4x11 - The Townie

[bunniefuu]

Gossip Girl here, Your one and only source Into the scandalous lives of manhattan's elite.

My mom's filing for divorce.

I'd love the chance to talk to her So she could see for herself just how much I've changed.

I should hear your father out.

Really nice seeing your mother up here after all this time.

Yeah.

Just in time, too, right? Just in time for what? Your father's parole.

Serena and colin are over.

Do not continue To jeopardize her future.

If only he were the only teacher Serena had an inappropriate relationship with.

[dan] serena's in the hospital.

Oh, my god.

You drugged her? That was not part of the plan.

Look, this isn't just about you anymore.

I was wondering if you wanted to discuss A place for her recovery.

Ostroff center.

Your daughter wakes up alone, drugged, In an empty motel room, and you just have her committed.

Juliet may have been behind serena's overdose.

What do you say we find that b*tch And get us a little frontier justice? Serena Seeks Support And who am I? That's a secret I'll never tell.

You know you love me.

X.

O.

X.

O.

, gossip girl.

Spotted--dan and blair exiting sant ambroeus With espresso doppio for two, but we hear it's not The caffeine that's got them talking a mile a minute.

It's a mission.

So juliet dressed up like serena At saints and sinners to destroy her relationships With me and nate.

And enlists vanessa and jenny to mess with me.

Which is devious and pathetic, but let's face it, Around here, it's just another Saturday night.

Well, you can't show up at a masked ball and not expect At least one social-climbing doppelganger To try and impersonate you.

But then, according to jenny, juliet posted a photo of herself As serena doing coke.

And for that, she will be judged by a higher power, but we've-- We've seen worse.

Well, I was gonna say "done worse," but yes.

Okay, but then Serena wakes up in a motel room After almost o.

D.

Ing.

And that is where the "juliet express" Goes off the rails and heads straight for crazytown.

The next thing we know, serena wakes up, Insists she didn't go on a bender.

But then the photo shows up online, and she starts To doubt herself and checks herself into the ostroff, Which brings us up to the present.

The thing we need to figure out is why.

I mean, colin, nate, hamilton house-- None of that explains taking things so far.

Well, as someone well-acquainted with the darker human emotions, Let me offer my theory.

There is only one motive powerful enough to fuel A gaslighting like this, and that is retribution.

Retribution for what? [matt and kim's "am/fm sound" playing] I know I've already said this, But I'm really proud of you, and so is mom.

Is that why she's here-- to tell me herself? Do I even wanna know where she is? She and chuck are meeting with a reporter From "the post" this morning-- some profile on bass industries.

Oh, "the post," because they have such Award-winning business coverage.

Oh, don't tell me you detect a whiff Of eau de damage control.

Mom's classic scent brings back The fondest memories of childhood.

I am way ahead of you there, But when I confronted her about it, she didn't deny it.

Bass industries is a family-run company, And like it or not, what the family does Affects what people think about it.

I know I've put her in a tough position, But please promise me that you'll try to keep her honest About where I am and what's going on.

No stories about aunt carol's in miami like when you were here.

I-I am on it, although that marlins jersey That bart bass bought me that year for christmas Would look great on you.

[laughs] Serena, eric.

Hey.

So Have you made a decision? [blair] what do you mean, no visitors? I don't think you realize who we are.

Who she thinks she is, is more like.

Look, I'm family.

I'm serena's brother-- or stepbrother, technically, Which I do mostly try to put out of my mind Seeing as we dated pretty seriously-- Humphrey, they treat people in here For less serious complexes than that.

Do you wanna get committed? I'll just call her.

I'm sure that we're on her list.

There is no list, And her phone is locked away in a drawer somewhere.

Look, serena's doctor recommended That she start her treatment with 72 hours, no contact.

That includes me, my mom, and you guys.

No, but serena doesn't need to be here.

Juliet was behind everything.

And we have some questions for her.

Whatever screwy series of events got her in the front door, She's here now, and she's getting the help She's probably needed for a long time, So whatever you're up to, you need to do it without serena.

Looks like someone's gonna have a busy holiday season.

Well, unfortunately, they're all followed up By a polite phone call asking if your father will be attending.

Oh.

Or in the case of lily's holiday party For bass industries, a handwritten note Saying she hopes I understand.

Wow, I guess I always thought the mean girls Got a little nicer once they grew up And had kids of their own.

Quite the opposite, I'm afraid.

Yeah.

But no party is more important than family.

Yeah.

About that Nate, what is it? So I really appreciate Everything you've been doing for dad, and I, you know, Wanna make sure he deserved the chance you're giving him.

So I called the business manager and asked if dad had been In contact, made any plans for when he got out.

Please tell me he didn't book a one-way flight To the caribbean.

No, but he did ask about leasing a house outside the city.

Why wasn't I told about this? He wanted to tell you.

Dad begged him not to say anything.

I already said you'd find out soon enough.

It was supposed to be a surprise.

I wish I was surprised.

So he uses our addressarole, Then uses my money to get his own place.

Same old howard.

I'm sorry, mom.

I understand if you don't wanna go through with this.

I just, you know, I really thought he had changed.

So did I.

I'll call the lawyers.

I got you into this mess, okay? I'll go to dad.

I'll tell him.

We can't do nothing for three days.

Who knows how far juliet could get in that time? Yeah, I think we just gotta tell my dad and lily What juliet did with these pills is against the law.

Police and parents--of course that's your plan, humphrey.

Or we could sneak in to see serena.

That receptionist got a pretty good look at me, But maybe with a wig That's your plan-- disguises and accents? I never said anything about accents.

Can you do any? No, look, eric is right.

We need to leave serena out of this And just find juliet on our own.

Well, colin is her cousin.

We could track him down At whatever economic summit he's at this week.

Well, nate dated her.

My minions knew her for a whole year Before we showed up.

Or There is someone Who seems to know everything about everyone.

Besides me, who? Gossip girl? She's not a ouija board, humphrey.

You can't just ask, "where's juliet?" And expect her to point you in the right direction.

Maybe you can.

Look, think about it.

You and serena are her people, not juliet.

Serena really could have been hurt, and plus I'm sure she's furious that juliet sent in that fake photo.

Does she even know that it's fake? [mt.

Desolation's "state of our affairs" playing] # morning wears a veil of rain # Hey, juliet.

It's good to see you.

It's been a while.

Yeah, thanks.

It's good to be home.

# the traffic's edging forward again # This is excruciating.

What if she doesn't respond And all we're doing is wasting valuable time? Our time is not that valuable.

Until we know where juliet is, We don't know whether we need to charter a jet Or if your metro card will suffice for our journey.

[e-mail alert chimes] That's from her.

Open it.

[click] Well, I guess we have our mission.

[clicking] Buckle up, kids.

You up for a road trip? Looks like this unholy alliance is hitting the road.

Serena, help me understand.

Are you upset because of what you did Or because you can't remember it? [sighs] both and Neither.

You know, if you saw A photo of yourself on the internet doing cocaine, What would you think? I wouldn't know what to think.

I would never do that.

Exactly.

But with me, I can't be too sure.

You know, I may not remember kissing dan and nate Or--or crossing blair, but You know, this wouldn't be the first time That I had been with two guys in one night Or betrayed my best friend.

[cork pops] Aah! [laughs] That never happened.

You're still a man in my eyes.

I always knew there was something.

Get out! [serena] things had gotten so out of control, I didn't know how to pull them back anymore.

Hey, what's happening? Are you okay? We have to go.

No, we can't leave him.

There's drugs everywhere.

We can get arrested.

[serena] so I left town alone to cornwall, connecticut, To try to start over.

[engine rumbling] [sighs] is the pedal to the metal? Because I swear if I shove my feet through the floor, I could run faster.

At least there's no radio, So I'm spared your horrid taste in music.

I think we were supposed to turn there.

You know, I'd tell you to stop being such a backseat driver, But how can you be one when you don't even know how to drive? I offered to get us a car service-- Professional driver, comfortable seats, champagne! We're on a mission here.

We need to be able to move at any moment and tail people, Speed, if necessary.

Speed?! Please.

And as for tailing someone, A stretch hummer with a hot tub Would be more inconspicuous than this.

First, my dad swapped a '69 les paul for this car.

It's a collector's item, and second, It was either this or the lincoln hawk van, Which, all I'm saying, has graphics.

Fine.

We should almost be there.

Let me just consult the g.

P.

S.

Oh, wait.

That's me.

No, but for real, cornice should be just up here.

[lily] thank you so much for your time.

Enjoy your holiday.

We really appreciate "the post's" interest in the company.

Bye.

Bye.

Ahh.

Oh, my god.

That was punishing.

I think my face actually hurts from smiling so much.

Drink? Please.

It's barely afternoon, but we've earned it.

Serena only came up once.

Yes, and I kept my promise to eric to tell the truth.

She is exhausted.

I know I am.

I think we both k*lled it.

You talking about how proud you are Of the work I've done at the empire.

And you're saying what A great job I've done leading the board at bass.

Well, I meant what I said.

So do I.

Mm, there was that sticky question Of when I might take back the reins of bass industries.

You kind of flinched when she asked you about it.

Well, I didn't see that it was any of her business.

It's a long ways away, and it was off topic.

I will want it back at some point.

You know that, right? Of course.

It was never my intention to be anything More than a custodian, overseeing the board Until you were ready to do it yourself.

I have to get ready for this party, And the caterers are gonna be here any moment to set up, so I'll see you tonight.

Oh.

Mwah.

It's a little early in the day for that, don't you think? Things not go well? No, actually, the interview was, um, fine.

If this is juliet's house, Then she is even freakier than we thought.

Who pretends to be poor? Wait a second.

I'm not sure what's supposed to happen Right now.

If she is really in there, what's our plan? I mean, what are we gonna do? We're just gonna March up to her And pull her hair? For starters.

[nelly] # unh, unh, unh, I was thinkin' 'bout her # # thinkin' 'bout me # [man] take it off.

Yeah! Take it off, baby! # it was only just a dream # # Oh.

At least he's owning it.

[cheering] # it was only just a dream # Juliet wouldn't be at a party like this, let alone host it.

I-I don't think this is her house.

Well, gossip girl didn't say it was, So don't just look for juliet.

Look for clues.

[boys] body shots! [indistinct conversations] Or someone who has one.

# I realize, it was only just a dream # Damien dalgaard? # I don't understand.

What changed her mind? Found out about the rhinebeck house, dad.

You couldn't even wait two weeks Before you start spending her money? That's what you think? Nate, your mom and I vacationed at that place When we were first married.

She said it was her dream house.

I saw it was for lease and I thought, Wouldn't it be great if we could get out of the city, Just the two of us? Spend some time reconnecting, Away from all our so-called friends.

I'm sorry.

I might have-- Jumped to conclusions? Pretty quickly, too.

No, you're right.

I guess this transition's gonna be harder Than we thought.

I'll talk to mom.

Don't bother.

I guess you're not the only one who assumed I was incapable Of doing something nice.

I was kidding myself.

Two of us alone in the country? Two of us together at all? It's been over for a long time.

What does that mean when you get out? I mean If you don't come home to mom, are you gonna-- A halfway house? Yes, I am.

Dad, you-- Nate, coming off of two years behind bars? A halfway house sounds pretty good to me.

If you wanna stick around, I got tv privileges, and, uh, the game is on.

Sure.

Okay.

[damien] how's your sister? She's good.

She's been living in hudson.

I banished her.

Yeah, but it's been for the best.

Listen, we're not, uh, here for a reunion.

Yeah, me neither.

I'm working.

Connecticut 'burbs Do big business over the holidays.

College kids come home.

School is always reliable.

School? Yeah.

Knightley.

I went there.

Wait.

Boarding school? Where you met serena? I didn't make the connection, but of course.

When serena ran away, She went to the knightley school in cornwall.

So do you know juliet sharp? I do.

I saw her in the city about a week ago, But whatever this is, uh, I'm not getting involved.

Well, if you sold drugs to juliet, then you already are.

It was bad.

Serena ended up in the hospital, And she says she didn't do it to herself.

Is she okay? She will be.

[lowered voice] juliet made a pretty big buy, all right? She bought coke, pills, even some ether.

I assumed she was throwing a party for those sorority girls At whatever house.

Ether? It's like a turn-of-the-century roofie.

So serena goes to boarding school with damien.

Damien sells drugs to juliet.

But what's the connection between juliet and serena? You know what? Why don't we find her address And go ask her ourselves? This is where I first met juliet.

She's a townie.

[laughs] whoo! Oh! [brakes screech, laughter] [boy] whoa! Watch where you're going, man! [laughter] [damien] what's the deal with the can opener? It's a car from britain.

It's not that weird.

I told him we should park away from the house So no one would see us getting in it.

Oh, shotgun, by the way.

[tires screech] Whoo! [engine puttering] [gossip girl] better step on it, juliet, Because your clean getaway just got very messy.

Let the sugar cube melt.

Drop it in.

[soulja boy] # soulja boy, I tell 'em # Extinguish the flame.

# hey, I got a new dance for y'all called the soulja boy # And drink up.

# three times from left to right, ahh # Ooh! [laughs] # soulja boy # Whoo! Oh, check it out.

I love this song.

# crank that soulja boy, that superman, that oh # # crank than soulja, now watch me you # # crank than soulja, now watch me you # # crank than soulja, now watch me you # Serena, wh-what do you think about a b-minus? I want an a-plus.

I know.

I just think it would seem pretty obvious If all of a sudden you started getting a's in spanish.

I thought we were going for more of a gradual improvement.

You've been studying harder And working with a-- with a tutor.

[laughs] aw, my tutor.

[giggles] # ahh, you # [knock on window] Mrs.

Sharp.

Hi.

Uh, we're juliet's friends from new york.

Is, uh, is she around? Oh.

[chuckles] um, no, no, she's out running some errands for me.

I see.

Um, I guess we'll-- we'll try again later.

Or maybe we can come in and wait? We've been dying to see her, and it was a long ride.

Um, sure.

[chuckles] sure.

Come on in.

Well, what did you say your names were? Oh, we didn't.

I'm blair.

This is dan and damien.

I'll put the kettle on.

You guys sit.

Um, so do you go to columbia with jules, or I do.

Oh.

Um, but dan goes to n.

Y.

U.

, And damien's in the school of life.

I actually know juliet from here.

I went to knightley.

Oh.

Uh, so I-I assume you know our ben.

He was a damn good teacher, no matter what they say.

I don't remember a mr.

Sharp.

No, no, his last name is donovan-- The same as my first husband.

Do you recognize him? [lowered was julies brother.

[lowered voice] well, if I taught at knightley, I wouldn't bring my "mystic pizza" townie family To school events either.

When serena went back to the city, He got fired for sleeping with a student.

Everyone was sure it was her.

Is, uh, earl grey okay? Actually, we won't be able to stay.

So you're at a new school, but it's the same old thing-- Partying, boys.

Yeah, but there was one person there who was different.

Mr.

Donovan, hey.

If you're wondering, No, I don't plan to drink both of these coffees.

One is actually for you.

It's, uh, with two creams and no sugar.

I notice that's how you take it in the dining hall.

Thank you.

Um, so if you don't mind, I was, um, wondering, I actually have some questions about arbor imagery In the poems of sylvia plath.

Well, I happen to know that will be on the final next week.

So, uh, will you sit down? [chuckles] Thank you.

Yeah, of course.

[serena] it felt good to have someone Who paid attention to me for a positive reason, And we began to spend more and more time together.

There wasn't a keg cracked within 10 miles That serena didn't know about, d then suddenly, She started staying home, reading in her room.

The generous conclusion to draw would be that serena Was getting her act together, focusing on school.

Yeah, but no one thought that.

They assumed she was sleeping With the handsome, young english teacher.

Was she? Well, I always thought the best about serena, but-- But something made you believe it was true.

I was having dinner with my aunt at the millbrook inn In poughkeepsie.

[thunder crashes] [laughing] Oh.

[laughs] [damien] as we were heading out, I saw serena Checking in with mr.

Donovan.

Uh, I-I can't believe we got a flat tire in that weather.

A trip to the mary mccarthy collection At the vassar library is so not worth it.

[laughs] Ah.

Why don't you, uh, dry off and get something to eat? And I'll go take care of that car.

What? Are you kidding? You're not going back out there.

You'll drown.

The tire's not gonna fix itself.

Yeah, but it'll stop raining by morning.

Maybe we could Get a room.

Serena Come on.

You can't act like you haven't thought about it.

The ability to have thoughts and not act on them-- It's what separates man from beast.

You're not gonna quote your way out of this.

I know what the stakes are for you.

For me, too.

But this is real on both sides, And if you deny it, you're lying.

I'm not a liar.

I'm not gonna deny anything.

I care about you very much, serena Which is why I'm going to brave the weather and fix the tire So I can drive you home So you can sleep in your own bed tonight.

[thunder crashing] You know, I think he was the only guy To ever say no to me.

I was in love with him.

Well, as in love as I had ever been at that point.

After that, I didn't know how to act around him, So We, uh, we never really talked again.

This must have been Very disappointing to the 16-year-old adventuress That you were at the time, But when you tell this story now, What does it make you think? That ben donovan was a pretty great guy.

[phone rings] Hey.

Finally.

[juliet] what do you need, ben? What's with the mood? Mom wear you out christmas shopping? No, we actually never made it to the mall.

Dan and blair showed up in cornwall with damien dalgaard.

Damien? What's he doing with them? Well, considering he's the one who sold me the pills That I used on serena, I think I have a pretty good guess.

Look, I told you the drugs were going too far.

Never mind if they go to the cops.

What if those guys show up at mom's And start asking questions? Yeah, I'm sure they already did.

And I'm sure they're figuring it all out right now, Which is exactly why I am gonna finish this thing Once and for all like I should have done in the first place.

Where are you? Are you in the city? Juliet You have done enough.

Do not go after serena.

If you touch her-- What? It's not like you can stop me.

[beep] Hey, I-I need to make another call.

Please, you've got to let me make a call.

Okay, fine, you make the call, but someone has to warn her.

Serena van der woodsen.

Hey, archibald! I'm ben.

I'm juliet's brother.

All right, you need to find serena and make sure she's okay.

Wait, wait.

What? Hey! Hey, man.

You gotta back up from the bars, man.

You can't talk to him, okay? Hey, man, what's up? [nate] hey, when's the last time you talked with serena? She's not answering her phone.

No, they took it away.

It's part of her therapy.

Oh, so she's still at the ostroff? That's good.

I guess she's safe there.

What do you mean? Safe from what? I was visiting my dad, and I ran into juliet's brother ben? He was really upset, and he, uh, seemed to think Serena's in danger.

From--from who? Juliet? I don't know.

He didn't get a chance to say.

But, uh, we should probably go check on her.

Can you go? I'm in staten island.

No, I'm [sighs] I'm with blair and damien in connecticut.

It's a long story, but All right, meet us at the van der woodsens'.

Serena should be okay where she is, But we--we need to find juliet.

Okay, I'll see you there.

[twilight sleep's "architect 10.

20 mix" playing] # [click] [gossip girl] uh-oh, s.

You've got a surprise visitor, And she's about to give you shock therapy.

Look, I think I figured it out.

Okay, serena had an affair with her teacher Because, let's face it.

It's serena, And what else is there to do in connecticut? Then she came to her senses and discarded him Like last season's chanel booties.

Then he became a crazy stalker, and serena pressharges.

That should be a warning to you, humphrey.

Yeah, because the parallels are striking.

Never-to-be-realized literary aspirations--check.

Townie--you're from brooklyn, so check.

And giving up everything to become Serena van der woodsen's stalker--check.

Face it, humphrey.

You are one knitted tie away from mr.

Donovan territory.

Yeah, except for the fact that stalker implies one-sided.

Serena went to the saints and sinners ball Because she chose me.

Yes, it was obvious this morning at the ostroff center That serena couldn't wait to be in your arms.

And for the record, I haven't given anything up To be with serena.

Oh, of course not Besides your time and your dignity.

You are chauffeuring me around, aren't you? And I'm just curious.

When was the last time you wrote anything? And scribbling "d.

Loves s.

" All over your journal every night doesn't count.

[serena] and the photo of me on "gossip girl"-- That was you, too? Yep.

I went out dressed like you And partied like it was 2007.

And then you just left me for dead in a motel room-- Why? Because of nate or colin? No, you stupid b*tch, Because you destroyed my brother's life.

Who's your brother? Ben donovan.

Ben is your brother? Wh-what did I ever do to him? [scoffs] The official charge is statutory r*pe And transporting a minor across state lines.

But nothing happened.

The girl signed an affidavit stating otherwise.

I can't believe serena would do this.

Okay.

So I prove my innocence in court.

It's her word against mine.

I have to advise against going to trial.

They have a witness that saw you at the bed and breakfast.

You left campus with an underage student And drove across state lines.

To a library.

I know.

It's a bitter pill, but the girl's family Doesn't want the story to get out either, So they pressured the d.

A.

Into offering a plea bargain.

They can do that? Serena's from a powerful family.

And we're nobodies.

A plea bargain keeps the case out of the papers And keeps your name off the national sex offenders list.

You can start over again.

After I serve time for a crime I didn't commit.

I'm sorry, ben.

Thanks to you, My brother's currently serving a 5-year sentence.

I swear, I never accused ben of any crime.

He was nothing but good to me.

I saw the affidavit.

I didn't sign anything.

Then who did? [man] lily! The party's lovely.

Thank you.

Now tell me, honestly, how is serena doing? Oh, she's fine.

She just needed a breather, And if it were up to me, She would be at canyon ranch right now, but they were booked.

Actually, my sister needs more than a hot stone massage To get better, but she's on her way to a full recovery.

I'm sorry, But that was what serena wanted, and you know it.

Eric, somewhere between a marlins jersey And the absolute truth lies the better part of decorum.

Becoming an adult is about learning the distinction.

[indistinct conversations] [jazz version of "here we come a-wassailing" playing] [anne] you're doing some very exciting things, I hear.

I appreciate that.

Mom, hey.

Oh, sweetheart, hi.

Well, looks like lily heard the divorce is back on.

Look, I messed up.

The house dad rented-- It was this place in rhinebeck You guys went on your first vacation.

He really did want to surprise you.

I'm afraid it doesn't change anything.

But it's not his fault, And now he's gonna have to go to a halfway house.

I'm sorry, nate.

It was never gonna work.

We were all just fooling ourselves.

[woman] hi, anne! The truth is, I need this more than I need your father.

Minnie, hi.

Hi.

How are you? Is that one of your designs? It is.

Oh! You look adorable.

Thank you.

Come.

[laughs] I need to catch up with you.

[clink] Good evening.

On behalf of bass industries, I'd like to wish you all a very happy holiday.

I'd also like to acknowledge my stepmother And all the work she's done for the company.

[applause] Serena, what is she doing here? It's okay.

I asked juliet to come.

Wait here.

I'm gonna go talk to my mom.

Okay.

[lily] when charles asked me to take over, I was overwhelmed.

Serena will explain.

But he's family, and I've tried to do what's best For my family.

It's the one thing that has always guided me.

[gasps] Serena! What a lovely surprise.

Everything okay? I need to talk to you.

Okay.

Well, let's just take a few photos real quick.

Smile.

What's going on? I don't know, but I feel a little sick inside And not just because I'm looking at him.

What, have you come to recruit another virgin To be your drug mule? I would say, "why, are you available?" But I'm leaving.

Thanks for the ride into the city.

[serena] okay, that's enough.

Thanks for helping.

[lily] just one more.

I can't do this.

Hi.

I'm--I'm serena.

I'm lily's daughter.

I wasn't gonna be able to make it tonight Because, um, I was actually at the ostroff center.

But if it were up to my mother, She'd have you believe that I was at canyon ranch.

That's because having a daughter who's in a mental hospital Threatens her carefully protected image.

She wants you all to think that she's the perfect host And mother and wife, but the truth is She's a selfish liar who will destroy anyone Who stands in her way.

Time to turn on the charm, lily, Because your perfect party just turned into the perfect storm.

I apologize.

I told serena she couldn't take The company plane to belize for christmas break, And apparently, she took it harder than I realized.

# [lowered voice] go find out What's going on with your sister.

Please, rufus, take the holiday to get things under control.

With the upcoming sale of bass industries, We don't need any more surprises.

Lily said she told you.

Of course.

Forgive me.

Um, it's been a dizzying few days.

Look, I don't know what's going on, But serena brought juliet here tonight.

[instrumental "we wish you a merry christmas" playing] Don't take one step closer to her.

How do you feel about prison food And daily strip searches? B.

, it's okay.

I talked to juliet.

She's not the problem anymore.

It's my mom.

Well, clearly, she's drugged serena again.

Dan, write a list of everything Damien said that he sold to juliet, and, you, Look at the list and tell us which one of those drugs Causes you to repeatedly trust psychopaths.

And you call the police.

Okay, nobody is calling the police.

I know everything that juliet did, And nothing excuses it, But the van der woodsens are not putting any more Of her family members behind bars.

Juliet, I'll find a way to get ben out of prison, I promise.

You're free to go now.

What? No! No, this is unacceptable.

Juliet has tried to hurt you too many times.

You can't just let her walk away.

Blair's right, serena.

I promise I won't do anything to harm serena again, Or anyone else for that matter.

[nate] yeah, that's reassuring.

I'm sorry.

I just spent a day In a Car with dan humphrey to try to track her down, And you're just letting her leave.

I really need someone to tell me what's going on.

Okay, look, I'll explain everything to everyone.

I just need to talk to my mom first.

I apologize, charles.

[sighs] It seems that my biological children Don't understand that when business is at stake, You need to leave your dirty laundry in the hamper.

Is that what ben donovan was to you--dirty laundry? Who's ben donovan? He was my boarding school teacher.

Mom falsely accused him of statutory r*pe, So now he's serving time for a crime he didn't commit.

Is that what the ostroff center calls treatment these days? Public scenes and false accusations? Juliet is ben's sister.

She told me everything.

So, please, no more lying.

What happened? You wanted to come home, and I wanted you here.

But when constance saw your records from knightley, They wouldn't take you back, and it was the same With all the decent schools.

And I-I was worried About your future, so I went to knightley And talked to the administration.

Of course you did.

Well, when I was on campus, There were some girls gossiping about you.

They said that you had spent the night At a bed and breakfast with one of your teachers.

That was just gossip.

Well, it was gossip I could use to our advantage.

I expressed my concern to the school That one of their teachers was having An inappropriate relationship with my underage daughter.

So you sent ben to prison so that I could go to constance? Well, no! O-of course not.

But after I left, the school Alerted the authorities, And then I didn't know what I had set in motion Until I was contacted by the d.

A.

, And by then, it was too late.

What, too late to tell the truth? So you just destroy a man's life, All so that you can keep up appearances? No, I did this for you, for your future.

Look, it's not like mr.

Donovan was guilt-free.

He--he shouldn't have been having an affair with a student.

But he didn't do anything.

Nothing ever happened.

Serena, you don't have to protect him.

I'm not protecting him.

He never touched me, mom.

You sent an innocent man to prison.

Look, everyone here has crossed the line at some point To protect someone they care about.

Sometimes There's collateral damage.

It's not so easy when you're the collateral damage.

Maybe it's time to put everything on the table.

Lily, do you have something you need to tell chuck? Well, if there was something I wanted to tell charles, I would have told him.

Lily's selling bass industries.

It's all very complicated.

I had to talk to the board first.

I trusted you with my father's company.

I want it back Immediately.

Do you really think the board would allow me to give The company to someone who just disappeared for three months? Your instability is the reason that I ended up in charge In the first place.

I won't let you do this, lily.

Serena, I'm so sorry.

Please believe me.

You have to.

I don't have to do anything for you ever again.

I I didn't wanna hurt anyone, rufus.

I really thought I was helping.

I'm sorry, lily.

I-I don't know that I believe that anymore.

They say you reap what you sow.

Better get out your gardening gloves, lily.

Looks like you're going to have a bumper crop this year.

[the rosebuds' "oh it's christmas" playing] See, I told ya, Food is more delicious when you cook it yourself.

Yep, that's why we're gonna end this experiment In middle class living and call housekeeping to clean up.

No way! I stuck my hand up a turkey's butt.

You're not getting out of your job.

Well, I provided the location, so I did my part.

Now I'm off to new zealand to enjoy a taste of summer And girls who like sex games in the rain forest.

Well, I'll help clear.

It's only fitting, Seeing as I did the shopping, set the table, And oversaw the cooking.

All right.

[cell phone rings, beep] [nate] is that lily? By proxy.

She's in montecito so she's having cece call.

Is rufus going to join her? Yeah, but he's driving out on his own.

See? I told you road trips are strictly for humphreys.

Since my mom isn't going to help get ben out of jail, I wanna find the judge whose name is on the affidavit.

I think that he lives upstate, so I thought I'd turn it Into a road trip.

Why don't you come with me? Uh, how long were you thinking? Well, I have to be back by the time school starts.

I called dean reuther and explained that It wasn't me that dropped out.

She was not happy, But she did reinstate me.

Good-bye, friends, dan.

I'll see you in the new year.

Wait.

I'll, uh, I'll walk you out.

Here.

# New zealand? That's awfully close to australia.

You know me.

I like the heat.

Well, you'll get plenty of it if you try to make a deal With the devil.

Jack will never help you.

Maybe, but a shared enemy makes for unlikely friends.

You ready? [elevator bell dings] # oh it's christmas # Happy holidays, blair.

# [utensils clattering] Hey.

I'm sorry to just spring a road trip On you like that.

I didn't even ask what your plans for the break were.

Oh, no, I don't really have any plans.

I was Sort of hoping to hang out with you And Go see some movies, maybe get some writing done.

Well, then why don't you come with me? You could still write.

Come on.

It would be so much fun.

It would be just the two of us listening to the radio And eating roadside food and do a little recon along the way.

What do you say? I think it would be good for us.

But would it be good for you? Serena, I would love to go away with you, But it feels like this trip Is something you might need to do on your own.

I've been trying so hard to prove to the world That I've changed.

But I think the person that doubted the most was me.

I'm gonna work on that.

And you'll succeed.

I know you will.

I mean, I know you better than anyone.

[kisses] Be safe.

[diddy-dirty money] # tell the world I'm coming home # # let the rain wash away # Whenever we give up something we really care about, We hope that the universe Will reward our selfless choice.

h*, h*, h*! Hey, dad, how's it going? I've done some research On my options for halfway houses, And some of them aren't too bad.

I mean, after prison, It's not like I need the four seasons.

What about the empire? What do you mean? Well, I spoke with the parole board.

I gave them my address as where you'll be reporting in January.

I want you to come back to a home.

Thank you, nate.

I can't tell you how much this means to me.

Well, I'm out buying you some new clothes.

I know you've been locked away for a while, But no one's wearing orange this season.

[laughs] However, it's not always fate that gives us a gift.

Sometimes it's someone closer to home.

What are you still doing here? Shouldn't you be off living your dream-- Days on end in a real car with serena? No, I'm staying here, so actually, I'll be living out my nightmare, Trapped in the city with only blair waldorf to talk to.

Nate's here.

I'll share custody as long as I'm in first position.

No, nate's with his grandfather.

Eric, then.

Gstaad with elliot.

Please don't continue down the list.

I promise you, it's just me.

I won't be calling.

I'm gonna be very busy writing, Turning vanessa's room into an office, Seeing "nénette" at the film forum.

I'm seeing "nénette" at film forum.

You like french documentaries about orangutans? "nénette" is an inspiration.

Last summer, I'd go to the jardin des plantes All the time just to visit her.

If we happen to run into each other, Please don't sit next to me.

I wouldn't think of it.

Let's just finish these dishes so we can go home, all right? I'll wash.

You dry.

You wouldn't know how to handle riedel.

This coming from the one holding what appears to be A bottle of l'occitane shampoo.

You can't wash good wineglasses in common dish soap.

Just follow my lead, humphrey.

You're used to doing that.

# coming home, tell the world that I'm coming home # Excuse me.

Could you please just tell me what's going on? My mom and sister are out of town, So I know they aren't visiting.

# thank you lord, I'm coming home # # I'm coming home # Serena.

What are you doing here? I had to come see you.

# all the pain of yesterday # I don't know what to say.

Neither do I.

But I feel like I should start.

If you love someone, set them free.

X.

O.

X.

O.

, gossip girl.

[bunniefuu]

(OG version)


WOMAN:
Where has she been?

GOSSIP GIRL:
And who am I?

That's one secret I'll never tell.

You know you love me. XOXO...

...Gossip Girl.

GOSSIP GIRL:
Spotted: Dan and Blair...

...exiting Sant Ambroeus
with espresso doppio for two.

But we hear it's not the caffeine
that's got them talking...

...a mile a minute, it's a mission.

Juliet dressed up like Serena
at Saints and Sinners...

...to destroy her relationships
with me and Nate.

And enlist Vanessa and Jenny
to mess with me.

Which is devious and pathetic,
but just another Saturday night.

Can't show up at a ball
and not expect...

...at least one doppelganger
to try and impersonate you.

According to Jenny, Juliet posted
a photo of herself as Serena doing coke.

BLAIR: For that she will be judged
by a higher power. But we've--

DAN: We've seen worse.
-I was gonna say done worse. But yes.

Okay, but then Serena wakes up
in a motel room after almost OD'ing.

That is where the Juliet Express
goes off the rails...

...and heads straight for Crazy Town.

The next thing we know...

...Serena wakes up,
insists she didn't go on a bender.

Photo shows up online,
she starts to doubt herself...

...checks herself into The Ostroff.
Which brings us to the present.

The thing we need to figure out is why.
I mean, Colin, Nate, Hamilton House.

None of that explains
taking things so far.

Well, as someone well acquainted
with the darker human emotions...

...let me offer my theory.

There is only one motive powerful
enough to fuel a gaslighting like this...

-...and that is retribution.
-Retribution for what?

I know I've already said this,
but I'm really proud of you...

...and so is Mom.

Is that why she's here
to tell me herself?

Do I even wanna know where she is?

She and Chuck are meeting with
a reporter from The Post this morning.

Some profile on Bass Industries.

The Post. They have such award-winning
business coverage.

You detect a whiff
of Eau de Damage Control.

Mom's classic scent.

Brings back the fondest memories
of childhood.

Way ahead of you.

When I confronted her,
she didn't deny it.

Bass Industries
is a family-run company.

Like it or not, what the family does
affects what people think about it.

I know I've put her
in a tough position.

But please promise me
that you'll try to keep her honest...

...about where I am
and what's going on.

No stories about Aunt Carol's in Miami
like when you were here.

I am on it. Although that Marlins jersey
Bart Bass bought me...

...that year for Christmas
would look great on you.

[LAUGHS]

-Serena. Eric.
ERIC: Hey.

So have you made a decision?

What do you mean, no visitors?
I don't think you realize who we are.

Who she thinks she is is more like.
Look, I'm family. I'm Serena's brother.

Step-brother,
which I try to put out of my mind...

...seeing as we dated--

Humphrey, they treat people in here
for less serious complexes than that.

Do you wanna get committed?
I'll just call her.

-I'm sure that we're on the list.
ERIC: There is no list.

Her phone is locked away
in a drawer somewhere.

Serena's doctor recommended she start
her treatment with 72 hours no contact.

-That includes me, my mom, you guys.
-Serena doesn't need to be here.

-Juliet was behind everything.
-We have some questions for her.

Whatever series of events
got her in the door, she's here.

She's getting the help
she's probably needed for a long time...

...so whatever you're up to,
you need do it without Serena.

Someone's gonna have
a busy holiday season.

Unfortunately, they're all followed up
by a polite phone call...

-...asking if your father will be attending.
-Oh.

Or in the case of Lily's holiday party
for Bass Industries...

...a handwritten note
saying she hopes I understand.

Wow. I guess I thought the mean girls
got a little nicer...

...once they grew up
and had kids of their own.

-Quite the opposite, I'm afraid.
-Yeah.

But no party is more important
than family.

Yeah. About that.

Nate, what is it?

I really appreciate everything
you've been doing for Dad.

I wanted to make sure
he deserved the chance.

I called our manager,
asked if Dad had been in contact...

...made any plans
for when he got out.

Tell me he didn't book
a flight to the Caribbean.

No. But he did ask about
leasing a house outside the city.

Why wasn't I told about this?

He wanted to tell you,
Dad begged him not to say anything.

He said you'd find out soon enough.
It was supposed to be a surprise.

I wish I was surprised.

He uses our address to get parole then
uses my money to get his own place.

-Same old Howard.
-I'm sorry, Mom.

I understand if you don't wanna
go through with this.

I really thought he had changed.

So did I.

I'll call the lawyers.

I got you into this mess.
I'll go to Dad, I'll tell him.

We can't do nothing for three days.

-Who knows how far Juliet could get?
-I think we gotta tell my dad and Lily.

What Juliet did with these pills
is against the law.

Police and parents.
Of course that's your plan, Humphrey.

We could sneak in to see Serena.

That receptionist got a look at me,
but maybe with a wig?

That's your plan?
Disguises and accents?

I never said anything about accents.

-Can you do any?
-No, look. Eric is right.

We need to leave Serena out of this
and find Juliet on our own.

Colin is her cousin.

We could track him down at whatever
economic summit he's at this week.

Nate dated her.

My minions knew her for a whole year
before we showed up.

Or....

There is someone who seems
to know everything about everyone.

Besides me, who?

Gossip Girl?
She's not a Ouija board, Humphrey.

You can't ask "Where's Juliet?"
and expect her...

-...to point you in the direction.
-Maybe you can. Think about it.

You and Serena are her people,
not Juliet.

Serena could've been hurt.
I'm sure she's furious...

...that Juliet sent in that fake photo.
Does she even know that it's fake?

Hey, Juliet. Good to see you.
It's been a while.

Yeah, thanks. It's good to be home.

What if she doesn't respond
and all we're doing is wasting time?

Our time is not that valuable.
Until we know where Juliet is...

...we don't know if we need a jet,
or if your Metro Card will suffice.

[LAPTOP BEEPS]

-It's from her.
-Open it.

Well, I guess we have our mission.

GOSSIP GIRL:
Buckle up, kids.

You up for a road trip?

GOSSIP GIRL: Looks like this
unholy alliance is hitting the road.

DR. FISCHER:
Serena, help me understand.

Are you upset because of what you did,
or because you can't remember it?

Both and neither.

If you saw a photo of yourself
on the Internet doing cocaine...

...what would you think?

DR. FISCHER:
I wouldn't know what to think.

-I would never do that.
-Exactly.

But with me I can't be too sure.

I may not remember kissing
Dan and Nate or crossing Blair, but....

You know, this wouldn't be
the first time...

...that I've been with two guys
in one night...

...or betrayed my best friend.

[LAUGHS]

-Nate.
-That never happens.

Still a man in my eyes.

I knew there was something. Get out.

SERENA:
Things had gotten so out of control...

...I didn't know how to
pull them back anymore.

-What's happening? You okay?
GEORGINA: We have to go.

SERENA:
We can't leave him.

GEORGINA:
We can get arrested.

SERENA:
So I left town, alone.

To Cornwall, Connecticut.
To try to start over.

[BLAIR SIGHS]

Is the pedal to the metal?

Because I swear if I shoved my feet
through the floor I could run faster.

At least there's no radio.

I'm spared your taste in music.
We were supposed to turn there.

I'd tell you to stop being such a
backseat driver, but you don't drive.

I offered to get a car service.
Professional driver, comfortable seats.

-Champagne.
-We're on a mission here.

We need to be able to move
at any moment, tail people.

Speed if necessary.

Speed? Please.

And as for tailing someone,
a stretch Hummer with a hot tub...

...would be more inconspicuous.

First, my dad swapped a '69 Les Paul
for this car. It's a collector's item.

Second, it was this or the
Lincoln Hawk van which has graphics.

Fine. We should almost be there.

Let me just consult the GPS.
Oh, wait, that's me.

No, but for real,
Cornice should be just up here.

LILY: Thank you so much for your time.
-Enjoy your holiday.

LILY: We really appreciate
The Post's interest in the company.

CHUCK & LILY:
Bye.

[SIGHS]

Oh, my God, that was punishing.

I think my face actually hurts
from smiling so much.

-Drink?
-Please.

It's barely afternoon,
but we've earned it.

Serena only came up once.

Yes, and I kept my promise to Eric
to tell the truth.

She is exhausted. I know I am.

I think we both k*lled it.

You're talking about how proud you are
of the work I've done.

You're saying what a great job
I've done leading.

-Well, I meant what I said.
-So do I.

Mm.

There was that question of when I might
take back the reins of Bass Industries.

You flinched
when she asked you about it.

Well, I didn't see
that it was any of her business.

It's a long ways away,
and it was off-topic.

I will want it back at some point.
You know, right?

Of course. It was never my intention
to be more than a custodian...

...overseeing the board
until you're ready to do it yourself.

I have to get ready for this party.

And the, uh, caterers are gonna be here
any moment to set up, so....

-I'll see you tonight.
-Oh. Mwah.

It's a little early in the day for that,
don't you think?

-Things not go well?
-No, actually, the interview was, um, fine.

If this is Juliet's house then
she is even freakier than we thought.

Who pretends to be poor?

Wait, I'm not sure what's supposed
to happen now.

If she is really in there,
what's our plan?

What are we gonna do, we're just gonna
march up to her and pull her hair?

For starters.

[PARTY MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO]

BOY 1: Take it off.
BOY 2: Yeah, take it off.

Oh. At least he's owning it.

[CHEERING]

Juliet wouldn't be at a party like this,
let alone host it.

I don't think this is her house.

BLAIR:
Well, Gossip Girl didn't say it was.

So don't just look for Juliet.

-Look for clues.
BOYS: Body shots!

Or someone who has one.

Damien Dalgaard?

I don't understand.
What changed her mind?

I found out about the
Rhinebeck house, Dad.

You couldn't wait two weeks
before you spend her money?

That's what you think?

Nate, your mom and I vacationed
at that place when we were first married.

She said it was her dream house.
It was for lease, I thought...

...wouldn't it be great
if we could get out of the city?

Spend some time reconnecting,
away from all our so-called friends.

-Dad, I'm sorry. I might've--
-Jumped to conclusions?

-Pretty quickly too.
-You're right.

I guess this transition's
gonna be harder than we thought.

I'll talk to Mom.

Don't bother.

You're not the only one who assumed
I was incapable of doing something nice.

I was kidding myself.

Two of us alone in the country?

Two of us together at all?

It's been over for a long time.

What does that mean
when you get out?

-If you don't come home, you gonna--?
-A halfway house? Yes, I am.

-Dad--
-Nate.

Coming off of two years behind bars...

...a halfway house
sounds pretty good to me.

If you wanna stick around,
I got TV privileges and the game is on.

Sure. Okay.

DAMIEN:
How's your sister?

DAN:
She's good. She's been living in Hudson.

I banished her.

Yeah, but it's been for the best.
Listen, we're not, uh, here for a reunion.

Yeah, me neither. I'm working.

The Connecticut burbs
do big business over the holidays.

College kids come home,
school's always reliable.

-School?
-Yeah, Knightley.

-I went there.
-Wait. Boarding school?

Where you met Serena?

I didn't make the connection,
but of course.

When Serena ran away,
she went to Knightley, in Cornwall.

-So do you know Juliet Sharp?
-I do. I saw her in the city a week ago.

But whatever this is,
I'm not getting involved.

If you sold drugs to Juliet,
then you already are.

It was bad.
Serena ended up in the hospital.

And she says
she didn't do it to herself.

-Is she okay?
-She will be.

[SIGHS]

Juliet made a pretty big buy, all right?
She bought coke, pills, even some ether.

I assumed she was throwing a party for
those sorority girls at whatever house.

-Ether?
-It's like a turn-of-the-century roofie.

Serena goes to school with Damien,
Damien sells drugs to Juliet.

What's the connection between
Juliet and Serena?

You know what? Why don't we find
her address and go ask her ourselves?

This is where I first met Juliet.
She's a townie.

[KIDS LAUGHING]

BOY: Whoa, watch where you're going.
GIRL: Uh, hello?

DAMIEN:
What's the deal with the can opener?

It's a car. From Britain. It's not weird.

I told him we should park
away from the house...

...so no one would see us getting in it.

Shotgun, by the way.

BLAIR:
Whoo!

GOSSIP GIRL:
Better step on it, Juliet.

Because your clean getaway
just got very messy.

SERENA:
Let the sugar cube melt.

Drop it in.

[PARTY MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO]

Extinguish the flame.

And drink up.

[SCREAMS]

[CHEERS]

Turn it up. I love this song.

Serena, what do you think
about a B-minus?

I want an A-plus.

It would seem obvious if all of a sudden
you started getting A's in Spanish.

I thought we were going
for more of a gradual improvement.

You've been studying harder
and working with a tutor.

[LAUGHS]

My tutor.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Mrs. Sharp? Hi.

We're Juliet's friends from New York.
Is, uh, she around?

Oh. Um.... No, no.
She's out running errands for me.

I see. Um, I guess we'll try again later.

Or maybe we can come in and wait?

We've been dying to see her
and it was a long ride.

Sure. Sure, come on in.
What'd you say your names were?

Oh. We didn't. I'm Blair.
This is Dan and Damien.

I'll put the kettle on, you guys sit.

So do you go to Columbia
with Jules, or--?

I do.

But Dan goes to NYU
and Damien's in the school of life.

I actually know Juliet from here.
I went to Knightley.

Oh. Uh, so I assume you know our Ben.

He was a damn good teacher,
no matter what they say.

I don't remember a Mr. Sharp.

No, no, his last name is Donovan.

Same as my first husband.

-Do you recognize him?
-Yeah.

But I didn't know
he was Juliet's brother.

Well, if I taught at Knightley...

...I wouldn't bring my Mystic Pizza
townie family to school events.

When Serena went back to the city,
he got fired for sleeping with a student.

Everyone was sure it was her.

-Is, uh, Earl Grey okay?
-Actually, we won't be able to stay.

You're at a new school but
it's the same old thing. Partying, boys.

Yeah, but there was one person there
who was different.

Mr. Donovan. Hey.

If you're wondering...

...no, I don't plan to drink both of
these coffees. One is actually for you.

It's, uh, with two creams and no sugar.

I noticed that's how you take it
in the dining hall.

Thank you.

Um, so if you don't mind,
I was, um, wondering--

I actually have some questions...

...about arbor imagery
in the poems of Sylvia Plath.

Well, I happen to know that will be
on the final next week, so, uh, sit down.

-Thank you.
-Yeah, of course.

SERENA: Felt good to have someone who
paid attention to me for a positive reason.

And we began to spend
more and more time together.

DAMIEN: There wasn't a keg cracked
within 10 miles Serena didn't know about.

And then suddenly,
she started staying home.

Reading in her room. The generous
conclusion to draw would be...

...Serena was getting her act together,
focusing on school.

No one thought that.
They assumed she was sleeping...

-...with the handsome teacher.
-Was she?

I always thought the best
about Serena--

But something made you believe
it was true.

I was having dinner with my aunt
at the Millbrook Inn in Poughkeepsie.

[THUNDER CLAPS]

[SERENA LAUGHING]

DAMIEN:
As we were heading out...

...I saw Serena checking in
with Mr. Donovan.

I can't believe we got a flat tire
in that weather.

A trip to the Mary McCarthy collection
at the Vassar library is so...

...not worth it.

Why don't you dry off and get something
to eat and I'll go take care of the car?

Are you kidding? You're not
going back out there. You'll drown.

-The tire's not gonna fix itself.
-Yeah, but it'll stop raining by morning.

Maybe we could get a room.

Serena.

Come on, you can't act
like you haven't thought about it.

The ability to have thoughts
and not act on them.

This is what separates
man from beast.

You're not going to quote your way
out of this.

I know what the stakes are for you,
for me too.

But this is real on both sides.

And if you deny it, you're lying.

I'm not a liar,
I'm not gonna deny anything.

I care about you very much, Serena.

Which is why
I'm going to brave the weather...

...and fix the tire. I can drive you home,
so you can sleep in your own bed.

You know, I think he was the only guy
to ever say no to me.

I was in love with him. Well, as in love
as I had ever been at that point.

After that,
I didn't know how to act around him.

So we, uh, never really talked again.

This must have been
very disappointing...

...to the 16-year-old adventuress
that you were at the time.

But when you tell this story now...

...what does it make you think?

That Ben Donovan
was a pretty great guy.

[LINE RINGING]

Hey. Finally.

JULIET:
What do you need, Ben?

What's with the mood?
Mom wear you out Christmas shopping?

No, we actually never made it
to the mall.

Dan and Blair showed up in Cornwall
with Damien Dalgaard.

Damien? What's he doing with them?

Well, considering he's the one
who sold me the pills I used on Serena...

...I think I have a pretty good guess.

I told you the drugs were going too far.
Never mind if they go to the cops.

What if they show up at Mom's,
start asking questions.

JULIET:
Yeah, I'm sure they already did.

And I'm sure they're figuring
it all out right now.

Which is exactly why I am gonna finish
this thing...

...once and for all
like I should've done in the first place.

Where are you?

Are you in the city?

Juliet.

You have done enough.

Do not go after Serena.

BEN [OVER PHONE]: If you touch her--
-What?

It's not like you can stop me.

BEN:
Hey. I need to make another call.

Please, you got to let me make a call.

Okay, fine, you make the call.
Someone has to warn her.

Serena van der Woodsen.
Hey, Archibald.

I'm Ben, I'm Juliet's brother.

You need to find Serena
and make sure she's okay.

-Wait, what?
GUARD: Hey, man.

-Hey.
-You gotta back up, man.

You can't talk to him, okay?

-Hey, man, what's up?
NATE: When was the last time...

...you talked with Serena?
She's not answering.

-They took it away, part of her therapy.
-So she's still at the Ostroff?

-That's good. She's safe there.
-What do you mean, from what?

I was visiting my dad
and I ran into Juliet's brother, Ben.

He was really upset, and he, uh,
seemed to think Serena's in danger.

-From who? Juliet?
NATE: I don't know. He didn't get to say.

But, uh, we should probably
go check on her.

Can you go? I'm in Staten Island.

No, I'm with Blair and Damien
in Connecticut. It's a long story.

But, all right,
meet us at the Van der Woodsen's.

Serena should be okay where she is,
but we need to find Juliet.

NATE [OVER PHONE]:
Okay, I'll see you there.

GOSSIP GIRL:
Uh-oh, S...

...you've got a surprise visitor and
she's about to give you shock therapy.

I think I figured it out, okay?
Serena had an affair with her teacher.

It's Serena, what else is there to do
in Connecticut?

She came to her senses and discarded
him like last season's Chanel booties.

Then he became a crazy stalker
and Serena pressed charges.

-That should be a warning to you.
-Parallels are striking.

Never-to-be-realized
literary aspirations. Check.

Townie. You're from Brooklyn,
so check.

Giving up everything to become Serena
van der Woodsen's stalker. Check.

Face it, you are one knitted tie
away from Mr. Donovan territory.

Except for the fact that stalker
implies one-sided.

Serena went to the ball
because she chose me.

It was obvious at the Center that
Serena couldn't wait to be in your arms.

For the record,
I haven't given anything up.

Oh, of course not.

[SCOFFS]

Besides your time. And your dignity.

You are chauffeuring me around.

And I'm just curious, when was
the last time you wrote anything?

And scribbling "D loves S" all over your
journal every night doesn't count.

And the photo of me on Gossip Girl,
that was you too?

Yup, I went out dressed like you
and partied like it was 2007.

And then you just left me for dead
in a motel room?

Why? Because of Nate? Or Colin?

No, you stupid b*tch.
Because you destroyed my brother's life.

-Who is your brother?
-Ben Donovan.

Ben is your brother?

What did I ever do to him?

LAWYER:
The official charges: statutory r*pe...

...and transporting a minor
across state lines.

But nothing happened.

The girl signed an affidavit
stating otherwise.

I can't believe Serena would do this.

Okay, so I prove my innocence in court.
It's her word against mine.

I have to advise against going to trial.

They have a witness that saw you.
You left campus...

...with an underage student
and drove across state lines.

To a library.

LAWYER:
I know, it's a bitter pill.

The girl's family doesn't want the story
to get out. They've pressured the DA...

-...into offering a plea bargain.
-They can do that?

Serena's from a powerful family.

And we're nobodies.

A plea bargain
keeps the case out of the papers...

...and keeps your name
off the national sex offenders list.

You could start over again.

After I serve time
for a crime I didn't commit.

LAWYER:
I'm sorry, Ben.

Thanks to you, my brother is currently
serving a five-year sentence.

I swear, I never accused Ben
of any crime.

He was nothing but good to me.

I saw the affidavit.

-I didn't sign anything.
-Then who did?

HOLMBERG:
Lily.

-The party is lovely.
-Thank you.

Now, tell me honestly,
how is Serena doing?

She's fine. She just needed a breather.

If it were up to me, she would be
at Canyon Ranch, but they were booked.

My sister needs more than
a massage to get better.

But she's on her way
to a full recovery.

I'm sorry, but that was
what Serena wanted, and you know it.

Between a Marlins jersey
and absolute truth...

...lies the better part of decorum.

Becoming an adult
is about learning the distinction.

-You're doing very exciting things I hear.
MAN: I appreciate that.

NATE: Mom, hey.
-Sweetheart, hi.

Looks like Lily heard the divorce
was back on.

I messed up. The house Dad rented
was this place in Rhinebeck...

...you guys went
on your first vacation.

-He did wanna surprise you.
-It doesn't change anything.

It's not his fault. He's gonna
have to go to a halfway house.

I'm sorry, Nate.
It was never going to work.

We were all just fooling ourselves.

WOMAN:
Hi, Anne.

The truth is I need this.

More than I need your father.

-Minnie, hi. How are you?
-Hi.

-Is that one of your designs?
MINNIE: It is.

-You look adorable.
-Thank you.

Come, I need to catch up with you.

On behalf of Bass Industries,
I'd like to wish you all a happy holiday.

I'd also like to acknowledge
my stepmother...

...and the work
she's done for the company.

-Serena, what is she doing here?
-It's okay. I asked Juliet to come.

-Wait here, I'm gonna talk to my mother.
-Okay.

Serena will explain.

He's family, and I try to
do what's best for my family.

It's the one thing
that has always guided me.

Serena, what a lovely surprise.

-Everything okay?
-I need to talk to you.

Okay, well,
let's just take a few photos. Smile.

What's going on?

I don't know. I feel a little sick inside.
And not just because I'm looking at him.

Come to recruit another virgin
to be your mule?

I would say, "Why, are you available?"
But I'm leaving.

Thanks for the ride into the city.

SERENA: Enough.
-Thanks for helping.

LILY: Just one more.
SERENA: I can't do this.

-Okay.
-Hi, I'm Serena. I'm Lily's daughter.

I wasn't gonna be able to make it
because I was at the Ostroff Center.

If it were up to my mother, she'd have
you believe I was at Canyon Ranch.

Having a daughter in a mental hospital
threatens her carefully protected image.

She wants you all to think that she's
the perfect host and mother and wife.

But the truth is she's a selfish liar who'll
destroy anyone who stands in her way.

GOSSIP GIRL:
Time to turn on the charm, Lily.

Because your perfect party
just turned into the perfect storm.

I apologize. I told Serena she couldn't
take the plane to Belize for Christmas.

Apparently she took it harder
than I realized.

Go find out what's going on
with your sister.

Please, Rufus. Take the holiday
to get things under control.

With the upcoming sale
of Bass Industries...

...we don't need any more surprises.

-Lily said she told you.
-Of course, yeah.

Forgive me, um,
it's been a dizzying few days.

Look, I don't know what's going on,
but Serena brought Juliet here tonight.

Don't take one step closer to her.

How do you feel about prison food
and daily strip searches?

B, it's okay. I talked to Juliet. She's not
the problem anymore. It's my mom.

Well, clearly,
she's drugged Serena again.

Dan, write a list of everything
Damien said he sold to Juliet.

You look at the list, tell us which drug
causes you to trust psychopaths.

And you call the police.

Okay, nobody is calling the police.

I know everything that Juliet did
and nothing excuses it.

The Van der Woodsens are not putting
any more of her family behind bars.

Juliet, I'll find a way
to get Ben out of prison, I promise.

-You're free to go now.
-What? No. This is unacceptable.

Juliet's tried to hurt you too many times.
You can't let her walk away.

Blair's right, Serena.

I promise I won't do anything
to harm Serena again.

-Or anyone else for that matter.
-Yeah, that's reassuring.

I'm sorry.

I just spent a day in a car
with Dan Humphrey...

...to try to track her down.
You're letting her leave?

-Someone tell me what's going on.
-Okay, look, I'll explain everything.

I just need to talk to my mom first.

I apologize, Charles.

It seems that my biological children
don't understand...

...when business is at stake, you need to
leave your dirty laundry in the hamper.

Is that what Ben Donovan was to you?
Dirty laundry?

-Who's Ben Donovan?
-He was my boarding-school teacher.

Mom falsely accused of him
of statutory r*pe...

...so now he's serving time
for a crime he didn't commit.

Is that what the Ostroff Center
calls treatment these days?

Public scenes and false accusations?

Juliet is Ben's sister.
She told me everything.

So please, no more lying.
What happened?

You wanted to come home,
and I wanted you here.

When Constance saw your records,
they wouldn't take you back.

And it was the same
with all the decent schools.

And I was worried about your future.

So I went to Knightley
and talked to the administration.

Of course you did.

While I was on campus, there were
some girls gossiping about you.

They said that
you had spent the night...

...at a bed and breakfast
with one of your teachers.

-That was just gossip.
-Gossip I could use to our advantage.

I expressed my concern
that one of their teachers...

...was having an inappropriate
relationship with my daughter.

So you sent Ben to prison
so I could go to Constance?

LILY:
Well, no, of course not.

But after I left,
the school alerted the authorities.

I didn't know what I had set in motion
until I was contacted by the DA.

-By then it was too late.
-Too late to tell the truth?

So you just destroy a man's life,
all so you can keep up appearances?

No, I did this for you. For your future.

Look, it's not like Mr. Donovan
was guilt-free.

He shouldn't have been having
an affair with a student.

But he didn't do anything.
Nothing ever happened.

-Sweetie, you don't have to protect him.
-I'm not protecting him.

He never touched me, Mom.
You sent an innocent man to prison.

Look, everyone here has crossed a line
to protect someone they care about.

Sometimes there's collateral damage.

It's not so easy
when you're the collateral damage.

Maybe it's time
to put everything on the table.

Lily, do you have something
you need to tell Chuck?

Well, if there was something I wanted
to tell Charles, I would've told him.

Lily's selling Bass Industries.

It's all very complicated.
I had to talk to the board first.

I trusted you
with my father's company.

I want it back. Immediately.

You think the board would
give the company...

...to someone who disappeared
for three months?

Your instability is the reason
I ended up in charge.

I won't let you do this, Lily.

Serena, I'm so sorry.
Please believe me. You have to.

I don't have to do anything for you
ever again.

I didn't wanna hurt anyone, Rufus.
I really thought I was helping.

I'm sorry, Lily.
I don't know that I believe that anymore.

GOSSIP GIRL:
They say you reap what you sow.

Better get out
your gardening gloves, Lily.

Looks like you're going to have
a bumper crop this year.

See, food is more delicious
when you cook it yourself.

We're gonna end this experiment
in middle-class living...

...and call housekeeping to clean up.

I stuck my hand up a turkey's butt.
You're not getting out of your job.

Well, I provided the location,
so I did my part.

I'm off to New Zealand,
to enjoy a taste of summer...

...and girls who like sex games
in the rainforest.

I'll help. Fitting, seeing as
I did the shopping, set the table...

-...and oversaw the cooking.
-All right.

[PHONE RINGING]

NATE: Is that Lily?
-By proxy.

She's in Montecito,
so she's having Cece call.

Is Rufus gonna join her?

Yeah, but he's driving out on his own.
I think he needed time to clear his head.

See. I told you road trips
are strictly for Humphreys.

Since my mom isn't gonna help
get Ben out of jail...

...I wanna find the judge
who's on the affidavit.

I think he lives upstate,
so I thought I'd turn it into a road trip.

Why don't you come with me?

How long were you thinking?

I have to be back
by the time school starts.

I called and explained
it wasn't me that dropped out.

She was not happy,
but she did reinstate me.

Goodbye, friends. Dan.

-I'll see you in the new year.
-Wait, I'll walk you out. Here.

New Zealand?
That's awfully close to Australia.

I like the heat.

You'll get plenty if you try to make a
deal with the devil. Jack will never help.

Maybe. But a shared enemy
makes for unlikely friends.

You ready?

Happy holidays, Blair.

Hey, I'm sorry to just spring the road trip
on you like that.

I didn't ask
what your plans for the break were.

Oh, no, I don't really have any plans,
I was...

...sort of hoping to hang out with you,
go see some movies...

...maybe get some writing done.

Well, then why don't you come with me?
You could still write.

Come on, it would be so much fun.

It would be just the two of us
listening to the radio...

...and eating roadside food and
we could do a little recon along the way.

What do you say?
I think it would be good for us.

But would it be good for you?

Serena, I would love to go with you...

...but if feels like this trip is something
you might need to do on your own.

I've been trying so hard to
prove to the world that I've changed...

...but I think the person that doubted it
the most was me.

-I'm gonna work on that.
-And you'll succeed.

I know you will.
And I know you better than anyone.

Be safe.

GOSSIP GIRL: Whenever we give up
something we really care about...

...we hope that the universe
will reward our selfless choice.

Hey, Dad, how's it going?

I've done some research on my options
for halfway houses.

Some of them aren't too bad.

After prison,
it's not like I need the Four Seasons.

-What about the Empire?
-What do you mean?

Well, I spoke with the parole board.

I gave them my address
as where you'll be reporting in January.

-I want you to come back to a home.
-Thank you, Nate.

-I can't tell you how much this means.
-I'm out buying you some new clothes.

I, uh, know you've been locked away
for a while...

...but no one's wearing orange
this season.

[CHUCKLES]

GOSSIP GIRL: However,
it's not always fate that gives us a gift.

Sometimes it's someone
closer to home.

What are you still doing here?
Shouldn't you be off living your dream?

-Days on end in a real car with Serena.
-I'm staying here.

I'll be living my nightmare. Trapped,
with only Blair Waldorf to talk to.

Nate's here. I'll share custody
as long as I'm in first position.

Nate's with his grandfather.

-Eric, then.
-Gstaad with Elliot.

Please don't continue down the list.
I promise, it's just me. I won't call.

I'm gonna be very busy writing,
turning Vanessa's room into an office...

-...seeing Nenette at the Film Forum.
-I'm seeing Nenette at Film Forum.

French documentaries
about orangutans?

Nenette is an inspiration.

Last summer, I'd go to the Jardin
des Plantes all the time just to visit her.

If we happen to run into each other,
please don't sit next to me.

I wouldn't think of it. Let's finish
the dishes so we can go home.

I'll wash, you dry.
You wouldn't know how to handle Riedel.

This coming from the one holding
a bottle of L'Occitane shampoo.

You can't wash good wine glasses
in common dish soap.

Just follow my lead, Humphrey.
You're used to doing that.

Excuse me.

Could you tell me what's going on?

My mom and sister are out of town
so I know they aren't visiting.

Serena. What are you doing here?

I had to come see you.

I don't know what to say.

Neither do I.
But I feel like I should start.

GOSSIP GIRL:
If you love someone, set them free.

XOXO, Gossip Girl.