5x08 - All the Pretty Sources

[bunniefuu]

Gossip Girl here.

Your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite.

The truth is I was jealous.

You're the star of Dan's book.

Do you live in this building? No, I work here.

Can I help you find something? I'm looking for my ex-girlfriend, Ivy Dickens.

Ivy? Max.

I'm here with someone, and I should really go find her.

Her name's Serena.

Serena Van Der Woodsen? What happened to your date? My date stood me up.

The only way for Blair to move on is if she thinks I never will.

I had to kiss her to set her free.

I just found out you were taking money to reveal information about me.

Chuck destroys everything, and he'll never change.

But what's scaring me is that you're changing into him.

No, Louis, you should go on your trip.

Besides, a few days apart would be good for us.

A shower is supposed to make you feel fresh and clean, but on the Upper East Side, they're where I get the most dirt.

And B.

's bridal shower tonight promises to be an absolutely filthy affair.

The only two people left off the list-- Number one Honestly, a mutt? No wonder Blair chose Louis over you.

Totally right call, B.

T.

-Dubs, 'cause you are so the opposite of royalty.

Still, how royally miffed are you that you weren't even invited to the shower tonight? Girls, I have been trying very hard lately to be good.

Yet I don't feel the slightest pang of guilt unleashing my attack dog right now.

And I should warn you.

He's trained to go after fake Prada.

Good boy, monkey.

"As for number two? In high school, "D.

got left off the list because no one knew who he was.

"Now it's because they know too well.

"Looks like lonely boy needs to change his name to 'Banished boy.

'" Yeah.

Really, guys? Thank you for the support.

Well, listen, I mean, at least they're still talking about you.

If they weren't, I'd start worrying.

Well, that might happen soon, since "Inside" is off the best sellers list.

But the rest of the book tour went better, right? Yeah, it did.

It did much better.

I mean, my hand's still kinda sore from having to sign all those copies.

See? Just give it time.

Things will turn around.

Charlie, how are you feeling? Fine, thanks.

Hi, Dan.

Hey.

What's with her? I should go talk to her.

Oh, uh, Rufus, the table and linen delivery people are gonna be here any second.

I can't believe I agreed to throw a party we aren't even able to attend.

You are such a good mom.

Thank you.

Well, I think I'll pass on watching you guys set up for a party that I'm not invited to.

Who is it? Someone completely undeserving or your love and affection.

I come bearing gifts every perfume Santa Maria Novella has to offer.

Feel free to bash the imperial lavender over my head if you'd like.

That won't be necessary.

I know I did some really stupid things before I left, but I've come back a better man.

I promise you.

I believe you.

And I'm glad because I need you to be your best prince charming at our shower tonight.

What are all these? Hostess presents for Serena.

I had some pieces flown in from her favorite antique store in Paris.

It's the least I could do to say thank you for whatever perfect evening she has planned for us.

They're beautiful.

But how--how do you know it's going to be perfect? Because Serena's my best friend, and she knows what I like better than anybody.

I'm sure it'll be a lovely party.

But? What--what are you saying? Nothing.

It's just, I've done some thinking while I was gone, and I'm starting to wonder if your friends really have your best interests at heart.

Hey, thanks for coming by on a Saturday.

I really appreciate it.

I know I've been critical of some of the choices you've made in the past, but I couldn't be more proud of everything you accomplished here.

Hmm.

Well, I'm working hard.

And I have to say, it feels good to have gotten this far on my own.

Nate, I need you to approve the layout for the new style section.

And who might this be? My grandfather, William Van Der Bilt.

This is my boss, Diana Payne.

Oh, it's a pleasure, Diana.

I'm very impressed by your whole organization.

Congratulations.

I couldn't do it without your grandson.

He's our rising star.

Nate, the graphic department's waiting.

All right.

I'll see your grandfather out.

All right.

Thank God! Why haven't you returned any of my calls? I'm totally freaking out.

What's going on? Uh Diana fired me.

My ex-boyfriend just shows up out of nowhere.

I feel like the truth is gonna come out any second if I don't just leave right-- Listen to me.

You can't go anywhere.

If you disappear, Cece could cut off my trust for good.

Sorry, but that's your problem.

Actually, it's your problem, because if the money stops, then I have nothing to lose, and I'll make sure whatever happens to me happens to you, too.

I didn't get mad when you didn't want to move out of here.

I didn't get upset when you didn't want to convert to catholicism.

That has nothing to do with my friends.

Yes, it does.

It's about the sacrifices you make for your partner.

And what have you sacrificed? You spent your whole trip bonding with your family, who hates me.

They're my family, Blair.

But I've created some much needed distance between me and them, and I think you should do the same with your so-called friends.

This just in.

We hear B.

took a paternity test to find out which daddy makes three.

See? This is exactly the type of thing I'm talking about.

You think someone I know sent that? Your friends know no loyalty.

Each one rats out the next, and you and I get sucked right into it.

My friends and I have grown up.

We're not like that anymore.

Whoever sent that is clearly from your bloodline-- namely your sister Beatrice.

As if she would do that right after we made up.

This was one of your friends, and I'll prove it to you.

Hmm, well, good luck, because I happen to know my friends always have my back.

Serena? I know you're busy with something for tonight, but I really need your help.

Sorry, B.

, can't talk.

Too much work.

Later! I don't appreciate you just turning up unannounced like that.

Would you mind telling me what's going on? I was about to ask you the same thing.

I woke up this morning to find a big picture of you in "The New Yorker," with Nate in the corner as "the man by your side.

" It's supposed to be the other way around, remember? Sorry.

I don't control every publication in New York.

My goal was to remake Nate, not to make you a star.

It's time for you to step aside, give him "The Spectator.

" What? That wasn't part of the deal.

Nate's got talent, but he's still green.

He's just not ready.

Since I am the majority investor in this entire operation, it's within my power to fire you and put him in charge.

All I need is another month to achieve my goal.

That's too long.

You have three days, or you're out of a job.

Humphrey, you lost? What are you doing here? I thought since you're the only other person not invited to Blair's shower, we could hang out today.

What did you have in mind? A trip to the IFC Center to catch a film no one's heard of, then to Shakespeare & Company to see who's not buying your book? No, see, you're the new and improved Chuck Bass.

I thought you could help me overhaul my own image.

You're willing to get a haircut and change your clothes? No.

Then I'm not sure what I can do.

Fine.

Then just make the day go away.

I-I-I will--I will do whatever wildly offensive thing you can think of.

You've persuaded me.

So these two can go over there.

Excuse me.

Sorry.

I'm looking for someone named Ivy.

Yeah, she's probably with the caterers.

Excuse me? Be careful.

That's Lalique.

We got another boxful.

No, sorry.

I think some people here might call her "Charlie.

" But I've always known her as "Ivy Dickens.

" Seems Charlie's in hot water And she's about to get burned.

Um, I'm a little confused here.

Charlie, help me out? Okay.

I never wanted to have to tell you this, but for some time now, I've been pretending to be Ivy Dickens.

Huh? I don't understand.

My mom never wanted me to grow up with the burden of the Rhodes name.

She claimed it ruined her whole life.

People made all kinds of assumptions about her, used her for her money.

She just never wanted that to happen to me.

So she made me change my name.

And you know what? I was happy to, because then I knew people like you, Max, really liked me for me.

You just never know who you can trust or what people's true motives are.

You know? I knew your mother was behind this.

This is just classic Carol.

Last spring, when I said I went to visit my family, I really was.

I just never told you who they were.

We've got a big problem.

I just talked to the board, and they said we're not getting enough eyeballs to the web site.

But our numbers are good.

They're rising every day.

Not fast enough.

They said "Gossip Girl's" still getting more hits.

And unless we can find a way to top her in the next 72 hours, I'm out of a job.

What? Yeah.

Oh, that's--that's-- that's not fair.

I mean, these things take time.

Didn't they see "the new yorker"? They gave me a deadline and a goal, and I haven't met it.

So you have any suggestions for attracting more readers, and fast? Serena's blog's getting some traction.

Maybe we can convince her to write something a bit more personal.

Unless you have pictures of Serena in bed with both "Hunger Games" boys, that's not gonna cut it.

Well, then we gotta go straight to the source-- attack Gossip Girl directly.

Too bad we can't hack into her phone.

Well keep me posted.

Whatever you could do, I'll be forever grateful.

Hey, Eric, it's Nate.

Listen, uh, I have kind of a strange question for you.

I don't know if you're ready to see what I want to show you, but unfortunately, you and I have run out of time.

They're coming for you, Neo, and I don't know what they're going to do.

At last.

Oh, this is awesome.

You should try this.

No? Welcome, Neo.

This is all awesome-- not just the bruschetta but the whole thing-- me, you, Keanu.

I never pegged you for a "Matrix" fan.

Something I learned early on-- never watch "A Clockwork Orange" when you're stoned.

Takes your mind to places it has no business going.

Like to Blair's shower tonight.

That is one thing I am not gonna think about-- like, not at all.

Nor should you.

I agree.

I--you know, I could easily spend the rest of my life obsessing over why Serena didn't invite me to the party.

I mean, she--she--she really should have invited me to the party.

It's like she wants me to stay an outsider for the rest of my life.

First she kills my movie, and then she kills my social life.

Have you ever thought it might be your own fault? No.

Humphrey, you wrote an entire novel about being an outsider.

It's how you define yourself.

But if that's not who you wanna be anymore, the only person who can change that is you.

What you need to do is stop with the neurotic navel-gazing And start being like our friend Neo here-- a man of action.

And it just so happens that action and her friend are begging you to take them into Nate's bedroom while I take monkey for a stroll.

Hi.

Serena has been so tight-lipped about the preparations, I haven't a clue what to wear.

Should I be ladylike in De La Renta, avant-garde in Alaia, or magnificent in McQueen? What? You know we can't tell you anything.

We're sworn to secrecy.

What is this, "The Help"? I will not tolerate this insubordination.

Are you her minions or mine? J-just give me a hint as to the size of the gathering and the level of formality, just so I don't show up overly fabulous, if there is such a thing.

Actually, Serena's been so slammed with work and her blog, she hasn't had time to plan anything elaborate.

So it's going to be a rather intimate affair.

Intimate? Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Yes.

Dress casual.

Um, I think the line from the Evite was "Jeans Okay.

" Casual? Jeans.

Evite? She's really playing up this whole "People's Princess" angle.

Oh.

Uh I'm sure she at least got a decent caterer-- Jean-Georges? Michael White? I'd settle for Batali if I had to.

I think she's doing Greek food like gyros.

From some fancy food truck parked next to dozens of other fancier food trucks.

From the cart on 59th and Lex.

Just like the street food you had on your first date with Louis.

It's an homage.

Oh, my God! I know.

But what else could we do? She's your maid of honor.

If you'll excuse me, I've gotta go k*ll myself Or max out my credit card, whichever comes first.

Hey.

Where's your laptop? Right here.

Why? Okay, I'm about to send you something right now.

Check this out.

Nate, what is this? It's a web page I created with every single e-mail anyone's ever sent to Gossip Girl up until an hour ago.

How did you get this? Jonathan.

Remember when he and Eric hacked into "Gossip Girl"? Well, I asked if he could do it again.

Okay, so what are you gonna do with it? Upload it to "The Spectator" site.

If people know Gossip Girl's not confidential, they'll stop sending her tips, and without informants, she'll die a slow death, leaving "The Spectator" New York's foremost scandal site.

We get new readers, and Diana gets to keep her job.

It's a win-win.

But for Diana.

But think of everyone else you care about.

Literally, everyone we know sent something in, including Oh, my God.

Nate, I just typed my name in, and literally, like, a thousand e-mails popped up.

Serena, you and I both wanna take down Gossip Girl.

This will do it.

You cannot upload this to "The Spectator.

" I'm sorry.

Is, uh, is everything okay? Yeah, everything's fine.

All right.

Who was that? Just Louis.

Look, Nate, you need to put your feelings for Diana aside and think of the ramifications for releasing this.

This would do way more harm than good.

But it's our smoking g*n.

That's gonna sh**t you, me, and all of our friends in the foot.

Promise me you won't show this to anyone, especially Diana.

Okay, fine, I won't show Diana.

What won't you show me? So This is what my real life is like.

I'm sorry I lied to you, Max.

It's what I wanted to tell you when I bumped into you last week.

Well, at least I finally get it.

All this time I was worried it was something I did that drove you away.

No! You were great.

You've always been great.

Look, Ivy-- I-I'm sorry.

I mean, Charlie.

My feelings haven't changed.

And now that I know why you did what you did, maybe we could give our relationship another chance.

Max, the truth is, after all this lying, I just need some time alone to figure out my real self.

You know what I mean? Not really, no.

I do love you.

And, um I wanna prove it to you.

You have always talked about moving out to Portland to start your own restaurant.

That's your dream.

Now I can help make that happen.

How? Since money isn't really an issue in my family, I could give you something to help you get started.

Would $50,000 be enough? I-Ivy And then in a couple of months, I could come and join you.

You'd really do that for me? I'd do anything for you.

You know, it's getting really late, and I have to get ready for my girlfriend's shower, so let's meet tomorrow before you go, and I can give you the money then.

Okay? Sounds good? Yeah.

It was very nice to meet you, missus Humphrey.

You, too, Max.

Will I be seeing you again? I hope so.

That's a great photo.

Oh, thank you.

Sadly, it's the only real family portrait that I have.

Did you ever meet Charlie's mother Carol in Florida? That's her mom? Yeah.

You know, I-I think I will be seeing you again.

Real soon.

Good.

Uh-oh, Charlie.

Your mother of a lie is about to get you stuck in one big parent trap.

Nate, I can't believe it.

This is exactly what we need.

I know, but we can't release it.

Why? It's the answer to all our problems.

I'm doing it.

Hey, look, I talked it over with Serena, and I just think she's right.

It's too destructive to our friends.

Destructive to your friends or to you? I think you're just trying to save your a*s so people don't see all the salacious things you've sent in to "Gossip Girl.

" Okay, honestly, I hadn't even thought of that.

I'm sure.

Why don't we just see how many of your friends you've betrayed over the years? You've never sent anything in to her? Guess not.

Just not who I am.

You really are a good, honest man, aren't you? I didn't think anyone like you exited anymore.

Oh, we're a very rare breed.

That's why when you find one of us, you gotta hold on real tight.

Okay.

You've convinced me.

So you're not gonna release it? Mnh-mnh.

What about you and your job and "The Spectator"? I'll figure something out.

So I've just got a few things to finish up here.

All right.

We need to talk.

Hi, Blair.

You getting excited for tonight? Of course.

We all know how much I love souvlaki.

Who told you? It was supposed to be a secret.

Well, it's not.

Is Serena there? She's not picking up her cell.

No, she's out getting the dessert for the party-- Hawaiian shaved ice with all the best flavors, including everyone's favorite-- Tutti Frutti.

Don't worry.

I promise it will be a night that you never forget.

Oh, I'm sure about that.

Isn't it a little mean, you and all of Blair's friends are messing with her about tonight? Well, it might be the only event in Blair's entire life where she's not in control.

What about you? How was it reconnecting with your old friend, or should I say old boyfriend? Do you plan to see him again? No.

He took off back to Florida.

I'm sorry that you had to find out about the "Ivy" thing like that.

I'm the one that's sorry-- sorry your mother put you through that.

I hope you know you have family that cares about you, and you can always be your true self with us.

Thank you.

Come on, ladies.

I didn't hire you to watch movies.

Unless you wore my friend out already.

We tried, but he wouldn't stop complaining about some girl named Serena and wanting to be a man of action.

So when he mentioned something about a shower, we were like, "Yeah," but then he never came in to join us.

And by the time we got out, he was gone.

It's important to be careful about what you tell others.

What are you doing in here? Well, I was just going to check some e-mails until you finished getting dressed, mon ami.

I don't want you to get a big head about this, but perhaps you were right that my friends don't have quite my best interests at heart.

Why? What happened? My shower.

Doesn't sound like they're thinking of me at all.

You said I need to create some distance, but maybe the distance is already there.

How could it not be, when they say such terrible things behind your back? Ugh.

I'm not talking about "Gossip Girl.

" Oh.

I hadn't realized what time it was.

We're gonna be late for our own shower.

Come on.

Let's go.

Dorota, we're leaving! Call down to Jimmy to get our car.

Because sometimes your words can come back to haunt you.

It can happen to anybody, even me.

Louis, look, it's a Tiffany's party.

This isn't casual at all.

It's elegant, witty.

It's It's you.

Surprise! Oh, my gosh.

Oh, Serena! This is above and beyond anything I ever dreamed of.

Come on.

You deserve it.

No freakin' way.

What is it? What's going on? Did somebody famous die? Excuse me? Could I have everyone's attention, please? I'm not usually one for speeches, but I have to say how lucky I am to have Blair Waldorf as my best friend.

I may be the maid of honor, but the true honor is just knowing you, B.

There is simply no one like her, no matter how hard some of you try.

Congratulations to the beautiful bride.

You have become the strong, confident princess I always knew you would.

I love you so much and wish you and your prince nothing but happiness.

Cheers.

Cheers.

And one more thing.

We have a surprise for all the ladies tonight.

We'll be handing out boxes.

Most of us will open ours to find it empty, but one lucky lady will have a diamond ring inside.

But you have to wait until I say so to open it.

Enjoy.

Oh, thank you so much.

I hope you guys didn't mind my joke.

Oh, we didn't hear your speech.

We've been too busy reading.

Sorry.

Hi.

Okay.

Yeah.

I'm--as you can tell by my casual attire, I'm--I'm crashing this party, but But it's only because I needed to stop whining, start becoming a man of action.

And a man of action wouldn't just do nothing.

A man of action would, uh, would show up and finally confront the person he's been meaning to have a conversation with for a very long time now.

I wouldn't expect you to understand what I'm saying.

Who the hell are you people, anyway? Must be friends of the groom.

Hey, I'm sorry I'm late.

I'm on my way over right now.

I thought I told you not to post the "Gossip Girl" sources web page.

I didn't.

Well, somebody did, because there's a link to it on "The Spectator" right now.

What? Ohh.

Diana.

I can't believe she'd do this to me.

To you? To all of us.

Get her to take it down.

Well, I can try, but it's probably all over the Internet by now.

Just please fix it.

I have to go do damage control before Blair's entire shower is ruined.

All right, I'm on it.

No photos, please.

I thought you saw the invitation.

Privacy concerns.

Why did you tell that? I'm telling you, it wasn't me.

What else am I supposed to do? I knew you couldn't stay away.

Believe it or not, this is the last place I wanna be right now.

I'm not looking for trouble, just Dan Humphrey.

He's not very pleased with Serena right now, and in his inebriated state, I'm not sure what he'll do.

Why don't you ask him? I called you here because I saw a side of your grandson today I hadn't fully seen before.

And here I was, pretty sure that you've seen every side of him at this point.

He's not a boy anymore, William.

He's a man, and a good one at that, with a lot of integrity-- so much, in fact, that he inspired me to summon you here and tell you that I was willing to abandon my w*r with Gossip Girl to start a new w*r-- With you.

Is that so? I was planning to tell you that I've ended up caring more about this paper and your grandson than you ever will.

And then someone went off to Gossip Girl.

And that someone wasn't you.

No.

But I'm pretty sure Nate won't believe me when I tell him that.

Tell me what? Thank you for coming.

Did you see what Blair wrote about us? Penelope? Can you please tell me why people are not paying attention to me right now? 'Cause last I checked, this was supposed to be my night.

Okay, everyone! Now would be a great time to stop whatever it is you're doing or looking at and open those Tiffany boxes! Oh, my God! Oh! Charlie! I've never seen a ring like this before, never mind owned one.

Which is why I should put it someplace safe.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

What are you doing here? I know the truth.

You're Ivy Dickens.

The real Charlie Rhodes is in Florida.

We cannot have this conversation in here.

What would possess you to tell Gossip Girl about my shrine to Nate? Or my excess hair issues? Or that time I went commando at communion? Okay, okay, okay, it's fine, it's fine.

We're leaving now.

Oh, you know what? Just Oh, please, you've all said more slanderous things - Excuse me.

Excuse me.

than John Galliano after a couple c*ck.

Blair.

Oh, Dan.

Oh, thank God.

Someone who isn't mad at me.

Mm, that's not entirely true.

I need to know the real reason why you didn't invite me to this thing tonight.

'Cause I've been there for you when no one else was, and I refuse to believe that it's about my book.

I mean, I didn't write a bad word about you in the entire thing.

Ugh! You, too? Doesn't anyone know what "not invited" means? Is everything okay? Not even close! Can you handle this? All right.

Okay.

Please stay.

Enjoy some food.

Why did you do it, Serena? Do what? I saw the web page on your computer earlier.

Are you trying to sabotage Gossip Girl just for the sake of your blog, or just destroy my night? I created this night.

I did it all for you.

You know, Louis was right.

None of us here are really friends.

We just pretend to be so we can get stuff to talk about behind each other's backs.

B.

, I'll admit that I saw the web page, but I had nothing to do with it coming out.

I actually did everything I could to stop it, and I thought I succeeded.

Well, if you didn't do it, then who did? Diana.

She and Nate and I are the only people that saw the site.

And Louis, but Sorry, B.

Must be hard to keep your head above water when your prince is causing everyone around you to drown.

Can someone please explain to me what's going on here? I mean, are you two working together? Have you been working together this whole time? No, of course not.

Diana asked me to meet her here.

We just started talking when you came in.

I'm as much in the dark as you are.

Diana, is this true? As a matter of fact, I did call your grandfather.

After the board told me I was gonna lose my job if I didn't do something fast, I thought maybe he'd want to invest.

And what about releasing all of Gossip Girl's sources on the web? Another desperate job-saving measure on my part.

After I told you how much it would hurt the people I care about.

You looked me in the eye and acted like you understood.

It isn't personal.

It is to me.

Listen, Nate, I really care about-- Diana, I think I'd like to invest after all, with one condition-- your resignation letter goes to the board with my check.

I suppose that is what's best for "The Spectator" And everyone else.

I'll start gathering my things.

Come on, Ivy.

Tell me the truth.

Why does that woman think that she is your aunt? Why does she think that you are the nice young woman who played the queen of hearts in our local production of "Alice in Wonderland"? Yeah, I found this in a box of your things.

Look, I told you I'd get you the 50 grand.

I still can, and then we can go away together.

Ivy, everything you say is a lie.

But the money is real.

Prove it.

Consider it a down payment.

Now please, just stay away from me and my family, and I'll get you the rest in the next couple of days.

Okay, Ivy.

I'll make myself scarce.

Now go have fun with your family.

Really? You're really going to make me sit here on the stairs with you? Why don't you tell me why you antagonize Blair at her own wedding shower? I was just--I was just trying to take some action, man, like you said, but it didn't work.

Let's be clear.

I told you to get some a*s, not make one of yourself.

It wasn't until I saw you confronting Blair that I realized I had it all wrong.

Wait.

Had what wrong? You're in love with her.

Nah.

I'm--I'm in-- I'm in love With Blair? No, no, no, no.

No, no.

I'm--I'm not I'm not in love with Blair.

You can blame it on your tell-all novel or your perennial status as an outsider, but we both know Blair doesn't care about any of that.

She follows her heart, and she chose Louis.

We both lost.

At least this time you have someone outside with you.

Now can we please get you home before someone sees me sitting here like this? It was you who posted that page, wasn't it? I was trying to show you what your friends are really like, once and for all.

You should have shown me at home.

You wanted this to happen.

It was more important to prove your point than our own shower.

You're not exactly innocent here.

I looked through some of those e-mails.

People say you and Chuck went to the theater while I was gone.

I only did that so I could prove to Chuck he hadn't changed, and in that case, you were actually right.

But I wasn't this time? Beatrice sent out the blast about the paternity test, Louis.

Well, okay.

So that's one thing out of a million that-- Stop! Just stop.

Do you see what we keep doing here? All the fights and accusations-- It isn't my friends.

It's us.

I thought we were better people than this.

But the only ones caught in a cycle are us.

The cycle created by your world in New York.

I don't think I can do this anymore.

You see those people leaving? Why don't you join them? I think I need time alone to think about the future of our relationship.

Guess this shower's officially over, and it looks like B.

's the one throwing in the towel.

I couldn't believe you would think I of all people would release that information to the world.

Do you have any idea how many things I've sent in to Gossip Girl over the years? Well, I've checked, and I sent twice as many as you.

I knew in my heart you didn't send it.

Louis just put all these ideas in my head that my friends were a destructive force.

But I think he's self-destructing, and he's taking our relationship down with him.

What are you gonna do about it? I don't know.

But promise me you won't tell anyone he's the one who revealed Gossip Girl's sources.

I don't want everyone to hate him as much as I do in this moment.

Of course, but can we talk about Chuck for a minute? He just had to find some excuse to crash the party tonight, didn't he? What? He wasn't crashing.

He was trying to stop Dan.

He was doing you a favor, believe it or not.

I thought you realized.

I just can't believe she'd go behind my back like that, you know? I thought that you know what? Forget it.

It doesn't matter what I thought.

Well, I know this is hard, but this is a good lesson for you.

We're usually blinded by the people that we care about the most.

But here's the good news-- with her leaving, the stink will be off the paper, which makes this a great investment opportunity.

Even after tonight? Well, that's the best part.

I-I think her plan will actually work, which means all of "Gossip Girl's" readers will flock to us, or, rather, to you, Mr.

New Editor-in-Chief.

Congratulations.

You've earned it.

Max.

What are you doing here? I'm sorry to surprise you.

The doorman let me in.

Well, usually when a guy stands a girl up, he doesn't show up at her house a week later.

Unless he's coming to apologize and tell her that there has been a huge misunderstanding.

Why didn't he at least call? 'Cause the girl deserved more than that.

And the guy would like the option to literally get down on his knees and beg her to give him a second chance.

If you would have stopped talking and just gotten on your knees, I probably would have said yes, but.

.

I'll--I'll Stop, please.

I forgive you.

You do? So that means you're willing to give me another shot? One more, but use it wisely.

I plan to.

You shouldn't be so upset.

Whether you did it or not, you got what you wanted.

I just wish I didn't have to destroy my relationship with Nate to do it.

He's young.

He'll get over it, and faster than if he found out the truth about you, too.

Which, by the way, is the only reason I fell on my sword for you tonight.

Yeah, I figured.

It's better this way.

You should be thankful you're getting out now before anyone discovered your secret.

Remember one thing, William.

If they find out about me, they find out about you, too.

Loyal readers, I'd like to apologize to all of you for the awful and embarrassing breach of security that happened tonight.

In bad times like this, you have many options.

Hello, Ivy.

Looks like I'm gonna be staying in New York a little longer than I thought, plus I'd like to have a little more cash to play with while I'm here.

$50,000 isn't gonna cut it.

How about we up it to $500,000? You can choose to go on the offensive and come out swinging Or you can pack your bags and admit defeat Or you can drink yourself into oblivion and hope it will all just go away.

Whatever I choose to do to win back your trust, one thing is certain-- This is not the end between us.

You shouldn't be here.

I know.

But I had to come.

You've really been good this whole time, haven't you? 'Cause try as you might to fight it, you know you love me.

X.

O.

X.

O.

, Gossip Girl.

[bunniefuu]

(OG version)


WOMAN:
Where has she been?

GOSSIP GIRL:
And who am I?

That's one secret I'll never tell.

You know you love me. XOXO...

...Gossip Girl.

GOSSIP GIRL: A shower is supposed
to make you feel fresh and clean.

But on the Upper East Side,
they're where I get the most dirt.

And B's bridal shower tonight promises
to be an absolutely filthy affair.

The only two people left off the list?

Number one....

Honestly, a mutt?
No wonder Blair chose Louis over you.

Totally right call, BT-dubs.

Because you
are so the opposite of royalty.

GIRL:
Still, how royally miffed are you...

...that you weren't even invited
to the shower tonight?

Girls, I've been trying very hard,
lately, to be good.

Yet, I don't feel the slightest pang
of guilt unleashing my attack dog now.

[GROWLING]

And I should warn you: he's trained
to go after fake Prada.

Good boy, Monkey.

"As for number two...

...in high school, D got left off the list
because no one knew who he was.

Now it's because they know too well.

Looks like Lonely Boy needs
to change his name to Banished Boy."

[LILY LAUGHING]

-Yeah!
-Really? Thank you for the support.

They're still talking about you.

-If they weren't, I'd worry.
-That might happen.

Inside's off the best-seller list.

The rest of the book tour went better?

It did. Much better. My hand's
still sore from signing all those copies.

See? Just give it time.
Things will turn around.

LILY:
Charlie, how are you feeling?

Fine, thanks. Hi, Dan.

Hey.

What's with her?

I should go talk to her. Oh, Rufus,
the table and linen delivery people...

...are gonna be here.
I can't believe I agreed to throw a party...

-...we aren't able to attend.
-You're such a good mom.

Thank you.

I think I'll pass on watching you guys
set up for a party I'm not invited to.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

BLAIR:
Who is it?

Someone completely undeserving
of your love and affection.

I come bearing gifts: every perfume
Santa Maria Novella has to offer.

Feel free to bash the imperial lavender
over my head if you'd like.

That won't be necessary.

I know I did some really stupid things
before I left.

But I've come back a better man,
I promise you.

I believe you.

And I'm glad...

...because I need you to be your best
Prince Charming at our shower.

What are all these?

Hostess presents for Serena.

I had pieces flown in
from her favorite antique store in Paris.

It's the least I can do to say thanks for
whatever perfect evening she's planned.

They're beautiful. But how do you know
it's going to be perfect?

Because Serena's my best friend and she
knows what I like better than anybody.

I'm sure it'll be a lovely party....

But?

What are you saying?

Nothing. It's just, I've done
some thinking while I was gone.

I'm starting to wonder if your friends
really have your best interests at heart.

NATE: Thanks for coming by
on a Saturday, I appreciate it.

I know I've been critical of some
of the choices you've made in the past...

...but I couldn't be more proud
of everything you've accomplished here.

Heh. Well, I'm working hard.

And I have to say, it feels good
to have gotten this far on my own.

Nate, I need you to approve the layout
for the new style section.

And who might this be?

My grandfather, William Vanderbilt.
This is my boss, Diana Payne.

It's a pleasure, Diana. I'm impressed
by your organization. Congratulations.

I couldn't do it without your grandson.
He's our rising star.

Nate, the graphic department's waiting.

I'll see your grandfather out.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

[SIGHS]

Thank God.

Why haven't you returned any
of my calls? I'm totally freaking out.

CAROL: What's going on?
-Uh....

Diana fired me.

My ex-boyfriend
just shows up out of nowhere.

I feel like the truth is gonna come out
any second if I don't just leave, right--?

Listen to me. You can't go anywhere.

If you disappear,
CeCe could cut off my trust for good.

Sorry, but that's your problem.

Actually, it's your problem.

Because if the money stops,
then I have nothing to lose.

And I'll make sure whatever happens
to me happens to you too.

I didn't get mad when you didn't want to
move out. I didn't get upset when...

-...you didn't convert to Catholicism--
-That has nothing to do with my friends.

It's about sacrifices you make...

-...for your partner.
-You spent your trip...

-...bonding with family who hates me.
-They're my family, Blair.

But I've created some much-needed
distance between me and them.

And I think you should do the same
with your so-called friends.

[CELL PHONE BEEPS]

GOSSIP GIRL:
This just in.

We hear B took a paternity test
to find out which daddy makes three.

See? This is exactly the type of thing
I'm talking about.

-You think someone I know sent that?
-Your friends know no loyalty.

Each one rats out the next.
And you and I get sucked in.

My friends and I have grown up.
We're not like that.

Whoever sent that is clearly from your
bloodline, namely your sister, Beatrice.

As if she would do that right after we
made up. This was one of your friends.

-And I'll prove it to you.
-Good luck.

Because I happen to know my
friends always have my back.

Serena? I know you're busy,
but I really need your help--

Sorry, B! Can't talk.
Too much work. Later.

I don't appreciate you
just turning up unannounced like that.

-What's going on?
-I was about to ask you the same thing.

I woke up this morning to find
a picture of you in The New Yorker.

With Nate in the corner as the
man by your side.

It's supposed to be
the other way around, remember?

Sorry, I don't control
every publication in New York.

My goal was to remake Nate,
not to make you a star.

It's time for you to step aside
and give him The Spectator.

What? That wasn't part of the deal.

Nate's got talent, but he's still green.
He's just not ready.

Since I am the majority investor
in this entire operation...

...it's within my power to fire you
and put him in charge.

All I need is another month
to achieve my goal.

That's too long.

You have three days...

...or you're out of a job.

Humphrey, you lost?
What are you doing here?

Since you're the only other person
not invited to Blair's shower...

-...we could hang out.
-What did you have in mind?

A trip to the IFC Center
to catch a film no one's heard of?

Head to Shakespeare & Company
to see who's not buying your book?

No, see, you're the new and improved
Chuck Bass.

I thought you could help me
overhaul my own image.

You're willing to get a haircut
and change clothes?

-No.
-Then I'm not sure what I can do.

Fine. Then, just make the day go away.

I will do whatever wildly offensive
thing you can think of.

You've persuaded me.

So these two can go over there--

Excuse me.

Sorry, I'm looking
for someone named Ivy.

Yeah,
she's probably with the caterers.

Excuse me, be careful. That's Lalique.

No, sorry, I think some people here
might call her Charlie...

...but I've always known her
as Ivy Dickens.

GOSSIP GIRL:
Seems Charlie's in hot water.

And she's about to get burned.

Um, I'm a little confused here, Charlie,
help me out.

Okay.

[SIGHS]

I never wanted to have to tell you this...

...but for some time now...

...I've been pretending to be...

...Ivy Dickens.

-Huh?
-I don't understand.

My mom never wanted me to grow up
with the burden of the Rhodes name.

She claimed it ruined her whole life.

People made all kinds of assumptions
about her, used her for her money.

She just never wanted that
to happen to me...

...so she made me change my name.

And you know what? I was happy to.

Because...

...then I knew people like you,
Max...

...really liked me for me.

You just never know who you can trust
or what people's true motives are.

You know?

I knew your mother was behind this.

This is just classic Carol.

Last spring, when I said
I went to visit my family, I really was.

I just never told you who they were.

We've got a big problem.
I just talked to the board...

...and they said we're not getting enough
eyeballs to the website.

Our numbers are good,
rising every day.

Not fast enough. They said Gossip Girl's
still getting more hits.

Unless we find a way to top her in the
next 72 hours, I'm out of a job.

-What?
-Yeah.

That's not fair. These things take time.
Didn't they see The New Yorker?

They gave me a deadline and a goal,
and I haven't met it.

So, do you have any suggestions
for attracting more readers, and fast?

Serena's blog's getting some traction.

Maybe we can convince her to write
something more personal?

Unless you have pictures of Serena
in bed with both Hunger Games boys...

-...that's not gonna cut it.
-Then we gotta go straight to the source.

Attack Gossip Girl directly.

Too bad we can't hack into her phone.

Well, keep me posted.

Whatever you could do,
I'll be forever grateful.

Hey, Eric, it's Nate. Listen, I have kind
of a strange question for you.

MORPHEUS [ON TV]: I don't know if you
are ready to see what I want to show you.

But unfortunately,
you and I have run out of time.

They're coming for you, Neo, and
I don't know what they're going to do.

At last.

-This is awesome. You should try this--
MORPHEUS: Welcome, Neo.

This is all awesome. Not just
the bruschetta, but the whole thing.

Me, you, Keanu.

I never pegged you for a Matrix fan.

Something I learned early on:

Never watch A Clockwork Orange
when you're stoned.

Takes your mind places
it has no business going.

Like to Blair's shower. Tonight, that is
one thing I am not going to think about.

Like, not at all.

Nor should you.

I agree. I could easily spend my life...

...obsessing over why
Serena didn't invite me to that party.

I mean, she really should have
invited me to that party.

It's like she wants me to stay an outsider
for the rest of my life.

First she kills my movie, and then
she kills my social life.

Have you ever thought it might be
your own fault?

No.

Humphrey, you wrote an entire novel
about being an outsider.

That's how you define yourself.

If that's not who you want to be,
the only person who can change that...

...is you.

What you need to do is stop
with the neurotic navel-gazing.

And start being like our friend Neo here.

A man of action.

And it just so happens that action
and her friend...

...are begging you to take them
into Nate's bedroom...

...while I take Monkey for a stroll.

Hi.

Serena has been so tight-lipped
about the preparations...

...I haven't a clue what to wear.

Should I be ladylike in de la Renta?
Avant-garde in Alaïa?

-Magnificent in McQueen? What?
-You know we can't tell you anything.

We're sworn to secrecy.

What is this, The Help?

I will not tolerate this insubordination.
Are you her minions or mine?

Just give me a hint as to the size
of the gathering, and level of formality.

Just so I don't show up overly-fabulous,
if there is such a thing.

Actually, Serena's been so slammed
with work and her blog...

...she hasn't had time
to plan anything elaborate.

So it's going
to be a rather intimate affair.

-Intimate?
-Mm-hm.

-Okay.
JESSICA: Yes, dress casual.

Um, I think the line from the Evite was:
"Jeans okay."

Casual?

Jeans?

-Evite?
KATI: She's really playing up...

-...this whole People's Princess angle.
-Oh....

Uh....

I'm sure she at least got a decent caterer.
Jean-Georges? Michael White?

I'd settle for Batali.

I think she's doing Greek food.

Like, gyros.

From some fancy food truck, parked next
to dozens of other, fancier food trucks.

From the cart on 59th and Lex.

Just like the street food you had
on your first date with Louis.

It's an homage.

Oh, my God.

I know. But what else could we do?
She's your maid of honor.

If you'll excuse me,
I've got to go k*ll myself.

Or max out my credit card.
Whichever comes first.

[GIGGLING]

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

Hey.

-Where's your laptop?
-Right here. Why?

Okay, I'm about to send you something
right now. Check this out.

Nate, what is this?

It's a page I created with every e-mail
anyone's sent to Gossip Girl...

...up until an hour ago.

How did you get this?

Jonathan. Remember when he
and Eric hacked into Gossip Girl?

Well, I asked if he could do it again.

-What are you going to do with it?
-Upload it to The Spectator site.

If people know Gossip Girl's not
confidential, they'll stop sending tips.

And without informants,
she'll die a slow death...

...leaving The Spectator
New York's foremost scandal site.

We get new readers and Diana
keeps her job. It's a win-win.

For Diana. But think
of everyone else you care about.

Literally everyone we know
sent something in...

...including....

[SERENA GASPS]

Oh, my God.

I just typed my name and, literally,
a thousand e-mails popped up.

Serena, you and I both want
to take down Gossip Girl. This will do it.

-You can't upload this to The Spectator.
-Ahem.

I'm sorry, is everything okay?

Yeah, everything's fine.

All right.

Who was that?

Just Louis. Look, Nate, you need
to put your feelings for Diana aside...

...think of the ramifications
from releasing this.

-This would do more harm than good.
-But it's our smoking g*n.

That's gonna sh**t you, me,
and all of our friends in the foot.

Promise you won't show this
to anyone, especially Diana.

Okay, fine. I won't show Diana.

What won't you show me?

So this is what my real life is like.

I'm sorry I lied to you, Max.

It's what I wanted to tell you
when I bumped into you last week.

At least I get it.

I was worried it was something
I did that drove you away.

No, you were great.
You've always been great.

Look, Ivy--

I'm sorry, I mean, Charlie.

My feelings haven't changed.

And now that I know
why you did what you did...

...maybe we could give
our relationship another chance.

Max...

...the truth is, after all this lying,
I just need some time alone...

...to figure out my real self.
You know what I mean?

Not really, no.

I do love you.

And, um...

...I wanna prove it to you.

You have always talked about moving
to Portland to start your own restaurant.

That's your dream.

Now I can help make that happen.

-How?
-Since money really isn't an issue...

...in my family, I could give you
something to help you get started.

Would $50,000 be enough?

Ivy--

And in a couple of months,
I could join you.

You'd really do that for me?

I'd do anything for you.

You know, it's getting late, and I have
to get ready for my girlfriend's shower...

...so let's meet tomorrow before you
go and I can give you the money then.

-Okay? Sounds good?
-Yeah.

It was very nice to meet you, Mrs....

Humphrey. You too, Max.
Will I be seeing you again?

I hope so.

That's a great photo.

Oh, thank you.

Sadly, it's the only real
family portrait that I have.

Did you ever meet Charlie's mother,
Carol, in Florida?

That's her mom?

Yeah.

You know,
I think I will be seeing you again.

-Real soon.
-Oh. Good.

GOSSIP GIRL:
Uh-oh, Charlie.

Your mother of a lie...

...is about to get you stuck
in one big parent trap.

Nate, I can't believe it.
This is exactly what we need.

I know, but we can't release it.

Why?
It's the answer to all our problems.

-I'm doing it.
-I talked it over with Serena...

...she's right.
It's too destructive to our friends.

Destructive to your friends, or to you?

I think you're trying
to save your a*s...

...so people don't see
all the salacious things...

-...you've sent in.
-I hadn't even thought of that.

I'm sure. Why don't we just see how
many of your friends you've betrayed?

You've never sent anything in to her?

Guess not. Just not who I am.

You really are a good,
honest man, aren't you?

I didn't think anyone like you
existed anymore.

We're a very rare breed...

...that's why, when you find one
of us, you gotta hold on real tight.

Okay. You've convinced me.

So you're not gonna release it?

What about your job
with The Spectator?

I'll figure something out.

I've just got a few things
to finish up here.

All right.

We need to talk.

[PHONE RINGS]

Hi, Blair.
You getting excited for tonight?

Of course,
we all know how much I love souvlaki.

[GASPS]

Who told?
It was supposed to be a secret.

Well, it's not. Is Serena there?
She's not picking up her cell.

No. She's out
getting the dessert for the party.

Hawaiian shaved ice,
with all the best flavors.

Including everyone's favorite...

...Tutti Frutti.

Don't worry, I promise it will be a night
that you never forget.

Oh, I'm sure about that.

[CHARLIE LAUGHS]

Isn't it a little mean...

...that Blair's friends
are messing with her about tonight?

Well, it might be the only event in
Blair's entire life...

...where she's not in control.

What about you? How was it
reconnecting with your old friend?

Or should I say old boyfriend?

Do you plan to see him again?

No. He took off, back to Florida.

I'm sorry that you had to find out about
the Ivy thing like that.

I'm the one that's sorry.
Sorry your mother put you through that.

I hope you know you have family
that cares about you.

You can always be your true self
with us.

Thank you.

Come on, ladies.
I didn't hire you to watch movies.

Unless you wore my friend out already?

We tried...

...but he wouldn't stop complaining
about a girl named Serena...

...and wanting to be a man of action.

So when he said something about a
shower, we were like, yeah...

...but he never came in to join us.

And by the time we got out,
he was gone.

GOSSIP GIRL: It's important
to be careful about what you tell others.

What are you doing in here?

I was going to check some e-mails
until you got dressed, mon ami.

I don't want you to get a big head,
but perhaps you were right...

...that my friends don't have
quite my best interests at heart.

Why? What happened?

My shower. It doesn't sound like they're
thinking of me at all.

You said I need to create some distance,
but maybe the distance is already there.

How could it not be, when they say such
terrible things behind your back?

Ugh, I'm not talking about Gossip Girl.

Oh, I didn't realize what time it was.

We're gonna be late for our own shower.
Come on, let's go.

Dorota, we're leaving.
Call down to Jimmy to get our car.

GOSSIP GIRL: Sometimes,
your words can come back to haunt you.

It can happen to anybody.

Even me.

Oh, wow.

Louis.
Look. It's a Tiffany party.

This isn't casual at all.

It's elegant, witty. It's--

It's you.

Surprise! Oh, my gosh.

Oh, Serena, this is
above and beyond anything I ever--

Come on. You deserve it.

[CELL PHONE BEEPS]

-No freaking way.
-What is it? What's going on?

Did somebody famous die?

Oh....

Excuse me.
Can I have everyone's attention?

I'm not usually one for speeches...

...but I have to say how lucky I am
to have Blair Waldorf as my best friend.

I may be the maid of honor...

...but the true honor
is just knowing you, B.

There is simply no one like her...

...no matter how hard some of you try.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Congratulations to the beautiful bride.

You have become the strong, confident
princess I always knew you would.

I love you so much and wish you and
your prince nothing but happiness.

-Cheers.
ALL: Cheers.

SERENA:
And one more thing.

We have a surprise
for all the ladies tonight.

We'll be handing out boxes.

Most of us will open ours
to find it empty...

...but one lucky lady
will have a diamond ring inside.

[CROWD CHATTERING]

But you have to wait until I say so
to open it. Enjoy.

Oh, thank you so much.

Hope you guys didn't mind my joke.

We didn't hear it.
We've been too busy reading.

[CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

Sorry.

Hi.

Okay.

Yeah, I'm-- As you can tell by my
casual attire, I'm crashing this party.

But it's only because I need to
stop whining...

...start becoming a man of action.

And a man of action wouldn't just
do nothing. A man of action would, uh...

...show up and finally...

...confront the person he's been
meaning to have a conversation with...

...for a very long time now.

I wouldn't expect you to understand
what I'm saying.

Who the hell are you people, anyway?

Must be friends of the groom.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Hey, sorry I'm late.
I'm on my way right now.

I thought I told you not to post the
Gossip Girl Sources web page.

I didn't.

Somebody did, there's a
link on The Spectator.

What? Oh, Diana.
I can't believe she'd do this to me.

To you? To all of us.
Get her to take it down.

It's probably already
all over the internet by now.

Just please fix it.

I have to go do damage control
before Blair's entire shower is ruined.

All right. I'm on it.

No photos, please.
I thought you saw the invitation.

Privacy concerns.

Oh, my God.

[CELL PHONES BEEPING]

MAN: One's from my mom,
are you kidding me?

WOMAN:
Why did you do that?

MAN 2: I'm telling you, it wasn't me.
MAN 3: What else was I supposed to do?

I knew you couldn't stay away.

Believe it or not, this is the last place
I want to be.

I'm not looking for trouble.
Just Dan Humphrey.

He's not very pleased with Serena
right now...

...in his inebriated state,
I'm not sure what he'll do.

Why don't you ask him?

I called you here because I saw a
side of your grandson...

...I hadn't fully seen.

Here I was pretty sure you've seen
every side at this point.

He's not a boy anymore, William.
He's a man.

And a good one at that,
with a lot of integrity.

So much, in fact, that he inspired me
to summon you here...

...and tell you I'm willing to abandon
w*r with Gossip Girl...

...to start a new w*r. With you.

Is that so?

I was planning to tell you
I've ended up...

...caring more about this paper
and your grandson than you ever will.

And then someone went after
Gossip Girl.

And that someone wasn't you?

No. But I'm pretty sure Nate won't
believe me when I tell him that.

Tell me what?

MAN 4: One time, just as an experiment.
WOMAN 2: That's disgusting.

Thank you for coming.

PENELOPE:
Did you see what Blair wrote about us?

Penelope, can you tell me why people
are not paying attention to me?

Last I checked, this was my night.

[GUESTS CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

WOMAN 3:
It was just rehab.

-Didn't see me there....
MAN 5: I just can't believe....

Okay, everyone.

Now would be a great time to
stop whatever it is you're doing...

...or looking at,
and open those Tiffany boxes.

Yay!

WOMAN 4: Why did you keep
telling Gossip Girl I have an STD?

Oh, my God.

WOMAN 5:
I wonder, who did get it?

Oh, Charlie!

I've never seen a ring like this before,
never mind owned one.

Which is why I should put it
someplace safe.

Thank you. Excuse me.

MAN 6:
That's not my fault.

What are you doing here?

I know the truth. You're Ivy Dickens.
The real Charlie Rhodes is in Florida.

We can't have this conversation here.

What would possess you to tell
Gossip Girl about my shrine to Nate?

Or my excess hair issues?

Or that time I went commando
at Communion?

WOMAN 6: Gross.
CHUCK: We're leaving now.

BLAIR:
Oh, please.

You've said more slanderous things than
John Galliano after c*ck.

Blair.

Oh, Dan. Thank God,
someone who isn't mad at me.

That's not entirely true.

I need to know the real reason you
didn't invite me to this tonight.

I've been there
when no one else was.

I refuse to believe it's about my book.

I mean, I didn't write a bad word
about you in the entire thing.

Ugh. You too? Doesn't anyone know
what "not invited" means?

-Everything okay?
-Not even close. Can you handle this?

WOMAN 7:
That's so true.

Please, stay. Enjoy some food.

Why did you do it, Serena?

Do what?

I saw the web page
on your computer earlier.

Were you sabotaging Gossip Girl
for your blog?

Or to destroy my night?

I created this night. I did it all for you.

You know, Louis was right.
None of us here are really friends.

We pretend to be so we can get stuff
to talk about behind our backs.

I'll admit that I saw the page, but
I had nothing to do with it coming out.

I did everything I could
to stop it, and I thought I succeeded.

Well if you didn't do it, then who did?

Diana. She and Nate and I are the only
people that saw the site.

And Louis, but....

GOSSIP GIRL: Sorry, B. Must be hard
to keep your head above water...

...when your prince is causing
everyone around you to drown.

Can someone explain
what's going on?

Are you working together?
Have you been this whole time?

No, of course not.
Diana asked me to meet her here.

We started talking
when you came in.

I'm as much in the dark as you are.

Diana, is this true?

As a matter of fact,
I did call your grandfather.

After the board told me I was gonna lose
my job if I didn't do something fast...

...I thought maybe he'd want to invest.

What about releasing all of
Gossip Girl's sources on the web?

Another desperate job-saving measure
on my part.

After I said how much it
would hurt those I care about?

You looked me in the eye
and acted like you understood.

-It isn't personal.
-It is to me.

-Listen, Nate. I really care about you--
-Diana...

...I think I'd like to invest after all.

With one condition.

Your resignation letter goes to the board
with my check.

I suppose that is what's best for
The Spectator...

...and everyone else.

I'll start gathering my things.

MAX:
Come on, Ivy. Tell me the truth.

Why does she think
she's your aunt?

Why does she think you were
the Queen of Hearts...

...in our production of
Alice in Wonderland?

I found this in a box of your things.

I told you I'd get you the 50 grand.
I still can.

And then we can go away...

...together.

Ivy, everything you say is a lie.

But the money is real.

Prove it.

Consider it a down payment.

Now please...

...just stay away
from me and my family...

...and I'll get you the rest
in the next couple of days.

Okay, Ivy. I'll make myself scarce.

Go have fun with your family.

Really?

You're going to make me sit here
on the stairs with you?

[SIGHS]

Tell me why you antagonized Blair
at her wedding shower.

I was just trying to take some action,
man, like you said, but it didn't work.

Let's be clear. I told you to get some a*s,
not make one of yourself.

But it wasn't until I saw you confronting
Blair that I realized I had it all wrong.

What do you-- Had what wrong?

You're in love with her.

Nah, I'm in-- I'm in love with Blair?

No, no, no.
No, I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not in love with Blair.

You can blame it on your tell-all novel
or your perennial status as an outsider.

We know Blair doesn't care
about any of that.

She follows her heart.

And she chose Louis. We both lost.

At least this time you have someone
outside with you.

Now...

...can we please get you home before
someone sees me sitting here like this?

It was you who posted that page,
wasn't it?

I was trying to show you what your
friends are really like, once and for all.

You could have shown me at home.

You wanted this to happen.

It was more important to
prove your point than our own shower.

You're not exactly innocent here.
I looked through some of those e-mails.

You and Chuck went to the
theater while I was gone.

I only did it so I could prove to Chuck
he hadn't changed.

-In that case, you were right.
-But I wasn't this time?

Beatrice sent out the blast about the
paternity test, Louis.

Well, okay.
So that's one thing out of a million.

-That clearly shows--
-Stop! Just stop.

See what we keep doing here?

All the fights and accusations?
It isn't my friends. It's us.

I thought we were better
than this.

The only ones caught in a cycle
are us.

Created by your world
in New York.

I don't think I can do this anymore.

So you see those people leaving?

Why don't you join them?

I think I need time alone to think about
the future of our relationship.

GOSSIP GIRL:
Guess this shower's officially over.

And it looks like B's the one
throwing in the towel.

I can't believe you would think I,
of all people...

...would release that to the
world.

Do you have any idea how many things
I've sent to Gossip Girl?

Well, I've checked.
And I sent twice as many as you.

[LAUGHING]

I knew you didn't send it.

Louis had put all these ideas in my head
that my friends were a destructive force.

But I think he's self-destructing...

...and he's taking our relationship
down with him.

What are you gonna do about it?

I don't know.

Promise you won't tell he's the one
who revealed Gossip Girl's sources?

I don't want everyone to hate
him as much as I do in this moment.

Of course, but can we
talk about Chuck for a minute?

[SCOFFS]

He had to find some excuse to crash
the party, didn't he?

What? He wasn't crashing.
He was trying to stop Dan.

He was doing you a favor,
believe it or not.

I thought you realized.

I can't believe she'd go behind my
back like that, you know? I thought....

Forget it.
Doesn't matter what I thought.

I know this is hard,
but this is a good lesson for you.

We're usually blinded by the people
who we care about the most.

Here's good news. With her
leaving, the stink will be off the paper...

...making this
a great investment opportunity.

Even after tonight?

That's the best part.
I think her plan will actually work.

Which means all of Gossip Girl's readers
will flock to us.

Or rather, to you,
Mr. New-Editor-In-Chief.

Congratulations.
You've earned it.

[GASPS]

Max. What are you doing here?

I'm sorry to surprise you.
The doorman let me in.

Usually when a guy stands a girl up,
he doesn't show up at her house.

Unless he's coming to apologize...

...and tell her that there has been a huge
misunderstanding.

Why didn't he at least call?

The girl deserved more than that.

And the guy would like the option...

...to literally get down on his knees, and
beg her to give him a second chance.

If you would've stopped talking
and gotten on your knees...

...I probably would've said
yes, but....

Stop, please.

I forgive you.

You do?

You're willing
to give me another shot?

One more. But use it wisely.

I plan to.

[LAUGHS]

WILLIAM: Shouldn't be upset.
Whether you did it or not...

...you got what you wanted.

I just wish I didn't have to destroy my
relationship with Nate to do it.

He's young. He'll get over it.

And faster than if he found out the truth
about you too.

Which, by the way, is the only reason I
fell on my sword for you tonight.

I figured.

It's better this way.

Be thankful you're getting out now
before anyone discovered your secret.

Remember one thing, William.

If they find out about me,
they find out about you too.

GOSSIP GIRL:
Loyal readers...

...I'd like to apologize to all of you
for the awful and embarrassing...

...breach of security
that happened tonight.

In bad times like this,
you have many options.

Hello, Ivy?

Looks like I'll be staying in
New York longer than I thought.

Plus, I'd like to have more cash to
play with while I'm here.

Fifty thousand isn't gonna cut it.

How about we up it
to 500,000?

GOSSIP GIRL: You can choose to go
on the offensive and come out swinging.

Or you can pack your bags
and admit defeat.

Or you can drink yourself into oblivion
and hope it will all just go away.

Whatever I choose to do to win back
your trust, one thing is certain.

This is not the end between us.

You shouldn't be here.

I know. But I had to come.

You've really been good this whole time,
haven't you?

GOSSIP GIRL: Because try as you might
to fight it, you know you love me.

XOXO, Gossip Girl.