02x01 - Back to PCA

[bunniefuu]

WOMAN: Are you ready?

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ I know you see me
standing here ♪

♪ Do I look good,
my dear? ♪

♪ Do I look good today? ♪

♪ Today, today ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ I'm just another
kind of girl ♪

♪ And you want
to see my world ♪

♪ So come and run away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ If you wanna play ♪

♪ Come and play today ♪

♪ Let's just get away, yeah ♪

♪ I will make you see ♪

♪ All of the things ♪

♪ That you can be ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ Come follow me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

[upbeat rock music]

♪ ♪

[horn honks]

♪ ♪

- Heads up!

- Later.

♪ ♪

[horn honks]

♪ ♪

- Hey, dude.

GIRLS: Hi!

- Bye, mom.

♪ ♪

MAN: Okay, that's good to go.

- Careful with that.

It's expensive.

♪ ♪

- There he is!

- Chase!
What's up, buddy?

- Hey, man.

- So, I hear we're livin'
in Rigby this year.

Seen our new room yet?

- Yeah. It's awesome.

So, what is all this stuff?

- Oh, just a little gift
from the old man,

specifically a $15,000
entertainment system...

with 42-inch flat screen.

- For our room?
- Oh, yeah.

We are hooked up
for video games, music, movies--

- Dudes!

- Michael!
What's up, Miguel?

- My boys!

- So,
how was your summer, man?

- Yeah, I missed seeing
your freakish face every day.

- Yeah, and I missed
seeing your big bushy head.

Hey, did it get bushier?
- It's possible.

[Michael laughs]
So, uh, catch me up on stuff.

Tell me about your life.
- Well, let's see.

Uh, at the beginning
of the summer,

I started working for my dad,
you know,

helping him out
with a little this and--

- Hey, Chase.
Uh, Zoey's looking for you

behind the science center.

- Zoey?
- So, anyway,

the job was pretty lame
at first,

but after a couple--

well, good talking to ya, man.

What's up, Richie Rich?

What'd your daddy
get you this time?

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Zoey!

- Chase!

- Hey, Zoe. Aah!

- Are you ok?

- I'm fine. I'm fine.

I'm fine. Steps.

- So, is this how
we're gonna start

every new school year?

- Hey!

Man, you went flying.
That was awesome.

- Yes, it's fun
to see Chase hurt himself. Ha.

After dinner, I'll be stumbling,
then falling off a cliff.

Make sure you get good seats.

[girls laugh]

So, uh, you guys
in the same dorm this year?

- Uh-uh.
We got moved to Brenner.

- Brenner.
Cool dorm.

- And it gets even cooler.

Zoey and I get a room
all to ourselves.

- What about Dana?
- She got accepted

to that European
exchange student thing.

- Yep. She'll be studying
in Paris all semester,

which is awesome,
'cause there is, like,

no way she can irritate me
all the way from France.

- Hey, uh, you guys,
don't look now,

but there's a large box with
small legs coming towards us.

- Oh, that's Dustin.
- Yeah.

He's going through his
"I'm a big macho man" phase.

Hey, Dustin, you ok?

- Yeah. This is nothin'.

- Well, come on.
Let's go see our new room.

I'm so excited.

- She's excited.

- So excited.

Anyway, uh, I was thinking,
you know,

maybe we can meet--
I--I mean, you know,

all of us could meet later
at Sushi Rox.

- Sure. I wanna hear
about your summer.

- Yeah. Yours, too.

Um, ok, then, I'll--
I'll call you later.

- Good.

- Hey--hey, Zoe.

You look great.

- You, too.

Did your hair get bushier?

- I've heard that.

♪ ♪

[Dustin grunting]

M-m-m-mmaaah!

Oof!

Little help!

Boy under box!

[relaxed instrumental music]

♪ ♪

- Come on!
Come on!

Hurry!

Would you look at our new room?

I am in love with our new room!

How much do you love
our new room?

- It's a cool room.

- Aah! We can see
the tennis court from here!

That means we can see
the boys' tennis team practice.

They don't always wear shirts,
you know.

- Who doesn't wear shirts?

- Quinn?

- Hey, Zoey.

Hey, Nicole.

- Um, why can we see you?

- Oh, I hooked up a
dorm-to-dorm 2-way video system

so we can talk all the time.

- Wow.

- And it's hi-def.

Look at this picture quality.

I'll bet you can see
right up my nose to my brain.

Hmm? Hmm? Mm.

- Um, yeah.

So what dorm are you in?

- Brenner!
My room is right next door!

[door clicks open]

See?

MAN: ♪ Must've been hated ♪

♪ Everybody's got to... ♪

- And here I am!

- There you are.

- Yeah, um,

so how do we turn this off?

- Oh.
Only I can turn it off...

in here.

Bye!

- We have Quinn-a-vision.

- Apparently.

[woman clears throat,
knock on door]

- Hi, girls.

BOTH: Hey, Coco.

- Just letting you know,

I'll still be your dorm advisor
this year.

- Oh, I thought
we'd be getting a new D.A.

- Yeah. Anyway,

I just wanted
to let you know that you

will be assigned
your new roommate

either tonight
or tomorrow morning.

- Wait, I thought
we got this room to ourselves.

- We don't want
a new roommate.

- Well,
if wants were dreams,

wishes would fly.

I don't know what that means.

I gotta go.

- Ugh!

Ok, this is awful.
- Will you chill?

- I don't want
another roommate,

'cause I already had one last
year I didn't get along with,

and what if this one's worse?

- It's ok.
I have an idea.

- Oh, thank God.
I knew you would.

Say words.

- We'll just go
to the housing office

and ask them to let us
pick our own roommate.

- Ooh,
those were good words.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Hi, is this the
housing administration office?

- Are you Mrs. Burvitch?

- Miss.

And what do you want?

- Um...

just one sec.

This isn't gonna work.
She's mean.

- Relax. We just gotta make
her love us.

So, Miss Burvitch,

this is such a pretty office.

- I hate it.

- Well, you deserve
a better one.

- Yes.

I also deserve a husband,

but I haven't had a date
in nine years.

Can I help you girls
with something?

- Um, yes.

See, we just found out
we'll be getting a new roommate,

and we were just hoping
we can give you some input.

- Students aren't
allowed to choose roommates.

Roommates are assigned by me.

- Ahem.

- Are those perfume bottles?

- They are.

Why?

- 'Cause they are so cool.

You collect these?

- They look like antiques.

- Indeed they are.

In fact, my great grandmother

bought this one in 1907

while traveling through Prague.

- That's so interesting.

- This one was hand-blown

by a Norwegian woman
with one arm.

- Ooh.

- Hand-blown.

[upbeat rock music]

♪ ♪

- Entertainment system's
lookin' good, boys.

- You know,
you could help us.

- Yeah, I could,

but I'm gonna go get myself
a smoothie.

Late.

♪ ♪

- Hey, where do I plug in
the DVD audio input?

- Uh...

try auxiliary one.

- Ok.

[feedback screeching]

[screeching stops]

- Try auxiliary two.

- Right.

- So, Miss Burvitch...

- Mm?

- We were just feeling
a little nervous

about this whole
new roommate situation.

- Yeah, I mean, don't you
think maybe you could let us...

- Choose who we live with?

- Well, that really
goes against my policy.

- But...

- But I think
I can make an exception.

- Really?

- That's so awesome!

- Just let me
pull up your dorm on my computer

and I'll let you look
through a list of girls

who have yet to be assigned.

- That would be so great.

- You are the best!

[glass shattering]

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

Um...

your wall unit's loose.

[glass crunching]

- Ok, obviously something
very bad just happened,

so if you could just let us
pick our new roommate--

- Out!

- Bye.
- Leaving.

♪ ♪

[electronic beeping
and zapping]

[energetic music]

♪ ♪

- Hey, what the...

♪ ♪

Chase!

Chase!

Chase!
- Hey!

- Why are all these
people here?

- To check out
Logan's entertainment system!

- Well, it's too loud.
- What?

- I said it's too--

[explosions booming on TV]
It's too--

[spaceships whooshing,
lasers zapping]

It's too l--

Dude. Dude!

Dude!
- What?

- Will you turn
that thing down a little?

- Huh?
- I said,

"Can you turn it
down a little?"

- Oh.

Nah.

- I'm gonna get ya!

Here come the torpedoes!

[zapping,
explosions booming]

Yeah!

- Whoa!

Level 47.
Not bad.

- Not bad?
I'm awesome.

- Maybe,
but this game's got 100 levels.

You still got
a long way to go.

- Dude, I'm 10 years old.

I got time.

♪ ♪

[exotic instrumental music]

- I'm telling you, you
really should floss twice a day.

- Yeah,
that's not gonna happen.

- Ok, then don't blame me
when your gums start to get--

♪ ♪

- Hi. Do we know you?

- No.

- Well,
then you wanna tell us

why you're sitting
in the middle of our--

LOLA: Shh.

I'm trying to talk to the dead.

- Ok, who are you?

- Lola.

I'm your new roommate.

[chanting]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[energetic rock music]

♪ ♪

- So, you're
our new roommate.

- Yup.

- I see you've put some
of your artwork up already.

♪ ♪

[woman singing and shouting
indistinctly]

- Oh, yeah.
You like 'em?

- Um, yeah.
They're pretty.

- [whispering] Disturbing.

♪ ♪

- So is this the first time

you've ever gone
to a boarding school?

- Nah. Last year,

I went to one
in upstate New York.

- And why'd you leave?

- Well, legally I'm not
supposed to talk about it.

♪ ♪

But let's just say that teacher
fell down the stairs.

[egg cracking and plopping]

- She pushed her teacher
down the stairs.

- Shh!

Well, anyway, I'm Zoey.

- Nicole.

♪ ♪

- She drank eggs?

- Raw eggs.

- Ok, weird.
- Yeah.

- Actually, raw eggs
are an excellent source

of protein, and as long
as they're fresh

and free of salmonella,

they're a fairly decent
high-energy snack.

- She also talks
to the dead.

- Ok, weird.

- Well, I'd still rather
live with her than Logan.

- Word.

Sorry.

- So Logan
still won't turn off

his billion-dollar
entertainment system?

- Man, he had that thing
blasting

till 3:00 in the morning.

And when I don't get
enough sleep,

I get cranky.

- It's true.
Watch this.

Hey, what's up, Michael?

- Get outta my face.
- You see that?

- Cranky.
- Ha ha!

- So whatcha guys
gonna do about Lola?

- I'll tell you
what we're gonna do.

What are we gonna do?

- Well, after school,
I think we should go talk to her

and tell her
if she wants to be all weird,

fine, but she can't
be weird in our room.

- Right. We just gotta
lay down the law.

- Totally.

- You'll do
all the talking, right?

- Sure.
- Oh, thank God.

[rock music]

[both take deep breaths]

- Lola,
we wanna talk to you.

[Lola mumbles]

Huh?

- What are you doing?

- [muffled]
I'm piercing my tongue.

- What?

- I'm piercing my tongue.

- Piercing your tongue?
- In our room?

- Hey, could one of you guys
hold this metal thing

while I put the needle through?

- No!

I don't wanna get
tongue blood on me!

- Baby.
- Look, if you

have to do this, fine,

but could you do it
somewhere else, please?

- Ok, look,
this is my room

just as much as it is yours,

and if I wanna shove a needle
through my tongue, I will,

right here in my room.

Ehhhh!

- Oh, yeah?
Well...

Zoey's got something
to say about that.

Go, Zoe.

♪ ♪

MAN: ♪ It's not
the first time ♪

♪ Won't be the last ♪

- Um...yeah, I, uh--

I gotta get my thing,

you know...in the thing.

♪ ♪

MAN: ♪ It's not
the first time ♪

[Lola chuckles]

[electronic beeping
and zapping]

[techno music blaring]

♪ ♪

- Alabama!

- Uh...

capital
would be Montgomery!

- What?

- Montgomery!

- Right, ok.

Tennessee?

- Uh, Memphis!

- No, Nashville.

- What?

- Nashville!

- Who's Phil?

- Ok, I can't take this!

♪ ♪

Give me that remote!

- No!
Stop distracting us.

The kid's on fire.

What level are you at?

- 79.

Wait! 80!

- Yes! Yes!

- Well, at least
turn the sound down.

- Why don't you turn
your mouth down?

- That's it!
We're not sleeping here!

- Yeah!
- Yeah?

Where are you guys
gonna sleep?

♪ ♪

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[cell phone ringing]

[cell phone beeps]
- Yeah?

- There's a bug
in my tent.

- So k*ll it.
- No.

- Why not?

- What if it
has a family?

- It's a bug.

- Bugs have children.

- Ok, well, maybe it's
a really mean and horrible bug

and all the other bugs
hate it and you'll be a hero

for taking his life.

- Wait.
- What?

- I hear something
outside my tent.

- It's probably
just the wind.

- What if it's a bear?

- Ask him
to step on the bug.

- I'm gonna go
investigate.

- Have fun.

[cell phone beeps]

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

Zoey and - Aah!

[all screaming]

- You almost made me
wet my pants!

- Uh, ditto!

- What are you guys
doing here?

- Well, we tried
to find you at your dorm.

- And Logan said you were
sleeping outside in a tent.

- So we've been walking
around here

for a half an hour
trying to find you.

- Yeah.
We want to ask a favor.

- What?

- Can we use
one of your tents?

- Why?
- 'cause we are not

sleeping in the same room
with freaky Lola.

- I thought you guys
were gonna take care of that.

- Well, we didn't, so can we
use one of these tents?

- Please?

- Sure. Go for it.

- Yeah.

Take that one.
Mm-hmm.

- Yay. Come on, Zoe.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Bug!

Don't you--get away!

- Aah! Where is it?

There it is!
- Aah!

[both screaming]

[lively music]

- Ooh-ooh-ooh!

- What?
- What happened?

- There's
a ginormous bug in there!

- Really?

- Ok, you know what?
That's it!

- Right!
What do you mean?

- We were here
way before this Lola,

and we're not gonna let her
drive us out of our own dorm.

- Good!
Whatcha gonna do?

- We're gonna go tell that
freaky chick either to start

acting like a normal person
or move back to weird town!

♪ ♪

- Ehh--aah!

♪ ♪

[relaxed music]

- No, it's true.

They totally bought it!

Yeah. You should see me.

I've been wearing,
like, all black clothes,

and I made my hair
look obnoxious.

Yeah, fake nose ring.

[laughs]
I'm serious!

Yeah, they're so freaked out,

they won't even sleep
in the same room as me!

Uh-huh. I'm telling you,

I will have my first Oscar
before my 19th birthday.

[door bangs]

Bye!

♪ ♪

Hello.

- Ok, drop it, Lola.

- If that is
your real name.

- 'Cause that's sure not
your real hair.

- Hi.

- Ok, so this whole thing
was just an act?

- Uh-huh.
- Why?

- 'Cause I'm an actress.

- Yeah? Keep talkin'.

- This was the perfect
acting exercise.

I got to play a character
completely different

from myself and see if people
believed it.

- You followin' this?
- Nope.

- Think about it.
How many times in your life

do you get to start
at a new school

where not even one person
knows who you really are?

- Um, can we not
make this a quiz?

- Just get to the point.

- Look, I knew
I was a good actress,

but now I know I'm awesome,
'cause I totally made you guys

think I was some
kinda freak chick!

- You are a freak chick
just for doing that!

- Yeah, who pretends
to be a psychopath

just to see if she
can pull it off?

- Me!

How great am I?

♪ ♪

[electronic beeping
and zapping]

[all speaking at once]

- [shouting indistinctly]

- Level 98!

- Hey, it's my roomies.

- Hey, hey, Logan.
- What's up, man?

- I thought you guys were
gonna crash in a tent somewhere.

- Nah, we decided
we'd come here

and hang out with you, man.

- Yeah, let's crank
this bad boy up!

Yeah.

[explosions booming,
lasers zapping]

- That's a little loud!
- No, it's cool!

Hey, louder, man!
- Yeah!

- Level 99!

[rock music blaring]

- Whoa, turn it down!

- No way, man!

- I'm gonna do it!

I'm gonna hit level 100!

- Turn up the bass!

- Yeah!

[explosions booming,
lasers zapping]

[glass shattering]
- Go! Come on!

[power whooshes]

[crickets chirping]

CHASE: Good night, Michael.

MICHAEL: Sleep tight, Chase.

LOGAN: You guys are the worst.

- [whining]
I was so close.

[upbeat rock music]

♪ ♪

- Mornin', ladies.

You guys wanna get some
breakfast before class?

- Sure.

- Let's go.

- Wait a minute.

Is that my shirt?

- Um...yeah.

- You know how I feel
about you borrowing my clothes!

- Well,
whatcha gonna do about it?

- Guys--

[Nicole screaming
and Zoey grunting]

You guys!

Are you insane?

Stop it!

You're gonna k*ll
each other!

[Zoey and Nicole laughing]

♪ ♪

Ok.

What is going on?

- We were just acting.

- Yeah.
We just wanted to see

if we could "pull it off."

You're good.
- You, too.

♪ ♪

- Well?

- You comin' to breakfast
or what?

♪ ♪

WOMAN: ♪ Hey ♪

♪ I wanna get
inside your head ♪

♪ Until... ♪
- Wait up!

WOMAN: ♪ Your fears away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ The stars are shinin' out ♪

♪ Shinin' out for you ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, you ♪

♪ Just gotta let it loose ♪

♪ Don't walk away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I will make you see ♪

♪ All of the things ♪

♪ That you can be ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

[ding]

MAN: Mmm.

LOGAN: You guys are the worst.