[rock music]
* *
[romantic music]
- "Hey, who's
the dream boat, toots?
"You're looking at him the way
I look at a fresh coat
of varnish."
Shh.
That's Benny, the boy
I've been telling you about.
But it's hopeless.
How can I get
to know him better
if we never spend
any time together?
"I may be a dummy,
but it seems to me
"if you want to spend
some time with him,
try talking, not gawking."
I know, but the only
class we have together
is Advanced Mime.
I can't exactly
talk to him then.
Hold on.
What's Benny doing?
Ooh, auditions for
the Drama Club production
of "Romeo and Juliet."
This is perfect.
If Benny and I both get cast,
I'll finally be able
to spend time with him.
- Like, to be or, like,
not to be.
That is, like, the question.
- To thine own self be...blue.
No wait, true.
- A rose by any other name
would smell as sweet.
- Ohh.
"Toots, put your peepers
back in your head.
You're on!"
Whoops!
Ooh, there's the cast list.
Oh, what if I didn't
make the cut?
I'm too nervous to look.
"Relax, Doll.
You're in the play.
And so is your fella."
Eeeh!
"Hey, save that drama
for the stage."
[overlapping chatter]
Oh, hey, Benny.
I didn't know you were
in the play.
- Hey, Luan.
Yeah, I'm a Montague.
- Oh, and I'm a Capulet.
Guess we're sworn enemies.
both: Oooh.
[laughter]
- And now, thespians,
here's your drama teacher,
the two-time nominee for
Royal Woods Dinner Theater's
best director,
Mrs. Bernardo!
- Did she just
announce herself?
- It sure looks that way.
- Stop it, you're too kind.
[chuckles]
Gather, children, gather.
I am so thrilled
to be helming this production
of "Romeo and Juliet."
Now, Capulets,
I want you stage left.
Montagues, stage right.
You'll be rehearsing
separately.
- What?
Why?
I mean, is that
really necessary?
- Yes! It'll enhance
the dramatic tension.
Remember, these families
hate each other. [chuckles]
- [groans] This is not
gonna work for me.
[overlapping chatter]
- Red leather, yellow leather.
- Okay, everyone,
good vocal warm-up.
Let's take five and then
we'll dive into the text!
- Hey, Shannon, would you
mind switching with me?
I can't be a Capulet.
I'm allergic to hats.
They make my head swell up and
then I can't get the hat off.
It's a vicious cycle.
- That sounds awful.
Of course I'll switch.
Ooh, wait, I can't be a Capulet
if my arch-nemesis Amy is.
- Oh, okay.
Hang on.
Hey, Amy, how'd you like
to be a Montague?
- A what?
Sure, whatev.
But only if my boyfriend Rex
can be one too.
He kind of, like,
can't be without me.
- Ooh, okay.
One sec.
Hey, Liberty, you know,
you strike me
as more of a Capulet.
They're so much cooler.
How would you like
to switch with Rex?
- Sure, but only if my BFF Leo
can be a Capulet.
- [sighs]
Yep, I'm on it.
[quirky music]
* *
- Thespians, assemble!
- Whew.
- Hey, Luan.
So you're a Montague now?
- Yeah, Leo really, really
wanted to be a Capulet.
So what are you gonna do,
break the kid's heart?
- Welcome to day two
of rehearsal.
Now we'll start
with act one, scene five,
better known as the kiss!
Romeo, Juliet, center stage.
The rest of you, take five.
- Come on, Mr. Coconuts, let's
grab a seat next to--huh?
[dramatic music]
Go, Mr. Coconuts!
- Ahh!
- [whistles]
Oh, hey, Benny.
Did you see
last night's episode of
"The Real Mimes of Miami?"
- Yeah, I really felt for Magda
when she was trying to
order a pizza over the phone.
- Mime life.
Am I right?
[stomach grumbles]
[laughter]
Here, your stomach might
find this "a-peel-ing."
- [laughs]
Thanks...a bunch!
- [laughs]
Good one.
- And action!
- Like, saints
do not, like, move,
though grant for, like,
prayer's sake.
- Then move not--
hang on.
While my prayer's
effects I fake.
No, wait, that's a "T."
Take, not fake.
- No, no, no, no, no!
This is all wrong.
I'm just not feeling it.
[laughter]
- [snorts]
- Ruby, Spencer,
this is the hardest part
of any director's job,
but I decided to go another way
with my Romeo and Juliet.
Don't be discouraged.
If you keep working
your craft--
- So, like, I don't have
to memorize, like,
any more of this?
- Whew, sweated off the rest
of my lines in gym class.
- Fear not, thespians!
The show will go on.
The perfect Romeo and Juliet
have been with us all along.
[uplifting music]
Benny and Luan!
[both gasp]
I've been watching you two,
and I know you are going
to be wonderful.
Now, Romeo and Juliet,
let's pick up
where we left off:
the kiss.
- The kiss?
Uh, oh, I just remembered,
I have a--an orthodontist
appointment today.
Gotta get the old braces
tightened.
Otherwise, this'll be
"Romeo and Drooliet."
[laughs] Oh.
[bird chirping]
"Hey, what happened
back there, doll?
"You and the hunk make
a great Romeo and Juliet.
Isn't that everything
you wanted?"
Yeah, but we have to kiss.
"So?"
I've never kissed
anyone before.
I bet everyone else
in my class has,
including Benny.
What if I'm bad at it
and he thinks I'm lame?
"You're overthinking it, doll.
"You'll be fine.
It's just a smooch.
There's nothing to it."
Maybe you're right,
Mr. Coconuts.
"I know I'm right.
You can do this."
- Then move not while
my prayer's effect I take.
- I can't do this.
Time out!
I need a pee break.
I really hit the old O.J. hard
this morning.
Sorry, sorry,
I'm ready to go.
[all gasping]
- Gadzooks!
Which is also the name
of my one woman show!
Rehearsal is cancelled
until I can get
the janitor to fix this
safety hazard.
- Aww, shucks.
No rehearsal?
So, uh, parting is
such sweet sorrow.
"Ouch!
Watch it, toots."
- Once more unto the breach
dear thespians,
which is theater talk for,
"Let's try that
kissing scene again."
- Come on, Luan.
It's just a kiss.
You've got this.
Ooh.
Oh, no, you don't.
Hey, everybody!
Can't wait to rehearse.
Whoa!
- Heavens, my dear girl!
Are you okay?
- Oh, it's nothing.
Probably just a slipped disk.
No pun intended.
[laughs]
Ow--I mean, ow, ow, ow!
- Rehearsal's
cancelled for today.
- Whew.
Okay, come on, Luan.
No more stall tactics.
You have to do this.
- Comrades,
look to the skies.
It's Mrs. Bernardo!
Where's my Romeo?
Where's my Juliet?
Chop, chop.
It's kissing time.
- Ohh.
- And action.
- Then move not while
my prayer's effect I take.
[dramatic music]
- Eeeh.
- [screaming]
Wait, I have an idea.
Um, um...
Instead of a kiss,
why doesn't Juliet
just send Romeo a text?
- A text?
- Yeah!
I think a kissy emoji
and a heart
would really get
the message across.
- Luan, what you are
suggesting is...
pure genius!
A modern take on a classic.
Bravo!
Prop department,
I need cell phones
for Romeo and Juliet.
Pronto!
Hey, Mrs. B.,
I'm ready for rehearsal.
Been doing some thumb
strengthening exercises
for my big texting scene.
- You've done them in vain!
Rehearsal is cancelled
until I can find a new Romeo.
- What?
What happened to Benny?
- He up and quit!
He suddenly remembered he
has a conflict with Chess Club.
Chess Club?
Ah, check and mate!
Oh, I was a fool to leave
the dinner theater circuit.
- This doesn't make any sense.
Benny isn't even
in Chess Club.
Hi, Benny.
- Hey.
I heard you quit the play.
- Yeah.
- How come?
- Honestly, Luan,
because of you.
It's clear you
weren't comfortable
with me playing Romeo.
- No, just the opposite.
Oh, the only reason
I wanted to be in the play
is so I could spend
some time with you.
- Really? Then why
did you keep finding ways
to avoid kissing me?
- I--oh, it's not you.
Uh, it's--never mind.
"She was nervous because she's
never kissed anyone before."
Mr. Coconuts!
"What?
Someone's gotta say it."
- "Well, that's nothing
to be ashamed of.
Benjamin's never kissed
anyone either."
[gasps]
Mrs. Appleblossom!
Ugh, you weren't
supposed to tell.
- "Well, I gotta say
that's a load off.
"Luan didn't want
to embarrass herself
"in front of old Benny boy.
Just between you and me,
she's sweet on the guy."
- "[laughs]
Really?
Benjamin rather
fancies her as well."
- He does?
I mean, you do?
[uplifting music]
[laughter]
* *
[cheers and applause]
- "Well, Mrs. Appleblossom,
I think this is the beginning
of a beautiful friendship."
- [gasps]
Who said that?
[mellow music]
* *
- [coughs]
- Pretty cool, huh?
It's one of those smoke poppers
I bought at the magic show
last night.
- Whoa, you look just like
the Amazing Brailster.
Well, except for the moustache.
- Huge compliment.
Man, was that a great show,
or was that a great show?
- A and B.
Hey, what do you say we keep
the fun train rolling
and do some antiquing?
I got us two tickets to
the Fern Valley Flea Market.
I remember how much
you enjoyed it last time.
- Right.
- It's from the Edwardian Era.
Rumor has it King Edward
himself once say upon it.
- It's nice, but you know I'm
more of a Victorian Era guy.
- Of course, but this is
a real opportunity
to own a piece
of his majesty's throne.
Well, his porcelain one.
[laughter]
- Oh, Alfred,
you are a laugh riot.
- [snores]
You know, as much fun
as I had that day,
I'm gonna have to pass
this time, buddy.
- [sighs]
- Not 'cause I don't wanna go.
It's my turn to be
Lisa's human test subject.
And you know me, I'd do
anything for proctology.
- Uh, Lincoln, I think
you got the wrong "ology."
- And I think
you don't know Lisa.
- [sniffs, sighs]
Well, that's a bummer.
I was really looking
forward to the two of us
getting our antique on.
- I'm sorry, bud. Maybe
someone else will be free.
- Zach, how would you like
to hit the flea market
with me tonight?
- Hmm, last time I had fleas,
I had to stay home
from school.
- It's not a market
for actual fleas.
They have antiques.
- We don't do antiques.
My parents won't
decorate the house
with anything
they can't see through.
You never know
where those government spies
put their listening devices.
- So is that a no?
- Nah, let 'em listen.
I'm in.
- Whew.
Clyde, I thought
we were gonna ride bikes
to school this morning.
- Hey, bud,
sorry about that.
I wanted to get
to the library early.
Gotta research all those
antiques I bought yesterday.
- Wow, looks like
you got a lot of stuff.
- Did we ever?
I got some cool old plates,
a globe from before Hawaii
was a state,
and these sick glasses.
Well, they're not my
prescription, but who cares?
- So you had a good time?
- Good time?
I had a great time!
I never knew old stuff
could be so much fun.
- He's really got a knack
for antiquing.
You should have seen him
haggle with the rug guy.
- And I'm so glad I did.
This baby's gonna look sick
in my family's panic room.
- Whoa!
- You just hit Clyde.
- Oh, sorry, Clyde.
Oh, sorry, Lincoln.
Hmm, good thing
I didn't buy the sword.
[doorbell chimes]
- Lincoln, come on in.
The boys are in Clyde's room.
- Thanks.
Wait, did you say the boys?
- The key is using
a lint-free cloth.
- Clyde, I thought
we were hanging out tonight.
- We are. I just invited Zach
to hang out with us.
Wanna join in on the fun?
Throw on a pair
of those gloves, buddy.
We're cleaning up
these antiques.
- You're having fun
by cleaning up?
- You should really
try it, Lincoln.
It's very relaxing.
- Nah, I'm good.
I'll just hang out
till you guys are done.
Mind if I grab
one of these root beers?
- Sure, help yourself.
Wait, I don't have any--
- [chugging]
- No!
That's Dr. Peabody's
Onion Elixir!
Copyright .
- [retches, coughs]
- This is one mighty fine
piece of silverware.
The inlay looks like
it's pre-Civil w*r.
- That's a great catch there,
Zachary.
I'm very impressed.
- [grumbles]
- Gravy?
- [gasps]
Is that London
sterling silver?
- [gasps]
It sure is.
Clyde, it warms my heart
that you're passing on
some of the knowledge you've
learned from your dad and me.
We are so proud of you.
- Hey, Clyde, check this out.
[glass whistling]
- [laughs]
- Lincoln, please don't be
too rough with the glasses.
They're antiques.
- Hmm.
Looks like Depression Era,
if you ask me.
- [gasps]
Did you hear that, Hare Bear?
Can we get an extra
scoop of ice cream
for this little
antique expert over here?
- [grumbles]
- All right, so what
do we want to watch?
Looks like there's a Robot
Super Destroyer movie on.
- Ooh, is it the first one,
the sequel,
the prequel
or the remake?
- The remake of the prequel.
- Sweet!
We've only seen that one
four times. Let's do it!
- Or we could check out
the "Antique Hour" marathon.
Ohh, look, they're in
Royal Woods this week.
- [gasps]
- Or we could
put it to a vote.
Ahem, who wants to watch
"Robot Destroyer"?
- Sorry, bud, but we have
watched it four times.
- [groans]
- You'll be happy to hear
that at auction this piece
would bring in...
both: $ , !
- $ , .
- Whoo!
- Yeah!
- Team Clach McGirdle
nails it again!
- What was that?
- Oh, just a nickname
that Zach came up with.
Of course, you and I
are still Clincoln McLoud.
- Yeah, sure, okay.
I gotta go home.
- Wait, Lincoln.
Armoires are up next.
They're the bad boys
of the antiques world.
- Yeah, you should
stay over, Lincoln.
We're getting
up bright and early
to go bargain hunting
at yard sales.
- We got safari hats
and everything.
- No thanks.
You guys clearly have
your own thing going on.
Maybe I should just disappear.
- But Lincoln--
[coughing]
- Dang it.
[computer chimes]
- "Attention Amazing
Brailster Fan Club.
"You're invited to a super
secret pop-up magic show.
Bring a friend."
Well, that friend sure
isn't gonna be Clyde.
He's too busy dusting spoons
with Clach.
But who needs him?
I've got plenty of friends.
[lively music]
[dialing, line rings]
- Howdy.
- Liam! It's Lincoln.
- Which Lincoln?
I know a few.
- Lincoln Loud.
Your friend.
- Oh, yeah, hi, Lincoln.
My friend.
- Are you busy tonight?
I've got an extra ticket
to the Amazing Brailster.
- Oh, uh, I'd love to,
but it's weaner season
here on the farm.
You know,
that magical time of year
when we wean piglets
from their mamas.
I need to be around in case
there's some kind of
a wean scene.
For example--
- Okay, okay, I get it.
[line ringing]
- Lincoln, what's good?
- Hey, Rusty,
how'd you like to go
to the greatest magic show
on Earth tonight?
- Tonight?
I totally would,
but I've got a hot date.
In fact, I better go
iron my jeans.
[line ringing]
- Hello.
- Stella! Buddy, old pal.
I've got an extra ticket
to a magic show and--
- Ugh, wish I could go,
but I promised my Granny
I'd help her set up
a dating profile.
She said she's ready
to get back out there, so...
- [sighs]
[phone buzzes]
Hold on.
I'm getting another call.
Oh, it's Lynn.
Hey, LJ, do you want
to go to a magic show?
- Uh, no, I want to go
to the bathroom, Stinkin'.
Now get out of there!
- Ahh!
- [snoring]
- Flip.
- Ah! What?
- Can I get one bubble gum
Flippee to go?
- Just one?
Today's special:
Twice the Flippee
for only triple the price.
- Nah.
Just one's good.
I'm riding solo tonight.
[soft clatter]
Liam?
- Yah!
- I thought it
was weaning season.
- Now, what in tarnation?
This isn't the barn.
Gee, I must have taken
a wrong turn.
- Flip, the toilet's clogged.
- Stella? I thought you
were helping your Granny
get back out there.
- I, uh--
[chuckles nervously]
- [sneezes]
- [sighs] Rusty, you can
come out now too.
- [chuckles nervously]
'Sup, man?
- What's going on?
You guys all said you were
too busy to see
the Amazing Brailster tonight.
- Look, Lincoln, the truth
is I think magic is boring.
- Snoozefest.
- To me, it's more
upsetting than boring.
I know there ain't
no coins in my ears,
but they always find 'em.
- We're sorry for lying.
We didn't want
to hurt your feelings.
- How can you not like magic?
Clyde and I had a blast
at the last Brailster show.
- Actually, you had a blast.
Clyde didn't want you to know,
but he definitely
didn't have fun.
- What are you talking about?
- And for my next trick,
I'll need
a bold audience member
willing to be sawed in half.
[excited cheering]
- Me! Pick me!
- How 'bout you, young man?
- [gulps]
- Wow, he's pointing
at you, Clyde.
You're so lucky.
- Y-yeah.
I love s-s-saws.
[cheers and applause]
- Since you're my assistant,
you should wear the hat.
[laughter]
Handkerchief?
[laughter]
- Ahhh!
- Wow, how did I not see this?
Clyde hates magic.
But then, why does he
always agree to go?
- Probably because he's
just a really good friend.
- Yeah, I'm sure do the same
for him all the time.
- Hey, what do you say
we keep the fun train rolling
and do some antiquing?
- You know, as much fun
as I had that day,
I'm gonna have to pass.
Actually, I don't.
Here I am, mad at Clyde,
when I'm the one
who was a bad friend.
I'll catch you guys later.
I gotta take care
of something.
- [snoring]
Ahh!
- I was wondering
if I could talk
to your business
associate, Tucker.
- Eh, I'm sure he's
around here somewhere.
Welcome Tucker's
Tix and Tux.
What can I do you for?
- I need to sell some tickets
and buy some tickets.
[doorbell chimes]
- Lincoln,
am I glad to see you!
I want to apologize.
I should have known
that antiquing stuff
would make you feel left out.
- Clyde, I'm the one
who should be apologizing.
I didn't really have to help
Lisa with proctology.
I just didn't want
to go antiquing,
but I should have been
a good friend and gone anyway,
just like you did
with me and the Brailster.
- What are you
talking about, Lincoln?
I love the Brailster.
- It's okay, Clyde.
I know you don't.
You just go 'cause
you know it makes me happy,
and I need to start
doing the same for you.
So I was wondering
if you and Zach
would like to join me
for this.
- "Antique Hour:
Royal Woods Edition!"
- What?
Wow, Lincoln.
Thanks for including me.
- Of course, Zach.
In fact, I was thinking
maybe we should call ourselves
Cachlon McLurdle.
- Of what about
Zlydcon McGloudle?
- Ooh, I know.
Lydach LurdleMc!
[laughter]
- We should get going.
- It's starting to drizzle.
I'll just grab this umbrella.
- Actually, that was an th
century Japanese parasol.
But no problem.
- * Cramped inside
this tiny space *
* May sound bad
but ain't the case *
* In the Loud house *
- * Loud house *
- * Duck and dodge
and push and shove *
* That's the way we show
our love in the Loud house *
- * Loud house *
* Laundry piles
stacked up high *
* Hand-me-downs
that make me cry *
* Stand in line
to take a pee *
* Never any privacy *
* Chaos with kids *
* That's the way
it always is *
* In the Loud house *
03x40 - Stage Plight
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Series revolves around the chaotic everyday life of a boy named Lincoln Loud, who is the middle child and only son in a large family of 11 children.
Series revolves around the chaotic everyday life of a boy named Lincoln Loud, who is the middle child and only son in a large family of 11 children.