don't look alright I've taken enough
enough of your lip Oh guys my robots do
what you were all dead no
you
we should be quick about this
give me the tripod it's in the trunk
spread them boys now you want me to hold
it okay hold still okay ten should stop
one two three
my name is under recruitment and I am
cow Gabriel one two three go and we are
the army of two hmm this is our high
school located in our town it is our
worst enemy
it is our nemesis f*ck what's actually
there will be a series of missions
followed by a final big-a*s mission
called zero day
that's it now we're done now right yeah
god I hate this hey these are the best
years of your life
you're recording you the army of two is
a myriad of supply depots all over the
place this one's in my closet probably
about 3 2 or 3 meters of underwater burr
under waterproof fuse co2 canisters for
BB g*ns no let those day make you go
r*fles and sometimes pistols like we got
Christina egg wheeler shotgun shell I'm
gonna close with that 12-gauge what a
lot the most fun things we got here
this will make a boom it'll blow your
socks off bottle rockets right here can
I have some real fun with these tonight
fake ID for if we need to skip the
country fake passport right here fake
social security card telling your
Peruvian dollars that'll probably bias
uh sticking gum or something all right
- we should probably start get going now
- let's rock n roll
why are you even bothering taping or you
didn't you're not gonna see anything I
can night-vision
give me a look on your face
say something official-sounding we
officially declare w*r mission 1 yeah
like m-80s or something a little more
interesting what are we not this is just
like ceremonial we'll build a big sh*t
it's better to just keep a low profile
of it we'll pull the big sh*t up later
you know what I mean you don't want
anger management if I can help it no
check that out look at that tell me that
doesn't look like you're a f*cking ghost
or something
one two three let the countdown begin
I didn't know we were gonna say well let
the countdown begin
that's good hey wasn't right what do you
mean all right are you talking about
that was great
so everyone's asleep in my house now all
right so this is the first entry in my
zero day video diary
everything is planned so methodically
it's just gonna be it's gonna be unreal
it's gonna be it's gonna be beautiful
it's so weird looking at your cell phone
video it's like this and I it's so weird
how it actually looks like a machines
pupil I'm staring right at you through
the tape
we're gonna leave you all behind just
sticks in the mud that Andre and I have
made we're gonna walk away see we we see
more than you do we
you
how does I hope that's what you wanted
yeah exactly
good good cake to put cake but how about
good camera the guy at the store said
that little what do you call that thing
there's a little screen on the side
they're not godly and gives you a better
picture I don't think that's really
true at all this so anyway are you happy
accurate no no that that's that's not
with your camera
you think it'll do no dad I want you to
take it back right now of course you do
excellence well they will when I tell
them to trail trail I hit the button all
right no check that out ask us what
we're doing tonight everyone what are
you doing tonight what's the other one
not seriously no now that I have you on
tape what are you up to tonight well you
know figured why some we can go to a
kegger I don't know what do you think
say that again please know it now we eat
LSD oh you know what you're a heroine Oh
ecstasy nah we're done with that
that's an introductory okay so is that
you you're going out though I'm staying
in no what's the matter we're just gonna
go out do stuff you know we're not we're
no bread puffs here okay Brad huh
okay yeah captain of the wrestling team
they're wrong things is that says it all
she's like everyone think she's like a
god this kid like drinks and drives and
the cops form over all the time but
somehow they never take away his license
car you know I hate to be the guy
or his stupid Range Rover I hate that
got to break it to you on the 18th
birthday of all days but life is not as
fair you know just because he gets away
with something and he's a bad guy you
know sometimes you do good things and
Jia that's a major mood booster right
and it goes totally unnoticed as well so
there
who needs Prozac and I got you what do
you want me to say it's the truth
something don't sit there now I'm trying
to figure it out because it's you're
wasting your time you're not getting
anywhere and I can even see you now I
can well thank you for breaking the news
gently oh listen I waited long enough
goes around town and talk to Big Brother
what a smart guy years thank you now you
see what I have to put up with oh the
best years yeah those would be the best
years of your life you think so
mind if we are vamoose all right let's
get out of here
it's a pretty lame party I'm just not
good at parties are you happy with the
camera it's not the one I wanted I mean
when they say what do you want for your
birthday and you give them a certain
model and then they just walk and get
something else
hey so Chris another what do what you
get music my parents got it for me for
my birthday
so what's up nothing much it's up to you
how's everything yeah we probably won't
stick around too much longer
good what time is it yeah do you know
there's white Russians in the freezer
yes happy thank you
not even wear panties you know because
they had clothing on oh all right we're
gonna head out all right no that's all
see you later hey thanks for letting us
drop by uh you still sh**t not much mind
if we tag along next time you go yeah
that would be very cool we can sh**t
some stuff to animate yeah sure if the
parents thinks all right we'll convince
them yeah
just I'm gonna call them yeah of course
you will but yeah absolutely the next
time I go I want to go I haven't been
all right cool all right great well see
you later then hey hold on hey goodbye
I'll see all you later all right
yeah oh boy I can't smell it yet dude
they're disgusting no tell anything in
there about six weeks all right well I
guess I should explain our our first act
of w*r basically
Brad Huff the biggest shithead
motherfuck oh the world has ever seen
he's everything we hate in one my trusty
handy little form we're gonna Pelt that
ugly ugly piece of sh*t Range Rover of
his with some six week old eggs life
isn't fair
so we got even the score low that's not
Brad Hope sighs nope
this is gonna be awesome man it'll be
all right yeah all right this is gonna
be great
it'd be better if we had shotguns maybe
ding dong hi this is huff can we speak
to a brad is Brad home
Bradley honey some friends of yours are
here then he comes downstairs what the
f*ck do pussies one watch you dead b*tch
bang
where's this laying over f*ck it's not
here I'm gonna break into the garage and
see if it's in there and risk getting
caught and arrested for breaking and
entering and screwing up the whole
campaign no no we stick to plan B that's
we egged the house what did that Finn
what are you stopping at m*therf*cker
all right we're gonna about seven
minutes until twelve o'clock we do it
exactly at 12 we stick to the timetable
we've got to start learning to stick to
the timetable
dude I can smell this sh*t from outside
the bag oh it's melting down the
storybook we're gonna have to get your
bags after this no we'll just like a
gallon of that Febreze sh*t now we wait
what time is it
we have 10 seconds okay good it didn't
break ready yeah
what now Brad
right hurry oh oh oh and the wind up do
let's get the f*ck out of here now
maybe win that dance I can honestly say
mission successful
why are we running still no
in order to make sure that the covert
actions of the army of two remain secret
starts now if you think about it anybody
we're starting up a security protocol it
who's done anything like this in the
past has had a website up or they've
done something stupid to attract
attention to themselves most of the time
that's all they wanted was attention
we're not like them see these people
they didn't understand that if you had
hit lists with people with names on them
that people wouldn't come down on you
like g*ng r*pe in a maximum-security
prison you got to take a minute you got
something like this it's an a military
to think about things if you're doing
procedure that's why we're the army of
two not the group of assholes with g*ns
these people are so f*cking stupid it's
not even funny
I mean if it were me I would get them
all in a room together and I would just
spray em with raid like ants except like
thinking well hey they're taping this so
human rate okay now you might be
of course they wanted to be found and
Finn's here watching this now exactly we
you're right we do want it to be found
don't want it to be found until we're
ready we've decided that we're gonna set
up a safety deposit box now as many of
you know so keep safety deposit boxes
cannot be legally open by anybody except
the owner unless the owner dies when
we're done we're going to bequeath all
of our information to a third party
source probably media what are the top
three media people that you would enjoy
willingness to okay number one Peter
Jennings number two
dan Rather and number three Wolf Blitzer
that's what I say all right we're here
you're gonna have to turn that off
what for when we go inside cuz they're
not gonna let you have that we are on
location dollar D banks you carry bright
Bank privacy room secure your privacy or
whatever and we are now going to put in
the first set of record tapes to make
sure that mommy doesn't find them under
the bed look my mom right now while I'm
with Cal yeah well I'll be home for
dinner mom
I said I was gonna come for dinner I'm
gonna be home for dinner all right boy
so that is that on top of that isn't it
so they really can't get in there they
can't get in they can't touch us now
they have no access to these tapes
once they're sealed back up there no one
can open them except for me Bob's like
hey you want to touch it down
do you want to touch it big boy here
touch my my box come on touch it ring
using you want to feel any questions
that our viewers may have
hey I know this new silver yeah this is
disturb her paw spit posterity here here
we go you should come we did the upper
there's no fun doing the lowers quite
hot what's the difference the upper then
you get him smiling with all this Bray's
design and then they come out in a nice
and shiny you should've got them when we
started with his keeper so yes I know I
missed it so long breezes my back braces
I'm doing is squeezing the brace and
then okay
we get Calvin's own little routine
they're straight like any boy was it
worth the many years of years trips here
yeah
hello and welcome to today's episode of
home g*n review well today we're gonna
teach you how to make a big g*n small
and easier to conceal come on it see
these days any time an 18 year old wants
to gear up
you got some 60 year old loser sitting
in a g*n store saying hmm why does this
found a not so clever solution to this
problem this long dilemma you see
there's so many g*ns just lying around
why draw attention to yourself by
anyone's my dad taught me how to hunt
when I was a wee young lad and he always
made me wait downstairs so that I didn't
know where he was getting the g*ns and
where the key was
truth be told I've known where the key
was since the fifth grade I just whom I
was just humoring him here she is all
right let's check out the others here we
have your standard 22 leaver action
personally I'm not a big fan next we
have the pride of the Old West here 20
gauge double-barrel shotgun now in the
time I've done that and closed it up
three football players have tackled me
and bashed my head in with a chair not
good single action p*stol
it's all right I mean if you want to rob
someone I guess your POS 25 caliber all
p*stol this thing couldn't k*ll someone
if you shot point-blank range at their
eye this this right here this is like
the Dirty Harry f*cking g*n right here
alright like that right there
and this this is probably of my faith
one of my favorite g*ns
I call her milena okay what are you
doing I am preparing the tools Oh for to
apply this come on mouth no get out here
this is what I call the short skirt from
milena right here this is an illegally
modified stock why is it ill*gal because
it's ill*gal to make a weapon more
concealable because you have to have
fortunately with our intents and
special licenses for concealed weapons
purposes we don't really need to worry
about the legality have anything
no-one cares when you order a stock and
why do they not care you ask because
it's a piece of wood that's it but my
best time so far is 64 seconds I want to
be able to do it at a moment's notice
- because we never know when zero days
- coming go
done
closet with the long skirt on for as
long as it needs to indefinitely if it
has to no one ever has to know or no one
ever will know that I've made a short
skirt unless I tell them and then think
about it this sucker goes on 54 seconds
able to hide this sucker come after you
thank you for visiting us on this
edition of home g*n show Review Friday
and Cal good night hey don't tell Dad
okay
kermy bike bike even easier be Hannibal
if you're lying on someone it's all
right good look it's Willie hi Willie
are we doing we're just making fun of
dead people I like that name Lillian
that's cool me I don't think I like the
last name Tomlinson though because
there's this kid who I don't want to go
telling another story of when Sal got
beat up by a little nobody Lillian it
was via Tom one thing so he was a big
mean 5th grader
no no no he was like any period it
wasn't with the plane then I mean I
wouldn't even have beaten up a 5th
grader suppose an 8th grade laundries
the violin would not mean I just heard
you say Andrews violin I didn't say that
he's not violent I think I don't know
sometimes the way he talks about people
and just interact with everyone is just
a you mean like we do not me all the
strange what do you think it's a bad
time just it's just a little offbeat
influence on me
mom oh he doesn't like you either so
it's okay that's right I don't really
mind that much it's just said I don't
know you hang out with him a lot and I
just don't want you kind of um becoming
like him
why would what do you think is him
there's a lot of anger problems or just
anger in general well he probably has
angry because he has a problems that I
don't know about you know but there
didn't like his dad doesn't beat him or
anything like that and like I'm your
friend and all and he's your friend so
he should at least try and be semi
courteous to me but he's really not he's
a d*ck yeah a lot of the time I guess I
just never conflict with him but you
who'd you consider the leader of the
Andre cow army to than me or Andre Andre
do you think it's Andre I I don't know
when you're with him you're just you're
different than you are now now am I now
and now you're the cow that I've known
for a really long time and when you're
with Andre you're like Andre number two
wait why why do you think that like I'm
not Thea he's not count number two and
I'm Cowell number one how do you know
that he's in copying off of my my style
yo unless you have some sort of evil
locked inside that I've never seen
before
it's I lock it inside nobody nobody sees
it I keep it from everyone yeah did you
where did you wear boxers or briefs you
get up you get up and it is now my turn
to do this to you podium can you tell me
why you always have to tape everything
it's kind of cool and why do you think
it's so cool all right I guess that I
don't know why do why do i tape
everything I have no idea
come on cap I I don't I just like it hmm
no it's just that under likes me to film
girls asses for having oh okay I don't
think that's really why you like to film
things I think you're still hiding
something Cal I'm insecure and I need
attention are you serious is that is
that why you yeah I seem really insecure
to you don't I yes cow no well maybe
maybe there is something that Andre
wants you to videotape for him or
something like that not necessarily
everyone asked but maybe he's g*y and so
I'm videotaping whites you I want you to
get out of the town because now I'm just
gonna see you on this tape told you I
knew you're gonna show it to him I'm not
gonna screw it to him
by bombs made excellent anti-personnel
weaponry for two reasons first they're
cheap and easy to manufacture basically
anybody can buy the components and two
because they're extremely effective for
their size baby b*mb makes a big boom
these package is normal galvanized steel
don't get plastic pipes because they'll
just end up melting don't get any more
because you're just gonna blow it up as
expensive metal than galvanized steel
with building any weapons security is
key and so you should just use common
sense don't get the pipes at the same
place to get the caps no need to raise
any issues or questions just go from
store to store or buying all the
same when you're referring to making
different components they're all the
your expl*sives you probably don't want
to call them expl*sives because should
someone overhear that conversation
they'll know what's going on you can use
a code word really anything sunglasses
wallets peanuts you know it doesn't
matter you might laugh now and say oh
funny but if you think about it it's the
they're making peanuts ha ha ha that's
only way that people aren't gonna
realize what's going on and it could
very well be the difference between
success and failure I like to do
everything step by step very orderly and
efficiently so you take half the caps
that you have and you drill holes into
them you put those aside and don't touch
those for a while you take fuse and you
longer fuse if you want to have lots of
cut specific lengths you can have a
fun or you can have like a short little
Dern aid the throat and blow once you're
fuse if you want to just have a little
done cutting the fuses you want to take
the caps that you drilled and you want
to insert the fuse into the cap take the
caps that you didn't drill and fastened
them on to the bottom of the pipe now
take the powder and take your funnel and
once they're all fastened you want to
then you want to put the powder in
there's basically two types of gunpowder
that you can use smokeless powder and
black-powder smokeless powder burn
slower because it's some chemical thing
that involves no smoke but black powder
there's no need to spend a lot of money
burns faster and makes a bigger boom
on the powder because all you're getting
is a different name on the jar it's all
the same sh*t whatever blows up faster
and is cheaper is the best stuff to go
with don't wear
suit-and-tie when you're doing this
stuff because the powder leaves black
marks all over the place as you can see
all right on the gloves some we had
something like out you want this it
leaves it all now you don't need that on
your hands and on your arms and on your
clothes or on your floor because then
let's say your parents or your friends
say hey why do you have all those black
marks on your hands and your clothes and
you're going to be hard-pressed to make
an explanation shrapnel is important if
you want to k*ll a lot of people and
it's probably the simplest ingredient
because you can use pretty much anything
we use screws here but you can use
whatever the hell you feel like thumb
tacks nails
small caliber b*ll*ts paper clips now
that you have the pipe filled up with
shrapnel and powder and take the cap and
you just screw it on making sure that
the fuse goes into the powder
we've also experimented with duct taping
shrapnel to the outside and as far as
its effectiveness we can't say anything
because we're not testing any of them
and we won't be using them until zero
day so if you really want to know you
might want to ask a survivor
we've decided where the source of the
other g*ns will be besides Andres father
which is going to be Chris we're gonna
take them some time before zero day I
feel a little bit guilty about taking
them from Chris but you know we are
going to steal them from him we're gonna
steal them from him so like he won't get
in any sort of trouble because of that I
don't think hey I've been thinking and
it it occurs to me that a lot of people
are probably gonna wonder like how could
somebody do something like zero day like
what we're gonna do but I wanna know is
how could somebody just how could
somebody just k*ll themselves
how many kids want to k*ll themselves
and do you know thousands of kids do
this but how many of them realized that
the way of the samurai is found in death
I'm not gonna leave cleanly I'm not just
gonna fade out I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm
gonna make my mark and then it'll be my
time to die I mean it's a it's a lost
cause when you when you just k*ll
yourself now it's it's almost a
one-in-a-million chance that two kids
alike me and Andre aren't you know come
together but you know that that's that's
just this town this misfortune I guess
no fortune it's their fortune
it's your fort it's it's it's your
fortune because you're going to be a
privileged few who who get the the
wake-up call that we're delivering to
you you're gonna get my my meaning in
this really concentrated thick jelly
form pour it over your homes and
everybody else will just have to see it
on the news and I know you're all gonna
be like I had a cousin who was in the
school
and then good for you listen to how I do
clean this is everybody and all these
little ones down here there's like all
those there's like 19 strings on here
and these down at the button we're
supposed to naturally resonate
harmoniously to the to the to these main
strings right here and I even have a
broken string in here
all right so this is pretty much mission
three it's it's like a training
simulation I guess you could call it
training sim it's a weapons test we're
working with my cousin Chris who's our
unwitting Patsy and accomplice he's
gonna take us out sh**ting and we're
gonna record it you're gonna kind of
where it keeps keys and everything and I
case his place at the same time and see
want to make this clear right now he has
no idea what's going on he doesn't know
what we're doing and he has no knowledge
of anything that's happened just thanks
that's exactly what we're doing yeah
for going out to sh**t with it and
that's going to sh**t right now there's
nothing else going on nothing else going
on
yeah all right
you're both your sport I brought a bunch
of stuff I brought like bowling pins
some cantaloupes we brought we brought
some a Barney a lookalike a ninja turtle
- I need to turtle outstanding all right
- all right
well there's my friends Jamie pessoa
game shotgun right now we're gonna use
the 22 first alright what are we
sh**ting next busily unfilled you it's a
cool g*n it's really cool it's loud
though yeah well he's a natural natural
selection
oh my god oh my god whoa not your clutch
okay who would like to try this look at
how it grazed it look at that my mommy
was k*lled by no I will beat you pull
the slide forward and it's ready to go
g*ns the best g*n is my favorite it's
got a lot of power and a little recoil
perfect
nobody's filming here why are you
looking it up yeah have all of your
neighbors looking well where do you go
my fella I'm so freaking tired besides
which g*n do you think would be the best
- actually k*ll somebody with I don't know
- that all pretty much k*ll somebody
supposed to be the last color football
with a number mady's black is that okay
never mind
it is those essence of all color that's
the absence of all color you're having a
bad idea
that is that were so well why do old
people carry canes just a low mo you
know what's come over me he means a
wacky with their canes what if all of
the old people of the world United and
they all took over the world with their
canes oh that's scary but if they wax
you and like crack your skull no they
wouldn't get that much power it had to
be a lot of little have to be a lot of
old people like whacking you and giving
you bruises kind of like the birds
little divots okay go get dressed and
I'm ready for some coffee
read it out loud
the zero day invasion plan presented by
the army of two really one question that
you guys might have had is why do they
call it zero day the people who have
predetermined date to do it on May 27th
done this in the past have always had a
or whatever that's kind of sloppy
because if you have all these plans
laying around saying May 27 May 27 May
are going to say well what the hell is
going on with May 27 so we decided that
the easiest way to do it would be for us
to coordinate everything so that we're
ready at a moment's notice
and then do the attack on the first day
of the year that's zero degrees we set
it up so that we wake up every day the
station Monday through Friday we wait
exact same time to the exact same radio
and not counting Jewish holidays of
course when we wake up in the morning we
hear a leather report first thing three
doesn't work the first day we hear
degree is four degrees below seven
excuse me
first day we hear the guys say zero
degrees we get up get our sh*t blow some
people away now the first day of school
is tomorrow and so now it can basically
come at it in time so we figured now is
the best time to go over the invasion
plan and basically go through the
guidelines and through the outline that
we've product produced so that you the
viewer can go ahead and do such a thing
on your own the school resource officer
is basically your main preliminary
maximize the effects of your attack you
target to be considered in order to
should be sure to eliminate any
opposition as soon as possible
confinement of the enemies paramount in
light of the fact that any who manages
to escape can end your fund prematurely
by using a cell phone or other
unforeseen means of communication to
alert the outside world before it's
convenient keeping to this logic it is
important that when conducting a
room-by-room as*ault each room's
population is thoroughly and completely
reduced the army of two has deemed it
wise to have a secondary escape plan
should your plans go unfortunately awry
however it is not only unwise but also
counterproductive to rely too heavily on
said plan and letter the fact that you
may become too comfortable
it's implementation the preceding has
been a basic yet detailed outline for
our missions ideals and objectives in
conclusion Lu fast live hard and die by
any combination of those to the end
okay I've you know I'm ready for zero
day now I'm ready for for it to happen
whenever it happens I'm standing where I
need to be standing and I'm just trying
to save this this spot that I'm at for
when it actually happens because you
know now that I'm inspired so it's like
I've been planning this forever and when
and when Andre and I came together it
was like that whole time before I had
you know built up my part and he had
built up his and then we came together
and made this like point and then from
there it all just you know what I mean
we never said you know let's go sh**t
the school let's go do this because we
didn't need to it was already there so
I'm I'm ready
you ready
you
what the f*ck
why are you dressed like that Commission
parents you dressed because you didn't
tell me what the mission was if we're
gonna be going out somewhere I don't
know I don't want to be caught off guard
so you want to tell me what this secret
mission is no actually the poem for
Raleigh Raleigh is a hard-working man
he turns her electricity's crank he
takes care of our children like the
modern-day Anne Frank so if you get
tired of life if you feel you're getting
bored the churches Christ wife the house
of our Lord thank you what are you doing
inundated every quite a bit and say
standing between a rock and a hard place
but a g*n is nothing without a b*llet or
implied I am on b*ll*ts I live my life
going the perfect parabolic arch of
purpose meaning
and then there was that time and you
stepped on a landmine and I never
forgave you and you can feel the entire
rise and fall of the Third Reich at your
feet
earlier pong
yeah I know what it was but you tell me
why you did it what were you thinking
it's really deep and flowers bloom but
it is a comedy act guys come on man look
there she is there's like five other
people in here you guys make up 50% of
the audience can you didn't yeah yeah go
ahead
hey wait wait wait no I'm starting it
seriously dude we pay attention when
you're a period yours why can't you just
listen to us 20 minutes what's the
laughs hey we're getting out here sorry
about this guys we're leaving right now
- let's go what the f*ck what you take the
- camera I don't even want to hold it
jeez
bring it take this I got a drought no no
yes take it did it was odd how many
times do I have to explain this sh*t to
you before you f*cking understand I'm
sorry lieutenant
quit rolling the sheets or will you get
out of a f*cking car forgive me for
speaking so bluntly sir and stop talking
like you're in the f*cking military what
happens if they call them they tell the
kidding are you sure so then they're
parents hey guess what happens I'm
like oh do they go to school why yes
they do well I'm gonna call the
principal and get on the phone with him
right away
they call it personally you get call
that on the office you get sent to
counseling you're sorry they your
parents tighten down on you they call my
parents my parents tighten down on me
f*ck now what where do you want to go
what do you want to do right there so so
we're done here we're done we're done
we're done here okay start the turf it's
just a car
pull up to the exit okay ready I want
you to close your eyes
okay and drive go you're just gonna tell
me where to go
yeah do it go close your eyes I turn
right right right right
come on keep me close right right okay
straight straight straight
are they really close come on close them
which way left okay now turn sharp left
ready straight okay this is so f*cking
cookies
this is nobody I sign equals you used to
go Justin hit your skull like this and
then just missing a movie like this this
the original plan was that zero day
would be on zero degrees but it only
happened once because it was so warm
this winter and that was the day that
Andre had diarrhea so we set a date yeah
May first it's kind of interesting how
we thought like you know fate was going
to decide when this happened but you
know in a way May first his fate - I
mean when we when we started you know
under and I had this plan that we were
gonna do this to our school and jump in
the getaway car and go from state to
state and do the same thing and now
Andre may not realize this but you know
that's not gonna happen at all you know
I'm coming out in a black plastic bag
yeah that's it
one two three four five
six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve
thirty forty goodness he said they did
two famiiies before my father's day
that's more than any kind of date yep
please don't eat when I'm thirty hours
someone's got to sit and sip through all
that okay I just have a question I was
just wondering if you're actually sure
that they're gonna wonder if we have a
gonna make a statement somewhere so that
safety deposit box and look at it are we
they'll in a place that they're sure to
find it I mean why would they check this
ability the way I figured it the day
before we do it we could or some time
ahead of time with before we do it we
can do it uh like a last will and
testament kind of tape in saying you
know by the way we've left these tapes
and a safety deposit box is my name and
then just be like yeah yeah believe it
someone yeah we'll leave it in the car
when we go in and Wonder sounds good to
last shot will be was walking and then
they won't see anything else after that
and they're gonna like actually watch
them though and wouldn't you watch them
did everything we ever owned everything
I mean think about it everything we ever
we owned right now is gonna be
- scrutinized under like the biggest
- microscope the world can produce
well get used to whatever CD you have
every everybody Oh game they're gonna go
through and say Oh mortal kombat it was
because of that even it wasn't because
of any of it they was giving them a
voice but that's that that's just how
stupid people are I don't know just get
like a body cavity searching and
rid of all your stuff because that's
searching tomorrow I don't people
looking on my hands and I don't people
looking at my stuff that's a good point
just gonna burn
what did you contribute to our little
bonfire Oh fun here tonight we've got
video games PlayStation games we've got
DVDs lots of CDs
lots more CDs as*ault weapons
we've got word of the flies I had to
read that for a book report any grade
would you think I'd like that actually
my trusty old Sunday School Bible and I
got this nice little snake sticker for
memorizing the books of the New
Testament Matthew Mark Romans
first Corinthians 2nd Corinthians we
didn't get it from any video games books
movies CDs this is our idea and nobody
else's what is that this is a note I got
from a girl in like the eighth grade
Andre I've really enjoyed being in mr.
Ackerman's class with you this year mr.
Ackerman is come on come on come on no
no no he's a know but come on no but you
always made me laugh
with the jokes that you made about him
except for the time that he heard you
and you got kicked out of class brownie
Ferenc alright enough no I don't want
you saying her name all right
so how much definitely burned I probably
say like it's one half three thousand
dollars yeah I can go with that sh*t we
got to do it now oh yeah I think we just
burned all of our worldly possessions
everything so what's going on with you
and the prom are you still going with
that chick chick that that raychel b*tch
yeah why why not I don't know she's just
kind of we I don't like her she's like
she thinks I'm some kind of f*cking
psycho
she's always afraid of me but so are you
feeling you mean real oh it must be your
pretty boy blond good looks oh I'm gonna
play with my hair now when she asked you
what was weak just after my acne hey yo
shut up or hey shut up don't can't
believe you got asked no you're not
going to anybody are you
no no well who says I didn't get asked I
just didn't want to go you didn't get
asked that's a pile of sh*t
so sh*t there's 100 years they're gonna
say one of us was the leader I mean I
really don't I mean we joke but I really
don't think well any one of us is is
more of a leader than the other why
don't we why don't we split the press
releases all right all right
I could be leader for half you could be
leader for half sounds good
created dying out but it's so cool
so every time the wind blows it just
goes out a little more in the way we've
talked about zero day it's almost like
that this fire supposed to burn like a
thousand feet tall and and never burn
- out but look at it it's just like black
- crap now
we got a good shot of Gregg here baby
playing with the lights what if I wasn't
over the wish nothing me Josh can you
let them in hi Cal nice to meet you we
haven't really formally met Josh good
come on it closed door we got to get
going
and that was Greg yes
so tell you works great
I'm going stag to the prom get a
macGruber I don't know where she's gonna
sit come on yeah I'm getting I'm coming
Brian's gonna be a good baby
prom stands for promenade I don't think
he speaks English very well no we're
famous we just f*cking see you're g*y
girls don't say what they mean right
you're right right they say something
and they mean another right yeah can you
say it that's what you mean it's like
I'm upset means I'm upset doesn't mean I
was happy and I'm upset and I don't know
what there are people here
I gotta go first I gotta go first no I'm
not
hey Andre hi well I just thought I came
by and take a little footage for the
family archives as it is you know maybe
who knows maybe I'll send it to be a
grandma in Montreal so that is a
fabulous crowd now oh yeah how long I
told you done now I'm pretty much all
set you want to get out here
hey yeah except you can't submission
maybe a little driving lessons on the
way home
sounds good what's the cars not yet okay
was it busy tonight
that's all right no yeah I get to wipe
down at the end of the night
listen somebody has to do it we all
started it you know where I started we
all did this you cannot start up on the
top as the head the head pizza man
absolutely no desire to be a head pizza
that's true but luckily I have
man so yeah I'm good
don't don't become the head pizza man
either yeah don't I know it they're
better and bigger things out there for
you yeah like you wouldn't believe
oh I do believe whoa take that curve a
little bit slower next time please yeah
remember this is a driving lesson this
is not lemons I realize it's only a
pizza drop and you don't seem to be
doing that important thing there but
it's amazing how much that made you grow
year already by now if you keep this up
up in the last few months maybe even a
you're gonna you're gonna have that
carpet in no time hopefully you know I
never thought that was now wait a minute
I'm not finished with my speech here but
you know how difficult this is for me I
never thought I was gonna say this but
I'm part of you you did good she never
thought you were gonna say it
Wow not that I don't always mean it but
you know me I'm having a problem with
saying these things
absolutely it's not necessarily the
Mutchler thing to say yeah so keep doing
what you're doing and you'll do just
fine
like I said that card would be paid for
in no time I know no your mom and I will
- mom maybe even help you out a little bit
- sounds good
and while you're down there you so reach
how long we known each other a long time
yeah hardy-har-har so so how do you how
do you feel about me take me to Andres
please oh like everybody know actually I
don't maybe maybe not go to Andres and
you can ya know with us doesn't know how
to get there
can you take me to a specific place okay
why do believe to go alright yeah yeah I
have to go see why you guys ask or
Rachel
of course Andre not g*y is g*y so soon
are you no no no it's me
now you're gonna take a quick left eh
right after you're right we're all
having fun
yeah wheeler Wow really come on
I know I do
that one right there stop like right
here yeah I'll be right back he's going
to be Andre okay no that's a person he's
just quiet oh my god comes back oh yeah
so I'm Andres naked I'm the g*y one
naked yeah I'll be naked let him go just
let him go okay Oh a good time you rock
yeah
oh all right
go okay some things then we acted alone
we obtained the weapons alone and nobody
knew that we were going to do this our
parents had nothing to do with this and
so everybody knows they didn't know
anything about it I mean when our
parents find these tapes I mean what are
they gonna think oh my god I was asleep
upstairs while they were in the basement
recording this we could have known we
could have stopped them know that that's
bullshit mom don't worry about that all
right so you found us and you think
Jesus I'm sending them to counseling we
have to stop this we go through
counseling you know we'd wait a period
and then we just come out and do it
anyway exactly you know you could think
that you've cured us and we'll make you
believe that but you can't cure somebody
who has nothing wrong with them don't
feel guilty about this I mean it's not
your fault we love you I mean we were in
morons like every other loser that's
done this I mean we weren't a bunch of
f*ck and ret*rds who were just
starving for attention we fooled
everybody I mean even if we hadn't could
you blame them for not noticing I mean
who wants to think that their son their
student their classmate their peer their
there are no reasons and you're all
employee is gonna do something like that
gonna look for him but you're not gonna
find them so f*ck you f*ck that f*ck the
reasons there are none this isn't our
faults I mean you made us what made me
what I am for years we've I've been
tormented by all of you assholes okay I
I was called a f*gg*t for walking down
the hall in school and a shirt that came
from f*cking JCPenney
it's a f*cking shirt who the f*ck cares
in Europe in the medieval times if
somebody insulted somebody you know you
whipped out your f*cking sword and you
dueled them and you k*lled them and make
no mistake we've been insulted
now it's time for the duel I know that
this will be my my last day it's zero
day it's my last day but that one day
I'm gonna live more fully than anyone
has lived in their entire lives we will
be more powerful than God we're gonna be
God no mistake about that we'll be
f*cking God I mean we decide who lives
and who dies
anybody who manages to get out years
from now they're f*cking puny little
life is gonna have meaning and they're
gonna thank us cuz they're gonna think
that God spared their lives it's too bad
that this is what we have to do but
we're doing it so and don't waste this
opportunity don't just say that these
people's lives were lost for nothing
because it's just stupid just wake up
we're not trying to waste anybody's life
we're trying to show people what they
should value respect and love your
fellow man I mean it might seem like
we're hypocrites for saying these kind
of things because we're not
or at least you don't think we're doing
that but we're doing the most respectful
most loving thing we can do right now
animals and eventually we'll all die out
so enjoy it while you can one more thing
I have a safety deposit box at the First
National Bank I hereby bequeath it to
CNN and Wolf Blitzer or anybody any
media people who want it that's it
yeah I don't want to like trash his
computer and alright we'll leave this
computer alone but we got to make it
look like we broke in please there's a
there's a party across the street I mean
it makes it a little different we're not
egging Brad huffs house there's still
people sitting on the porch so I know
- don't be a problem we'll try to go
- around back
dude camouflage really works
it worked no sh*t all right just is that
the one you want why do we sit the back
out on the bend we'll take everything
out here just do it oh okay good they
didn't call a backup shotgun just in
case put the safety on and just take it
we don't need to mess with it right just
wait I want to see which study took the
indicator everything off all right I'm
gonna put it back let's just get out of
here
I don't want to get my brains blown out
before 0j okay can we can we leave now
well maybe we just relax hold on hold on
take a breath relax
we're okay no problems here we got
everything we came for yeah I know what
as for everything else it'll take them a
while I'm writing Chris a note why I
know you're gonna f*ck everything up
don't leave and what if he finds it
before it's time okay yeah just
something that's right here Chris what
if we're gonna sit sorry we stole your
g*ns needed it for our secret plan you
stole your guys we need it for a movie
yeah you had fun and yo yo mamas mamas
stay here when I pull up bring the stuff
out I'll be back in two minutes
that would not be you hi
I'm just making a little video yeah give
me camera oh my god get up hurry up we
don't have time for this let's go
oh my god do we just
nervous is all f*ck today just want to
make sure we have everything all right I
don't think I can tell you huh nurse
that's you be careful with that
you're the 45 and the carmine who JC
block I take the GL*CK do you want it
it's not gonna start taping again it's
not gonna keep over what we did it's not
gonna erase anything no you sure you
started at first spot yeah good what are
you doing the b*llet sh*t dude I want
you to know like I couldn't have done
this with anyone else
like I don't know what would have
happened to me if we hadn't been friends
I don't think that uh
accurate darkness
without anybody outsider ready I mean
let's get this sh*t done let's kick the
tires and light the fires
much of emergency yeah we have units on
the way I can be fine do you see any
perpetrators they men with a g*n so can
you tell me where you are how many
people can you see the perpetrators can
you see the guys with a b*ner hello can
you pick up hello there two shooters
ma'am hello can you pick up got a phone
call overturned his name is Andre Andre
Andre can you pick up hey everybody
several people in the room shots fired
laundry can you pick up why the victims
talking
should be coming out
oh look you fell are you doing buddy
Andre can you pick up Andre hello can
you pick up dude
Andre can you pick up anybody else alive
in here just us perpetrators indicating
no one in the room indicate no one in
the room alive hello can you pick up
Andre can you pick up Andre
Andre can you pick up look out there
that there's a lot of f*cking cops they
see units good let's go get a couple no
you're talking about sh**ting and
responding units no come on go
perpetrators apprehensive okay what do
you lot how are you done okay you're
done shot by cops there yes you're right
we're gonna have an attempted suicide
you get and you know I know right
talking about suicide yeah
Andre Andre Andre can you pick up the
phone Andre we can work this out can you
pick up the line
Andre can you answer hey Andre where are
you Andre where are you I think they're
gonna do it I can't do it
Andres apprehensive I can't do it
man perpetrators apprehensive alright
Audrey I can't we can get you out of
this Andre Andre I can get you out of
this just pick up the phone
Andre Andre we'll get you out of that
doesn't have to be this way are you
angry
Andre we can get you out of here Andre
can you answer yes Andre we can get you
out of this
one two three go
or one two go one two three go
when we sh**t I'm 40 we sh**t on three I
can get you out of this just pick up the
phone everybody see that for ya I was
like one two or three true numbers three
bang one two three
bang not one to Andre
one Andre who we can get you out of this
watch it shots fired perpetrators maybe
down
opening window open
f*cking media stake that all over the
place you know we're gonna be on the
other side guys that's not even like
those guys can't see anything where
we're going
they'll just they're just gonna hear
about it in the morning right yeah is
that them can you see wait where right
there what right there see those crosses
right here Jason no
oh yes what's that noise getting louder
sitting idle
well what's the kid say older than one
watch those refrigerators okay truck do
you see anybody did not nobody just
won't be sure no they're right here much
better they are look people people wrote
sh*t all over it we love you on J we are
praying for you with this bullshit
gogo tossed out hold on go f*cking douse
that hold on so good so good good
they're gonna f*cking fun good one two
three get them up okay oh yeah Bert come
on let's go let's go let's go let's go
let's get the hell out
nice nice okay go go I got it
have you ever felt such glory
maybe in a lost mom or I'll never wanna
come back from again
and we really wanna be someone everybody
said we were something
I wish that I could feel like
could we really be much better
when we get there
it's been a
for the pig
come
you
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