[Beavis and Butt-Head chuckling]
[upbeat rock music]
♪ ♪
- Class, I'm extremely happy to announce
that today is Highland High's career day.
Now, this is a wonderful opportunity for you guys.
This'll give you a chance to interface
with working professionals and learn about their exciting
and rewarding job fields. - Hey.
[snickers]
Is this, like, gonna be on a test or something?
- This is a life test, Butt-Head.
And please raise your hand if you have a question.
And as an incentive,
everyone will be excused from one day of school
in order to observe their vocation of choice.
- Cool.
- Yeah. [snickers] Vocations kick ass.
They kick ass! - Yeah.
- Kick ass! Yeah. [both snickering]
[Slaughter's "Real Love" playing]
Check this out, Butt-Head. [snickers]
You could be saving money on long-distance calls
to family and friends. [both snicker]
- Yeah. They keep talking about big savings,
but I just don't see it. [both snickering]
- ♪ I lie awake in the morning light ♪
♪ No one to hold ♪
- Oh, no. [chuckles]
- Oh, boy.
- How did this ever happen? - Yeah, really.
- This is, like, just a bunch of bungholes.
- Yeah. Yeah. [snickers]
Yeah, because-- whoa, that's that Brenda bitch
from "Beverly Hills, M
"--
Ahh! "." [snickers]
- Beavis, next time you're talking about that show...
- [snickers] - Just say "Beverly Hills"
and forget about the numbers, okay?
- Oh. Oh, okay. [both chuckle]
- ♪ I've been feeling down ♪
- So, like, why the hell is she hanging out
with these wussies?
- Yeah, I thought that, like, if you're a bitch,
that you'd, like,
be into, like, something more hardcore.
- Uh, I think sometimes if you're a bitch
it's like, you listen to crap like this.
- Yeah, maybe it's like-- it's like,
she doesn't even like it but just, like,
plays this stuff just to piss people off.
[snickers] 'Cause she's a bitch.
- Yeah. [both snickering]
b*tches are cool.
[both snickering] - Yeah.
b*tches rule.
[both snickering]
[The Meices' "Daddy's Gone to California"]
Um...
hey, this guy looks familiar.
- [snickers]
- Oh, that's that guy.
Remember when we saw those naked movies
at your uncle's house?
That's the guy that was in 'em, right there!
- Uh... - [snickers]
- How do you know, Beavis?
- I recognize him. That's him.
That's the guy that was in those naked movies, remember?
It's, like, he had his schlong and he was, like,
you know, like, doing the, um--
[snickers] You know, puttin' in the...
- You were looking at that guy's face
when there was all that porn action going on?
- Well, you were probably looking at his wiener.
[chuckles] Dumbass.
[both chuckle]
- No, I wasn't.
I was looking, like, around his wiener.
[both snickering] - Oh, yeah.
So, like, I guess he's, like, in a band or something.
- No. This band probably just, like,
keeps him around 'cause he can get chicks.
- [snickers] Oh, yeah.
[both snickering]
How come that guy gets to be in naked movies?
He's just, like, a big, fat, ugly slob.
- Yeah. [both snicker]
Well, you're almost there, Beavis.
All you need to do is just, like, get fat.
- Really?
How do I get big and fat?
- Uh...I don't know.
[both snicker]
- I'm getting sick and tired of dudes who sing like this.
- Yeah, it's like--it's like
almost every damn video you see has, like,
some guy singing like this.
- Yeah. - [snickers]
- It's like he's trying to be alternative.
[snickers] - Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Something like that. Yeah.
- It sucks. [both snicker]
- I think we can start tomorrow, lady.
- Flea markets are cool.
- Yeah. [snickers]
- Say, boys, interested in the printed page?
- Uh, you got anything with naked chicks?
- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. With big hooters.
[snickers] Yeah. - Uh, no.
We do mostly educational and technical manuals.
- Who's gonna buy that crap?
- Yeah. Really. [snickers]
- Beavis, Butt-Head,
you're supposed to be exploring career opportunities.
- These jobs are stupid.
- Yeah. [both snicker]
Everyone, like, works in a booth. [snickers]
- These people don't work in booths.
They're here to answer questions
and help you plan your future.
Your life after graduation.
Well, if you guys don't pick a career,
Van Driessen won't let you skip a day of school next week.
- Uh...[chuckles] Skip school?
- Yeah. Cool. [snickers]
- Uh, we, like, need a career or something.
- Yeah. [both snicker]
- Help us get out of school. [snickers]
- You fellas think you've got what it takes
for security work?
- Do we get to kick some ass?
- Yeah. Do we get tasers and tear gas?
[snickers] - Hell no.
I work at the mall. Video surveillance.
Basically, they pay me to watch TV all day.
- Whoa. [chuckles] Cool.
- Yeah. Yeah.
Hey, Butt-Head, we could do that.
[both snickering] - Yeah.
This is gonna be cool.
- Okay, fellas, it's very simple.
All you have to do is watch these screens.
- Cool. - Yeah.
Hey, where's the remote?
- Hey, mellow out!
[clears throat]
If you spot any unusual activity,
you come and get me immediately.
I gotta go secure the food court.
- Uh, okay dude. [snickers]
- Yeah. Okay. We got it under control.
Yeah. [snickers]
- These shows suck.
- Yeah. [snickers] Change it to something cool.
- I'm trying.
[grunts]
There's nothing good on. [static droning]
- These channels all suck.
- Yeah. Really.
Let's go out and bust somebody or something.
- Yeah.
Let's secure the mall. [snickers]
[both snicker]
Hey, Butt-Head, people respect the badge.
[snickers] - Yeah.
'Cause it, like, gives us permission
to kick their ass and stuff.
- Yeah.
[both snicker]
Chicks like a man in a uniform.
Yeah. [snickers]
- Yeah.
Check this out. [snickers]
'Scuse me, ma'am.
- Yes? - I'm, like, security.
And, like, I'm gonna have to ask you
to, you know, assume the position.
[both snicker] - Yeah. Assume.
- You lay a hand on me, I'll sue your ass.
- Whoa. [chuckles]
- Hey, Butt-Head, let's look for some crimes or something.
[snickers] - Yeah.
Uh, excuse me, sir, did you pay for that?
- Yeah. Yeah. [snickers] Yeah.
If you just cooperate, it'll make it a lot easier
on both of us, okay? Yeah.
[both snicker]
Uh, 'scuse me, ma'am.
- Who, me? - Yeah.
- Could you step over here for a minute, please?
- Yeah. Yeah. [snickers]
Yeah, we'd just like to talk to you for a minute, please.
Could you step over here?
[both snickering] - This is gonna be cool.
[Tool's "Prison Sex"]
♪ ♪
- Oh, check it out, Butt-Head. It's an outie.
- That's not an outie, Beavis.
There's two of them. See? It's a nipple.
- Those aren't nipples, Butt-Head.
Look how low they are. - No way, Beavis.
That's just 'cause she doesn't have any legs or a butt.
- [snickers] Oh, yeah. Yeah.
- Besides, nipples can be low. Just look at your mom.
- Yeah. Yeah. I guess they are nipples.
[snickers]
Oh, check out that black dude.
- Yeah. [both snicker]
He's gonna save the day. - Oh, yeah. Yeah.
[both snickering]
- ♪ I can smell you ♪
♪ I need you to feel this ♪ - Check it out.
He's shaking his head. [snickers] Wake up!
Wake up, wonky! - Yeah.
- That dude's, like, saying, "Damn it.
Quit messing with my head and go get my legs."
[both snickering]
- Yeah.
- ♪ For one sweet moment, I am whole ♪
♪ ♪
[Beavis snickers]
Check it out, Butt-Head. A slot.
[both snicker] - Yeah.
- Your mother's a "slot." [chuckles]
- That's not a moth-er. That's a bee.
- Whoa, that dude's got a pet bee.
- [snickers] Yeah. That's pretty cool. Yeah.
If I had a bee, I'd, like, teach it to go sting people.
[snickers]
It's like, "Sting 'em, boy. Sting 'em!
Stick 'em in the butt! Go!"
[snickers] - Yeah.
- ♪ You look so precious now ♪
[both snickering]
- Okay. Good night, little dude.
See you tomorrow. [both snicker]
[beeps] - Oh.
What the hell are those punks doing?
- Uh, did you pay for that, ma'am?
- Yes.
- Can I see your receipt, please?
- Yeah. Can I see your slip? [snickers]
- Excuse me?
- Uh, can we, like, frisk you?
- Yeah. Yeah. Me too.
- I don't think so. [both snickering]
- What are you doing away from your post?
Let me handle this.
Did you, uh, purchase that, ma'am?
- Yes, I did.
- I apologize, ma'am, I'm gonna have to ask you
to assume the position.
It looks like a full cavity search.
[chuckles] - Ugh!
You white trash, rent-a-cop, piece of--
[inhales sharply] Ugh!
- [chuckles]
[all chuckling]
- Being security is cool.
- Yeah.
[upbeat rock music]
♪ ♪
[Pavement's "Cut Your Hair"]
Um, is this one of those sneaker ads
where, like those basketball players sit around
in a barber shop?
- Uh, yeah.
Only it's, like, a bunch of white guys.
[both snicker]
And white music. [both snicker]
- Yeah.
It's butt-wipe music. [both snicker]
Hey, where'd that cat come from?
- Uh, I think it came out his nose.
- Um...was that supposed to be funny?
- Uh, it's supposed to be. [chuckles]
It would have been funny if it came out of his butt.
[chuckles] - Why is that?
I mean, how come if it comes out of his nose
it's not that funny but, like,
if it comes out of his butt, it's funny.
Why is that?
- Well, it's 'cause, like, your butt has a crack in it.
[both snickering] - Oh, yeah.
[both snickering]
- ♪ Each and every day I saw another one ♪
[both snickering]
- What a wuss.
[both snickering]
- I hate it when I go to the barber and it's like,
he starts cutting your hair and then he goes,
"So, how's school?"
- Yeah. [both snicker]
I usually say, "It sucks. Now shut up and cut my hair
before I stick that comb up your butt."
- You know, Butt-Head, maybe that's why
you get all those sucky haircuts, you know?
Maybe you should try being a little nicer.
- Beavis, I'm gonna shove a comb up your butt.
My hair looks cool.
[both snicker]
[upbeat rock music]
♪ ♪
05x11 - Career Day
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
Adult animated series follows Beavis and Butt-Head, both voiced by Judge, a pair of teenage slackers characterized by their apathy, lack of intelligence, lowbrow humor, and love for hard rock and heavy metal music.
Adult animated series follows Beavis and Butt-Head, both voiced by Judge, a pair of teenage slackers characterized by their apathy, lack of intelligence, lowbrow humor, and love for hard rock and heavy metal music.