, yeah, but you know, there's no point in showing it to you until I've taken it as far as I can myself.

This is why we used to show each other our work - as soon as possible, remember? - Uh, yeah, I do, but that was before we started sleeping together.

Yeah, I know.

But we said we'd date and still be friends, and this is being friends.

In fact What's that? This is my script for my short film class that I've been nervous about showing you.

This is the one based on my short story.

Now hand yours over.

Uh Okay.

All right.

You gotta be completely honest here.

Uh, and I gotta you should ignore this first part.

In fact, why don't why don't we just exchange tomorrow? You know, I gotta help Serena out with Nate's birthday party, and this it'll give me time to give yours proper consideration, maybe fine-tune this one just a little bit more, - which it needs.

Nice try, but you can read mine on the subway after you shower.

Have a good day.

Jenny, hey.

Hey.

Um, I tried texting you.

Oh, yeah, I can't seem to find my cell phone.

Oh.

What are you doing here? It's your birthday.

Happy birthday.

All right, thank you.

Here, I got you this.

Oh, wow.

You know, I'd say, like, let me take you out to lunch or something, but, um, I'm sure you and Serena - already have plans.

No, actually.

Actually, we don't.

I was gonna gonna go to lunch with my grandfather.

Oh.

All right, well, have fun.

Nate? I really just wanted to say thank you again for last week.

I don't know what would have happened.

You know what? Let me just call my grandfather and cancel.

I'm sure he'll understand.

# one, two # # r-les, loso, we do it like, hey # The look on his face was so sad.

I wanted to call him back and say, I didn't forget your birthday.

I've got this whole party planned.

Cruel to be kind, S.

Nate'll be fine.

No word from Chuck? - He was sitting down with satan this morning.

He's gonna lay everything out on the table, see if there's anything in the world he could offer Jack to give up the hotel.

He's come so far, become the person I always knew he could be.

But he could lose it all because he opened his heart to that raven-haired con artist.

Everything will be fine, Blair.

No matter what, Chuck has you, - and he loves you.

The Empire is just a hotel.

You don't understand.

The hotel is proof that Bart was wrong about Chuck.

It's become who he is.

Well, then you have to show him that he has so much more, Starting with buying this dress.

Come on, B.

Once Chuck sees you in it, he'll realize Empire or no Empire, Blair Waldorf loves him, and no one else can say that.

Thanks, S.

I have to go get everything ready for Nate's party.

Are you gonna be okay? Let me know if Chuck calls you.

And buy that dress.

She's right.

It is a remarkable dress, made only more so by you in it.

What are you doing here, besides stalking me? Please, I was just window-shopping and saw something I liked.

You're supposed to be meeting with Chuck.

Oh, we met.

Ideas were discussed, voices raised, expletives used.

And how's your morning been, gorgeous? You think you've won.

But Chuck will find a way to get back what you stole.

There's always a way.

I told him how to get back his hotel.

And here's the kicker it wouldn't cost him a dime.

What are you talking about? I'm saying Chuck can have the Empire, and all it would cost is you spending the night with me.

How's that grab you? Careful, B.

Jack Bass' weapon of choice comes fully loaded, and if he hits his target, there'll be at least two victims.

I'd rather spend the night with the Marquis De Sade, - and yes, I know he's dead.

I'm surprised this is your response knowing how attached Chuck is to his hotel, what it means to him.

I thought you really cared for him.

Excuse me, I thought you were just a disgusting pig.

But now I realize you're actually demented.

Taking what belongs to Chuck has become a real passion of mine, and I would find this particular conquest deeply satisfying.

While I'm flattered, I assure you that Chuck and I - will find another way.

Chuck opened his heart to you, and now his future lies in your hands Well, not your hands, exactly.

But you could fix this.

He would never have to know.

Chuck will win, and I'll be right by his side, as long as it takes for that to happen.

As long as you're at his side and not mine, that will never happen.

You should at least try it on.

Hey.

Hey, I was just about to call you.

You know that polaroid film I told you I had? I don't.

Ohh.

I promised Serena that I would get it for Nate's party.

We need it for the game of "Assassin.

" - Well This is the one thing she gave me to do, if I messed up, she'll k*ll me, - and not in a fun game way.

Done.

Now what's wrong? Is it because Serena never threw you a surprise party? Because you hate surprises.

No, no.

Uh, Vanessa just she wrote this script.

She wants me to read it.

And? - Well, it's not great.

Give her notes.

I thought that's what you guys always do - with each other's work.

Well, yeah, as friends.

I think in relationships, there's such a thing as too much honesty.

For instance, it would not have been a good idea for me to tell Serena how I felt about every outfit she wore.

Well, telling a woman you like her clothes is not lying.

It's self-preservation.

Yeah, but the truth has shades of gray, right? - I mean, there's such a thing as spin.

A half-truth is a whole lie, son.

In my experience, it causes the same amount of problems down the line, especially with the ladies.

So Serena must have something really great planned for you guys tonight, right? Yeah, some toad gala at the Frick.

Uh, that sounds Boring? Yeah, I know.

I mean, it's not like I had some high expectations.

I just expected Serena to be a little more I mean, you know.

Basically, this burger is definitely - the best part of my day so far.

It's the best part of mine, too.

Actually, you know, the best part of the week.

How are you after that whole thing at Eleanor's? You know you can always come to me, right? Yeah, thanks.

But today is not about me.

Did I mention that public embarrassment is a part of the Humphrey birthday tradition? Okay, I'm actually happy to be humiliated.

Good.

Blow out your candle.

Make a wish.

Yay! Okay, bye.

I brought my trench coat, camera.

Prepare to be assassinated.

Will do.

Thanks.

Something wrong? Oh, you read my script and you didn't like it.

I can take it, I think.

Um no, you're right.

I didn't, uh, I didn't like it.

I loved it.

Really? Loved it? - No notes? - No.

I mean, only note I've got is I wish I wish there was more of it.

Yeah, so what did you think of my play? Oh, um, I didn't get a chance to read it yet.

Oh, all right.

No worries.

But I do have to get - the application in day after tomorrow, so - Okay.

Oh, Miss Serena, I about to text.

Dorota, what is going on? Everything should be done by now.

Everyone's gonna be here soon.

Vans get messed up.

Dead body cake go to wedding.

Wedding cake come here.

It's very pretty, - but pink not Mr.

Nate's color.

Oh, my god.

We have to stall Nate.

William has to keep him occupied.

No cookies like hearts! Find b*ll*ts and knives and little bombs that go boom! Mr.

Van Der Bilt, it's Serena, but don't tell Nate.

Oh.

Okay, um Yyeah, I'll let him know when I see him.

Nate's not with him.

He said he called last-minute and cancelled.

Then where be he? Let's find out.

Well, listen, I gotta get going.

I told Serena I'd be there by 3:00 to get ready for the gala.

Uh, white shirt, black tie.

I'd think you'd have it down by now.

Have fun tonight.

Yeah.

Are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine.

I don't know.

It's just whenever I'm alone, I can't not think of the other night, you know? Hey, I'm sorry.

You shouldn't keep Serena waiting.

It's just you're the only one who gets what I'm going through right now.

Well, hey, I'm sure Serena won't mind if I'm a little bit late, right?

Like you said, white shirt, black tie.

How long can it take to get ready for a gala?

"Attention, upper east siders. Nate Archibald is MIA. Send tips and pics ASAP. Help Serena find her man."

Um You know, I kind of just want to disappear - in the dark for a while.

Do you want to go see a movie? - I'm in.

Okay.

Thank you, Gregor.

Chuck.

Back from shopping and no packages? Who are you, and what have you done with my girlfriend? Nothing suited my sensibilities.

How was your talk with Jack? I was wrong to think I could negotiate with t*rrorists.

Did he offer you anything? - Nothing I would ever consider.

Maybe when he sees he can't get what he wants, - he'll stop toying with you.

One can only hope.

Hello? Thank you.

You were right.

After I said no to Jack's offer, he's called off the game play.

He's closing the hotel.

It's over.

Miss Blair, this package arrive for you.

There is card.

One last chance to save your man.

Jack Careful, B.

Don't forget your first rule of battle Beware of Bass's bearing gifts.

Has Nate showed up yet? - He'll be here soon.

I'm I'm really sorry.

I'm sure he'll be here any minute.

Hey, um, any word on Nate from Vanya's doorman contacts? - Dorota has pretty much the entire eastern block on lookout.

Anything on "Gossip Girl"? # find out what's news # - Uh, I'm gonna keep looking.

Serena, come here.

You've done some unforgivable things like having sex with Nate when we were saving ourselves for each other - or k*lling Pete Fairman - What? How far is too far? Where is that place you can't come back from anymore? Blair, what are you talking about? - Is Chuck gonna do something to Jack? - What? I mean yes.

There is something someone could do to get back the Empire, and yes, it is terrible, but they'd be doing it out of love.

Love of whom? - Just love.

The point is, if someone does something awful, - but it's for love, is it okay? - If you are crossing some moral line to best Jack Bass, then probably not.

What are you not telling me? - Nothing.

You're right.

Thank you.

I should go get dressed.

Oh, and I invited my minions.

It'll be like sh**ting fish in a barrel.

Hey, Jenny.

It's me.

Uh, I just wanted to remind you that Nate needed to be here no later than an hour ago.

Bring him to the party right now.

Hey, where's Nate? I'm determined to believe he'll arrive momentarily.

He's better, with all of his Columbia friends here.

Do you want me to start taking pictures of people? - Yes, please.

I'll grab Vanessa's camera.

# I've been tricked, poisoned and misled # # in what I've been told # # oh, baby, you don't listen much # # to what I know # # I know, I know, I know, I know, I # # and our hearts are # Hey.

Do you need something? Camera.

Here.

Smile like the k*ller you are.

Chuck? Are you gonna come down and join the party? I just heard from my lawyers.

I was waiting to see if there was any chance - of keeping the Empire doors open.

And? There's not.

Jack's within his rights to shutter the place.

I just have to watch it die, a slow painful death.

When you bought the Empire, you told me you knew you could do it because I believe in you.

That hasn't changed.

You'll find a way.

When are you going to get it? There is no way! I'm sorry.

I'm not mad at you.

It's my own fault.

I am everything my father said I was.

Oh.

Even without the guest of honor, it's still a great party.

I can't believe he didn't even call.

Well, you did steal his phone.

You have a point, but we did have plans, even if it was a made-up ball for a non-endangered reptile.

Okay, you're freaking me out with the nunchakus.

He probably thinks that I didn't care about his birthday.

Surprise! Surprise! Sorry we're late, everyone! Crazy, you.

Uh-oh, S.

Looks like little J's knives are sharpened, ad she's ready to use them in the battle for Nate Archibald.

The game of "assassin" is simple k*ll or be k*lled.

Your photo is your life.

You wear it around your neck.

If someone grabs your picture before you grab theirs, ten you're dead, and you have to give them all the pictures of everyone else you've k*lled.

Once you're a ghost, you come back here to the safe zone for the party.

You can't go beyond this block, but restaurants, buildings, shops all fair game.

The winner is the last assassin on the street, and they have all the other photos.

So you have five safe minutes to leave the building.

Starting now.

-Spread out.

I can't believe you were in on this.

Nicely played.

Thank you.

I figured someone had to keep him distracted.

I gotta go before I end up dead.

I can't believe you did this.

It's awesome.

I mean, you totally had me going.

Apparently.

What, were you just not gonna show up to the gala? - What? No.

Something with Jenny just came up.

Yeah, I got that.

Okay, we have exactly four minutes left to live.

Do you really want to spend it talking like this? Hey, come on.

Game's starting.

Let's go.

I'm already dead.

You still have your photo.

Formality.

Although you're welcome to k*ll me again if you like.

# every day I wanted peace and fun # # every night I want to melt # # and slowly let's fly away # # everything is gonna be okay # # it's gone today # Oh, well.

Hello, Dorota.

What are you doing here? I will be k*lled if someone find me.

Why would somebody k*ll you? Antiroyalists from Russia? No.

In game.

Then I must do something before you die.

Dorota Dorota from the first moment I saw you, I knew you were princess.

And every day you make me feel like king.

Will you Yes, yes! Yes, of course I will marry you! At least now I die with happiness.

Oh! Oh, Vanya, I'm so sorry.

Hey.

You okay? Uh, yeah, I am.

Are you Okay? - I am engaged.

Oh! Oh, wow, wow! Congratulations, both of you.

Uh, sorry.

A friend's housekeeper and our doorman just got engaged.

But you obviously got that, the the engagement.

Yeah, that's pretty self-explanatory.

It's the all-black outfit that's throwing me.

I'm in the middle of a game of assassin.

Oh.

Well, okay, please continue on your way.

I'd hate to contribute to your untimely death.

It looks like I'm safe for a moment.

Do you live in the building? No, no.

I just like hanging out in random lobbies, overhearing marriage proposals and looking for pickup games - of assassin.

Then this is definitely your lucky day.

Indeed.

There is actually something that I have to take care of for a minute, but dead or alive, I will be right back.

Yeah, thanks.

Thank you.

Hey, get out of my truck! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have more important prey to hunt.

Ooh.

You might want to call Rufus and say your good-byes.

Okay.

I'm kind of into this k*ller side of you.

Well, I'd hate for you to die without getting a chance to read my script.

I promise I will.

I know you have a deadline.

You know, I'll give you another copy 'Cause the one in your bag is pretty marked up.

I'm sorry, Dan.

I didn't know what to do.

And I was gonna tell you, but then you liked mine so much, - that I didn't know what to say.

Are you saying you felt sorry for me? - That's not what I meant.

Well, good.

As long as we're being honest, your script was not an "A"-plus.

It was a "D.

" At least you'll be together on the other side.

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I don't care about the game.

We need to talk.

Okay.

About what? - What were you doing with Nate today? - Keeping him busy.

We both know that wasn't the plan.

Nate and I are just friends.

Friends don't kiss friends at their fashion shows.

You have history with him.

Yes, ancient.

I promise I'm not gonna do anything - to give Nate the wrong impression.

Now is that all? - No.

You can't k*ll me.

You're already dead.

No, I'm not.

Yes, you are.

Ohh.

Any last words before I open this door and m*rder you? Look, I know you thought that I blew off your birthday, - but you did ditch me.

Well Serena, it wasn't like that.

Nate I need to know why you ignored our plans to spend the day with Jenny.

Well, I promised her I wouldn't say anything.

Okay, last week something really messed up happened to her.

And she came to you about it? - Only because I was involved.

Well, that's not making me feel any better.

Okay, some girls from Eleanor's fashion show they roofie'd her, and then they dumped her off at some bar - with all these guys.

Oh, my god.

I Is she okay? Yeah.

I mean, I got there before anything actually happened, But, you know, she's she's having a tough time.

So I'm sorry.

You're such a good guy, Nate Archibald.

Can I kiss you before I k*ll you? Gotcha.

Watch your back.

Well, looks like it's just you and Nate left.

I'm on it.

# they say hip-hop is dead # # treat it # # brains # # hey, brains # # if hip-hop's deceased # # I'm the rhyme of the living dead # # walking really slow with metaphors oozing outta my head # Hey, Chuck, have you seen Blair? - I assume she's still slaying.

She can't be.

Her polaroid's right here.

You know Blair.

She's probably cheating.

If you'll excuse me a moment Blair? One last chance to save your man.

Jack When all other weapons fail, there's always human sacrifice.

I knew the memory of our new year's together - would bring you back.

I'm not here for you.

I'm here to get Chuck's hotel.

Eh, semantics, really.

I've had a contract drawn up.

Now suddenly you don't trust me? What are your demands? "No kissing" seems to be, you know, some working girls' rule of thumb.

You'll tell Chuck that you realized he isn't worth losing Bass Australia over.

Now that you've devalued the Empire, you're willing to sell it back, at a profit, of course, so he doesn't suspect anything.

You know I love a win-win proposition.

And Chuck can never know.

Uh, I think I've already proven I'm not one to kiss and tell.

Fine.

I've I've already had his hotel.

Now I'll leave knowing I've had the thing he holds even dearer.

Everything that was his is mine.

That dress looks almost as beautiful on as I'm sure it will off.

But first, a drink.

Oh, I'm sorry.

She's trying to k*ll me.

Yeah, only because he's trying to k*ll me.

The grilled cheese with truffles is really good, by the way.

Looks like it's "till death do us part.

" Someday maybe you girls find true love, too and your children not grow up to be b*stards.

Congratulations, Dorota, Vanya.

Hey, uh, Dorota, do you remember the guy that I was talking to in the lobby? I don't even remember own name.

All a blur of sparkly Yeah.

So, uh, it it wasn't a "D", it wasn't.

But it wasn't an "A"-plus, either.

I did think the male character's dialogue sounded a little bit like a girl, you know, so I can see that.

Thanks for being honest.

That's actually a really helpful note.

Uh, all right.

Well, you gotta do me now.

Tear me to pieces.

Be brutal.

You know I think you're an amazing writer.

Really? That brutal? It's just a play about a homeless man winning the lottery? - It seems a little out of your wheelhouse.

Oof.

Well, all right.

Well, I was you know, I was trying to show some range.

I know.

But when you write about what you know, you're amazing.

Like that story about graduating from St.

Jude's having never fit in that was really beautiful.

See, what would have happened if you didn't tell me this, and I sent the wrong one with my Tisch application? - They would've loved you anyway.

Sure you're not lying again? Never.

Is it wrong that trying to k*ll you is the best time I've had in months? Actually, that's a great reason to let me live.

You are the birthday boy.

I should let you k*ll me.

Uh oh.

You're dead.

Champagne okay? I prefer something stronger to k*ll the germs.

Hmm.

It must be lonely for you with chuck under all this pressure.

Has the stress compromised his ability to perform romantically? I'm here because I love Chuck.

Don't flatter yourself into thinking I'm going to enjoy this.

Whatever you need to tell yourself.

I think we've had enough foreplay.

Huh.

Thank you.

What? That's it? You already signed the contract.

You can't go back now.

Don't worry.

Chuck will get his hotel.

But contrary to what you may believe, - I prefer the woman to want to have sex with me.

I don't understand.

If you don't want me, then why did you set this up? I told Chuck I'd take either you or the hotel.

He chose to give me you.

No.

What are you talking about? - Chuck doesn't know anything about this.

Really? Because it seems to me he knew exactly which buttons to have me push.

Said you wouldn't be able to resist stepping in to save him behind his back.

You were there while I was shopping.

You were the only one who saw this dress.

And who do you think sent me to that store? I'd never drop that kind of money on a dress.

My goal was to destroy Chuck.

But now that he has you, I had to break that bond.

Chuck would never do this to me.

If you don't believe me, check his credit card receipts.

I'm sorry, Blair.

Just be grateful one of the Bass men has some moral integrity.

Although, if you're interested in some revenge sex I'd be more than happy to oblige.

Arms are laid down, only to realize you've been hit by friendly fire.

Okay, so what the hell was that? What do you mean? We were playing, and I k*lled you.

Jenny, us hanging out was just as friends.

Yeah, I know.

Nate, seriously, I thought that you'd be happy I was finally having fun again.

Guys, I won.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Hey, I'm so glad it's over.

Hi.

How could you lose? - Oh, stop it.

CDs.

Home so soon? Please tell me Jack was lying, - That you wouldn't betray me like that.

Me, betray you? You're the one who just came from seeing my uncle.

I went there for you because I thought it was the only way that would save your hotel.

I would've done anything to help you.

All you had to do was ask.

If I asked, it wouldn't have worked.

You would have been too willing.

When Jack came to you, he would've known we were working together.

I did what I had to, to win.

No.

I can't let my feelings cost me all that I've built.

Even if it means losing me instead? All I ever did was love you.

"The worst thing I ever did, the darkest thought I ever had.

" You said you would stand by me through anything.

This, Blair, is "anything.

" I never thought that the worst thing you would ever do would be to me.

You went up there on your own.

Good-bye, Chuck.

# who's to know? # Hey.

I'm sorry for tricking you.

Oh, it was worth it.

Seriously? Best birthday ever.

Well, it's not over yet.

I still have to give you your present.

Hey, Jenny, you ready? I'm gonna grab our coats.

Yeah, I'm done.

I mean, yeah, I'm ready to go.

# so make believe in miracles instead # When the battle ends and weapons are put away, new strategies take shape.

# who's to show # # no fear? # Hey, Vanessa.

Hi.

Professor Romano sent this over earlier.

You weren't here, so the messenger left it with me.

I didn't know you were applying to the Tisch writing program.

I'm kind of not telling anyone.

It's really competitive.

I mean, there are only a few spots for NYU transfers.

I hope you get in.

Thanks.

# make believe in miracles # # my friends # Soldiers decide to defend for themselves.

Hey, there you are.

I think you lost this.

Thanks.

How'd you know what apartment I was in? Well, I, uh I started on the first floor and worked my way up.

You do realize that this is the penthouse, right? I'm Eric.

I'm Elliot.

New alliances are made # who's to give # But there are casualties.

# everything # # 'cause that's the way you play the game of life # # you create the world you want to see outside # Welcome home, Chuck.

You're not mad at me, are you? I mean, you didn't actually believe Blair could sleep with me and you two would be okay? Or are you mad because I told her? Security, I need Jack Bass escorted from my penthouse immediately.

You may have told her - but Blair and I will get past this.

Is that what you think? Don't you get it, Chuck? Blair's seen the real you now.

It's over.

She could never love that.

No one could.

Hope the Empire's everything you wanted 'Cause now that's all you got.

In matters of love and w*r, all weapons cause injury.

The question is, who will live to fight another day? X.

O.

X.

O.

, "Gossip Girl.

"

[bunniefuu]

(OG version)


WOMAN:
Where has she been?

GOSSIP GIRL:
And who am I?

That's one secret I'll never tell.

You know you love me. XOXO...

...Gossip Girl.

GOSSIP GIRL:
Every w*r has its weapons.

But on the Upper East Side,
the rules of battle are simple:

There are no rules.

Well, now, I really, really hope
those are for my birthday.

Uh, actually, Chuck and Blair left them
after one of their games.

Happy birthday, though.

So when do I get
to unwrap my present?

[SERENA CHUCKLES]

-What is that?
-It's, um, just a garter holster.

It's for my cell phone.

Well, then I better take you upstairs
so I can inspect it.

Oh. I have to go shopping with Blair
to pick out a dress for tonight.

You haven't told me where you're
taking me. You don't have to dress up...

-...for a Knicks game.
-But you do for the Frick benefit.

It's for Asian Horned Toads.
They're endangered.

Ha, ha. That's your surprise?
A toad benefit?

Well, I know it's not
what you would choose to do...

...but Chuck bought a table.
We can celebrate this weekend.

And you're going to lunch
with your grandfather. That's festive.

Yeah, I'm gonna hit the shower,
so you have fun shopping.

-See you at 3?
-Yep.

DOROTA: Hello, Mr. Nate.
NATE: Hey.

I feel very bad
not wishing him happy birthday...

...or bringing him
Polish breakfast sausage in bed.

Dorota, Nate has to think
everyone's blowing off his birthday...

-...so he'll be surprised tonight.
-And he likes this game...

...where you k*ll people?

It's called Assassin, and he loves it.

Did you get his phone?

In case anyone posts about the party,
I don't want him checking Gossip Girl.

Can you hide this?

Thank you, Dorota.

You really have surrounded yourself
with beautiful things.

So easy to auction off.
Gotta love eBay.

As much as I hate to interrupt your fun,
this has gone on long enough.

I want my hotel back.
Name your price.

I don't need your money, Chuck.

Then what is all this for?

-Just to hurt me?
-Just to hurt you?

Hurting you is a noble goal.
Granted, you know...

...it wasn't all that difficult.
You're not the man you used to be.

If you're referring to the fact I'm not in
Thailand smoking hash with prostit*tes...

-...change is good.
-Young Chuck in love. Beautiful.

And sad.

Bart always said you were soft.

My father left me the company
instead of you. I get it.

I'm more than happy letting Lily guide
my stock towards a tidy profit.

I know The Empire
is not your endgame.

And if it's wounding me, you've done it.
So why are you still here?

It's an interesting feeling...

...holding another man's
prized possession.

You wonder how far he'll go
to get it back.

If there's anything he wouldn't do.

I will do anything.

Well, there is something
that caught my eye.

ERIC:
I have to unfriend Ryuichi.

I thought the boy you met in Japan
was named Hideo.

I met them both. Uh, Hideo was--

-More than a friend.
-Thank you.

Hideo and his friends have a fondness
for bathhouses and group photos.

Oh, my God.
Unfriend him immediately.

-Sayonara.
-I didn't need to see that.

Hideo was supposed to be my rebound.
Now I need a rebound from Hideo?

I'm sure there are tons of boys
who'd go out with you.

ERIC: Jonathan and I are the only ones
at St. Jude's who are out.

-I should bury myself in work, like Jenny.
-I like working for Eleanor.

I don't need a guy to feel fulfilled,
especially when he's unavailable.

Ah, poor Nate. Just reading the e-mail
from Serena reminding everyone...

-...to blow off his birthday.
RUFUS: That seems mean.

She's planning this surprise.
Spending the afternoon getting it ready.

What is Nate supposed to do all day?
Think everyone forgot his birthday?

He spends five hours thinking Serena's
a terrible girlfriend. He'll forgive her.

I, uh...

...have to go to the fabric store.

-All right.
-Bye.

Bye.

Oh, God.
Denjiro, you are definitely not my friend.

Hey. Good morning.

Huh? Oh, yeah. Hey.

Have you been up all night?

Because it looks like
you've k*lled an entire forest.

And your breath smells
like something dead.

-Oh. Thanks.
-Ha, ha.

Um, the application for the Tisch
writing program is due in, uh, two days.

I need to bear down
and finish my one-act.

The one-act that you were


...but didn't wanna show me
till it was 100 percent done?

Uh, yeah. Yeah. But there's no point
in showing it to you...

...until I've taken it
as far as I can myself.

We used to show each other our work
as soon as possible, remember?

-But that was--
-Before we started sleeping together.

But we said we'd date and still
be friends, and this is being friends.

-In fact....
-What's that?

My script for my short-film class that
I've been nervous about showing you.

-This the one based on my short story.
-Now, hand yours over.

Uh....

Okay. All right.

You gotta be completely honest here.
Uh, and I gotta--

You should ignore this first part. In fact,
why don't we exchange tomorrow.

I gotta help Serena out.
And then it'll give me time...

...to give yours proper consideration,
and fine-tune this one a little bit more.

Nice try. But you can read mine
on the subway after you shower.

Have a good day.

-Jenny. Hey.
-Hey. Um, I tried texting you.

-Yeah. I can't seem to find my cell phone.
-Oh.

-What are you doing here?
-It's your birthday.

-Ha, ha. Happy birthday.
-Hey, thank you.

-Here, I got you this.
-Oh. Wow.

You know, I'd say,
"Let me take you out to lunch"...

...but, um, I'm sure you and Serena
already have plans.

No, actually, we don't.

I was gonna go to lunch
with my grandfather.

Oh. All right. Well, have fun.
Ha, ha.

Nate.

I really just wanted
to say thank you again for last week.

I don't know what would've happened.

You know what? Let me just call
my grandfather and cancel.

I'm sure he'll understand.

[SIGHS]

The look on his face was so sad.
I wanted to call him back and say:

"I didn't forget your birthday.
I've got this big party planned."

-Cruel to be kind, S. Nate will be fine.
-No word from Chuck?

He's sitting down with Satan.
He's gonna lay everything on the table.

See if there's anything in the world
he could offer Jack to give up the hotel.

He's come so far. Become the person
I always knew he could be.

He could lose it all because
he opened his heart to that con artist.

Everything will be fine, Blair.
No matter what, Chuck has you...

...and he loves you.
The Empire's just a hotel.

You don't understand.

The hotel is proof
that Bart was wrong about Chuck.

It's become who he is.

Well, then you have to show him
that he has so much more.

Starting with...

...buying this dress.

Come on, B.

Once Chuck sees you in it,
he'll realize, Empire or no Empire...

...Blair Waldorf loves him,
and no one else can say that.

Thanks, S.

I have to go get everything ready
for Nate's party. You gonna be okay?

Okay. Let me know if Chuck calls you.

And buy that dress.

She's right, it is a remarkable dress,
made only more so by you in it.

What are you doing here?
Besides stalking me.

Please. I was just window-shopping
and saw something I liked.

-You're supposed to be meeting Chuck.
-Oh, we met. Ideas were discussed...

...expletives used.

And how's your morning been,
gorgeous?

You think you've won.

Chuck will find a way to get back
what you stole. There's always a way.

I told him how to get back his hotel.

-And it wouldn't cost him a dime.
-What are you talking about?

I'm saying
Chuck can have the Empire...

...and all it would cost
is you spending the night with me.

How does that grab you?

GOSSIP GIRL: Careful, B. Jack Bass'
weapon of choice comes fully loaded...

...and if he hits his target,
there'll be at least two victims.

I'd rather spend the night
with the Marquis de Sade.

-And, yes, I know he's dead.
-I'm surprised this is your response...

...knowing how attached Chuck is
to his hotel, what it means to him.

I thought you cared for him.

I thought you were just a disgusting pig.
Now I realize you're actually demented.

Taking what belongs to Chuck
has become a real passion of mine.

And I would find this particular
conquest deeply satisfying.

I assure you that Chuck and I
will find another way.

Chuck opened his heart to you,
and now his future lies in your hands.

Well, not your hands exactly.

But you could fix this.

He would never have to know.

Chuck will win.

I'll be right by his side
as long as it takes for that to happen.

As long as you're at his side
and not mine, that will never happen.

You should at least try it on.

-Hey.
-Hey. I was just about to call you.

You know that Polaroid film
I told you I had? I don't.

Oh. I promised Serena that I'd get it.
We need it for the game of Assassin.

Well....

DAN: This is the one thing she gave
me to do, and if I mess it up...

...she'll k*ll me
and not in a fun, game way.

Done. What's wrong?
Is it because Serena...

...never threw you a surprise party?
Because you hate surprises.

No. Vanessa just-- She wrote this script.
She wants me to read it.

-And?
-Well, it's not great.

Give her notes. That's what you guys
always do with each other's work.

As friends. In relationships, there's
such a thing as too much honesty.

Would not have been a good idea
to tell Serena...

...how I felt
about every outfit she wore.

Telling a woman you like her clothes
is not lying, it's self-preservation.

But the truth has shades of gray.
There's such a thing as spin.

Half-truth is a whole lie, son.
In my experience, it causes...

...the same amount of problems
down the line, especially with the ladies.

JENNY: Serena must have something
great planned for you guys tonight?

Yeah, some toad gala at the Frick.

-Uh, that sounds--
-Boring?

I know. I mean, it's not like
I had some high expectations.

I just expected Serena
to be a little more....

I mean, you know. Basically, this burger
is the best part of my day so far.

It's the best part of mine too.

Actually, you know,
the best part of the week.

How are you
after that whole thing at Eleanor's?

You know you can always
come to me, right?

Yeah. Thanks.

But today is not about me. Did I mention
that public embarrassment...

...is a part of the Humphrey
birthday tradition?

Okay, I'm actually happy
to be humiliated.

Good. Blow out your candle
and make a wish.

Yay!

[CROWD CHEERS]

Okay. Bye.

I brought my trench coat, camera.
Prepare to be assassinated.

Ha, ha. Will do. Thanks.

Something wrong?

Oh, you read my script.

And you didn't like it.

I can take it, I think.

Um....

No, you're right, I didn't, uh....
I didn't like it.

I loved it.

Really? Loved it?

-No notes?
-No. I mean, only note I got...

...is I wish there was more of it.

Yeah, so what'd you think of my play?

-Oh, um, I didn't get a chance to read it.
-No worries.

I have to get the application in
day after tomorrow, so....

Okay.

-Oh, Miss Serena, I about to text.
SERENA: Dorota, what is going on?

Everything should be done by now.

Vans get messed up. Dead-body cake
go to wedding. Wedding cake come here.

It's very pretty,
but pink not Mr. Nate's color.

We have to stall Nate.
William has to keep him occupied.

No cookies like hearts.
Find b*ll*ts and knives...

...and little bombs that go: "boom."

Oh. Mr. Vanderbilt, it's Serena,
but don't tell Nate.

Oh.

Okay, um....

Yeah. I'll let him know when I see him.

Nate's not with him. He said he called
last-minute and canceled.

Then where be he?

Let's find out.

[DIALING CELL PHONE]

Listen, I gotta get going.
I told Serena I'd be there by 3...

...to get ready for the gala.

Uh, white shirt, black tie.
I'd think you'd have it down by now.

[NATE CHUCKLES]

Have fun tonight.

Yeah.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

It's just whenever I'm alone...

...I can't not think of the other night,
you know?

Hey, I'm sorry.
Um, you shouldn't keep Serena waiting.

It's just you're the only one who gets
what I'm going through right now.

Well, hey, I'm sure Serena won't mind
if I'm a little bit late.

Like you said, a white shirt, black tie.

How long can it take
to get ready for a gala?

[CELL PHONE BEEPS]

GOSSIP GIRL: Attention, Upper
East Siders: Nate Archibald is MIA.

Send tips and pics ASAP.
Help Serena find her man.

Um....

I kind of just wanna disappear
in the dark for a while.

Do you wanna go see a movie?

-I'm in.
-Okay.

-Thank you, Gregor.
-Chuck.

Back from shopping, no packages.
Who are you?

-What have you done with my girlfriend?
-Nothing suited my sensibilities.

How was your talk with Jack?

I was wrong to think
I could negotiate with t*rrorists.

-Did he offer you anything?
-Nothing I would ever consider.

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

When he can't get what he wants,
he'll stop toying with you.

One can only hope.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Hello?

Thank you.

[SIGHS]

You were right.

After I said no to Jack's offer,
he's called off the game plan.

He's closing the hotel.

It's over.

Miss Blair, this package arrive for you.
There's card.

GOSSIP GIRL: Careful, B.
Don't forget your first rule of battle:

Beware of Basses bearing gifts.

MAN: Has Nate showed up yet?
SERENA: He'll be here soon.

I'm really sorry.
I'm sure it'll be any minute.

Hey. Um, any word on Nate
from Vanya's doormen contacts?

Dorota has pretty much
the entire Eastern Bloc on lookout.

Anything on Gossip Girl?

Uh, I'm gonna keep looking.

Serena, come here. You've done
some unforgivable things...

...like having sex with Nate
or k*lling Pete Fairman.

How far is too far? Where is that place
you can't come back from anymore?

What are you talking about?
Is Chuck gonna do something to Jack?

What?

I mean, yes. There is something
someone could do...

...to get back The Empire.
And, yes, it is terrible.

But they'd be doing it out of love.

-Love of whom?
-Just love.

The point is,
if someone does something awful...

-...but it's for love, is it okay?
-If you are crossing some moral line...

...to best Jack Bass,
then probably not.

-What are you not telling me?
-Nothing. You're right. Thank you.

I should go get dressed.

Oh, and I invited my minions.
It'll be like sh**ting fish in a barrel.

Hey, Jenny. It's me. Uh...

...I just wanted to remind you
that Nate needed to be here an hour ago.

Bring him to the party right now.

DAN: Hey, where's Nate?
-I believe...

...he'll arrive momentarily. He better,
with all of his Columbia friends here.

-You want me to start taking pictures?
-Yes.

I'll grab Vanessa's camera.

VANESSA:
Hey.

-Do you need something?
-Camera. Here.

Smile like the k*ller you are.

Chuck.

Are you gonna come down
and join the party?

[SIGHS]

I heard from my lawyers. I was waiting
to see if there was any chance...

-...of keeping The Empire doors open.
-And?

There's not. Jack's within his rights
to shutter the place.

I just have to watch it die
a slow, painful death.

When you bought The Empire...

...you told me you knew you could do it
because I believed in you.

That hasn't changed.
You'll find a way.

When are you going to get it?
There is no way!

I'm sorry. I'm not mad at you.
It's my own fault.

I am everything my father said I was.

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

Even without the guest of honor,
it's still a great party.

-I can't believe he didn't even call.
-Well, you did steal his phone.

You have a point.
But we did have plans...

...even if it was a made-up ball
for a non-endangered reptile.

You're freaking me out
with the nunchucks.

He probably thinks
I don't care about his birthday.

Surprise!

ALL:
Surprise!

-Sorry we're late, everyone.
WOMAN: Hello.

Crazy.

GOSSIP GIRL: Uh-oh, S, looks like
Little J's knives are sharpened...

...and she's ready to use them
in the battle for Nate Archibald.

The game of Assassin is simple:
k*ll or be k*lled.

Your photo is your life.

You wear it around your neck.

If someone grabs your picture
before you get theirs, you're dead.

You have to give them all the pictures
of everyone you've k*lled.

Once you're a ghost,
you come back here to the safe zone.

You can't go beyond this block,
but restaurants, buildings, shops...

...all fair game.

The winner is the last Assassin
on the street.

And they have all the other photos.

So you have five safe minutes
to leave the building starting now.

[ALL CHATTERING]

-I can't believe you were in on this.
-Thank you.

I figured someone
had to keep him distracted. Ha, ha.

I gotta go before I end up dead.

NATE:
I can't believe you did this.

It's awesome.

-I mean, you totally had me going.
-Apparently.

-Were you not gonna show up to the gala?
-What? No.

-Something with Jenny just came up.
-Yeah, I got that.

We have exactly four minutes left
to live.

Do you really wanna spend it
talking like this?

Hey, come on, game's starting.

-Let's go.
-I'm already dead.

-Uh, you still have your photo.
-A formality.

Although, you're welcome
to k*ll me again if you like.

Oh, well.

[GROANS]

VANYA: Hello, Dorota.
-What are you doing here?

I will be k*lled if someone find me.

Why would somebody k*ll you?

-Anti-royalist from Russia?
-No. In game.

Then I must do something
before you die.

Dorota.

From first moment I saw you,
I knew you were princess.

And every day
you make me feel like king.

-Will you--?
-Yes. Yes.

Yes, of course I will marry you.
Ha, ha.

-At least now I die with happiness.
-Ha, ha.

[ERIC & VANYA GRUNT]

Vanya, I'm so sorry.

Hey, you okay?

Uh, yeah, I am.

-Are you okay?
-I am engaged.

-Oh.
-Ha, ha.

Oh, wow, wow.
Uh, congratulations. Both of you.

[ALL LAUGH]

Uh, sorry. A friend's housekeeper
and our doorman got engaged.

-But you obviously got that, the--
MAN: That's pretty self-explanatory.

It's the all-black outfit
that's throwing me.

-I'm in the middle of a game of Assassin.
-Oh, well, okay.

Continue on your way.
I'd hate to contribute to your death.

I'm safe for a moment.
Do you live in the building?

No, I like hanging out
in random lobbies...

...overhearing proposals,
looking for games of Assassin.

-Then this is definitely your lucky day.
-Indeed.

There is something
I have to take care of for a minute.

But dead or alive, I will be right back.

Yeah, thanks.

[CHUCKLES]

Thank you.

[MAN SHOUTING IN SPANISH]

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have more important prey to hunt.

Ooh. Might wanna call Rufus
and say your goodbyes.

-I'm into this k*ller side of you.
-I'd hate for you to die...

-...without getting to read my script.
-Promise I will.

You know, I'll give you another copy.
The one in your bag is pretty marked up.

I'm sorry, Dan.
I didn't know what to do.

I was gonna tell you,
but I didn't know what to say.

-You felt sorry for me?
-Not what I meant.

Well, good.
As long as we're being honest...

...your script was not an A-plus.

It was a D.

At least you'll be together
on the other side.

Hey, whoa. I don't care about the game.
We need to talk.

-Okay. About what?
-What were you doing with Nate?

-Keeping him busy.
-That wasn't the plan.

-Nate and I are friends.
-Friends don't kiss friends.

-You have history with him.
-Yes. Ancient.

I'm not gonna do anything to Nate.

-Now, is that all?
-Nope.

You can't k*ll me. You're already dead.

-No, I'm not.
-Yes, you are.

Oh.

Any last words before I open this door
and m*rder you?

Look, I know you thought
that I blew off your birthday...

...but you did ditch me.

-Uh, Serena, it wasn't like that.
-Nate.

I need to know why you ignored
our plans to spend the day with Jenny.

Well, I promised her
I wouldn't say anything.

Okay, last week,
something really messed up happened.

-And she came to you about it?
-Only because I was involved.

-That's not making me feel any better.
-Girls from Eleanor's fashion show...

...they roofie'd her and then dumped her
off at some bar with all these guys.

Oh, my God. Is she okay?

Yeah, I mean, I got there
before anything actually happened...

...but, you know,
she's having a tough time.

-So....
-I'm sorry.

You're such a good guy,
Nate Archibald.

Can I kiss you before I k*ll you?

Got you. Watch your back.

Well, looks like
it's just you and Nate left.

I'm on it.

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

[HOLLYWOOD HOLT'S
"BRAINS!" PLAYING OVER SPEAKER]

-Chuck, have you seen Blair?
-I assume she's still slaying.

She can't be. Her Polaroid's right here.

You know Blair.
She's probably cheating.

If you'll excuse me a moment.

Blair?

GOSSIP GIRL:
When all other weapons fail...

...there's always human sacrifice.

I knew the memory of our New Year's
together would bring you back.

I'm not here for you.

I'm here to get Chuck's hotel.

-Hmm. Semantics, really.
-I've had a contract drawn up.

Now suddenly you don't trust me?
What are your demands?

No kissing seems to be, you know,
some working girls' rule of thumb.

You'll tell Chuck that you realized he
isn't worth losing Bass Australia over.

Now that you've devalued The Empire...

...you're willing to sell it back at a profit
so he doesn't suspect anything.

You know,
I love a win-win proposition.

And Chuck can never know.

Ah. I think I've already proven
I'm not one to kiss and tell.

Fine.

I've already had his hotel.

Now I'll leave knowing
I've had the thing he holds even dearer.

Everything that was his is mine.

That dress looks almost as beautiful on
as I'm sure it will off.

But first a drink.

-Oh, I'm sorry. She's trying to k*ll me.
JENNY: Yeah, only because...

...he's trying to k*ll me.

The grilled cheese with truffles
is really good, by the way.

Looks like it's till death do us part.

Someday maybe you girls
find true love too.

And your children
not grow up to be b*stards.

Congratulations, Dorota, Vanya.

Hey, Dorota, do you remember the guy
that I was talking to in the lobby?

I don't even remember own name.

All a blur of sparkly.

[INDIE POP MUSIC
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

So, uh, it wasn't a D. It wasn't.

But it wasn't an A-plus either. I did
think the male character's dialogue...

...sounded a little bit like a girl,
you know. So....

I can see that.
Thanks for being honest.

-That's actually a really helpful note.
-You gotta do me now.

-Tear me to pieces. Be brutal.
-You know I think...

-...you're an amazing writer.
-Really? That brutal?

It's just a play about a homeless man
winning the lottery, it seems a little...

...out of your wheelhouse.

Oof. Well, I was, you know,
trying to show some range.

When you write what you know,
you're amazing.

Like that story about graduating
from St. Jude's having never fit in.

That was really beautiful.

What would've happened
if you didn't tell me this...

-...and I sent the wrong one?
-Ha-ha-ha!

They would've loved you anyway.

-You sure you're not lying again?
-Never.

[JENNY PANTING]

Trying to k*ll you...

-...is the best time I've had in months.
-That's a great reason to let me live.

You are the birthday boy.

I should let you k*ll me.

Uh-oh.

You're dead.

Champagne okay?

I prefer something stronger
to k*ll the germs.

[JACK CHUCKLES]

Must be lonely for you
with Chuck under all this pressure.

Has the stress compromised
his ability to perform romantically?

I'm here because I love Chuck.

Don't flatter yourself into thinking
I'm going to enjoy this.

Whatever you need to tell yourself.

I think we've had enough foreplay.

[JACK CHUCKLES]

Thank you.

What? That's it?
You already signed the contract.

-You can't go back now.
-Chuck will get his hotel.

But I prefer a woman
to want to have sex with me.

I don't understand.
Why did you set this up?

I told Chuck I'd take either you
or the hotel.

He chose to give me you.

No.

What are you talking about?
Chuck doesn't know.

Really? Because it seems
to me he knew exactly...

...which buttons to have me push.

Said you wouldn't be able to resist
stepping in to save him behind his back.

You were there while I was shopping.
You're the only one who saw this dress.

And who do you think
sent me to that store? I'd never drop...

...that kind of money on a dress.

My goal was to destroy Chuck.

But now that he has you,
I had to break that bond.

Chuck would never do this to me.

If you don't believe me, check his
credit card receipts. I'm sorry, Blair.

Just be grateful one of the Bass men
has some moral integrity.

Although, if you're interested
in some revenge sex...

...I'd be more than happy to oblige.

GOSSIP GIRL:
Arms are laid down...

...only to realize
you've been hit by friendly fire.

Okay, so, what the hell was that?

What do you mean?
We were playing and I k*lled you.

Jenny, us hanging out,
was just as friends.

Yeah, I know.

Nate, seriously, I thought that you'd be
happy I was finally having fun again.

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

JENNY:
Guys.

I won.

[ALL CHEERING]

-Congratulations.
-Thank you.

-Hey. I'm glad it's over.
JENNY: Hi.

SERENA: How could you lose?
-Oh, stop it.

Home so soon?

Please tell me Jack was lying.

-You wouldn't betray me like that.
-Me betray you?

You're the one who just came
from seeing my uncle.

I went there for you.

Because I thought it was the only way
that would save your hotel.

I would've done anything to help you.

All you had to do was ask.

If I asked, it wouldn't have worked.

You would've been too willing when
Jack came to you. He would've known.

I did what I had to, to win.

-No.
-I can't let my feelings...

...cost me all that I've built.

Even if it means losing me instead?

All I ever did was love you.

The worst thing I ever did,
the darkest thought I ever had.

You said you would
stand by me through anything.

This, Blair, is anything.

I never thought that the worst thing
you would ever do would be to me.

You went up there on your own.

Goodbye, Chuck.

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

Hey. I'm sorry for tricking you.

Oh, it was worth it.

Seriously, best birthday ever.

Well, it's not over yet.

I still have to give you your present.

Hey, Jen, are you ready?
I'm gonna grab our coats.

Yeah. I'm done.

I mean, yeah, I'm ready to go.

[SERENA GIGGLING]

[BOTH SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

GOSSIP GIRL: When the battle ends
and weapons are put away...

...new strategies take shape.

Hey, Vanessa.

Hi.

Professor Romano
sent this over earlier.

You weren't here
so the messenger left it with me.

I didn't know you were applying
to the Tisch writing program.

I'm kind of not telling anyone.

It's really competitive. I mean, there
are only a few spots for NYU transfers.

I hope you get in.

-Thanks.
-Mm-hm.

GOSSIP GIRL:
Soldiers decide to fend for themselves.

Hey, there you are.

-I think you lost this.
-Thanks.

-How'd you know what apartment?
-Well...

...I, uh, started on the first floor,
worked my way up.

You do realize
that this is the penthouse, right?

I'm Eric. Ha, ha.

I'm Elliot.

GOSSIP GIRL:
New alliances are made.

But there are casualties.

Welcome home, Chuck.

You're not mad at me, are you?

I mean, you didn't actually believe
Blair could sleep with me...

...and you two would be okay?

Or are you mad because I told her?

Security.

I need Jack Bass escorted
from my penthouse immediately.

You may have told her...

...but Blair and I will get past this.

Is that what you think?

Don't you get it, Chuck?

Blair's seen the real you now.

It's over.

She could never love that.

No one could.

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

Hope The Empire's
everything you wanted.

Because now it's all you got.

GOSSIP GIRL:
In matters of love and w*r...

...all weapons cause injury.

The question is,
who will live to fight another day?

XOXO, Gossip Girl.