3x21 - Ex-Husbands and Wives

[bunniefuu]

gossip girl here-your one and only source Into the scandalous lives of manhattan's elite.

I made the biggest mistake of my life walking out on you.

I promise to make it up to you, because I love you.

You told me you were selling me oxy, But those pills were antibiotics.

Dad.

Look, I can explain.

Get your things and come with me.

We're going home, to brooklyn.

If dr.

Van der woodsen loves your mother As much as he said he did, then maybe there's something She should know about rufus.

I want to talk to you about lily.

Obviously, I'm not a doctor, but there's something weird About her medicine.

Name's cameron.

Blair.

Do you want to make that guy who showed up jealous or what? I'm game if you are.

I'm game.

New day, new designer.

Whether it's love or w*r you're outfitting for, Thank god for friends and fashion.

That one looks good.

Chuck and I played "wuthering heights" in it.

I mean, who starts a courtship during the day anyway? Humans who venture out in light and aren't named "bass.

" Serena, I have to tell you something.

What's wrong? I've never been on a date.

What about chuck? And nate? And chuck.

And then nate again.

No, I mean on a real date, With someone I didn't know already or who wasn't A british lord masquerading as a college student.

B.

, obviously, cameron liked you When he met you at the loft party.

Just be yourself and have fun.

And try the marc jacobs.

I have to go.

What's going on? You haven't lusted after a louboutin all morning.

I just have to get home.

Is it lily? I think rufus cheated on her.

Oh, my god.

I'm so sorry.

I didn't know they even had groupies that old.

They met at the rooftop garden committee.

Well, how is your mom taking it? She doesn't know.

I told my dad, And he thought it would be best if we waited to tell her.

Stress isn't good for her condition.

Well, is there anything I can do? Dorota's family has polish mob connections.

No.

thank you, though.

I'm just hoping rufus will stay away until she gets stronger.

And, b.

, I don't know If handcuffs are a good idea for a first date.

¶ hey, mr.

Workabee ¶ ¶ I see you working ¶ It's a good thing you're not a drug dealer anymore.

That girl you sold lily's fake oxy to Wanted double what she paid just to give me the bottle back.

so what'd you find out? My personal pharmacist is looking into it.

Do you trust him to know If they're bad for lily? He appreciates a fine pharmaceutical.

And why are you whispering? If it's a seduction technique, don't bother.

Ew.

You wish.

No, I-I'm-I'm grounded again.

Shocker, I know.

But I'm-I'm not supposed to use the phone.

Fine.

Well, I'll let you know When I hear something about the antibiotics.

Okay.

Cool.

¶ you give someone something? Hmm.

Only hours and hours of enjoyment.

Thank you for that visual.

Look, I'm gonna go see serena.

Does this mean she's finally out from under her father's spell? No, serena's in a good place.

I mean, after palm beach, She stopped running away or keeping secrets.

I'm glad.

Oh, um, say hello to blair for me.

I hope she has a great day.

Okay, do not do anything to mess with her date, please.

Her date? With whom? you serious? You have all your spies, and you had to get it out of me? Come on.

You finally stopped defiling the pool table With the entire cast of cirque du soleil.

You got blair into columbia.

Why not let things end on a good note? Look, I need to take this.

And don't worry.

I have more important concerns than blair's social life.

Hey.

So what can you tell me about the pills? We went over this.

The only exception is schoolwork.

Chuck bass is not giving you your homework assignments.

What? Dad, you can't take it.

I didn't even do anything wrong.

Well, it's nice to know I can spend my last night with vanessa And come home to my family, fighting like They still live here.

Don't know if you've heard, but your sister's a drug dealer.

Was.

Past tense.

And you already grounded me for it.

Wait.

Grounded to the loft? Lily said she needed some time, so it was easier To bring jenny here.

And jenny would much rather be here anyway.

And jenny's dad thinks it's time for her to stop arguing And go do her homework.

And talking about yourselves like you're not here Is helping how? You know, I can't do my homework without my books.

I'll go to lily's and bring them back for you.

Come with me? Sure.

Yeah, because dan loves being in the middle of these things.

Special delivery.

You know, I'm getting awfully spoiled having a doctor in the house.

Although I am looking forward Rward To drinking my apple juice straight.

I'm surprised you can even stand the smell of that stuff After being pregnant with serena.

You're right.

I did drink an awful lot of it during those months, didn't I? And not just apple juice, That green apple juice from that place down in the village.

What was it called again? I used to make you go all the way downtown To get it for me.

You didn't make me.

I'd go down there right now If the juice craze wasn't over.

About that speech- D- don't-don't even say it.

I'm sorry.

I just got caught up in the moment, And it came out all wrong.

I was hoping that's what had happened.

And I'm-I'm just so thrilled to get to know the kids.

You've just done such an amazing job, lily.

Really.

You know, you-you and rufus.

Thank you.

I honestly don't know How we'd be getting through all of this without you.

Oh, which reminds me- Those homeopathic remedies are clogging up my humidifier.

Want to check it out? Yeah.

Hello? You didn't answer your cell.

You mean my dad didn't.

He took it.

Lily's pills are ivermectin.

They're great at battling parasites And african river blindness, But lymphoma, not so much.

Well, is it dangerous? I mean, does she know what she's taking? What we need to find out is who prescribed them and when.

I wish I didn't rip the label off the bottle.

I don't remember what it said.

The date and the drug store were still legible, Which was enough to track down the prescribing doctor.

Luckily, pharmacists don't make enough to turn down bribes.

Okay, so what's next? The mission requires an expert, Someone highly trained In the art of extorting information.

You're not seriously Gonna use this to try to get back with blair.

My priority is the truth.

If she's the one who can expose it Then you'll take advantage of that To make sure she doesn't move on.

All right, I get it.

Let's just hope she's willing to make herself available.

Meet me at the waldorfs'.

But wait.

I'm grounded.

hey, lil? Rufus, I didn't know you were coming over.

Yeah, we're just picking up jenny's schoolbooks.

They're in her old room.

I thought my mom told you she needed some time.

I just want to check in and make sure we're still on For that friends of the library thing tonight.

I'm sorry, but if she wanted to talk to you, Then she would call you back.

You should leave.

Serena, does she have a problem seeing me or is it you? Holland told me what happened.

About the sublet? I told you already.

I didn't want your dad living in the same building.

You know it's not about that.

Rufus.

What's going on? I honestly don't know.

Um, serena, what did holland tell you? Why don't you just leave? You know what? Why don't we call holland and have her tell us herself? I don't know what you want me to say.

Well, serena's under the impression That you know something about something I did.

I shouldn't be here.

Come on.

I have nothing to hide from my family.

Just tell them the truth.

Rufus and I slept together.

Talk about love thy neighbor.

what? I'm sorry.

Next time, rufus, choose one who knows how to keep a secret.

This is absurd.

Mom, I'm sorry.

I didn't want you to find out like this.

serena, this is not your fault.

lily, why don't you head upstairs, Let me handle this? Thank you, william.

I'm gonna take you up on that.

Lily.

Rufus.

Dad.

I'm sorry.

I never meant to hurt anyone.

Come on, eric.

We don't need to hear this.

Rufus, you can't expect me to stand here And lie to their faces.

You just did.

You asked me to come up here.

You had to know it was going to happen.

Excuse me.

Holland, right? This kind of stress is not good for lily.

Please tell her I'm sorry, again.

There's nothing to be sorry about.

Nothing happened.

I think you should leave, too, rufus.

You'd love that, wouldn't you? The only place I'm going is to see my wife.

What'd I miss? Lil, I'm sorry.

I had no idea she was an insane person.

Look, I don't want to discuss this with you.

Wait.

You actually believe her? What does she have to gain, Standing here, humiliating herself in front of our family? I don't know what the hell's going on.

I just know she's lying.

Yeah, well, it'd be a lot easier to believe If you hadn't left your scarf in her apartment.

We went over this.

I told you, nothing happened that night.

Rufus, you, of all people, Could understand why I might have a doubt.

You didn't talk to me for weeks after you found That letter from william.

Lily, maybe you would do that, but I wouldn't, and I didn't.

When you're ready to hear that and talk about it, Give me a call.

So Crazy day at the van der woodsens', huh? I just wanted to keep rufus away until my mom got stronger.

well, you don't really think he did this, do you? Why would holland lie about it? I don't know.

I don't even know who she is.

But I do know rufus.

I mean, he took me in When my dad left us with nothing.

He's a good guy.

They all are, until they aren't anymore.

I'm just trying to protect my mom.

I get it, okay? But just give him a chance.

He gave you one when you bailed on brown.

Are you really taking his side right now? I'm not taking sides.

We're just talking about it.

Well, maybe that's not such a good idea.

I have to go be with my family.

I still don't see why we need blair for this.

I mean, don't you read "gossip girl"? Extortion's what I do all day.

This is more than headbands and high school.

The two of you here together? Please tell me There's an explanation that doesn't involve the apocalypse.

We come in peace and with a purpose.

Something's going on with lily's medication.

We need your mind game mastery to find out what.

Who are you, house? I'm sure dr.

Van der woodsen knows what he's doing.

It's not van der woodsen.

It's a psychiatrist.

I have an address.

It's weird, right? Lily so does not seem like she's in therapy.

And you so should be.

But as much as I admire the attempt to lure me back With subversive sleuthing, And appreciative as I am of your help with columbia, The answer's no.

Blair, I need to find out Why someone doesn't want lily getting better.

A heartfelt plea as well.

And much more effective than a fatwa.

But you obviously already know that I have a date today.

And nothing you can dangle will make me miss it.

Next time, don't bring jenny humphrey.

I'm sorry you had to find out about rufus like that.

I know you two have become close.

You know I'm only concerned with how you're doing.

I'm not sure.

Is that too honest? No.

No, it makes sense.

Well, you know, after five marriages, The last thing I want to do is Put you and serena through another divorce.

It might sound cold, but they do get easier.

Rufus is different, you know? He's been like a father to you.

And I-I love him.

But if you think he cheated on you, You can't stay with him because of me.

You have to stay with him because you still love him And because you think you guys can work through this.

It doesn't matter who you end up with As long as you're still here.

Well, thanks for coming with me, man.

It means a lot, you getting involved.

Well, hey, my dad would have done this and worse.

All right, and no matter what serena wants to believe, There's no way rufus would hurt lily like that.

Does serena know you're doing this? Well, I was thinking we'd see what we find out Before I tell her.

You're on dangerous ground there.

Yeah, but the only way to clean up this mess, for everyone, Is to find out the truth.

Yeah, well, I-I know.

That's why we need the help of an expert.

Philosophy of w*r? Hmm.

I'm finally home.

Nate? Humphrey? Please don't tell me my mother rehired you as a cater waiter.

I'm dan.

Cameron.

Hey, nate.

Great game last week.

Thanks.

Sorry to interrupt.

We just need blair's help with something.

Yes, people often drop by with their problems Because they know how supportive I am.

Supportive, I.

E.

Scheming.

Did Chuck send you? His pill plan didn't work, so he sent frick and frack To ruin my date? No, blair, this is about my dad and lily.

This woman holland has accused him of Cheating.

Wait a minute.

An artist or a hippie activist, maybe, But rooftop garden committee? I knew that something wasn't right when serena told me.

No way would another upper east sider shtup rufus.

My stepfather's jewish.

Oh.

Blair, we can't let lily leave rufus.

Will you help us? Exposing scandal on the upper east side? Show me your world, blair waldorf.

They'd be lost without me.

Tell me everything you know about this holland person.

Trust me.

I live with the van der woodsens.

I learned how to lie.

Can I help you? We're here to see dr.

Kemble.

Did you have an appointment? Well, I work for a troubled teen hotline, And I'm really worried that I said some wrong things about Drugs and depression, and was hoping that dr.

Kemble could Actually give me some advice.

Of course.

The doctor will be back next week.

Next week Will be fine.

Thank you.

And what brings you and your mid-level entourage? Nothing personal.

We're looking for holland, who claims she slept with rufus.

Let me guess- Dr.

Holland kemble? You better hope this doctor gets healed Before someone else gets hurt.

So what exactly am I looking for? A bottle of pills, like the one with the oxy- Hopefully, with the label on this time.

Or something else that can directly link them to holland.

Okay, I will rummage and report.

Holland is obviously trying to poison lily so she can Have rufus all to herself.

So shakespearean.

Yeah.

It's also "fatal attraction.

" I just can't handle dead bunnies.

Maybe I'm stating the obvious here, But shouldn't we just tell lily? Tell her what? "jenny tried to sell your mislabeled meds, which somehow Came from the woman who said she slept with your husband"? No, we have to get to holland first.

She's the one who can connect all the dots, And then we go to lily.

Holland will be at the library benefit tonight.

I saw it on the calendar.

Perfect.

Public humiliation always helps When trying to elicit a confession.

We don't expect you to keep up.

It's beyond basic rugby strategy.

So hopefully, jenny will find Something we can use as leverage.

Exactly, humphrey.

Glad to have you aboard this time.

All right.

Rendezvous at my place.

Dress is black-tie.

I'll have tickets.

so You guys do this kind of thing a lot? Oh, yeah.

A lot more than you'd think.

Last year, georgina pretended to be this rich canadian To get poppy, but things got all messed up When she turned her back on jesus.

Yeah, but dan doesn't normally participate.

So that's your sorry-your-husband- Was-cheating-on-you present- a juicer? Trust me.

It'll make your mother smile.

sometimes I wish she would have Let you take us away from here when you wanted to.

Tibet sounds pretty good right now.

Only if you don't get typhoid.

Besides, wherever you run, things still happen.

All you can do is try to learn from them.

Well, as awful as it's been, Maybe mom needed this To see that she wasn't with the right man.

I'm not gonna take advantage of the situation To try to get closer to your mother.

Well, you have been there throughout her entire sickness.

And this whole thing with rufus could have happened So that you could finally stop hiding how you really feel.

I feel happy to be out shopping with my daughter, And to be able to spend some time With the people that I love.

Including mom.

Serena.

Good-bye.

Hey.

Why don't you do something tonight to cheer her up? There's the library benefit.

You could invite her.

Only if you come, too.

What are you doing here? No pills to steal in brooklyn? I actually came by to get a dress If you haven't destroyed them all already.

I have no interest in your wannabe watanabe.

As I'm sure you saw, your stuff is by the front.

And last time I checked, dresses weren't in the kitchen Near my mom's medicine.

Do you even know what your dad's prescribing her? Probably something with high street value Or you wouldn't be interested.

If you could just stop hating me for, like, one second, You'd actually see I was trying to help your family.

Yeah, yeah.

You and your dad have done wonderful things For us van der woodsens.

Like it's been such a banner year for the humphreys? I would give it all back- the clothes, the parties, The limo rides-just for one day that felt normal.

Then why are you still here? You're right.

Nothing would make me happier Than to go back to brooklyn forever.

Was that jenny leaving? Were you two fighting over rufus? I don't want you kids in the middle.

That was just jenny.

You know her- all angst, all the time.

oh, god.

You okay? Do you want me to call dad? No, I'm fine.

I'm fine physically.

Sitting around here is only gonna make you worse.

Dad invited us to the library benefit tonight.

Why don't we go with him? Oh, my god.

A juicer? Don't tell me A night out with your father is exactly what the doctor ordered.

I'm sorry your new beau had to abandon our mission.

Oh, he had a dinner with his rugby team.

How h*m*.

You know how I love that.

We have plans to continue our date later.

So are you all ready to make the fat lady sing? I'll settle for making the lying doctor lady confess.

Oh, here's nancy drew now.

Did you get our proof? Come on, jenny.

The future of our family is riding on your sleuthing.

I'm sorry.

I looked everywhere, but there was nothing.

All right, what now? If we don't have evidence, She has no reason to tell us anything.

Well, luckily, Like every great general, I have contingency plans.

Archibald, it's time to make use of those family connections.

Watch out, lonely boy.

Seems your little sister has her own ideas About your family's planning.

serena is here.

This complicates things.

We have to avoid them seeing us.

S.

Won't be on board, And we can't have a blonde bombshell blowing up our plan.

And the plan is we wait for nate and dan to arrive With some a.

M.

A.

Guy who's friends with nate's family? The plan is you wait with his ticket.

His name is dr.

Tabb, so pretend you're well-bred and be polite.

It'll pay off if you ever need Orthopedic surgery at mount sinai.

Like when you stab me in the back.

Blair and I will keep our eye on holland.

Once our leverage arrives, she'll either tell us the truth Or we tell dr.

Tabb, and he revokes her license.

I need a phone, too.

My dad took mine.

Don't worry, little.

J.

You'll be back on park avenue in no time.

What are you doing? Playing the part.

Mnh-mnh.

¶ Hi.

Uh, mount sinai orthopedic? Please let dr.

Tabb know that there's no need to wait.

Uh, nate archibald had a change of plans And won't be coming in tonight.

Thanks.

¶ You know, I have to say, it's really nice to be here With someone who doesn't hate these sort of things.

I have an idea.

I've already had it.

Dr.

Kemble, I've been dying to get ahold of you.

I've wanted to get him to come to therapy for weeks.

Dad, what are you doing here? Serena called me, but I was already on my way.

I figured if my grounded daughter goes missing, I just have to wait till the next big party To know where to find her.

Dad, I know you have no reason to believe me, But this time I'm actually trying to help you.

Jenny, is holland here? Oh, dad.

What'd you say about holland? Is she here? The a.

M.

A.

Guy wasn't at the hospital, And blair's not picking up her phone.

If holland's here, I need to talk to her.

I've been trying to reach her all day.

not a good idea.

and you don't have a ticket.

Dad, you're not even dressed.

Serena.

¶ I know a scheme when I see one.

I assume chuck and blair are here somewhere? Okay, yeah, they're looking for holland.

What was I supposed to do? I know rufus did not do this.

And you won't even give him a chance.

Why should I? He wouldn't give my dad a chance.

Oh, so that's it? Anyone who might not like your dad has to go? Nate, all I asked you to do was support me, And instead, you went behind my back.

It's not like that.

look, I get why everyone else did this.

Dan and jenny don't want to believe that their dad cheated, Chuck will do anything to get close to blair, And blair, as much as she wants to, can't run away from a game.

But you were supposed to be on my side.

As if watching audrey hepburn movies Isn't manhood-shriveling enough, I now have to talk about my feelings? Those movies are the only romance I have in my life.

He loves his work more than he loves me.

I'm sorry.

I really prefer to see couples in my office.

Why don't you call and make an appointment? Please.

Please.

He traded me to his uncle For his hotel.

Traded you? For sex.

Please, is it any worse than you tricking me into kissing a guy Just so you can give a speech? That's not the same.

He's kissed guys before.

She slept with jack My uncle.

Clearly, you both have hurt each other, And now neither of you feel safe.

How can we rebuild? Ahem.

Ahem.

Ahem.

it's going to take a lot of hard work And a lot of time.

Are there any trust games involved? I'm sorry.

I really do have to go.

Did I hear talk of games? Please, just make an appointment.

Just one more thing- that man over there Is on the a.

M.

A.

Disciplinary committee.

Last time I checked, it was ill*gal To prescribe mislabeled medication, Especially to those who aren't even your patients.

What? You two really are sick.

The person standing with him is waiting for my signal, To show him I have proof of what you did to lily humphrey.

Just tell us why.

Are you in love with rufus? They say psychiatrists are the craziest ones.

Blair? What the hell is going on? Would you like to tell him Or would you like dr.

Disciplinary to do it? I only wrote those prescriptions because I owed someone a favor.

The same someone who told you say you slept with me? The person you really need To talk to is william van der woodsen.

Where's will? What's so important, jenny? Holland's about to tell them everything, If she hasn't already.

Tell who what? Everyone.

The truth about you and holland working together To split up my dad and lily.

Jenny, I'm sorry.

I know that you love your father very much- Which is why I understand why you did it.

And I don't blame you for it either.

It's just- If you're gonna get out of here, you gotta go right now.

Why are you telling me this? So you can get your family back, And I can get mine.

Thanks for your help.

I'll call if I hear about Any cater waiter positions, all right? ¶ Have you seen lily? Uh, she just left with serena and will.

In this family feud, That's van der woodsen, 1, humphrey, 0.

You guys are home early.

Was that boring? Action-packed, actually.

Your father got a call.

He's gotta get back to palm beach.

One of my patients has taken a bad turn.

I've gotta get down there right away.

And we're going with him.

You guys get packed.

I'll arrange for a helicopter to take us to teterboro.

Eric, mom needs us right now.

This is our chance to finally be a family.

I'll, uh, I'll go get my stuff.

Nate already tried calling.

There's no reason to defend your dad.

We're already packing for palm beach.

I just want my mom to be able to put this behind her.

Serena, I'm not calling about my dad.

I'm calling about yours.

Please don't hang up.

Pl-I-I know how happy you are to have him back, But he's the one who got holland to lie about the affair, And he had her prescribe pills for lily, too.

Dan, my dad is a doctor.

Why would he need holland to give her pills? Because the pills aren't helping her illness, And he didn't want them traced back to him.

Okay, what you're saying is just crazy.

Any crazier than your whole family Leaving town with him tonight? I'm gonna go.

Good-bye.

Serena, wait- You all set? My bags are downstairs.

Yeah.

Um, you know, I was thinking Maybe we could just wait and, uh, fly out tomorrow.

I wish we could.

I've got to get to my patient immediately.

Are you sure that's what it's about? People are saying you're behind this holland thing.

Holland? Um, let me go check on mom.

Rufus, what are you doing here? I'd like to talk to your mother.

She doesn't want- rufus, what is it? The truth, finally.

You want to tell her or should I? So serena's father sends her this letter saying that He and lily were together when she came to see him Hoping it would cause problems between lily and my dad, Maybe even split 'em up.

When that failed, he went to plan "b" Getting holland to befriend rufus.

Holland's husband was leaving her, And she was desperate for a friend.

But once again, Rufus and lily proved too solid, so on to plan "c.

" there's a plan "c"? Oh, I always have a plan "c.

" Put yourself in the good doctor's loafers.

Lily comes to him over the summer.

She's actually sick.

He cures her, falls in love, decides to win her back, Only holland tells him lily and rufus are copper-bottom.

He thinks, "what can I do to get her to love me, The family to accept me?" Save her life.

So the pills he gets from holland The ones you stole.

Antibiotics, the side effects of which mimic her symptoms.

He cures her again, gets to be the hero, And they live happily ever after.

No wonder you admire him.

It's almost like something you would do.

Thank you.

It does have the fingerprints of my genius.

The only question now is Will lily believe my dad? Lily, this is absurd.

You cannot believe his lies.

Should I call holland? This time she'll tell the truth.

So you get your mistress to change her story and - hey.

Is my mom really sick? Right now that's all I wanna know.

Of course she was sick.

Uh, to-to even imagine that I would prescribe your mother Medication that she didn't need? It's preposterous.

I've got the files in my bag.

Do you want to see them? You don't have to prove yourself.

Apparently, I do.

Excuse me.

William.

I didn't cheat on you, lil.

I would never cheat on you.

Rufus.

So she's not sick? I just want to be clear.

She's not sick anymore.

He's been lying since he got to new york, to all of us.

Do you think he's even coming back? Yes, of course he is.

You heard what he said.

And I'm-I'm sorry, mom.

I don't want you to be sick.

But dad is not lying to us.

Where's william? He-he's in the lobby downstairs getting his bags.

there's no one in the lobby.

He's down there.

Serena, the lobby's empty.

You-you just must not have seen him.

He wouldn't leave.

Hey.

Hey.

He wouldn't leave me.

Let her go.

oh, god.

we should call the police.

All right, well, let's just give him a minute.

No.

If we wait, he'll be gone for good.

Yes, captain lewis? This is nate archibald.

We met at my grandfather's this summer.

Listen, I need a favor.

What I'd like to know is how did william know to get out of town? Someone must have tipped him off.

It had to be one of us.

It was me.

What happened? It's true.

He left.

I need you to tell me the truth.

When your mother came to me last summer, she was sick.

I cured her.

Then I fell in love with her again.

When I came here and saw you and eric, I- I realized how badly I had messed up.

I never wanted to hurt any of you.

I just wanted my family back.

All you needed to do was be here.

I'm sorry, serena.

I just thought unless your mother needed me You weren't gonna give me a chance.

Well, the police are on their way now, So you should probably go.

Why don't you come with me? I don't forgive you.

I also don't need to punish you.

So if you just go now, I'll make sure they don't come after you.

I love you, serena.

I love you, too, dad.

Go now.

Rufus, I'm sorry I didn't believe you.

I was just so overwhelmed.

The only thing that matters is I'm not losing you- To cancer, to will or anything else.

Really? That's it? Dad, she believed you cheated.

She was leaving with her ex-husband.

And you helped make that happen.

You know, you think that william's the only problem? He's not, dad.

You and lily fight all the time.

I mean, one of you thinks the other's cheating.

You both keep secrets.

Jenny, that's between me and lily.

You know, I wish it was, But we all get dragged into it, just like we did today.

When we lived in brooklyn, I might have had To take the subway to school and make my own clothes, But at least our family was happy.

I don't see what's so wrong about wanting my life To go back to normal.

This is where we live.

What needs to get back to normal is you.

If you don't want to be a part of this family, No one is forcing you to stay.

you don't have to wait with me.

Lily is fine, and the sting is over.

You're not really going to keep up this rugby player facade.

It's not a facade.

It's a date, and he's on his way.

I know you felt it.

We were caught up in a scheme, And it was role-play.

It was real.

I know you feel it right now.

It doesn't change anything.

And holland may be crazy, but she was right.

No matter what I feel or don't, we're not safe.

I did the most dangerous thing I could When I said "I love you," And it was worth it.

If I got through my fear for you, You can get through yours for me.

You have until tomorrow to decide.

What? We're never going to be safe.

So are you brave enough or aren't you? I'll be waiting at the top of the empire state building.

You can't "affair to remember" me.

If you're not there tomorrow, At 7:01, I'm closing my heart to you forever.

Well, I won't be there.

How'd the sting go? Oh.

I'd much rather hear about rugby.

Fair enough.

Rugby is a real sport.

Football's for Hello? Hey.

I've been calling you.

There's nothing more to say.

I got to my dad before the cops did.

So I guess now you know Why I don't talk to you about things.

Thanks for coming with me.

I know this was a complicated one for you.

When are things not complicated with serena van der woodsen? You want to talk about it? When the family tree falls, We all need a friend to lead us out of the woods Or into them.

I didn't know you'd be here.

I live here.

I know.

I just thought you'd, um, be with serena or something.

Nope.

But careful- Once darkness descends, true natures emerge, And everything is fair game until morning.

X.

O.

X.

O.

, gossip girl.

[bunniefuu]

(OG version)


Gossip girl here, your one

And only source

Into the scandalous lives

Of manhattan's elite.

I made the biggest mistake

Of my life walking out on you.

I promise to make it up to you,

Because I love you.

You told me

You were selling me oxy,

But those pills were

Antibiotics.

Dad. Look, I can explain.

Get your things

And come with me.

We're going home, to brooklyn.

If dr. Van der woodsen

Loves your mother

As much as he said he did,

Then maybe there's something

She should know about rufus.

I want to talk to you

About lily.

Obviously, I'm not a doctor,

But there's something weird

About her medicine.

Name's cameron.

Blair.

Do you want to make that guy

Who showed up jealous or what?

I'm game if you are.

I'm game.

And who am i?

That's a secret

I'll never tell.

You know you love me.

X.o.x.o., Gossip girl.

New day, new designer.

[Priscilla renea's

"Mr. Workabee" playing]

Whether it's love or w*r

You're outfitting for,

Thank god for friends

And fashion.

That one looks good.

Chuck and I played

"Wuthering heights" in it.

I mean, who starts a courtship

During the day anyway?

Humans who venture out in light

And aren't named "bass."

Serena, I have to tell you

Something.

What's wrong?

I've never been on a date.

What about chuck? And nate?

And chuck.

And then nate again.

No, I mean on a real date,

With someone I didn't know

Already or who wasn't

A british lord masquerading

As a college student.

B., Obviously, cameron liked you

When he met you

At the loft party.

Just be yourself and have fun.

And try the marc jacobs.

I have to go.

What's going on?

You haven't lusted after

A louboutin all morning.

I just have to get home.

Is it lily?

I think rufus cheated on her.

Oh, my god. I'm so sorry.

I didn't know they even had

Groupies that old.

They met at

The rooftop garden committee.

Well, how is your mom

Taking it?

She doesn't know.

I told my dad,

And he thought it would be best

If we waited to tell her.

Stress isn't good

For her condition.

Well, is there

Anything I can do?

Dorota's family has

Polish mob connections.

No. [Chuckles]

Thank you, though.

I'm just hoping rufus will stay

Away until she gets stronger.

And, b., I don't know

If handcuffs are a good idea

For a first date.

♪ Hey, mr. Workabee ♪

♪ I see you working ♪

It's a good thing you're not

A drug dealer anymore.

That girl you sold

Lily's fake oxy to

Wanted double what she paid

Just to give me the bottle back.

[Whispering]

So what'd you find out?

My personal pharmacist

Is looking into it.

Do you trust him to know

If they're bad for lily?

He appreciates

A fine pharmaceutical.

And why are you whispering?

If it's a seduction technique,

Don't bother.

Ew. You wish.

No, i-i'm--i'm grounded again.

Shocker, I know.

But I'm--i'm not supposed

To use the phone.

Fine. Well, I'll let you know

When I hear something

About the antibiotics.

Okay. Cool.

[Beep]

♪♪

[Sighs]

[Nate] you give someone

Something?

Hmm. Only hours and hours

Of enjoyment.

Thank you for that visual.

Look, I'm gonna go see serena.

Does this mean she's finally out

From under her father's spell?

No, serena's in a good place.

I mean, after palm beach,

She stopped running away

Or keeping secrets.

I'm glad.

Oh, um, say hello to blair

For me.

I hope she has a great day.

Okay, do not do anything

To mess with her date, please.

Her date?

With whom?

[Chuckles] you serious?

You have all your spies,

And you had to get it out of me?

Come on. You finally stopped

Defiling the pool table

With the entire cast

Of cirque du soleil.

You got blair into columbia.

[Cell phone ringing]

Why not let things end

On a good note?

Look, I need to take this.

And don't worry.

I have more important concerns

Than blair's social life.

[Beep]

Hey. So what can you tell me

About the pills?

We went over this. The only

Exception is schoolwork.

Chuck bass is not giving you

Your homework assignments.

What? Dad, you can't take it.

I didn't even do anything wrong.

Well, it's nice to know I can

Spend my last night with vanessa

And come home to my family,

Fighting like

They still live here.

Don't know if you've heard,

But your sister's a drug dealer.

Was. Past tense. And you

Already grounded me for it.

Wait. Grounded to the loft?

Lily said she needed some time,

So it was easier

To bring jenny here.

And jenny would

Much rather be here anyway.

And jenny's dad thinks it's time

For her to stop arguing

And go do her homework.

And talking about yourselves

Like you're not here

Is helping how?

You know, I can't do

My homework without my books.

I'll go to lily's and bring them

Back for you. Come with me?

Sure.

Yeah, because dan loves being

In the middle of these things.

[Scoffs]

[Sighs]

Special delivery.

You know,

I'm getting awfully spoiled

Having a doctor in the house.

Although I am looking forward

To drinking my apple juice

Straight.

I'm surprised you can even

Stand the smell of that stuff

After being pregnant

With serena.

You're right.

I did drink an awful lot of it

During those months, didn't i?

And not just apple juice,

That green apple juice from

That place down in the village.

What was it called again?

I used to make you go

All the way downtown

To get it for me.

You didn't make me.

I'd go down there right now

If the juice craze

Wasn't over.

About that speech--

D-don't--don't even say it.

I'm sorry. I just got

Caught up in the moment,

And it came out all wrong.

I was hoping

That's what had happened.

And I'm--i'm just so thrilled

To get to know the kids.

You've just done

Such an amazing job, lily.

Really. You know,

You--you and rufus.

Thank you.

I honestly don't know

How we'd be getting through

All of this without you.

Oh, which reminds me--

Those homeopathic remedies are

Clogging up my humidifier.

Want to check it out?

Yeah.

[Ring]

Hello?

You didn't answer your cell.

You mean my dad didn't.

He took it.

Lily's pills are

Ivermectin.

They're great

At battling parasites

And african river blindness,

But lymphoma, not so much.

Well, is it dangerous?

I mean, does she know

What she's taking?

What we need to find out is

Who prescribed them and when.

I wish I didn't

Rip the label off the bottle.

I don't remember what it said.

The date and the drug store

Were still legible,

Which was enough to track down

The prescribing doctor.

Luckily, pharmacists don't make

Enough to turn down bribes.

Okay, so what's next?

The mission requires

An expert,

Someone highly trained

In the art

Of extorting information.

You're not seriously

Gonna use this

To try to get back with blair.

My priority is the truth.

If she's the one

Who can expose it...

Then you'll take advantage

Of that

To make sure she doesn't

Move on. All right, I get it.

Let's just hope she's willing

To make herself available.

Meet me at the waldorfs'.

But wait. I'm...

[Line disconnects]

Grounded.

[Massive attack's

"Paradise circus" playing]

[Elevator bell dings]

Hey, lil?

Rufus, I didn't know

You were coming over.

Yeah, we're just picking up

Jenny's schoolbooks.

They're in her old room.

I thought my mom told you

She needed some time.

I just want to check in

And make sure we're still on

For that friends of the library

Thing tonight.

I'm sorry, but if she wanted

To talk to you,

Then she would call you back.

You should leave.

Serena, does she have a problem

Seeing me or is it you?

Holland told me what happened.

About the sublet?

I told you already.

I didn't want your dad living

In the same building.

You know it's not about that.

Rufus.

What's going on?

I honestly don't know.

Um, serena,

What did holland tell you?

Why don't you just leave?

You know what?

Why don't we call holland...

[Dialing cell phone]

And have her tell us herself?

I don't know

What you want me to say.

Well, serena's

Under the impression

That you know something

About something I did.

I shouldn't be here.

Come on. I have nothing

To hide from my family.

Just tell them the truth.

[Exhales deeply]

Rufus and I slept together.

Talk about love thy neighbor.

[Rufus] what?

[Holland] I'm sorry.

Next time, rufus, choose one

Who knows how to keep a secret.

This is absurd.

Mom, I'm sorry. I didn't want

You to find out like this.

[Lily] serena,

This is not your fault.

[William] lily,

Why don't you head upstairs,

Let me handle this?

Thank you, william.

I'm gonna take you up on that.

Lily.

Rufus.

Dad.

I'm sorry.

I never meant to hurt anyone.

But it's probably best now

That the truth is out.

Except this isn't the truth.

Why would you say that?

Come on, eric.

We don't need to hear this.

Rufus, you can't expect me

To stand here

And lie to their faces.

You just did.

You asked me to come up here.

You had to know

It was going to happen.

Excuse me. Holland, right?

This kind of stress is

Not good for lily.

Please tell her I'm sorry,

Again.

There's nothing to be sorry

About. Nothing happened.

[Elevator bell dings]

I think you should leave,

Too, rufus.

You'd love that,

Wouldn't you?

The only place I'm going is

To see my wife.

What'd I miss?

Lil, I'm sorry. I had no idea

She was an insane person.

Look, I don't want

To discuss this with you.

Wait.

You actually believe her?

What does she have to gain,

Standing here, humiliating

Herself in front of our family?

I don't know

What the hell's going on.

I just know she's lying.

Yeah, well, it'd be

A lot easier to believe

If you hadn't left your scarf

In her apartment.

We went over this. I told you,

Nothing happened that night.

Rufus, you, of all people,

Could understand

Why I might have a doubt.

You didn't talk to me for weeks

After you found

That letter from william.

Lily, maybe you would do that,

But I wouldn't, and I didn't.

When you're ready to hear that

And talk about it,

Give me a call.

So... Crazy day

At the van der woodsens', huh?

I just wanted to keep rufus away

Until my mom got stronger.

[Thud]

Well, you don't really think

He did this, do you?

Why would holland lie

About it?

I don't know.

I don't even know who she is.

But I do know rufus.

I mean, he took me in

When my dad left us

With nothing. He's a good guy.

They all are,

Until they aren't anymore.

I'm just trying

To protect my mom.

I get it, okay?

But just give him a chance.

He gave you one

When you bailed on brown.

Are you really taking his side

Right now?

I'm not taking sides.

We're just talking about it.

Well, maybe that's not

Such a good idea.

[Box thuds]

I have to go

Be with my family.

[Beeping]

I still don't see

Why we need blair for this.

I mean, don't you read

"Gossip girl"?

Extortion's

What I do all day.

This is more than

Headbands and high school.

[Footsteps approach]

The two of you here together?

Please tell me

There's an explanation that

Doesn't involve the apocalypse.

We come in peace

And with a purpose.

Something's going on

With lily's medication.

We need your mind game mastery

To find out what.

Who are you, house?

I'm sure dr. Van der woodsen

Knows what he's doing.

It's not van der woodsen.

It's a psychiatrist.

I have an address.

It's weird, right?

Lily so does not seem

Like she's in therapy.

And you so should be.

But as much as I admire

The attempt to lure me back

With subversive sleuthing,

And appreciative as I am

Of your help with columbia,

The answer's no.

Blair, I need to find out

Why someone doesn't want

Lily getting better.

A heartfelt plea as well.

And much more effective

Than a fatwa.

But you obviously already know

That I have a date today.

And nothing you can dangle

Will make me miss it.

Next time,

Don't bring jenny humphrey.

I'm sorry you had to find out

About rufus like that.

I know you two

Have become close.

You know I'm only concerned

With how you're doing.

I'm not sure.

Is that too honest?

No. No, it makes sense.

Well, you know,

After five marriages,

The last thing

I want to do is

Put you and serena

Through another divorce.

It might sound cold,

But they do get easier.

Rufus is different,

You know?

He's been like a father

To you.

And i-i love him. But if you

Think he cheated on you,

You can't stay with him

Because of me.

You have to stay with him

Because you still love him

And because you think you guys

Can work through this.

It doesn't matter

Who you end up with

As long

As you're still here.

Well, thanks

For coming with me, man.

It means a lot,

You getting involved.

Well, hey, my dad would have

Done this and worse.

All right, and no matter

What serena wants to believe,

There's no way rufus

Would hurt lily like that.

Does serena know

You're doing this?

Well, I was thinking

We'd see what we find out

Before I tell her.

You're on dangerous ground

There.

Yeah, but the only way to clean

Up this mess, for everyone,

Is to find out the truth.

Yeah, well, i-i know. That's why

We need the help of an expert.

Philosophy of w*r?

Hmm. I'm finally home.

[Elevator bell dings]

Nate? Humphrey? [Scoffs]

Please don't tell me my mother

Rehired you as a cater waiter.

I'm dan.

Cameron. Hey, nate.

Great game last week.

Thanks. Sorry to interrupt.

We just need blair's help

With something.

Yes, people often drop by

With their problems

Because they know

How supportive I am.

Supportive, i.e. Scheming.

Did... Chuck send you?

His pill plan didn't work,

So he sent frick and frack

To ruin my date?

No, blair, this is

About my dad and lily.

This woman holland has

Accused him of... Cheating.

Wait a minute. An artist

Or a hippie activist, maybe,

But rooftop garden committee?

I knew that something wasn't

Right when serena told me.

No way would another

Upper east sider shtup rufus.

My stepfather's jewish.

Oh.

Blair, we can't let lily

Leave rufus. Will you help us?

Exposing scandal

On the upper east side?

Show me your world,

Blair waldorf.

[Sighs]

They'd be lost without me.

Tell me everything you know

About this holland person.

Trust me. I live

With the van der woodsens.

I learned how to lie.

[Chuckles]

Can I help you?

We're here to see dr. Kemble.

Did you have an appointment?

Well, I work

For a troubled teen hotline,

And I'm really worried that

I said some wrong things about

Drugs and depression, and was

Hoping that dr. Kemble could

Actually give me some advice.

Of course. The doctor

Will be back next week.

Next week...

Will be fine. Thank you.

And what brings you

And your mid-level entourage?

Nothing personal.

We're looking for holland,

Who claims she slept with rufus.

Let me guess--

Dr. Holland kemble?

You better hope

This doctor gets healed

Before someone else gets hurt.

[Dials]

So what exactly

Am I looking for?

A bottle of pills,

Like the one with the oxy--

Hopefully, with the label on

This time.

Or something else that can

Directly link them to holland.

Okay, I will rummage

And report.

[Beep]

Holland is obviously trying

To poison lily so she can

Have rufus all to herself.

So shakespearean.

Yeah. It's also

"Fatal attraction."

I just can't handle

Dead bunnies.

Maybe I'm stating

The obvious here,

But shouldn't

We just tell lily?

Tell her what?

"Jenny tried to sell your

Mislabeled meds, which somehow

Came from the woman who said

She slept with your husband"?

No, we have to

Get to holland first.

She's the one who can

Connect all the dots,

And then we go to lily.

Holland will be

At the library benefit tonight.

I saw it on the calendar.

Perfect. Public humiliation

Always helps

When trying to elicit

A confession.

We don't expect you to keep up.

It's beyond

Basic rugby strategy.

So hopefully, jenny will find

Something we can use

As leverage.

Exactly, humphrey. Glad to

Have you aboard this time.

All right.

Rendezvous at my place.

Dress is black-tie.

I'll have tickets.

[Cameron] so...

You guys do

This kind of thing a lot?

Oh, yeah. A lot more

Than you'd think.

Last year, georgina pretended

To be this rich canadian

To get poppy,

But things got all messed up

When she turned her back

On jesus.

Yeah, but dan doesn't

Normally participate.

So that's

Your sorry-your-husband-

Was-cheating-on-you present--

A juicer?

Trust me.

It'll make your mother smile.

[Chuckles] sometimes

I wish she would have

Let you take us away from here

When you wanted to.

Tibet sounds pretty good

Right now.

Only if you don't get typhoid.

Besides, wherever you run,

Things still happen.

All you can do is

Try to learn from them.

Well,

As awful as it's been,

Maybe mom needed this

To see that she wasn't

With the right man.

I'm not gonna take advantage

Of the situation

To try to get closer

To your mother.

Well, you have been there

Throughout her entire sickness.

And this whole thing with rufus

Could have happened

So that you could finally stop

Hiding how you really feel.

[Chuckles] I feel happy to be

Out shopping with my daughter,

And to be able to spend

Some time

With the people that I love.

Including mom.

Serena.

Good-bye.

Hey.

Why don't you do something

Tonight to cheer her up?

There's the library benefit.

You could invite her.

Only if you come, too.

[Drawer rattles]

What are you doing here?

No pills to steal in brooklyn?

I actually came by

To get a dress...

If you haven't destroyed them

All already.

I have no interest

In your wannabe watanabe.

As I'm sure you saw,

Your stuff is by the front.

And last time I checked,

Dresses weren't in the kitchen

Near my mom's medicine.

Do you even know what

Your dad's prescribing her?

Probably something

With high street value

Or you wouldn't be interested.

If you could just stop hating me

For, like, one second,

You'd actually see I was

Trying to help your family.

Yeah, yeah. You and your dad

Have done wonderful things

For us van der woodsens.

Like it's been such

A banner year for the humphreys?

I would give it all back--

The clothes, the parties,

The limo rides--just for one day

That felt normal.

Then why are you still here?

You're right.

Nothing would make me happier

Than to go back to brooklyn

Forever.

[Scoffs]

[Elevator bell dings]

Was that jenny leaving? Were

You two fighting over rufus?

I don't want you kids

In the middle.

That was just jenny.

You know her--

All angst, all the time.

[Sighs] oh, god.

You okay?

Do you want me to call dad?

No, I'm fine.

I'm fine physically.

Sitting around here is only

Gonna make you worse.

Dad invited us

To the library benefit tonight.

Why don't we go with him?

Oh, my god. A juicer?

Don't tell me...

A night out with your father is

Exactly what the doctor ordered.

I'm sorry your new beau

Had to abandon our mission.

Oh, he had a dinner

With his rugby team.

How h*m*.

You know how I love that.

We have plans to continue

Our date later.

So are you all ready

To make the fat lady sing?

I'll settle for making

The lying doctor lady confess.

Oh, here's nancy drew now.

Did you get our proof?

Come on, jenny.

The future of our family is

Riding on your sleuthing.

I'm sorry. I looked everywhere,

But there was nothing.

All right, what now?

If we don't have evidence,

She has no reason

To tell us anything.

Well, luckily,

Like every great general,

I have contingency plans.

Archibald, it's time to make use

Of those family connections.

Watch out, lonely boy.

Seems your little sister

Has her own ideas

About your family's planning.

[Sighs]

[Big band music playing]

[Indistinct conversations]

[Clink]

[Speaks indistinctly]

[Blair] serena is here.

This complicates things.

We have to avoid

Them seeing us.

S. Won't be on board,

And we can't have a blonde

Bombshell blowing up our plan.

And the plan is we wait

For nate and dan to arrive

With some a.m.a. Guy who's

Friends with nate's family?

The plan is

You wait with his ticket.

His name is dr. Tabb, so pretend

You're well-bred and be polite.

It'll pay off

If you ever need

Orthopedic surgery

At mount sinai.

Like when you stab me

In the back.

Blair and I will keep our eye

On holland.

Once our leverage arrives,

She'll either tell us the truth

Or we tell dr. Tabb,

And he revokes her license.

I need a phone, too.

My dad took mine.

Don't worry, little. J.

You'll be back

On park avenue in no time.

What are you doing?

Playing the part.

Mnh-mnh.

♪♪

[Dialing cell phone]

Hi. Uh, mount sinai orthopedic?

Please let dr. Tabb know

That there's no need to wait.

Uh, nate archibald

Had a change of plans

And won't be coming in tonight.

Thanks.

[Dials]

♪♪

[Indistinct conversations]

You know, I have to say,

It's really nice to be here

With someone who doesn't

Hate these sort of things.

I have an idea.

I've already had it.

Dr. Kemble, I've been dying

To get ahold of you.

I've wanted to get him

To come to therapy for weeks.

Dad,

What are you doing here?

Serena called me,

But I was already on my way.

I figured if my grounded

Daughter goes missing,

I just have to wait

Till the next big party

To know where to find her.

Dad, I know you have no reason

To believe me,

But this time I'm actually

Trying to help you.

Jenny, is holland here? Oh, dad.

What'd you say about holland?

Is she here?

The a.m.a. Guy

Wasn't at the hospital,

And blair's

Not picking up her phone.

If holland's here,

I need to talk to her.

I've been trying

To reach her all day.

[Nate] not a good idea.

[Dan] and you don't have

A ticket.

Dad, you're not even dressed.

Serena.

Serena.

♪♪

I know a scheme

When I see one.

I assume chuck and blair

Are here somewhere?

Okay, yeah,

They're looking for holland.

What was I supposed to do?

I know rufus did not do this.

And you won't even

Give him a chance.

Why should i? He wouldn't

Give my dad a chance.

Oh, so that's it?

Anyone who might not like

Your dad has to go?

Nate, all I asked you to do

Was support me,

And instead,

You went behind my back.

It's not like that.

[Sighs] look, I get

Why everyone else did this.

Dan and jenny don't want to

Believe that their dad cheated,

Chuck will do anything

To get close to blair,

And blair, as much as she wants

To, can't run away from a game.

But you were supposed

To be on my side.

As if watching

Audrey hepburn movies

Isn't

Manhood-shriveling enough,

I now have to talk

About my feelings?

Those movies are the only

Romance I have in my life.

He loves his work

More than he loves me.

I'm sorry. I really prefer

To see couples in my office.

Why don't you call

And make an appointment?

Please. Please.

He traded me to his uncle...

For his hotel.

Traded you?

For sex.

Please, is it any worse than you

Tricking me into kissing a guy

Just so you can give a speech?

That's not the same.

He's kissed guys before.

She slept with jack...

My uncle.

Clearly, you both

Have hurt each other,

And now neither of you

Feel safe.

How can we rebuild?

Ahem. Ahem. Ahem. [Coughs]

[Holland] it's going to take

A lot of hard work

And a lot of time.

[Cell phone alert chimes]

Are there any trust games

Involved?

I'm sorry.

I really do have to go.

Did I hear talk of games?

Please,

Just make an appointment.

Just one more thing--

That man over there

Is on the a.m.a.

Disciplinary committee.

Last time I checked,

It was ill*gal

To prescribe

Mislabeled medication,

Especially to those who

Aren't even your patients.

What?

You two really are sick.

The person standing with him

Is waiting for my signal,

To show him I have proof of

What you did to lily humphrey.

Just tell us why.

Are you in love with rufus?

They say psychiatrists

Are the craziest ones.

Blair?

What the hell is going on?

Would you like to tell him

Or would you like

Dr. Disciplinary to do it?

I only wrote those prescriptions

Because I owed someone a favor.

The same someone who told you

Say you slept with me?

The person you really need

To talk to is

William van der woodsen.

Where's will?

What's so important, jenny?

Holland's about to tell them

Everything,

If she hasn't already.

Tell who what?

Everyone. The truth about you

And holland working together

To split up my dad and lily.

Jenny, I'm sorry. I know that

You love your father very much--

Which is why I understand

Why you did it.

And I don't blame you

For it either. It's just--

If you're gonna get out of here,

You gotta go right now.

Why are you

Telling me this?

So you can get

Your family back,

And I can get mine.

Thanks for your help.

I'll call if I hear about

Any cater waiter positions,

All right?

♪♪

Have you seen lily?

Uh, she just left

With serena and will.

In this family feud,

That's van der woodsen, 1,

Humphrey, 0.

You guys are home early.

Was that boring?

Action-packed, actually.

Your father got a call. He's

Gotta get back to palm beach.

One of my patients

Has taken a bad turn.

I've gotta get down there

Right away.

And we're going with him.

You guys get packed.

I'll arrange for a helicopter

To take us to teterboro.

Eric,

Mom needs us right now.

This is our chance

To finally be a family.

I'll, uh,

I'll go get my stuff.

[Cell phone rings]

[Ring]

[Beep]

[Snaps cell phone shut]

[Cell phone rings]

[Beep]

Nate already tried calling.

There's no reason

To defend your dad.

We're already packing

For palm beach.

I just want my mom to be able

To put this behind her.

Serena, I'm not calling

About my dad.

I'm calling about yours.

Please don't hang up.

Pl--i-i know how happy you are

To have him back,

But he's the one who got holland

To lie about the affair,

And he had her prescribe pills

For lily, too.

Dan, my dad is a doctor.

Why would he need holland

To give her pills?

Because the pills

Aren't helping her illness,

And he didn't want them

Traced back to him.

Okay, what you're saying

Is just crazy.

Any crazier than

Your whole family

Leaving town with him tonight?

I'm gonna go. Good-bye.

Serena, wait--

[Snaps cell phone shut]

[Beep]

You all set?

My bags are downstairs.

Yeah.

Um, you know, I was thinking

Maybe we could just wait

And, uh, fly out tomorrow.

I wish we could. I've got to

Get to my patient immediately.

Are you sure

That's what it's about?

People are saying you're

Behind this holland thing.

Holland?

Um, let me go check on mom.

[Elevator bell dings]

Rufus, what are you doing here?

I'd like to talk

To your mother.

She doesn't want--

Rufus, what is it?

The truth, finally.

You want to tell her

Or should i?

So serena's father sends her

This letter saying that

He and lily were together

When she came to see him...

Hoping it would cause problems

Between lily and my dad,

Maybe even split 'em up.

When that failed,

He went to plan "b"...

Getting holland

To befriend rufus.

Holland's husband was

Leaving her,

And she was desperate

For a friend. But once again,

Rufus and lily proved too solid,

So on to plan "c."

There's a plan "c"?

Oh, I always have a plan "c."

Put yourself

In the good doctor's loafers.

Lily comes to him over

The summer. She's actually sick.

He cures her, falls in love,

Decides to win her back,

Only holland tells him lily

And rufus are copper-bottom.

He thinks, "what can I do

To get her to love me,

The family to accept me?"

Save her life. So the pills

He gets from holland...

...the ones you stole.

Antibiotics, the side effects

Of which mimic her symptoms.

He cures her again,

Gets to be the hero,

And they live

Happily ever after.

No wonder you admire him.

It's almost like

Something you would do.

Thank you. It does have

The fingerprints of my genius.

The only question now is...

Will lily believe my dad?

Lily, this is absurd.

You cannot believe his lies.

Should I call holland? This time

She'll tell the truth.

So you get your mistress

To change her story and--

Hey. Is my mom really sick?

Right now

That's all I wanna know.

Of course she was sick.

Uh, to--to even imagine that

I would prescribe your mother

Medication that she didn't need?

It's preposterous.

I've got the files in my bag.

Do you want to see them?

You don't have to

Prove yourself.

Apparently, I do.

Excuse me.

William.

I didn't cheat on you, lil.

I would never cheat on you.

Rufus.

So she's not sick?

I just want to be clear.

She's not sick anymore.

He's been lying since he got

To new york, to all of us.

Do you think

He's even coming back?

Yes, of course he is.

You heard what he said.

And I'm--i'm sorry, mom.

I don't want you to be sick.

But dad is not lying to us.

[Elevator bell dings]

Where's william?

He-he's in the lobby downstairs

Getting his bags.

[Nate] there's no one

In the lobby.

He's down there.

Serena, the lobby's empty.

You--you just must not have

Seen him. He wouldn't leave.

Hey. Hey.

He wouldn't leave me.

Let her go.

[Whispers] oh, god.

[Elevator bell dings]

We should call the police.

All right, well,

Let's just give him a minute.

No. If we wait,

He'll be gone for good.

[Beep]

Yes, captain lewis?

This is nate archibald.

We met at my grandfather's

This summer.

Listen, I need a favor.

What I'd like to know is how did

William know to get out of town?

Someone must have

Tipped him off.

It had to be one of us.

It was me.

[Beach house's "zebra" playing]

♪ You know you're gold ♪

♪ You don't gotta worry none ♪

♪ Oasis child ♪

♪ Born and so wild ♪

What happened?

It's true. He left.

♪ All deception,

All deception from you ♪

[Helicopter blades whirring]

I need you

To tell me the truth.

When your mother came to me

Last summer, she was sick.

I cured her.

Then I fell in love

With her again.

When I came here

And saw you and eric,

I-i realized how badly

I had messed up.

I never wanted

To hurt any of you.

I just wanted

My family back.

All you needed to do

Was be here.

I'm sorry, serena.

I just thought

Unless your mother needed me...

You weren't gonna

Give me a chance.

Well, the police are

On their way now,

So you should probably go.

Why don't you come

With me?

I don't forgive you.

I also don't need

To punish you.

So if you just go now, I'll make

Sure they don't come after you.

[Sirens wailing in distance]

I love you, serena.

[Voice breaks]

I love you, too, dad.

Go now.

[Sirens continue wailing]

[Helicopter whirring]

[Crying]

Rufus, I'm sorry

I didn't believe you.

I was just so overwhelmed.

The only thing that matters

Is I'm not losing you--

To cancer, to will

Or anything else.

Really? That's it?

Dad, she believed you cheated.

She was leaving

With her ex-husband.

And you helped

Make that happen.

You know, you think that

William's the only problem?

He's not, dad. You and lily

Fight all the time.

I mean, one of you thinks

The other's cheating.

You both keep secrets.

Jenny, that's between

Me and lily.

You know, I wish it was,

But we all get dragged into it,

Just like we did today.

When we lived in brooklyn,

I might have had

To take the subway to school

And make my own clothes,

But at least our family

Was happy.

I don't see what's so wrong

About wanting my life

To go back to normal.

This is where we live.

What needs to get back

To normal is you.

[Scoffs]

If you don't want to be

A part of this family,

No one is forcing you

To stay.

[Massive attack's

"Paradise circus" playing]

[Hope sandoval]

♪ It's unfortunate ♪

♪ That when we feel a storm ♪

♪ We can roll ourselves over ♪

♪ 'Cause we're uncomfortable ♪

♪ Oh, where ♪

♪ The devil makes us sin ♪

[Sighs] you don't have

To wait with me.

Lily is fine,

And the sting is over.

You're not really going to keep

Up this rugby player facade.

It's not a facade.

It's a date,

And he's on his way.

[Sighs]

♪♪

I know you felt it.

We were caught up

In a scheme,

And it was role-play.

It was real.

I know you feel it

Right now.

It doesn't change anything.

And holland may be crazy,

But she was right.

No matter what I feel or don't,

We're not safe.

I did the most dangerous thing

I could

When I said "I love you,"

And it was worth it.

If I got through my fear

For you,

You can get through yours

For me.

You have until tomorrow

To decide.

What?

We're never

Going to be safe.

So are you brave enough

Or aren't you?

I'll be waiting at the top

Of the empire state building.

You can't

"Affair to remember" me.

If you're not there tomorrow,

At 7:01, I'm closing my heart

To you forever.

Well, I won't be there.

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ It's unfortunate ♪

♪ That when we feel a storm ♪

How'd the sting go?

Oh.

I'd much rather hear

About rugby.

Fair enough.

Rugby is a real sport.

Football's for...

[Speaks indistinctly]

♪ But we like it

When we're spinning ♪

[Cell phone rings]

♪ For the one

That feels it the most ♪

[Ring]

Hello?

Hey. I've been calling you.

There's nothing more to say.

I got to my dad

Before the cops did.

So I guess now you know

Why I don't talk to you

About things.

[Line disconnects]

♪ She will love you like a fly ♪

♪ Never love you ♪

Thanks for coming with me.

I know this was

A complicated one for you.

When are things not complicated

With serena van der woodsen?

[Sighs]

♪ Again ♪

You want to talk about it?

[Sighs]

When the family tree falls,

We all need a friend to lead us

Out of the woods...

♪♪

[Elevator bell dings]

Or into them.

I didn't know you'd be here.

I live here.

I know. I just thought you'd,

Um, be with serena or something.

Nope.

But careful--

Once darkness descends,

True natures emerge,

And everything is fair game

Until morning.

X.o.x.o., Gossip girl.