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01x08 - Chris Messin' August

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Garbage Pail Kids". Aired: June 7 – October 29, 1988 .*
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Series stars the characters Split Kit, Elliot Mess, Terri Cloth, Patty Putty, and Clogged Duane as gross-looking kids with abilities to help others.

01x08 - Chris Messin' August

Post by bunniefuu »

[Applause]

[Music]

do not try to adjust your TV set for the

next 30 minutes we will be in control we

control the vertical

we control the horizontal

[Applause]

we also control trap doors

foreign

[Music]

[Applause]

everybody

[Music]

foreign

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

fibia tibia

Libya how is it coming just fine I'll

have you finished in time for my plan

trip or my name isn't lazy hoopnagel

your name isn't Lacy hoop Nago it's fair

darn straight and don't you forget it

there how does that feel just fine

um are you sure you have to go on this

trip a paleontologist gotta do what a

paleontologist gotta do besides if I

don't bring back kinky I'll never

make a name for myself but you've

already got a name

hooray ah but I wanted to be Faye hooray

the woman who captured Kinky Kong would

you settle for a nice nickname instead

Spike Maybe

we're down there is slime Island I see

why don't you simply wait until I land

the bloody thing how many successful

learnings have you had well actually

this would be my first thanks for the

offer ready or not

here I come

[Music]

[Applause]

sounds like the natives are restless

[Music]

okay boys we take it again in front of

the top have on and the two and uh

[Music]

oh well what do we got here boys looks

like a scientist female type of the

paleontologist persuasion well I guess

how did you know just because I'm

primitive doesn't mean I'm stupid lady

now let me guess you're here to find

kinky Cog why am I not surprised come

this way

well here you go wish you luck kid

you're gonna need it

remember

[Music]

what a dance Jungle I don't see how

kinky car should live here without

leaving some sort of Trail

gotta remember the first rule of the

Jungle avoid the trees say I've never

seen trees like these before

strange hairy bark no roots hmm say I

wonder

oh

[Music]

[Music]

Mr Mr kinky

hi I was wondering if you'd like to come

to America and be a big star in the

Natural Science circuit I can get you on

all the top top shows

yes you you'll be the head of the

Science World and all you have to do is

submit to a few simple tasks

[Music]

the monkey will come to the museum the

museum will just go after the monkey

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

come on big boy don't play hard to get

[Music]

sorry I have to miss lunch don't worry I

can find my own way out okay

[Music]

fortunately I came prepared for just

such a contingency

away

[Music]

I'm coming short here in California now

where did he go something tells me he

isn't going to be that hard to find

[Applause]

guess a letter big fella

[Music]

very good wanna guess what it says

that's right you win

now all you have to do is come with me

to the lab and collect your prize

take it that's a negative

[Music]

you can run but you can't hide

[Music]

food

hamburgers

no clouds

Beyond me

I figured you'd be hungry oh

don't be that way a few tests won't hurt

you you can put up with a few tests to

get a nice juicy hamburger can't ya I

made this just for you it has everything

a drawing gorilla needs do you ride

carrots alfalfa sprouts boiled prunes

and calf liver

you didn't let me tell you about my

secret dressing

[Music]

finally somebody my size

nowhere before

[Music]

foreign

[Music]

foreign

[Music]

well he's gone

he did save my life guess I own that

much ah who wants a demo gorilla anyway

footsteps

two Godzilla how would you like Fame and

Fortune

you have to do is come with me and go

through a few simple tests

[Music]

[Music]

push me I want to swing you can push

yourself but I want you to push me and

if you don't I'm telling Mom

Mom kids if you have a noisy brother who

makes your life miserable then you need

the volume control for noisy Brothers

next time he starts

guaranteed to keep your ears from aching

or your money back

and now it's time for a garbage pail

groaner

well your face is finally clean but how

did you get your hands so dirty by

washing my face

[Music]

mom tomorrow I want three minute eggs

but I always thought you liked them two

minutes I know but I need to sleep a

little longer

foreign

hey what's going on Christmas

decorations this time of year it doesn't

make sense oh oh I wish I could have

every one of these toys for Christmas

but it's not Christmas

[Music]

it's not

all I know is we found out this morning

that Santa's coming to town today in

fact he should be arriving at the mall

any minute now see it is Christmas let's

Tell Santa what we want wait what's the

hurry I wanna be first in

[Music]

we're all going to the mall come on come

on it'll be fun

[Applause]

[Music]

it sure went all out even bringing in

real snow the snowman's weird though

look I told you I don't want to see

Santa but why I've been pretty rotten

lately hey no one's perfect come on

foreign

[Music]

thanks for saving my place hey you can't

do that

nice going why wait in line when you can

butt in front of a wimp say what do you

want for Christmas oh

and it better

one oh talking back to Santa

smart Alex you the bike in fact I'll

make it a 12 speed that's the strangest

Santa I ever saw

I've been real good all year I clean out

my room and brush my teeth in get lost

you're making me sick huh don't you want

kids to be good not no more I don't I'm

bored with good little boys and girls

from now on I want kids to be bad huh

why did you hear that the worse you are

the more gifts I'll bring you in two

days I'm gonna deliver a bunch of very

special presents but only to the bad

kids that's awful awful I think it's me

[Music]

you showed that little squirt I'll have

a special Christmas present for you well

I don't need to listen to what you brats

want because you're gonna get whatever I

feel like giving you

what are you doing kid this can't be

Santa sure he is he's gonna bring me

presents isn't he I don't know he

doesn't act like any Santa I've ever

seen before

that kid with the stretchy face ain't

buying your story yeah well I know one

Brad that might play into our hands I'll

pay him a visit tonight

[Music]

what's up all right

Santa where are my presents not yet I

can make a deal I'll give you everything

you always want for Christmas if you

help me me a Santa's helper all right

[Music]

hey kid you want a snowball over here

and there's plenty more where that came

from

[Music]

you won't believe what's going on all

over town look

[Applause]

stop thinking on him mind your own

business I want him to pick on me then

I'm gonna kick his shins that way we'll

both get great gifts you should both be

ashamed tell that to split kick he's

been acting worse than everyone else

here kid keep it up I gotta go reporting

to uh Santa and tell him what allows

you've been

thick

did you see that yeah that snowman's

more than decoration

split kit you're acting like a real jerk

yeah what's with you

I'm being a Santa's helper come on Patty

let's go get the squid let's check out

that Snowman

[Music]

you were right about that kid boss good

soon all the kids will be following his

example

thanks to split kit this town I'll have

a really awful Christmas yeah well we

better start loading this junk into the

helicopter

[Music]

at all

what's his game

and who is he I'll tell you who are you

I used to be one of his spies but now

Christmas has gone too far Christmas

that's his name he was always bad so he

was never on Santa's good list and never

got any presents so he wants to ruin

Christmas for Everyone how can we stop

him there's only one person who can do

anything about him the real Santa Claus

then what are we waiting for

[Music]

everyone jump

there's Santa's workshop

[Music]

hey it's the real Santa who are you I'm

Ellie a mess Mr Claus you see we got

some trouble and we need your help oh

hold on there

[Music]

oh

wow

it's Santa's Computer Central the only

way I can keep up with you youngins

today I'm still having some problems

automating the toy assembly line though

oh

sir oh this is fantastic but we've

really got a problem man well I better

check you out first have to make sure

who's naughty and nice you know

I'm Patty putty oh yes

[Music]

yep you're on my nice list stray days

brush your teeth after every meal how do

you know all that

Santa knows everything well here's

something you don't know there's a guy

going around impersonating you his

name's Chris Masson Christmas

[Music]

never does homework never bangs I

thought I recognized that name from my

naughty list quick we better get going

[Music]

the last house split kids just in time

too it's almost morning

[Music]

phew

hey Santa what'd you bring me a real

Christmas prize

a booby prize that is

and you fell for it sucker Merry

Christmas you won't get away with this

I'm gonna tell everyone you're a bogus

Santa Claus oh yeah

[Music]

what happened to Blitzen during the off

season he works for the Easter Bunny

foreign

they should be opening their presents

right now hey what a lousy gift I was

wrong there must not be a Santa look at

what happened

[Music]

there they are just fly next to the

helicopter and leave the rest to us

thank you

I'll listen the notch

[Music]

no I'm getting out of here

[Music]

I've got a present for you Santa

[Music]

[Applause]

according to my database you've all been

naughty not nice we'll be good we want

presents

the spirit of Christmas isn't just

getting presents you should be good

because it makes you feel good crud what

are you gonna do with these guys I'm

going to let them earn some good points

by putting them to work

maybe you'll learn something about the

real meaning of Christmas by making toys

for others so you were gonna ruin

Christmas

shut up

but if you learned about the spirit of

Christmas

[Music]

this is the bathroom hog once she gets

in she never comes out

I'll be out in two minutes

but two minutes really means two days to

the bathroom hug

[Music]

flip it under the door the only way to

defeat the bathroom hug

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

thank you