Zero Day (2002)

[bunniefuu]

don't look alright I've taken enough

enough of your lip Oh guys my robots do

what you were all dead no

you

we should be quick about this

give me the tripod it's in the trunk

spread them boys now you want me to hold

it okay hold still okay ten should stop

one two three

my name is under recruitment and I am

cow Gabriel one two three go and we are

the army of two hmm this is our high

school located in our town it is our

worst enemy

it is our nemesis f*ck what's actually

there will be a series of missions

followed by a final big-a*s mission

called zero day

that's it now we're done now right yeah

god I hate this hey these are the best

years of your life

you're recording you the army of two is

a myriad of supply depots all over the

place this one's in my closet probably

about 3 2 or 3 meters of underwater burr

under waterproof fuse co2 canisters for

BB g*ns no let those day make you go



r*fles and sometimes pistols like we got

Christina egg wheeler shotgun shell I'm

gonna close with that 12-gauge what a

lot the most fun things we got here

this will make a boom it'll blow your

socks off bottle rockets right here can

I have some real fun with these tonight

fake ID for if we need to skip the

country fake passport right here fake

social security card telling your

Peruvian dollars that'll probably bias

uh sticking gum or something all right

- we should probably start get going now
- let's rock n roll

why are you even bothering taping or you

didn't you're not gonna see anything I

can night-vision
give me a look on your face

say something official-sounding we

officially declare w*r mission 1 yeah

like m-80s or something a little more

interesting what are we not this is just

like ceremonial we'll build a big sh*t

it's better to just keep a low profile

of it we'll pull the big sh*t up later

you know what I mean you don't want

anger management if I can help it no

check that out look at that tell me that

doesn't look like you're a f*cking ghost

or something

one two three let the countdown begin

I didn't know we were gonna say well let

the countdown begin

that's good hey wasn't right what do you

mean all right are you talking about

that was great

so everyone's asleep in my house now all

right so this is the first entry in my

zero day video diary

everything is planned so methodically

it's just gonna be it's gonna be unreal

it's gonna be it's gonna be beautiful

it's so weird looking at your cell phone

video it's like this and I it's so weird

how it actually looks like a machines

pupil I'm staring right at you through

the tape

we're gonna leave you all behind just

sticks in the mud that Andre and I have

made we're gonna walk away see we we see

more than you do we

you

how does I hope that's what you wanted

yeah exactly

good good cake to put cake but how about

good camera the guy at the store said

that little what do you call that thing

there's a little screen on the side

they're not godly and gives you a better

picture I don't think that's really

true at all this so anyway are you happy

accurate no no that that's that's not

with your camera

you think it'll do no dad I want you to

take it back right now of course you do

excellence well they will when I tell

them to trail trail I hit the button all

right no check that out ask us what

we're doing tonight everyone what are

you doing tonight what's the other one

not seriously no now that I have you on

tape what are you up to tonight well you

know figured why some we can go to a

kegger I don't know what do you think

say that again please know it now we eat

LSD oh you know what you're a heroine Oh

ecstasy nah we're done with that

that's an introductory okay so is that

you you're going out though I'm staying

in no what's the matter we're just gonna

go out do stuff you know we're not we're

no bread puffs here okay Brad huh

okay yeah captain of the wrestling team

they're wrong things is that says it all

she's like everyone think she's like a

god this kid like drinks and drives and

the cops form over all the time but

somehow they never take away his license

car you know I hate to be the guy

or his stupid Range Rover I hate that

got to break it to you on the 18th

birthday of all days but life is not as

fair you know just because he gets away

with something and he's a bad guy you

know sometimes you do good things and

Jia that's a major mood booster right

and it goes totally unnoticed as well so

there

who needs Prozac and I got you what do

you want me to say it's the truth

something don't sit there now I'm trying

to figure it out because it's you're

wasting your time you're not getting

anywhere and I can even see you now I

can well thank you for breaking the news

gently oh listen I waited long enough



goes around town and talk to Big Brother

what a smart guy years thank you now you

see what I have to put up with oh the

best years yeah those would be the best

years of your life you think so

mind if we are vamoose all right let's

get out of here

it's a pretty lame party I'm just not

good at parties are you happy with the

camera it's not the one I wanted I mean

when they say what do you want for your

birthday and you give them a certain

model and then they just walk and get

something else

hey so Chris another what do what you

get music my parents got it for me for

my birthday

so what's up nothing much it's up to you

how's everything yeah we probably won't

stick around too much longer

good what time is it yeah do you know

there's white Russians in the freezer

yes happy thank you

not even wear panties you know because

they had clothing on oh all right we're

gonna head out all right no that's all

see you later hey thanks for letting us

drop by uh you still sh**t not much mind

if we tag along next time you go yeah

that would be very cool we can sh**t

some stuff to animate yeah sure if the

parents thinks all right we'll convince

them yeah

just I'm gonna call them yeah of course

you will but yeah absolutely the next

time I go I want to go I haven't been

all right cool all right great well see

you later then hey hold on hey goodbye

I'll see all you later all right

yeah oh boy I can't smell it yet dude

they're disgusting no tell anything in

there about six weeks all right well I

guess I should explain our our first act

of w*r basically

Brad Huff the biggest shithead

motherfuck oh the world has ever seen

he's everything we hate in one my trusty

handy little form we're gonna Pelt that

ugly ugly piece of sh*t Range Rover of

his with some six week old eggs life

isn't fair

so we got even the score low that's not

Brad Hope sighs nope

this is gonna be awesome man it'll be

all right yeah all right this is gonna

be great

it'd be better if we had shotguns maybe

ding dong hi this is huff can we speak

to a brad is Brad home

Bradley honey some friends of yours are

here then he comes downstairs what the

f*ck do pussies one watch you dead b*tch

bang

where's this laying over f*ck it's not

here I'm gonna break into the garage and

see if it's in there and risk getting

caught and arrested for breaking and

entering and screwing up the whole

campaign no no we stick to plan B that's

we egged the house what did that Finn

what are you stopping at m*therf*cker

all right we're gonna about seven

minutes until twelve o'clock we do it

exactly at 12 we stick to the timetable

we've got to start learning to stick to

the timetable

dude I can smell this sh*t from outside

the bag oh it's melting down the

storybook we're gonna have to get your

bags after this no we'll just like a

gallon of that Febreze sh*t now we wait

what time is it

we have 10 seconds okay good it didn't

break ready yeah

what now Brad

right hurry oh oh oh and the wind up do

let's get the f*ck out of here now

maybe win that dance I can honestly say

mission successful

why are we running still no

in order to make sure that the covert

actions of the army of two remain secret

starts now if you think about it anybody

we're starting up a security protocol it

who's done anything like this in the

past has had a website up or they've

done something stupid to attract

attention to themselves most of the time

that's all they wanted was attention

we're not like them see these people

they didn't understand that if you had

hit lists with people with names on them

that people wouldn't come down on you

like g*ng r*pe in a maximum-security

prison you got to take a minute you got

something like this it's an a military

to think about things if you're doing

procedure that's why we're the army of

two not the group of assholes with g*ns

these people are so f*cking stupid it's

not even funny

I mean if it were me I would get them

all in a room together and I would just

spray em with raid like ants except like

thinking well hey they're taping this so

human rate okay now you might be

of course they wanted to be found and

Finn's here watching this now exactly we

you're right we do want it to be found

don't want it to be found until we're

ready we've decided that we're gonna set

up a safety deposit box now as many of

you know so keep safety deposit boxes

cannot be legally open by anybody except

the owner unless the owner dies when

we're done we're going to bequeath all

of our information to a third party

source probably media what are the top

three media people that you would enjoy

willingness to okay number one Peter

Jennings number two

dan Rather and number three Wolf Blitzer

that's what I say all right we're here

you're gonna have to turn that off

what for when we go inside cuz they're

not gonna let you have that we are on

location dollar D banks you carry bright

Bank privacy room secure your privacy or

whatever and we are now going to put in

the first set of record tapes to make

sure that mommy doesn't find them under

the bed look my mom right now while I'm

with Cal yeah well I'll be home for

dinner mom

I said I was gonna come for dinner I'm

gonna be home for dinner all right boy

so that is that on top of that isn't it

so they really can't get in there they

can't get in they can't touch us now

they have no access to these tapes

once they're sealed back up there no one

can open them except for me Bob's like

hey you want to touch it down

do you want to touch it big boy here

touch my my box come on touch it ring

using you want to feel any questions

that our viewers may have

hey I know this new silver yeah this is

disturb her paw spit posterity here here

we go you should come we did the upper

there's no fun doing the lowers quite

hot what's the difference the upper then

you get him smiling with all this Bray's

design and then they come out in a nice

and shiny you should've got them when we

started with his keeper so yes I know I

missed it so long breezes my back braces

I'm doing is squeezing the brace and

then okay

we get Calvin's own little routine

they're straight like any boy was it

worth the many years of years trips here

yeah

hello and welcome to today's episode of

home g*n review well today we're gonna

teach you how to make a big g*n small

and easier to conceal come on it see

these days any time an 18 year old wants

to gear up

you got some 60 year old loser sitting

in a g*n store saying hmm why does this



found a not so clever solution to this

problem this long dilemma you see

there's so many g*ns just lying around

why draw attention to yourself by

anyone's my dad taught me how to hunt

when I was a wee young lad and he always

made me wait downstairs so that I didn't

know where he was getting the g*ns and

where the key was

truth be told I've known where the key

was since the fifth grade I just whom I

was just humoring him here she is all

right let's check out the others here we

have your standard 22 leaver action

personally I'm not a big fan next we

have the pride of the Old West here 20

gauge double-barrel shotgun now in the

time I've done that and closed it up

three football players have tackled me

and bashed my head in with a chair not

good single action p*stol

it's all right I mean if you want to rob

someone I guess your POS 25 caliber all

p*stol this thing couldn't k*ll someone

if you shot point-blank range at their

eye this this right here this is like

the Dirty Harry f*cking g*n right here

alright like that right there

and this this is probably of my faith

one of my favorite g*ns

I call her milena okay what are you

doing I am preparing the tools Oh for to

apply this come on mouth no get out here

this is what I call the short skirt from

milena right here this is an illegally

modified stock why is it ill*gal because

it's ill*gal to make a weapon more

concealable because you have to have

fortunately with our intents and

special licenses for concealed weapons

purposes we don't really need to worry

about the legality have anything

no-one cares when you order a stock and

why do they not care you ask because

it's a piece of wood that's it but my

best time so far is 64 seconds I want to

be able to do it at a moment's notice

- because we never know when zero days
- coming go

done



closet with the long skirt on for as

long as it needs to indefinitely if it

has to no one ever has to know or no one

ever will know that I've made a short

skirt unless I tell them and then think

about it this sucker goes on 54 seconds



able to hide this sucker come after you

thank you for visiting us on this

edition of home g*n show Review Friday

and Cal good night hey don't tell Dad

okay

kermy bike bike even easier be Hannibal

if you're lying on someone it's all

right good look it's Willie hi Willie

are we doing we're just making fun of

dead people I like that name Lillian

that's cool me I don't think I like the

last name Tomlinson though because

there's this kid who I don't want to go

telling another story of when Sal got

beat up by a little nobody Lillian it

was via Tom one thing so he was a big

mean 5th grader

no no no he was like any period it

wasn't with the plane then I mean I

wouldn't even have beaten up a 5th

grader suppose an 8th grade laundries

the violin would not mean I just heard

you say Andrews violin I didn't say that

he's not violent I think I don't know

sometimes the way he talks about people

and just interact with everyone is just

a you mean like we do not me all the

strange what do you think it's a bad

time just it's just a little offbeat

influence on me

mom oh he doesn't like you either so

it's okay that's right I don't really

mind that much it's just said I don't

know you hang out with him a lot and I

just don't want you kind of um becoming

like him

why would what do you think is him

there's a lot of anger problems or just

anger in general well he probably has

angry because he has a problems that I

don't know about you know but there

didn't like his dad doesn't beat him or

anything like that and like I'm your

friend and all and he's your friend so

he should at least try and be semi

courteous to me but he's really not he's

a d*ck yeah a lot of the time I guess I

just never conflict with him but you

who'd you consider the leader of the

Andre cow army to than me or Andre Andre

do you think it's Andre I I don't know

when you're with him you're just you're

different than you are now now am I now

and now you're the cow that I've known

for a really long time and when you're

with Andre you're like Andre number two

wait why why do you think that like I'm

not Thea he's not count number two and

I'm Cowell number one how do you know

that he's in copying off of my my style

yo unless you have some sort of evil

locked inside that I've never seen

before

it's I lock it inside nobody nobody sees

it I keep it from everyone yeah did you

where did you wear boxers or briefs you

get up you get up and it is now my turn

to do this to you podium can you tell me

why you always have to tape everything

it's kind of cool and why do you think

it's so cool all right I guess that I

don't know why do why do i tape

everything I have no idea

come on cap I I don't I just like it hmm

no it's just that under likes me to film

girls asses for having oh okay I don't

think that's really why you like to film

things I think you're still hiding

something Cal I'm insecure and I need

attention are you serious is that is

that why you yeah I seem really insecure

to you don't I yes cow no well maybe

maybe there is something that Andre

wants you to videotape for him or

something like that not necessarily

everyone asked but maybe he's g*y and so

I'm videotaping whites you I want you to

get out of the town because now I'm just

gonna see you on this tape told you I

knew you're gonna show it to him I'm not

gonna screw it to him

by bombs made excellent anti-personnel

weaponry for two reasons first they're

cheap and easy to manufacture basically

anybody can buy the components and two

because they're extremely effective for

their size baby b*mb makes a big boom

these package is normal galvanized steel

don't get plastic pipes because they'll

just end up melting don't get any more

because you're just gonna blow it up as

expensive metal than galvanized steel

with building any weapons security is

key and so you should just use common

sense don't get the pipes at the same

place to get the caps no need to raise

any issues or questions just go from

store to store or buying all the

same when you're referring to making

different components they're all the

your expl*sives you probably don't want

to call them expl*sives because should

someone overhear that conversation

they'll know what's going on you can use

a code word really anything sunglasses

wallets peanuts you know it doesn't

matter you might laugh now and say oh

funny but if you think about it it's the

they're making peanuts ha ha ha that's

only way that people aren't gonna

realize what's going on and it could

very well be the difference between

success and failure I like to do

everything step by step very orderly and

efficiently so you take half the caps

that you have and you drill holes into

them you put those aside and don't touch

those for a while you take fuse and you

longer fuse if you want to have lots of

cut specific lengths you can have a

fun or you can have like a short little

Dern aid the throat and blow once you're

fuse if you want to just have a little

done cutting the fuses you want to take

the caps that you drilled and you want

to insert the fuse into the cap take the

caps that you didn't drill and fastened

them on to the bottom of the pipe now

take the powder and take your funnel and

once they're all fastened you want to

then you want to put the powder in

there's basically two types of gunpowder

that you can use smokeless powder and

black-powder smokeless powder burn

slower because it's some chemical thing

that involves no smoke but black powder

there's no need to spend a lot of money

burns faster and makes a bigger boom

on the powder because all you're getting

is a different name on the jar it's all

the same sh*t whatever blows up faster

and is cheaper is the best stuff to go

with don't wear

suit-and-tie when you're doing this

stuff because the powder leaves black

marks all over the place as you can see

all right on the gloves some we had

something like out you want this it

leaves it all now you don't need that on

your hands and on your arms and on your

clothes or on your floor because then

let's say your parents or your friends

say hey why do you have all those black

marks on your hands and your clothes and

you're going to be hard-pressed to make

an explanation shrapnel is important if

you want to k*ll a lot of people and

it's probably the simplest ingredient

because you can use pretty much anything

we use screws here but you can use

whatever the hell you feel like thumb

tacks nails

small caliber b*ll*ts paper clips now

that you have the pipe filled up with

shrapnel and powder and take the cap and

you just screw it on making sure that

the fuse goes into the powder

we've also experimented with duct taping

shrapnel to the outside and as far as

its effectiveness we can't say anything

because we're not testing any of them

and we won't be using them until zero

day so if you really want to know you

might want to ask a survivor

we've decided where the source of the

other g*ns will be besides Andres father

which is going to be Chris we're gonna

take them some time before zero day I

feel a little bit guilty about taking

them from Chris but you know we are

going to steal them from him we're gonna

steal them from him so like he won't get

in any sort of trouble because of that I

don't think hey I've been thinking and

it it occurs to me that a lot of people

are probably gonna wonder like how could

somebody do something like zero day like

what we're gonna do but I wanna know is

how could somebody just how could

somebody just k*ll themselves

how many kids want to k*ll themselves

and do you know thousands of kids do

this but how many of them realized that

the way of the samurai is found in death

I'm not gonna leave cleanly I'm not just

gonna fade out I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm

gonna make my mark and then it'll be my

time to die I mean it's a it's a lost

cause when you when you just k*ll

yourself now it's it's almost a

one-in-a-million chance that two kids

alike me and Andre aren't you know come

together but you know that that's that's

just this town this misfortune I guess

no fortune it's their fortune

it's your fort it's it's it's your

fortune because you're going to be a

privileged few who who get the the

wake-up call that we're delivering to

you you're gonna get my my meaning in

this really concentrated thick jelly

form pour it over your homes and

everybody else will just have to see it

on the news and I know you're all gonna

be like I had a cousin who was in the

school

and then good for you listen to how I do

clean this is everybody and all these

little ones down here there's like all

those there's like 19 strings on here

and these down at the button we're

supposed to naturally resonate

harmoniously to the to the to these main

strings right here and I even have a

broken string in here

all right so this is pretty much mission

three it's it's like a training

simulation I guess you could call it

training sim it's a weapons test we're

working with my cousin Chris who's our

unwitting Patsy and accomplice he's

gonna take us out sh**ting and we're

gonna record it you're gonna kind of

where it keeps keys and everything and I

case his place at the same time and see

want to make this clear right now he has

no idea what's going on he doesn't know

what we're doing and he has no knowledge

of anything that's happened just thanks

that's exactly what we're doing yeah

for going out to sh**t with it and

that's going to sh**t right now there's

nothing else going on nothing else going

on

yeah all right

you're both your sport I brought a bunch

of stuff I brought like bowling pins

some cantaloupes we brought we brought

some a Barney a lookalike a ninja turtle

- I need to turtle outstanding all right
- all right

well there's my friends Jamie pessoa

game shotgun right now we're gonna use

the 22 first alright what are we

sh**ting next busily unfilled you it's a

cool g*n it's really cool it's loud

though yeah well he's a natural natural

selection

oh my god oh my god whoa not your clutch

okay who would like to try this look at

how it grazed it look at that my mommy

was k*lled by no I will beat you pull

the slide forward and it's ready to go

g*ns the best g*n is my favorite it's

got a lot of power and a little recoil

perfect

nobody's filming here why are you

looking it up yeah have all of your

neighbors looking well where do you go

my fella I'm so freaking tired besides

which g*n do you think would be the best

- actually k*ll somebody with I don't know
- that all pretty much k*ll somebody

supposed to be the last color football

with a number mady's black is that okay

never mind

it is those essence of all color that's

the absence of all color you're having a

bad idea

that is that were so well why do old

people carry canes just a low mo you

know what's come over me he means a

wacky with their canes what if all of

the old people of the world United and

they all took over the world with their

canes oh that's scary but if they wax

you and like crack your skull no they

wouldn't get that much power it had to

be a lot of little have to be a lot of

old people like whacking you and giving

you bruises kind of like the birds

little divots okay go get dressed and

I'm ready for some coffee

read it out loud

the zero day invasion plan presented by

the army of two really one question that

you guys might have had is why do they

call it zero day the people who have

predetermined date to do it on May 27th

done this in the past have always had a

or whatever that's kind of sloppy

because if you have all these plans



laying around saying May 27 May 27 May

are going to say well what the hell is

going on with May 27 so we decided that

the easiest way to do it would be for us

to coordinate everything so that we're

ready at a moment's notice

and then do the attack on the first day

of the year that's zero degrees we set

it up so that we wake up every day the

station Monday through Friday we wait

exact same time to the exact same radio

and not counting Jewish holidays of

course when we wake up in the morning we

hear a leather report first thing three

doesn't work the first day we hear

degree is four degrees below seven

excuse me

first day we hear the guys say zero

degrees we get up get our sh*t blow some

people away now the first day of school

is tomorrow and so now it can basically

come at it in time so we figured now is

the best time to go over the invasion

plan and basically go through the

guidelines and through the outline that

we've product produced so that you the

viewer can go ahead and do such a thing

on your own the school resource officer

is basically your main preliminary

maximize the effects of your attack you

target to be considered in order to

should be sure to eliminate any

opposition as soon as possible

confinement of the enemies paramount in

light of the fact that any who manages

to escape can end your fund prematurely

by using a cell phone or other

unforeseen means of communication to

alert the outside world before it's

convenient keeping to this logic it is

important that when conducting a

room-by-room as*ault each room's

population is thoroughly and completely

reduced the army of two has deemed it

wise to have a secondary escape plan

should your plans go unfortunately awry

however it is not only unwise but also

counterproductive to rely too heavily on

said plan and letter the fact that you

may become too comfortable

it's implementation the preceding has

been a basic yet detailed outline for

our missions ideals and objectives in

conclusion Lu fast live hard and die by

any combination of those to the end

okay I've you know I'm ready for zero

day now I'm ready for for it to happen

whenever it happens I'm standing where I

need to be standing and I'm just trying

to save this this spot that I'm at for

when it actually happens because you

know now that I'm inspired so it's like

I've been planning this forever and when

and when Andre and I came together it

was like that whole time before I had

you know built up my part and he had

built up his and then we came together

and made this like point and then from

there it all just you know what I mean

we never said you know let's go sh**t

the school let's go do this because we

didn't need to it was already there so

I'm I'm ready

you ready

you

what the f*ck

why are you dressed like that Commission

parents you dressed because you didn't

tell me what the mission was if we're

gonna be going out somewhere I don't

know I don't want to be caught off guard

so you want to tell me what this secret

mission is no actually the poem for

Raleigh Raleigh is a hard-working man

he turns her electricity's crank he

takes care of our children like the

modern-day Anne Frank so if you get

tired of life if you feel you're getting

bored the churches Christ wife the house

of our Lord thank you what are you doing

inundated every quite a bit and say

standing between a rock and a hard place

but a g*n is nothing without a b*llet or

implied I am on b*ll*ts I live my life

going the perfect parabolic arch of

purpose meaning

and then there was that time and you

stepped on a landmine and I never

forgave you and you can feel the entire

rise and fall of the Third Reich at your

feet

earlier pong

yeah I know what it was but you tell me

why you did it what were you thinking

it's really deep and flowers bloom but

it is a comedy act guys come on man look

there she is there's like five other

people in here you guys make up 50% of

the audience can you didn't yeah yeah go

ahead

hey wait wait wait no I'm starting it

seriously dude we pay attention when

you're a period yours why can't you just

listen to us 20 minutes what's the

laughs hey we're getting out here sorry

about this guys we're leaving right now

- let's go what the f*ck what you take the
- camera I don't even want to hold it

jeez

bring it take this I got a drought no no

yes take it did it was odd how many

times do I have to explain this sh*t to

you before you f*cking understand I'm

sorry lieutenant

quit rolling the sheets or will you get

out of a f*cking car forgive me for

speaking so bluntly sir and stop talking

like you're in the f*cking military what

happens if they call them they tell the

kidding are you sure so then they're

parents hey guess what happens I'm

like oh do they go to school why yes

they do well I'm gonna call the

principal and get on the phone with him

right away

they call it personally you get call

that on the office you get sent to

counseling you're sorry they your

parents tighten down on you they call my

parents my parents tighten down on me

f*ck now what where do you want to go

what do you want to do right there so so

we're done here we're done we're done

we're done here okay start the turf it's

just a car

pull up to the exit okay ready I want

you to close your eyes

okay and drive go you're just gonna tell

me where to go

yeah do it go close your eyes I turn

right right right right

come on keep me close right right okay

straight straight straight

are they really close come on close them

which way left okay now turn sharp left

ready straight okay this is so f*cking

cookies

this is nobody I sign equals you used to

go Justin hit your skull like this and

then just missing a movie like this this

the original plan was that zero day

would be on zero degrees but it only

happened once because it was so warm

this winter and that was the day that

Andre had diarrhea so we set a date yeah

May first it's kind of interesting how

we thought like you know fate was going

to decide when this happened but you

know in a way May first his fate - I

mean when we when we started you know

under and I had this plan that we were

gonna do this to our school and jump in

the getaway car and go from state to

state and do the same thing and now

Andre may not realize this but you know

that's not gonna happen at all you know

I'm coming out in a black plastic bag

yeah that's it

one two three four five

six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve

thirty forty goodness he said they did

two famiiies before my father's day

that's more than any kind of date yep

please don't eat when I'm thirty hours

someone's got to sit and sip through all

that okay I just have a question I was

just wondering if you're actually sure

that they're gonna wonder if we have a

gonna make a statement somewhere so that

safety deposit box and look at it are we

they'll in a place that they're sure to

find it I mean why would they check this

ability the way I figured it the day

before we do it we could or some time

ahead of time with before we do it we

can do it uh like a last will and

testament kind of tape in saying you

know by the way we've left these tapes

and a safety deposit box is my name and

then just be like yeah yeah believe it

someone yeah we'll leave it in the car

when we go in and Wonder sounds good to

last shot will be was walking and then

they won't see anything else after that

and they're gonna like actually watch

them though and wouldn't you watch them

did everything we ever owned everything

I mean think about it everything we ever

we owned right now is gonna be

- scrutinized under like the biggest
- microscope the world can produce

well get used to whatever CD you have

every everybody Oh game they're gonna go

through and say Oh mortal kombat it was

because of that even it wasn't because

of any of it they was giving them a

voice but that's that that's just how

stupid people are I don't know just get

like a body cavity searching and

rid of all your stuff because that's

searching tomorrow I don't people

looking on my hands and I don't people

looking at my stuff that's a good point

just gonna burn

what did you contribute to our little

bonfire Oh fun here tonight we've got

video games PlayStation games we've got

DVDs lots of CDs

lots more CDs as*ault weapons

we've got word of the flies I had to

read that for a book report any grade

would you think I'd like that actually

my trusty old Sunday School Bible and I

got this nice little snake sticker for

memorizing the books of the New

Testament Matthew Mark Romans

first Corinthians 2nd Corinthians we

didn't get it from any video games books

movies CDs this is our idea and nobody

else's what is that this is a note I got

from a girl in like the eighth grade

Andre I've really enjoyed being in mr.

Ackerman's class with you this year mr.

Ackerman is come on come on come on no

no no he's a know but come on no but you

always made me laugh

with the jokes that you made about him

except for the time that he heard you

and you got kicked out of class brownie

Ferenc alright enough no I don't want

you saying her name all right

so how much definitely burned I probably

say like it's one half three thousand

dollars yeah I can go with that sh*t we

got to do it now oh yeah I think we just

burned all of our worldly possessions

everything so what's going on with you

and the prom are you still going with

that chick chick that that raychel b*tch

yeah why why not I don't know she's just

kind of we I don't like her she's like

she thinks I'm some kind of f*cking

psycho

she's always afraid of me but so are you

feeling you mean real oh it must be your

pretty boy blond good looks oh I'm gonna

play with my hair now when she asked you

what was weak just after my acne hey yo

shut up or hey shut up don't can't

believe you got asked no you're not

going to anybody are you

no no well who says I didn't get asked I

just didn't want to go you didn't get

asked that's a pile of sh*t

so sh*t there's 100 years they're gonna

say one of us was the leader I mean I

really don't I mean we joke but I really

don't think well any one of us is is

more of a leader than the other why

don't we why don't we split the press

releases all right all right

I could be leader for half you could be

leader for half sounds good

created dying out but it's so cool

so every time the wind blows it just

goes out a little more in the way we've

talked about zero day it's almost like

that this fire supposed to burn like a

thousand feet tall and and never burn

- out but look at it it's just like black
- crap now

we got a good shot of Gregg here baby

playing with the lights what if I wasn't

over the wish nothing me Josh can you

let them in hi Cal nice to meet you we

haven't really formally met Josh good

come on it closed door we got to get

going

and that was Greg yes

so tell you works great

I'm going stag to the prom get a

macGruber I don't know where she's gonna

sit come on yeah I'm getting I'm coming

Brian's gonna be a good baby

prom stands for promenade I don't think

he speaks English very well no we're

famous we just f*cking see you're g*y

girls don't say what they mean right

you're right right they say something

and they mean another right yeah can you

say it that's what you mean it's like

I'm upset means I'm upset doesn't mean I

was happy and I'm upset and I don't know

what there are people here

I gotta go first I gotta go first no I'm

not

hey Andre hi well I just thought I came

by and take a little footage for the

family archives as it is you know maybe

who knows maybe I'll send it to be a

grandma in Montreal so that is a

fabulous crowd now oh yeah how long I

told you done now I'm pretty much all

set you want to get out here

hey yeah except you can't submission

maybe a little driving lessons on the

way home

sounds good what's the cars not yet okay

was it busy tonight

that's all right no yeah I get to wipe

down at the end of the night

listen somebody has to do it we all

started it you know where I started we

all did this you cannot start up on the

top as the head the head pizza man

absolutely no desire to be a head pizza

that's true but luckily I have

man so yeah I'm good

don't don't become the head pizza man

either yeah don't I know it they're

better and bigger things out there for

you yeah like you wouldn't believe

oh I do believe whoa take that curve a

little bit slower next time please yeah

remember this is a driving lesson this

is not lemons I realize it's only a

pizza drop and you don't seem to be

doing that important thing there but

it's amazing how much that made you grow

year already by now if you keep this up

up in the last few months maybe even a

you're gonna you're gonna have that

carpet in no time hopefully you know I

never thought that was now wait a minute

I'm not finished with my speech here but

you know how difficult this is for me I

never thought I was gonna say this but

I'm part of you you did good she never

thought you were gonna say it

Wow not that I don't always mean it but

you know me I'm having a problem with

saying these things

absolutely it's not necessarily the

Mutchler thing to say yeah so keep doing

what you're doing and you'll do just

fine

like I said that card would be paid for

in no time I know no your mom and I will

- mom maybe even help you out a little bit
- sounds good

and while you're down there you so reach

how long we known each other a long time

yeah hardy-har-har so so how do you how

do you feel about me take me to Andres

please oh like everybody know actually I

don't maybe maybe not go to Andres and

you can ya know with us doesn't know how

to get there

can you take me to a specific place okay

why do believe to go alright yeah yeah I

have to go see why you guys ask or

Rachel

of course Andre not g*y is g*y so soon

are you no no no it's me

now you're gonna take a quick left eh

right after you're right we're all

having fun

yeah wheeler Wow really come on

I know I do

that one right there stop like right

here yeah I'll be right back he's going

to be Andre okay no that's a person he's

just quiet oh my god comes back oh yeah

so I'm Andres naked I'm the g*y one

naked yeah I'll be naked let him go just

let him go okay Oh a good time you rock

yeah

oh all right

go okay some things then we acted alone

we obtained the weapons alone and nobody

knew that we were going to do this our

parents had nothing to do with this and

so everybody knows they didn't know

anything about it I mean when our

parents find these tapes I mean what are

they gonna think oh my god I was asleep

upstairs while they were in the basement

recording this we could have known we

could have stopped them know that that's

bullshit mom don't worry about that all

right so you found us and you think

Jesus I'm sending them to counseling we

have to stop this we go through

counseling you know we'd wait a period

and then we just come out and do it

anyway exactly you know you could think

that you've cured us and we'll make you

believe that but you can't cure somebody

who has nothing wrong with them don't

feel guilty about this I mean it's not

your fault we love you I mean we were in

morons like every other loser that's

done this I mean we weren't a bunch of

f*ck and ret*rds who were just

starving for attention we fooled

everybody I mean even if we hadn't could

you blame them for not noticing I mean

who wants to think that their son their

student their classmate their peer their

there are no reasons and you're all

employee is gonna do something like that

gonna look for him but you're not gonna

find them so f*ck you f*ck that f*ck the

reasons there are none this isn't our

faults I mean you made us what made me

what I am for years we've I've been

tormented by all of you assholes okay I

I was called a f*gg*t for walking down

the hall in school and a shirt that came

from f*cking JCPenney

it's a f*cking shirt who the f*ck cares

in Europe in the medieval times if

somebody insulted somebody you know you

whipped out your f*cking sword and you

dueled them and you k*lled them and make

no mistake we've been insulted

now it's time for the duel I know that

this will be my my last day it's zero

day it's my last day but that one day

I'm gonna live more fully than anyone

has lived in their entire lives we will

be more powerful than God we're gonna be

God no mistake about that we'll be

f*cking God I mean we decide who lives

and who dies

anybody who manages to get out years

from now they're f*cking puny little

life is gonna have meaning and they're

gonna thank us cuz they're gonna think

that God spared their lives it's too bad

that this is what we have to do but

we're doing it so and don't waste this

opportunity don't just say that these

people's lives were lost for nothing

because it's just stupid just wake up

we're not trying to waste anybody's life

we're trying to show people what they

should value respect and love your

fellow man I mean it might seem like

we're hypocrites for saying these kind

of things because we're not

or at least you don't think we're doing

that but we're doing the most respectful

most loving thing we can do right now

animals and eventually we'll all die out

so enjoy it while you can one more thing

I have a safety deposit box at the First

National Bank I hereby bequeath it to

CNN and Wolf Blitzer or anybody any

media people who want it that's it

yeah I don't want to like trash his

computer and alright we'll leave this

computer alone but we got to make it

look like we broke in please there's a

there's a party across the street I mean

it makes it a little different we're not

egging Brad huffs house there's still

people sitting on the porch so I know

- don't be a problem we'll try to go
- around back

dude camouflage really works

it worked no sh*t all right just is that

the one you want why do we sit the back

out on the bend we'll take everything

out here just do it oh okay good they

didn't call a backup shotgun just in

case put the safety on and just take it

we don't need to mess with it right just

wait I want to see which study took the

indicator everything off all right I'm

gonna put it back let's just get out of

here

I don't want to get my brains blown out

before 0j okay can we can we leave now

well maybe we just relax hold on hold on

take a breath relax

we're okay no problems here we got

everything we came for yeah I know what

as for everything else it'll take them a

while I'm writing Chris a note why I

know you're gonna f*ck everything up

don't leave and what if he finds it

before it's time okay yeah just

something that's right here Chris what

if we're gonna sit sorry we stole your

g*ns needed it for our secret plan you

stole your guys we need it for a movie

yeah you had fun and yo yo mamas mamas

stay here when I pull up bring the stuff

out I'll be back in two minutes

that would not be you hi

I'm just making a little video yeah give

me camera oh my god get up hurry up we

don't have time for this let's go

oh my god do we just

nervous is all f*ck today just want to

make sure we have everything all right I

don't think I can tell you huh nurse

that's you be careful with that

you're the 45 and the carmine who JC

block I take the GL*CK do you want it

it's not gonna start taping again it's

not gonna keep over what we did it's not

gonna erase anything no you sure you

started at first spot yeah good what are

you doing the b*llet sh*t dude I want

you to know like I couldn't have done

this with anyone else

like I don't know what would have

happened to me if we hadn't been friends

I don't think that uh

accurate darkness

without anybody outsider ready I mean

let's get this sh*t done let's kick the

tires and light the fires

much of emergency yeah we have units on

the way I can be fine do you see any

perpetrators they men with a g*n so can

you tell me where you are how many

people can you see the perpetrators can

you see the guys with a b*ner hello can

you pick up hello there two shooters

ma'am hello can you pick up got a phone

call overturned his name is Andre Andre

Andre can you pick up hey everybody

several people in the room shots fired

laundry can you pick up why the victims

talking

should be coming out

oh look you fell are you doing buddy

Andre can you pick up Andre hello can

you pick up dude

Andre can you pick up anybody else alive

in here just us perpetrators indicating

no one in the room indicate no one in

the room alive hello can you pick up

Andre can you pick up Andre

Andre can you pick up look out there

that there's a lot of f*cking cops they

see units good let's go get a couple no

you're talking about sh**ting and

responding units no come on go

perpetrators apprehensive okay what do

you lot how are you done okay you're

done shot by cops there yes you're right

we're gonna have an attempted suicide

you get and you know I know right

talking about suicide yeah

Andre Andre Andre can you pick up the

phone Andre we can work this out can you

pick up the line

Andre can you answer hey Andre where are

you Andre where are you I think they're

gonna do it I can't do it

Andres apprehensive I can't do it

man perpetrators apprehensive alright

Audrey I can't we can get you out of

this Andre Andre I can get you out of

this just pick up the phone

Andre Andre we'll get you out of that

doesn't have to be this way are you

angry

Andre we can get you out of here Andre

can you answer yes Andre we can get you

out of this

one two three go

or one two go one two three go

when we sh**t I'm 40 we sh**t on three I

can get you out of this just pick up the

phone everybody see that for ya I was

like one two or three true numbers three

bang one two three

bang not one to Andre

one Andre who we can get you out of this

watch it shots fired perpetrators maybe

down

opening window open

f*cking media stake that all over the

place you know we're gonna be on the

other side guys that's not even like

those guys can't see anything where

we're going

they'll just they're just gonna hear

about it in the morning right yeah is

that them can you see wait where right

there what right there see those crosses

right here Jason no

oh yes what's that noise getting louder

sitting idle

well what's the kid say older than one

watch those refrigerators okay truck do

you see anybody did not nobody just

won't be sure no they're right here much

better they are look people people wrote

sh*t all over it we love you on J we are

praying for you with this bullshit

gogo tossed out hold on go f*cking douse

that hold on so good so good good

they're gonna f*cking fun good one two

three get them up okay oh yeah Bert come

on let's go let's go let's go let's go

let's get the hell out

nice nice okay go go I got it

have you ever felt such glory

maybe in a lost mom or I'll never wanna

come back from again

and we really wanna be someone everybody

said we were something

I wish that I could feel like

could we really be much better

when we get there

it's been a

for the pig

come

you