02x09 - Lola Likes Chase

[bunniefuu]

WOMAN: Are you ready?

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ I know you see me
standing here ♪

♪ Do I look good,
my dear? ♪

♪ Do I look good today? ♪

♪ Today, today ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ I'm just another
kind of girl ♪

♪ And you want
to see my world ♪

♪ So come and run away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ If you wanna play ♪

♪ Come and play today ♪

♪ Let's just get away, yeah ♪

♪ I will make you see ♪

♪ All of the things ♪

♪ That you can be ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ Come follow me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

- Ok. Our next president is
William Howard Taft.

Taft became president

by defeating William
Jennings Bryan in what year?

- 1908.
- Correct.

- I feel like we've been
studying since 1908.

- Yeah, me, too. I'm done.

- Also done. Bye, Chase.

Bye, Zoey.

- Well, that leaves you and me,
Brooks.

- Ok.

In 1913, which U.S. President--

- Hey, can't we take
a little break?

- We have 2 whole chapters
left to cover.

- Oh, come on.

We could play
"Would you rather?"

- Ok. Go.

- All right.

Um, would you rather...

eat 10 live spiders...

or only wear the color green
for the rest of your life?

- Eat 10 live spiders.

- Wow. Didn't even
have to think.

- It's a no-brainer.

- Explain.

- If I eat 10 spiders,
I throw up and it's over with.

If I have to wear only green
for the rest of my life,

I cry for the next 75 years.

- Good point.

Ok, you go.

- Ok. Would you rather...

spend a year in prison
or eat your own dog?

- Ooh. Ha. Let's see...

I love Chester, but prison?

[shudders]

- I hate biology!

- Why do you hate biology?
LOLA: 'Cause I don't get it,

and I'm flunking,

and Mr. Rudolph
wants me to get a tutor.

- So get a tutor.
LOLA: No!

I already spend 7 hours
a day with teachers.

That's bad enough.

- Well, Chase got an "A"
in biology last semester.

He could be your tutor.

- Yeah, I don't really think--

- Please? I'll make you a pie.

- She's offering pie.

- Well, for pie, sure.

- Excellent.

Tomorrow, after last period,
by the quad.

- So, a year in prison
or do you eat your dog?

- Make it 6 months in prison?

- Nope, a full year.

- I'll eat my dog.

- Ok. Mondays, Wednesdays,
and Fridays,

it's mostly
about the biceps and triceps.

Tuesdays and Thursdays,
it's all abs.

- What about weekends?

- If you're lucky,
weekends are for you.

Ok. Why don't you guys take off

and let me focus on the weights,
all right?

ALL: Bye. See ya.

- Call me.
CHASE: I will.

[girls giggling]

- All right.
How do you do it?

- Do what?

- Get all those girls
to like you.

- Why, you having trouble
with the ladies?

- Well, I did ask out
this one girl, Wendy.

- And?

- She giggled and ran away.

- Bummer.

- Hey, you wanna teach me
how to get girls?

- You really wanna learn
how to get girls?

- So much!

- Ok. Meet me in my room
tomorrow after school

for your first lesson.

And bring your hair gel.

- I don't have any hair gel.

- This is not gonna be easy.

- Ok, biology is way too hard.

- No, you just think it is,
so you're psyching yourself out.

Now, come on.
The transfer of pollen

from the stamen of one flower
to the pistil of another

is what?
- Boring.

- True, but it's called
pollination.

- Look, you're really nice
to tutor me,

but there's no way I'm ever
gonna remember all this stuff.

- But you're an actress.

You gotta memorize
all your lines, right?

- That's different. When I'm
acting, I'm playing a role.

- So, just treat biology
like an acting role.

You know,
play the part of a girl

who's really good at biology.

- That's pretty smart.

- Well, I'm your tutor.

I'm not supposed
to say stupid stuff.

Ok. Now you're...

you're playing the role
of Felicia,

a brilliant biology girl.

Now, your first
line of dialogue

starts at the top
of page 96. Learn it.

CHASE: Got it?

- Yeah...I think.

- Ok. Your scene takes place
on a sailboat.

It's early evening.

Young Felicia, the brilliant
biology student,

walks up to a handsome
dude and says...

- Pollination is a process
by which pollen is transferred

from the stamen of one flower
to the pistil of another.

- Yes! Wonderful! More!
Come on!

- The 4 primary methods of
pollination are insects,

birds, wind, and...

- You know it.

- Water!

- My God!
She's amazing! Bravo!

- Thank you.

- See, I told you
you could do it.

For you.

- Why are you giving me
a flower?

- So you can take it back
to your dorm and study it.

- Yeah, I don't think
I want to.

- Why not?

- There's a spider on it.

- Aah!

- [laughs]

- Ok.

If you wanna be like me
and get girls,

the first thing
we have to do

is give you a total
makeover.

Stand up.

- What are you doing?

- Cutting off your sleeves.

There. How do you feel?

- My arms are cold.

- You'll get used to it.

Now, we fix your hair.

- Picture's crooked.

ZOEY: I've heard.

- Hey, uh, can I talk to you
about something?

- Sure. What's up?

- Tell me about you and Chase.

- Me and Chase?
We're friends. Why?

- Just friends?

- Yeah. Why do you ask?

- Just wondering.

- Ok.

- 'Cause I might ask Chase out.

- Oh, yeah?

- Unless that would make you
feel weird.

- No. Ask him out.

I think it's a great idea.

- Ok. Thanks, Zoe.

I'm gonna head down to the
lounge, play some foosball.

- Have fun.

[door closes]

- Yeah. Now that's hair.

Ok. Now get up and show me
your walk.

- All right.

- Ok, that's bad.

Come with me.

[rock music playing]

♪ ♪

MAN: ♪ You gotta walk like me ♪
MEN: ♪ Walk like me ♪

MAN: ♪ You gotta talk like me ♪
MEN: ♪ Talk like me ♪

MAN: ♪ You gotta look like me ♪
MEN: ♪ Look like me ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Oh, I'm the king, baby ♪

- Ooh! The little one's hot.

- Mm-hmm.
MAN: That's right.

- Ok. Photosynthesis is
the process by which plants

use energy from sunlight
to produce sugar

which converts into--

- You wanna go out with me?

- Uh--[chuckles]--
Wow.

That question had almost nothing
to do with photosynthesis.

- Is that a no?

- No, no--well--ok,
that was a no, but--

I wasn't actually
saying no to...

Wait. When did you decide
to ask me out?

- The last time you were
tutoring me.

Well, I didn't
decide right then.

I talked to
Zoey about it first.

- Oh.

So Zoey's ok with you
asking me out?

- Yeah. She said you guys
were just friends,

so...it's all cool.

- Yeah. All cool.

[cell phone beeps]

LOLA: Um...

tell you what.

You think about it

and let me know
if you wanna go out, ok?

- Ok. Thanks.

- Later.

- What's up, man?

- What's up,
man?

[music playing on mp3 player]

- Michael!

Michael!

Michael!

[music stops]

- You interrupted tune time.

- Lola asked me out.

- Well, my goodness!
- Yeah.

- You were right to interrupt
tune time.

- Dude, this is serious.

- I'm being serious!

Lola's hot.

- So you think I should
go out with her.

- Sounds like a good idea
to me.

- Yeah, well, it does
to Zoey, too.

- Oh, ok.

I get what this is about.

- Yeah.
- You know for sure

Zoey said it was a good idea
for you to date Lola?

- Yep. Lola asked her, you
know, to make sure it was ok,

and Zoey said it was
a great idea.

- Look, man, sit down.

Now listen...

- You're not gonna ask me out,
are you?

- No, your hair's too bushy
for me.

Look, if Zoey told Lola it was
cool to ask you out,

then that means Zoey thinks of
you as just a friend.

But don't go get all
depressed, man.

Lola's smokin'.

You should be psyched
she's into you.

- Yeah.
- You should.

- I know.
- I'm serious.

- Ok.

NICOLE: Next question.

Um--Zoe!

[snaps fingers]

- Why would Lola wanna ask
Chase out?

- Ok. I thought you said you
didn't want to talk about it.

- I don't. Ok.

What was the name of
President McKinley's wife,

the first lady?

- I think her name was...Ida?

- Can you even picture them
going out together?

- President McKinley and Ida?

- No, Chase and Lola.

- So you do want to talk
about it.

- No. Stop bringing it up.

- Listen, Chase and Lola

probably aren't even
gonna go out.

- Why do you think that?
- 'Cause Lola asked him,

and Chase said he had to
think about it.

- What? Wait.
How do you know this?

- Lola told me.
- Well, why didn't you tell me?

All you ever do is talk about
stuff, and today you decide

it's a good idea to keep
your big yap shut?

- All right.
What is your deal?

- I don't know.
I'm just...

worried.

- Why?
- 'Cause...

Chase is like
my closest guy friend

and Lola's my roommate,

and I just don't want
anyone to get hurt.

- Are you sure that's
what's bugging you, Zoe?

- Yeah.

[door opens]

- Guess what?
Chase said yes!

How great is that?

- So...great.

- Hey. What's up?

Oh, my god.
- Uh-huh.

- We were supposed to play
tennis after school.

- At 4:30.
- All right. I am the worst.

- How could you forget?

- Well, Lola has her biology
test tomorrow,

and I was making her a list of
stuff she needs to know.

Look. It's color-coded.

- It's adorable.

- You're mad.

- Noooo.

- Look, I promise
I won't do it again.

- Ok.

Hey, you wanna go to sushi racks

and get a spicy
California roll?

- I do.
- Good.

- But...I can't.

- How come?

- I'm, uh, seeing a movie
on campus with Lola.

- Ok, busy boy, you let me know

when you have some time
on your schedule.

[playing trombone]

- Ok, there's Quinn.
You ready to practice?

- Why do I have to do this?

- Because.
You got the look down,

but if you want to get
girls,

you gotta get
the attitude down.

- Why do I have to act like
a jerk to make girls want me?

- I don't know why.
I just know it works.

Now go be a jerk to
Quinn.

- [sighs] Ok.

- Oh. Hi, Dustin.

What did you do
to your hair?

- None of your business.

- Ok. Um...hey!

Check out this new riff I wrote
for a song I'm working on.

[plays trombone]

Well?

- It's a'ight.

- It's a'ight?

- Yeah. I've heard better.

I've heard worse.

- I worked for 3 weeks
on that riff.

- Pfft. Whatever.

- Well!

- So, how'd I do?
- Perfect.

Now you got the look
and the obnoxious attitude,

which means you are ready to go
on a double-date with me.

- Don't we need girls?
- Already hooked up.

We're taking out
the Baldwin sisters.

- Are they nice?
- Who cares?

One's my age, one's your
age...and they're hot.

- All right!
- All right!

Come on.

[TV playing]

[turns TV volume down]

- Here you go.

- Thanks.

- Um, you girls have a much
nicer lounge than we do.

- Thanks.

- Um...

so where's everybody?

- I guess at dinner.

- Oh. Yeah.

Ahem.

So...

Hey!

You wanna play
"Would you Rather?"

- I don't know.
How do you play?

- Well, I give you
two insane choices,

and you have to pick
which one you'd rather do.

- Ok. Go.

- Ok, um, would you rather...

be locked in a cage
with a wild tiger or...

lick peanut butter
off a hobo's foot?

- What?

- Which would you rather do?

- Why would I ever have to
choose between

being locked
in a cage with a tiger

or licking peanut butter
off a hobo's foot?

- Well, you wouldn't. See,
that's the fun of it.

You know what? Never mind.

You're right.
It's a dumb game.

- Ok. You wanna
watch some more TV?

- Um...yeah, I guess.

[turns TV volume up]

[man singing pop song
on TV]

[turns TV off]

- You're not into this.

- Uh, what--what do you mean?

- You and me going out.

You're not into it,
are you?

- Well, look, I wouldn't say--

- Who is she?

- W-who's who?

- The girl you like.

- Why do you think
I like another girl?

- Because I'm smart.

Does she go to PCA?

- Um...

no.

She, uh...

she's from my hometown.

You know, back home...

in my town.

- Ok.

Listen, I'm gonna head up
to my room.

- I'm really sorry.

- It's cool.

So, which would you rather do?

- Huh?

LOLA: Be locked in a cage
with a wild tiger

or lick peanut butter
off a hobo's foot?

- Oh. Easy. Peanut butter
off a hobo's foot.

- Why?

- I'm scared of tigers

and I love peanut butter.

- [laughs]
Later.

- Later.

- Ok. There they are.

- Whoa! Those are our dates?

- Yeah. Now remember,
if you want her to like you,

be like me.
- Be like you.

- Just like we practiced.
- Right.

- Ok.

LOGAN: Well, well, well.

Either you're our dates
or you're just lucky enough

to be in the right place
at the right time.

- Hi, Logan.
- This is Stacy.

She's in my Spanish class.

- I'm Tracy, and I'm in your
history class.

- Right. Whatever.

- I'm Dustin.

- Hi. I'm Sandy.

- That's a really cool shirt.

- Thanks.

- [sighs]

Excuse us.

What up with the compliment?
- What?

- I told you girls don't like
guys who are nice.

- But I don't know if I'm as
good at being a jerk as you are.

- Well, try harder!

Ok. You guys wanna see a movie
or what?

- Uh...sure.

- What do want to see, Sandy?
- Well...

- I'm dying to see
Restless in Love.

- Me, too.
- Cool.

- Whoa, whoa. We're not seeing
a chick flick.

- It a romantic comedy.

And I find the term
"chick flick" insulting.

- Whatever. But if you expect
us to buy the tickets,

we're picking the movie.

- Ok. I knew you were kind of
obnoxious,

but this is a little
out of control.

- Uh, excuse us.

- What?
- I don't know

if the "being a jerk" thing
is working too well.

- Look, do I get
a lot of girls?

- You talk about getting
a lot of girls.

- Just let me handle this, ok?

Ok, I'll tell you what.

We'll take you to see
Restless in Love,

but you guys are paying.

- Actually, you know what
I'd rather see?

- What?
- The Jerk in the Fountain.

- The Jerk
in the Fountain?

Hey!

Ok! That was ridiculous!

- So are you.

Sandy, you want me to walk you
back to your dorm?

- Nah. I'm gonna hang
with Dustin.

- Ok. Have fun.

Bye, Logan.

- Race ya.
LOGAN: Hey!

Is there really a movie
called Jerk in the Fountain?

[laughing]

- Ok, ok.

Chase, would you rather eat 5
pounds of raw liver

or wear a bikini to class?

- Bikini to class, no question.

- Really?

- Oh, yeah. I look hot
in a bikini.

- Ok. Don't wanna know
how you know that.

- No, you don't.

All right, Dustin, you're up.
Go.

- Um, ok.

Sandy, would you rather

shave your head
completely bald

or drink 5 bottles
of ketchup?

- Can I hide in my room
until my hair grows back?

- Nope.
- I'd drink the ketchup.

[laughing]

- Ok. Zoey, would you rather

be stuck in an elevator
for 3 days

or...make out with a monkey?

- Stuck in an elevator.
I ain't kissing a monkey.

- Baby.
- Let's see you kiss a monkey.

- Bring me a monkey.
- Maybe I will.

- Yeah, yeah, all right,
Dustin,

would you rather chew
off your own fingers

or be married
to an elephant?

DUSTIN: Isn't that ill*gal?

CHASE: Not in international
waters.

DUSTIN: Ah.
ZOEY: [giggles]

[ding]
MAN: Mmm!

Zoey: She's offering pie.