Jason Isbell is one of
those songwriters
that makes you feel like
you know him and he knows you.
This film is a document
of some of the most personal songs
that Jason Isbell has ever written.
And I wanted to discover
where the life and the art connected.
For Sam's camera to work...
we gotta go back to about right here.
But I don't like that as much
so I'm gonna move Sam's camera
back a little bit.
That good?
I think so.
We are recording.
I forgot to ask you
what key it was in.
It's in E.
- Let's start the...
- I started doing it in A.
- Start the recordings over.
- Okay.
Where's...
We did it one more time
the last time through.
sh*t. Let's start the recording over.
- Ready?
- Wait. No.
Now it's saving or something.
- Okay, now.
- One...
two...
Do it again?
- The beginning.
- I liked that intro.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- You didn't like it?
- I'm sorry.
- Okay.
- I thought you missed it.
- I didn't. Okay.
One, two, three, two. Three...
- Good morning.
- Hey, how are you?
Good.
- Morning, Sadler.
- What's up, man?
- How are you?
- Good.
- Good to see you, bud.
- Good to see you.
- What's up, Darrell?
- Hey, I know you.
There's really no more
intrinsic value to making a record
than there is to writing
in your journal
when you're 15 years old, you know?
It's really for the same purpose.
There's something that we have to say
and in the process of figuring out
how to say that
we learn who we are.
But I need to move forward
as a person
through this work.
For me to do that
I have to come to terms with things
that don't make me look cool
or don't paint me in the best light
or don't, you know
promote an idea I have
of controlling my own image
because...
I think controlling your image
is the opposite of creating art.
My songs are things
that are under the surface
of my own mind
things that I'm dealing with
and working through.
But the trick for me
is to make a rock and roll record
about all these things
because you don't really want people
to feel like they're singing along
with some sort
of a self-help catalog.
- That sounds good.
- Really cool.
She sent me a message today.
Let's see.
I love you so much
and how much music
are you gonna make?
Hello, Mercy.
We are going to make an album
which is nine or ten songs.
And so it's like
about...
45 minutes long.
And then she said,
to all that, she said...
That sounds great.
She's so funny, man.
Took forever to get you to trust me
Like I was feeding a bird
From my hand
And if this isn't love
Then it must be
Another answer I don't understand
To a prayer that was please
And not thank you
To a question I wrote in the sand
To a wish that I made on a satellite
From a witness in tears on the stand
Running with our eyes closed
Running with our eyes closed
Well, you are who you are
When you're angry
When you're scared or you're sad
Or you're bored
When a stranger has slipped you
A room key
In a hotel you couldn't afford
We can never go back and be strangers
All our secrets are mixed
And distilled
But you've taught me
To temper my anger
And you've learned it's all right
To be still
Running with our eyes closed
It's f*cking unbelievable.
- Unbelievable.
- Thank you.
Play me that change
from just the last chord
to the bridge.
- We're running with our eyes closed
- One, two.
Two.
Prior to Jason
any recording I've done
there would always be
weeks of rehearsal.
This was kind
of a new territory for me
where he brings in the song
the day of.
You don't know the song
you write your number chart out.
Then you're sort of off to the races
and coming up with parts
and trying to lay it down.
Running with our eyes closed
It's ridiculously hard and
the stupidest part of recording.
Can't practice it
because Dave doesn't like a demo.
And then if I mess up
somebody's gonna wanna try
to keep that probably.
I don't... It's just really scary.
This might be a weird suggestion.
I like your weird suggestions.
What if you play it acoustic
going down
then we take time
with the electric sound?
- That's good with me.
- Because it's such a cool part
I don't wanna dig, just run past it.
- Yeah. The riff is a hook.
- You know what I mean?
- It's a hook and a half.
- Yeah.
Amanda has heard the songs
but that's different, you know?
That's a different kind
of collaboration.
Like, I still don't
really think of it
as she's in the band.
I need her to do different things
and I think she needs to have
a different role.
Did you write "to?"
"A stranger slips you a room key
to a hotel room you can't afford."
- But I think that you are...
- But there's no slipping one
with inside the room key even when...
Yeah, there is.
If you're at the hotel bar
and the stranger is trying
to pick you up
they would slip you a key
in the hotel.
No, but you're...
I've already went, like,
through this in my brain
- about a dozen times.
- Well, this will just be
permanently disagreed with
because it sounds like
when you're on, like, you're reading
that you're in the room,
slipping the key.
- This has already happened.
- How about...
- How about "for?"
- Past.
- "For," for is fine.
- Or...
Or we just leave the article off
and say...
When a stranger has slipped you
A room key
On a hotel room
You couldn't afford...
Or... see, I've already said
room, though.
That was my problem.
I didn't want to use the room again
that quickly.
- Do whatever you want.
- No. I'm...
- It's not going to be a big deal.
- I'm not making...
I'm really, like, just discussing it.
Why don't you just make up a word?
You're talking about it in the past
so it's like "in" is not helpful.
I feel like "in" and "to"
are in the same tense.
"When a stranger
has slipped you a room key."
- Yeah, so you're in the present...
- And see, you're moving
- tenses within...
- You're in the present participle.
- Who is?
- Because the person...
the people who are existing here
are in the present participle tense
which means that
they're existing in the now
- No. But...
- but discussing something
that's happened in the past.
No, okay. But see, then...
then you're mixing up
all this in this middle.
Just sing whatever you want
and then think about it later.
No, I want to get it right. That's...
Then put "to."
I feel like if I put "to"
it's gonna read like
you're getting the key
to the entire hotel.
- Don't you think?
- To...
- I see what you mean.
- You know?
You know,
Amanda has a master's degree
in creative writing.
She gets in there with her pen
and gives him honest feedback.
She's the only one that
hears anything
before they go into the studio.
I mean, you could also say...
And a stranger has slipped you
A room key
For a room...
To a room you could never afford
- See? I like that.
- That's better. "To" a room, yeah.
"To a room."
Once the songs get past her,
nobody scares me.
Nobody. I don't give a sh*t.
I know it's right.
Part of the reason why he trusts me
is because I can't suffer a bad song
or like, a cliched lyric
unless it's turned a little bit.
It works. It's hard.
It's a hard thing to do.
You have to let go of your ego.
If I was making people dance
I wouldn't just sit there
and waste my time
on prepositions.
But they are not out there dancing.
I gotta get those prepositions right.
Yeah, beautiful.
- Good?
- Love it.
- Okay.
- Cool.
It's gotta be terrible
to sit in that chair.
- What? Over there?
- I mean, I know it is.
- No, your chair.
- Over here?
To be putting a record out,
like, singing your songs
for the first time
in front of a group of people.
- It is...
- Terrible.
- No.
- It is.
It's the most beautiful thing
I've ever done in my life
outside of you and our daughter.
Our method of recording
relies on so much of your gut.
Wherever it takes you,
that's where it goes.
Took forever to get you to trust me
It's a healthy way to do it
because if you don't get it
in the first few times
you kinda lose
the spirit of it anyway.
It's a very complex chemistry
that just comes from playing together
for such a long time.
Running with our eyes closed
Running with our eyes closed
There's definitely
a spontaneity element
to being in a studio
that I think is really important.
Something that I have always liked
is hearing a really good musician
play a song
before they actually know it.
And once you learn the song
your mind is not focused on creating.
Your mind is focused on recreating.
You know,
you can only create something once
and if the tape's not rolling...
then you're just sh*t out of luck.
- I like the one before it better.
- The one before.
- Can we do one more?
- Yeah.
- Just don't think. Don't even tune.
- Okay. Don't think. Don't tune.
You're only as good
as the last work you did
so there's this doubting of self.
Just like,
this is probably a bunch of sh*t.
I don't know, so you're fighting
with all these voices
inside your head.
I don't know what you're doing,
but that's what I do.
Running with our eyes closed
Running with our eyes closed
The writing of the songs,
that's the hardest part.
My work is done
when I walk into the studio.
So I don't feel
that kind of pressure.
Oh, he's just lying to you all.
He is. He is.
I'm gonna drag him up here
and tell him to answer
the question honestly.
It's gotta be a big lie, right?
It's gotta drive him crazy.
You just continue
to build pressure for yourself
to outdo your last record.
From this point forward
'til when the record comes out
it's gonna be a ball of anxiousness.
That should be where it ends
right there.
- Yeah. That's the end.
- Yeah.
I'm still... This guitar still sounds
woofy as hell to me.
I'm excited.
I'm excited to be here, you know?
It's like...
It's... like the first day
of little league.
Jason and I have known each other
for 18 years.
We were friends at first.
But, like, you kinda know...
you know?
I met Amanda when I was recording
with the Drive-By Truckers.
I went into town to go get drunk
and Amanda was playing with
Thrift Store Cowboys.
There was, you know,
hardly anybody at the show.
He got a folding chair
and went and sat
in the middle of the floor.
There was, like, I don't know,
probably, like, 12 people there.
I thought that was pretty ballsy.
I said, "Aren't you
supposed to be famous?"
As a joke, she got me to sign
a polaroid of the two of us
and it's...
we have it in the bathroom
in the house now.
We were just friends for years.
But I probably always been
in love with her.
I definitely had.
How many minutes do we have left?
We have 16.
During that time
I never thought really
that I'd be enough for him
just because...
well, he liked to hang out
with women
and he liked to...
you know, do S-E-X.
Funny aside,
I don't know if this is important
for the documentary or not
but I did make him take an STD test
before I hooked up with him.
And then for, like, the first year
he had it hanging
on the refrigerator, but...
- We're ready when you're all ready.
- Ready?
Come on, apparently,
we're ready to rock.
Have yourself a good time out there.
Thanks for joining me.
It's going to be fun.
Mountain's rough this time of year
Close the highway down
They don't warn the town
I've been fighting second gear
For 15 miles or so
Trying to beat the angry snow
I know every town
Worth passing through
But what good does knowing do
With no one to show it to
And I've grown tired
Of traveling alone
Tired of traveling alone
I've grown tired of traveling alone
Won't you ride with me
I've grown tired of traveling alone
Tired of traveling alone
I've grown tired of traveling alone
Won't you ride with me
Won't you ride
I'm so grateful
that this is the person
that I have to share this with.
I feel included
and I feel tethered to
the world by her.
She makes me feel like
I'm not an outcast.
There was always some part of me
that felt like I don't belong here.
And when she treats me
like I belong...
I feel like I belong everywhere
you know?
I've grown tired of traveling alone
Tired of traveling alone
I've grown tired of traveling alone
Won't you ride with me
Won't you ride
Won't you ride
Thank you.
That's Amanda Shires on the fiddle.
It's a violin.
I think that means it's for sale.
Right after we started
hanging out with each other
I said, "Now, what is the difference
between a violin and a fiddle?"
And she said, "Well, it's a fiddle
when you're buying it."
It's a violin when you're selling it.
If she's calling it a violin
it's not because
we're in a fancy orchestral room
it's because
she's looking to upgrade.
As long as you always
call me a fiddle.
I get moved
either to laughter or to tears
by very small things
that most people would not notice
and if you point it out to them,
they would think you were strange.
And she has looked at me
in a lot of f*cking ways
but never once has she looked at me
like I'm strange.
Never once.
And everybody else has.
At least once.
Well, you're not strange anyway.
Thank you.
I grew up in Alabama.
It was very rural,
and poor white everybody.
When we got pregnant with Jason,
we were kids, you know?
I was 18 or so but Angelia was 16.
When you're 16 years old,
you think you love him
and... and I did.
I mean, you know,
as much as you could at that time.
When I found out I was pregnant
I said, "Oh, I'm gonna marry him
and then
we'll live happily ever after."
I was riding on my mother's hip
She was shorter than the corn
And all the years I took from her
Just by being born
Because we were so young
he didn't realize he was a child.
I had no barometer for reaction.
I felt a response
to all of my problems
as though they were
as big and as complicated
as the adult problems
because I didn't have any other
eight-year-olds around.
Also, there was a pretty big
religious undertone
to everything down there.
You know,
my grandfather was a preacher
so as a young child
I was taught that what this book says
is exactly true.
The thoughts I was having
at seven and eight
were guilt... shame...
I'm gonna go to hell,
so that kept me up at night.
Plus, I was a chubby kid
and definitely
not like everybody else.
You know, I read books
and I didn't play football.
Just that...
was enough to get pickles
thrown at you in the lunchroom
you know?
I was so stressed out and anxious
and the way I took my mind
out of all that
or stopped the wheels from spinning
was by playing the guitar.
Sitting in my room,
playing the guitar.
He had Strats.
That's what he liked back then
when he was young.
And man, I'd hear him back there
tearing that thing up.
My parents did everything they could
to make my childhood
a positive experience
but they couldn't do everything
that they needed to do.
You know, Dad was always
stressed about money.
Mom was not great with money.
And... both had a pretty short fuse.
They would start arguing
and it was a very quick escalation
with them.
Now, the house was small,
and the walls were thin
and the amp was loud.
And so I couldn't hear them.
If I turned it up loud
and played rock and roll guitar
I couldn't hear them
yelling at each other.
He played good, you know?
And sometimes we were arguing,
we'd stop and listen to him.
This is so hard for me.
He was...
he was sitting at the table
and he said
"Mom, do you love Dad?"
And I said,
"Of course, I love Daddy.
Why? Why would you ask me that?"
And he said
"Well, I love him
because he's my daddy
but I wouldn't love him
if he was my husband."
That's the burden that he had
and that's the clarity that he had.
He had a big heart and
was a good kid.
It's a tough one
when they have that.
You know, it's easier to get broke.
There was no culture of
any kind of psychological help
for children or adults whatsoever.
You were either fine
or you were crazy
and if you were crazy,
you went to the 400 Unit.
And if you were fine, you shut up,
and you went to work.
If not for playing the guitar
singing, writing songs
then I would've been lost
in that middle ground
between fine and crazy.
If that hadn't been there...
I don't, you know,
I really don't know
if I would've been able
to deal with the world at all.
I might've just checked out.
Hearing a song that really moves you
is like if you accidentally stumble
on somebody's diary
and it was exactly like yours.
You would say, "Oh, my God
there's one person
who had the same feelings that I did"
you know?
And all of us
are kinda walking around
thinking, "Man, am I weird?
Am I the only one
who feels this way?"
And then when somebody
reaches in and says
"No, no, I'm with you," that's it.
That's all it is, you know?
Let's do one more from the tippy.
- It's gonna be hard.
- You can do it.
Okay.
I'm just stand... standing
I guess we're leaving town again
We're moving out and moving in
Gotta break the news
To all my friends
But they won't care
They'll just find another face
To fall behind to take my place
And run way out past second base
And just stand there
- One more like that. That's cool.
- Okay.
Fall behind
Every single word of Dreamsicle
just hit me in the gut.
The broken glass, the poison ivy
just words that nobody else
understands, you know?
Things that I didn't realize
that he actually remembered.
That's the thing about him.
He don't forget much.
His songs are all about,
you know, about real things.
Poison oak and poison ivy
Dirty jokes that blew right by me
Momma curling up beside me
Crying to herself
Why can't Daddy just come home
Forget whatever he did wrong
He's in a hotel all alone
And we need help
Let's punch that line.
- Twenty-one?
- Yeah.
Is that the right approach?
Yeah, and it sounds like
the sentiment
- so that's great.
- Right. You're not gonna be like
"I'm so proud
of my parents' divorce!"
Yeah, exactly.
You know, I still remember
my parents fighting.
And I remember how that felt
and I remember, you know
the things that caused me to be sad
or to be stressed or to be anxious.
I remember those things.
You know, one time,
we were in an argument
and it was bad.
And Jason threw the baseball
through the window.
The baseball through the window
was to get them to shut the hell up
for three seconds.
Broken glass and broken vows
I'll be 18 four years from now
With different friends
And in a different town
I'll finally be free
But I definitely felt like
I was in the middle
of their trouble for years.
Because I was put in the middle.
My anger towards one parent
was driven by the other parent.
And I knew that they weren't
supposed to be doing that to me.
People say, "Have no regrets"
but I can pull some up.
Took me a long time to grow up.
The way I found out
that they were getting a divorce
was my mom picked me up
from baseball camp.
And she said, "We're leaving."
And she told me
that we would come back
but we were doing that
so Dad would realize how he was.
And so for a long time,
I thought that was possible.
And it's not. Turns out.
A dreamsicle on a summer night
In a folding lawn chair
She took me to a hotel that night.
Daddy's howling at the moon
Better get home soon
We went to the mall
and she bought me
Don Mattingly's rookie card.
I was a fan of Don Mattingly.
Heat lightning in the evening sky
And my momma's red hair
I was touched by the gesture.
I knew what she was doing, you know?
And I felt for her
because I knew she was
trying to change the subject
you know?
Hearts breaking through
The springtime
Breaking into June
Breaking into June
Breaking into June
That's it.
We done, baby. Come on in.
All right. Back it up.
Make four. Just mark four
as being master take.
- Okay.
- Awesome.
Because Dave still thinks
the song's about ice cream.
If it is about ice cream
this is my favorite song
on the record.
Heat lightning in the evening sky
And my momma's red hair
Hearts breaking through
The springtime
Breaking into June
Breaking into June
Breaking into June
Amanda, light of my life
You got a crazy hair
sticking out the side right there.
So cute.
Here, I'll smooth it out for you
- so it looks like sh*t.
- Amanda
Light of my life
Fate should've made you
A gentleman's wife
It's called Be Afraid.
What key are you gonna do it in?
G.
All right.
We've been testing you
And you failed
- That thing's so loud.
- What is?
The fiddle is right on me.
So, do I need to move?
- No, I will back up.
- Okay. Okay.
What?
Just the same amount as normal.
We've been testing you, and you fail
To see how long
That you can sit with the truth
But you bail
And I don't think
You'd even recognize
The myth of control
And I don't think
You even see it in yourself
Every one of us is playing dice
That we didn't roll
And the loser is the last
To ask for help
Be afraid, be very afraid
But do it anyway
Songwriting has gotten harder for me
as time has gone on
just because I won't accept
things that I used to accept.
I won't be satisfied
unless this album
is an accurate representation
of where I am as a person
which means that I'm more focused
than I used to be in the studio.
This is the cycle of anxiousness.
Like, any kind of thing
that's going on in his brain
just presents as grumpiness
but really, it's something more.
- Then whatever, however we end it.
- Cool.
I would love
if you change your playing
to very jangly
instead of that blocky thing,
you know.
Yeah, exactly.
It would be way cooler.
Yes, and that's a good start,
just right there.
- Like that.
- Should I play a 12-string electric?
Might be cooler than... Yes.
- No? Amanda hates those.
- I hate it. I hate that.
Because they don't have any in Texas.
I know how he gets
when he makes records
whether or not he sees it
at the time or not.
I'm not super comfortable
being the whipping girl
so I just chill.
I don't believe that
you're the whipping girl
but most people don't go to work
with their wife.
Most people come home, and it's like,
"Oh, my God, I'm so glad to see you.
I can't wait to tell you
about my day."
But she knows about my day.
What are we going to talk about?
You know, "Oh, my God,
I'm glad... so glad to see you.
I saw you 45 seconds ago.
And you f*cked up that harmony part.
And that was cool, remember that?
Okay, good night."
- Rub it in.
- "What do you want to watch tonight?
All right."
Did you wanna be
in the control room or out here?
- I'll just be up here.
- Okay.
Since the sound of my fiddle
was so much louder than normal.
My fiddle was so much louder
than normal.
It's just like "dink..." in my brain.
- Dink?
- Yeah.
- Dink, dink!
- That's what I sound like?
- Dink, dink!
- Dink?
- You sound like a dink.
- Dink!
Remember that grumpiness
I was talking about?
That's what just happened.
Let's do the Magnatone.
f*cking loud fiddle.
No, it's not. It's always this loud.
Isn't it? Yeah.
That's what I thought.
The 12-string guitar, geez.
If I was producing this record
I'd take all the 12-string guitars
and give them away.
- Are we gonna play this song?
- That's what I'm talking about.
We're standing here
with our dicks in the dirt.
I waited two hours
for somebody else's burrito.
You all are gonna let me tune
this guitar.
f*ck those people.
Yeah, I know.
I'm the one paying for this sh*t.
Sometimes he needs a lot of space.
- You'd... g*dd*mn right.
- He's a big f*cking man.
You know, I'm a man from Alabama
- for Christ's sake.
- If the floor's shaking
- Momma's going to get some space.
- That's what we do.
Anyway, I don't have...
I can't go on.
Yeah, you got something to do,
or you just wanna get out?
Oh, I got things that I could do.
Okay, that's fine.
I mean, because
I was gonna do either the...
Hard part is letting you go
- Oh, yeah, that's...
- That one.
- Yeah.
- Probably do that one later, but...
you know, it'd be cool
if you were here for it.
If you don't wanna be,
you don't have to be.
Let's do this. This is...
Let's do this right now.
I don't think I'll be able to think
about this right now
'til we've discussed.
I'll send you a text.
Okay. Okay.
Trying to navigate
being in a relationship
where we are family
and we are married,
and we have a child together
and also working in the studio
you know, is a challenge.
And... I don't mean this
to be an excuse for anything.
You know, it's my own damn fault.
But when I have a hard day
I can't just go home
and have a drink.
And used to, that's what I would do.
So there's no escape...
- for me.
- There's the thing, though.
There's the puzzle you're working out
that you need to figure out, I think.
There's no escape.
There is an escape.
You just have to figure out
what it is
and it's music. We know that.
Right, but I'm not gonna go home
from the studio
- and sit and play guitar all night.
- Well, no, I know.
But I'm... I'm just saying
then you should find another one.
You know what I mean?
Yeah. Yeah, I do.
And what I would prefer that to be
in a perfect world
is spending time with my daughter
but I just don't have time right now.
Well, it's not that
you don't have time.
It's the schedules are different.
And that wears on me.
If I don't get much time with her,
it wears on me.
Pretty quickly.
And that's that.
- Hello, Dave.
- Hey, dude.
- How you doing, buddy?
- Fantastic, how about you?
I had a rough night, but I'm good.
- What happened?
- Just...
You know, we'll talk about it later.
Okay.
But I'm happy to be here.
Everything is not good
but I am in the studio
so this feels comfortable.
Yeah, why do you think
I work in the studio every day?
Yeah, no sh*t, man.
So I didn't really sleep, but...
- man, I'm good.
- Yeah.
- You all wanna do a song?
- Yeah.
- All right.
- Here we go.
She waits
For the sunshine
Okay, wait. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- Nobody knew...
- One, two, three, four.
Ain't it something
How the night can shine...
Let's do it again. A one, two, three.
Ain't it something how the night...
Walk into it.
One, two, ready go.
I counted that like a f*cking idiot.
While we were recording Reunions
I was telling myself this is good.
This is fine. This is easy.
You have this under control.
And that was not true.
What was true was
I was really pressured
and very stressed
and sort of having
a come-apart in there.
Like, is this going to be
any good or not?
Amanda could
definitely see something
that even I couldn't see
at that point.
That's, I think, the thing
that frustrates her the most
is when I refuse to acknowledge
something that she can see.
I just couldn't be around it anymore
because it was so...
fake. It was so fake.
Somebody told her she was beautiful
Every time she turned around
But when she opened up her mouth
To speak
It clearly didn't make a sound
Everything was so magnified
and intense
and I just was like,
if you could just say
that all this bullshit
is because you're nervous
or under pressure or whatever
that'd go a lot further than...
pretending it all away, you know?
She waits for the sun to rise
Behind his midnight eyes
And the wind storm had passed
Ain't it something
How the night can shine
Through a bottle of wine
Against a bedroom wall
Ain't it something
When her eyes light up
And it's exactly enough
And you can let yourself fall
- We done.
- Good, thank God.
- So, you're coming later tomorrow?
- Yep.
I just have to sleep
because I didn't last night
so I won't be any later
than two, though.
Okay, you should go home
and just put your iPhone
outside tonight for a little while.
And bring the noise in
from your home.
- Oh, record?
- Yeah.
Yeah, that would be nice
but I'm not going to my home tonight.
Oh, okay.
I don't think it'll sound too good
in the hall at the Omni.
Oh, is that where
you're staying tonight?
Yeah.
- Well...
- Maybe tomorrow, Dave.
Well, whenever you do.
All right, everybody,
I'll see you guys tomorrow.
Jason is extremely hard on himself
and it can be painful
for everyone around him.
I knew the first moment
I ever met him
he was destined for greatness.
But Jason was young
when he joined our band.
I had always planned on
being in a band.
I'd always had that
as my driving force, you know?
The Drive-By Truckers
had played in Nashville
at one of the first
Americana Music Conferences
and the next day,
the guitar player didn't show up
and Jason just sat in.
You know, I was like, "Man,
you mind if I play with you guys
since you're one short?"
He was like
a way next-level guitar player.
Jason's playing along
like he had been rehearsing it
for years.
So at the end of the night,
I was like
"Hey, man, get in the van.
Let's go...
Let's go play some rock and roll."
I was, "Yes, I'm there. I'll do it."
You know, I wanted to get out,
get on the road and tour.
And I wanted to write songs.
I wanted people to hear them.
I was so excited. So excited.
The next day, his mom dropped him off
to get in our van
to leave for Oklahoma.
And Jason's like
"Mom, whatever you do
don't say
'take care of my boy,
or something like that.'"
She's sizing me up.
It's like,
"You're not gonna let my boy
die out there, are you?"
They open the back of the van,
and there lies Earl Hicks
passed out drunk.
Patterson comes around.
And he puts his arm around Jason
and he says, "Don't worry, Mom.
We're gonna take
real good care of your boy."
It was like that scene
from Almost Famous, you know?
"Don't do drugs!"
You all know Jason, don't you?
Yeah!
Coming into that
was mind-boggling for me
because it really was
exchanging everything I knew
for something completely different.
There was a lot of humor
and there was a lot of drinking
and a lot of things
that I had never seen before.
The first tour with Jason
was beyond magical.
He wrote Decoration Day
like the fourth day
he was in the band.
I'm like, "Holy sh*t,
where's this kid been all my life?"
You know, it's like,
"Oh, elementary school."
It's Decoration Day
And I've a mind to roll a stone
On his grave
But what would he say
He'd say, keeping me down
Ain't gonna keep you away
It's Decoration Day
And I knew the Hill boys
Would put him away
But my daddy wasn't afraid
He said we'd fight
'Til the last Lawson's
Last living day
It was everything I ever wanted.
You know, the things
that I'd sit in my room and rehearse
while my parents
were getting a divorce.
It was the fantasy that I went to
to disconnect
from the house that I was in.
It was everything. It was everything.
No matter what went wrong in my life,
I thought, but I can do this.
With Jason joining the band
we basically jumped
from one size room
over the next size room
to the next size room
in a space of about three months.
We had this chemistry
that made us better together
than any of us were separate.
And so it was like
this really powerful thing.
The Drive-By Truckers
were pretty established
and, you know, kind of...
"professional drinkers"
you know, by the time
he joined the band.
And it was just a rolling party.
I mean, we drank a lot, you know?
We rocked hard.
We drank hard. We drove hard.
We lived hard.
It wouldn't be right for me to say
all of a sudden,
I started drinking and doing drugs
when I joined the band.
It's just that the situations
were heavier
than what I'd been used to.
I ain't living like I should
A little rest might do me good
I think drinking gave him confidence.
Not, "I'm gonna be a badass
and fight you"
but "I can express myself
whereas I am that Southern man
who doesn't express himself
if I'm not drinking."
I ain't living like I should
I was adjusting to the world
outside of my Alabama upbringing
and...
dealing with stuff from my childhood
that I never dealt with.
I mean, that's probably
the biggest part of it
was the fact that...
you know, I never had
any kind of therapy
and didn't know that my problems
were problems that could be solved.
We can look back now and see
a lot of dangerous patterns
emerging with his drinking.
But we were
a little oblivious to that
I'm ashamed to say, at the time.
We would be on stage performing
and handing each other
the bottle of whiskey
and take a swig out of the bottle,
you know?
Then after the show,
you'd go out to a bar
I mean, you're already lit
and go out to have six or seven more.
It just snowballed.
There was one night in Memphis.
That was the first ever hint
of there being this...
dark side, you know,
because he was so...
he was so Jason.
He was kind of a ray of light.
I was highly inebriated.
I drank, you know, an entire handle
of Jack Daniel's.
I took some cocaine
and some Valium
or something like that
and I overdosed
and, you know, woke up all bloody.
And Shonna, the bass player
in the Drive-By Truckers
who I was dating at the time
was slapping me and crying
and thought that I was dead.
He was pretty cut up
and looked like
he had been in a fight.
He might've been cutting
himself a little bit.
I don't know. It...
Something got
really f*cked up that night.
Obviously, some things
had gone very wrong
with Jason.
So I'll take two
Of what you're having
And I'll take all of what you got
To k*ll this g*dd*mn lonely
g*dd*mn lonely love
I felt like what I was gonna do
was straighten my life out
and I felt like I owed it to Shonna
because she had taken care of me.
We went, I think, the next day
to the courthouse and got married.
But I was not prepared for a marriage
or any kind of a real
relationship at that point.
All I got is this g*dd*mn lonely
g*dd*mn lonely love
I just wasn't being
an actual grown-up.
I had built the illusion
of grown-upness
but I was not living as an adult.
The Drive-By Truckers were playing
at Webster Hall one night.
And I remember getting to the venue
and Jason just announces to me
"I'm getting divorced."
When the relationship
between Jason and Shonna
started going bad...
you know,
that affected all of us, for sure.
By that time, we're in a bus
but a bus becomes
a really small place quick
when there's 11 people
living in it.
That period was bad.
That was a bad time in my life.
He was, in a lot of ways
spiraling out of control.
And I saw the potential
for that to get a lot worse.
There was a point
where I was definitely worried about
you know, him dying.
The situation with Jason
had gotten so bad
that it was just...
it was making us not enjoy our job.
It was threatening
the life of the band.
Honestly, I think his ego
also started growing
and getting out of control.
And there's only so much
people can take.
Patterson and Cooley
just put a stop to it.
It was shocking to me
when I was fired.
But in hindsight, it should not
have been shocking to me.
Now, I look back at it, and, yeah,
I would've fired that guy too.
What... what an as*h*le.
Breaking up with Jason
damn near k*lled me in a lot of ways.
I mean, I was beyond heartbroken
to see it ending like that.
I was terrified about
what it was gonna do to the band
because he was a vital important part
of what we were doing.
That's a big thing to lose.
I mean, I didn't want my parents
to get a divorce either.
But you know, now I'm glad they did
because, in hindsight,
they were pretty...
you know, pretty miserable.
Definitely felt some guilt
when things started
going wrong with him.
Maybe we should've
handled it differently.
Maybe we should've been more aware.
Maybe we should've...
you know, maybe I should've.
Maybe I should've been more aware.
I was the one
who put him in that van that night.
I'm the one who told his momma
it was gonna be okay.
You know, it's very sad.
It was very sad.
I went to a bar
to go get very, very drunk
and ordered a double
and then another one
and another one and another one.
For five more years.
Heaven's wasted on the dead
That's what your momma said
Heaven's wasted on the dead
Heaven's waste...
That doesn't feel right to me.
For the bridge, so...
C.
Heaven's waste...
Let's try out...
Heaven's wasted on the dead
- How've you been doing?
- Hey, where have you been lately?
Oh, just doing all kinds of stuff.
- I like your glasses.
- Thank you.
You know, gotta keep it vibey.
Heaven's wasted on the dead
That's what your momma said
And the hearse was idling
In the parking lot
So we'll take it
from right after the chorus
so everybody knows where they're at.
- Okay? Back up.
- Okay. On the bridge
- should I play a chord like...
- No. No.
- Just keep going?
- Keep picking. Yeah.
Okay.
Heaven's wasted on the dead
That's what your momma said
And the hearse was idling
In the parking lot
She said you thought the world of me
And you were glad to see
They finally let me be an astronaut
Are you still taking notes
Do you have anyone to talk to
Castle walls
That you can walk through
And do the dead believe in ghosts
Or are you lost in some old building
With over encouraged only children
Amazing.
Do you wanna go into overdubs
or do you wanna go into another song?
I need about 20 minutes to myself.
So I'm gonna take that,
and then I'll come in and do...
All right.
Can I talk to you for a minute?
I mean, now's not
a really great time for me, but...
Okay, no problem.
My wife and I got in a spot
that was probably pretty close
to just calling the whole thing off.
- Off?
- Yeah
it was definitely close to that.
She was offended by my behavior
and I was offended by hers.
We just kept our distance
for a week or more.
That's part of what made it
so difficult for me
was the fact that
we didn't know what to say
to each other, you know?
We didn't know how to talk
or communicate
at that point in time.
Yeah, but he was being an asshat.
He wouldn't talk to me
on the phone.
He wouldn't respond to
my text messages.
I sent an email full of my thoughts
and he didn't respond
for, like, f*cking three days.
I just... I have to be able to work
no matter what stupid sh*t
- is going on around me.
- Really, you can? I can't.
- Well, I don't have a choice, Dave.
- You're a bigger man than me.
- It's either that or fail.
- Yeah.
I think, now we can switch
into overdub.
Yeah, I think so too.
All right, here we go from the top.
"Dear Mr. Husband
I know you're under
a lot of stress and pressure
whether you think it or not.
I can see it in your face.
I know that you aren't sleeping
and focusing so hard
it's probably wearing you out.
I'm sorry all this happened
during your record making.
The other night,
I was truly asking questions
and trying to figure out
my role in the studio
because it felt a lot like
I was unnecessary.
You made comments to me
that embarrassed me.
Then you couldn't answer
the question about
if I should be there or not
because you wanted me
to decide for myself.
Or as you said,
'I don't know if I need you there.'
You were holding on so tight
to your position
that you couldn't see that
you were hurting my feelings.
I had, and still have, so many tears.
I was considering marriage counseling
with you this last week
because I thought it might help.
Then this morning,
I pictured us going, and I was happy.
Who gets excited
about marriage counseling?
Then I cried like a dingbat
because this is what it has
come to for me, for us.
Dates to marriage counseling.
You know that I am open
to most all things
and I'm quick to accept my share
or more of my share of the blame.
You said, 'I'm not broken anymore.'
I know that.
I appreciate how strong you are
and the ways that you have changed.
I don't need you to be broken
or dented or anything.
I just love you.
See you at the stooge."
What do I do to make you smile
You been hurting for a while
What can I do to make you laugh
Get St. Peter's autograph
What's that distance in your eye
Has your faith been compromised
What can I do to help you sleep
I'll work hard and work for cheap
Sometimes it's nothing
But the way you're wired
And that's not your fault
We're all struggling
With the world on fire
And the fear we're taught
Now you've lost another friend
Who couldn't stay to see the end
He had somewhere else to be
Cut him down and burn the tree
There's no shelter from the rain
And I can't comprehend your pain
But I got arms, and I got ears
And I will always be right here
Amanda and I have
very different personalities
but identical values.
I think at the root of things
we both care
very, very much for each other
and very much for each other's work.
I don't think she's done with me
and I'm not done with her.
So sometimes it's like
"Well, we can't figure out exactly
how to get the bridge built
but I'm just gonna wave at you
from this side."
Then you have to keep
your own identity
and your own boundaries intact,
I think.
So I think sometimes, like,
space and time is a good thing
because we, like, live together,
we work together
- we record together.
- Oh, yeah, that's a big one.
- That's a big one.
- And so sometimes
it's nice to take a breath
and be like...
you know...
Well, hello.
- Look at your overalls.
- I have a present for you.
What is it?
- Open it.
- Come on in. I'll open it inside.
- Hey, guys.
- Hey, buddy.
- How you doing?
- Thanks for coming.
I haven't been here in a long time.
I know. It's been a while.
What do you think about the place?
You hear that?
Who's that sound like?
- Mommy.
- Yeah.
That's neat too.
Go see her.
- Aye! Hey!
- Hey, Mercy.
- What's up?
- Here you are!
- Whatcha doing?
- How are you doing?
- I gave Daddy a present.
- You did?
Give me some love.
I missed you so much.
- Thank you all for bringing her by.
- It's okay, Dad.
Open it!
- Look at that!
- It's me and Santa.
That's the best picture I ever got.
That's the best picture
I ever gotten.
- I love you, buddy.
- Did you eat the chocolate?
I haven't yet. I put it in my pocket.
I'm going to eat it
at the perfect time.
- After dinner.
- Yeah.
We climbed to safety
You and me and the baby
Sent our thoughts and prayers
To loved ones on the ground
And as the days went by
We just stopped looking down
Down, down
Now the world's on fire
And we just climb higher
'Til we're no longer bothered
By the smoke and sound
Good people suffer
And the heart gets tougher
Nothing given, nothing found
What've I done to help?
Somebody saved me
I don't look at something and think
this is gonna be difficult.
I just look at it and think
is this worth doing or not?
Is it better for us to do this
as a team?
My family is incredibly
important to me
but my job
is very important to me too
because I know
that I could not be of any use
to anybody else
if I had to do something different
with my life.
I mean, this is the mask
that I have to put on first
before I can put anybody else's on,
you know?
Dave, you ready?
Do you wanna sit at the couch or...
- I think here is fine.
- Okay.
Let's put it in record, Gena.
All right.
The nurse helped us buckle
Your seat in the car
And they sent us on our way
I drove home so slow
We had no instructions
And the first days were hard
But there's things about babies
A woman just knows
At 3.00 in the morning
I lay my hand over your heart
Just to know you were safe
In your sleep
When you started walking
I'd fight back the urge
To stay right there beside you
And keep you on your feet
Being your daddy comes natural
Roses just know how to grow
It's easy to see
That you'll get where you're going
But the hard part is letting you go
sh*t, dude.
- That's incredible.
- Thank you.
Take... Take me a minute.
And then, the older you get,
the more emotional you get.
Like, I can't hardly talk
to anybody without...
something choking me up now.
It's a good thing you don't have
a bunch of hired g*ns in your band
when that happens
because they'd be going off
tomorrow to Black Bird
and telling everybody in the studio
"That son of a b*tch
was crying at his own song.
What an as*h*le."
And now you've decided
To be someone's wife
And we walk down the aisle
And I'll give you away
I wish I could walk with him
Back through your life
To see every last minute
Of every last day
To hear your first words
And to feel your first heartbreak
To sing you to sleep
When you're scared of the dark
The best I can do
Is to let myself trust
That you know
You'll be strong enough
To carry your heart
And being your daddy
Comes natural...
I'm a dad. I can't help
but to hear the lyrics on that one.
He's always got those songs
that jerk and makes us all
messy and cry.
It's easy to see
That you'll get where you're going
But the hard part is letting you go
The hard part is letting you go
The good thing is
your daughter's four.
- Got some time.
- Yeah.
Yeah, you're right.
I do have some time.
- Love you so much.
- Love you so much.
I miss you.
- But, hey, guess what?
- What?
We get done with this record,
that means we get to go back on tour
and play new songs for everybody
and go have lots of fun together,
okay?
- Maybe do Oh Well again?
- I'll do Oh Well again.
- That's your favorite?
- And Anxiety?
Yeah, and Anxiety.
All your favorites.
I won't throw them out.
I'll still play them for you, okay?
Okay. When will you throw them out?
I don't think I ever will.
I think I'll just keep
playing them for you
as long as you wanna hear them, okay?
I wanna hear them forever.
Okay, good.
Well, that's what we'll do.
You'll always be with me.
Yeah, I will.
Forever.
Forever.
Always be your what?
What are we?
- BFFs.
- BFFs.
You know, you get in this headspace,
I think, when you're an addict
where you think I can control
my little corner of the universe.
And things come in and remind you
that that's not really possible.
So all you can really control
is your reactions to things.
Okay, so you push the red button.
Is there a red light on the screen?
Red dot is on.
Can you get some audio
on the back of your camera too?
Is there some movement
when you make...
Hello. Hey, audio, yeah.
- Yeah, that's working.
- Okay, good.
Welcome to pandemic filmmaking.
Let me just close
this Zoom window here
and we'll be ready to go.
Ready for your first
interview questions?
Yeah.
What does quarantine mean to you?
It means that you have to stay home.
What do you like to do
during the day in quarantine?
Well...
sometimes...
just sometimes...
I have the best days ever.
Momma!
Save us! It's not a good idea!
What's not a good idea, huh?
Here you go. Do you want to
give them some food?
That's what
they're following you for.
- Really? Throw some.
- Okay.
Who's going to get it?
You know, I've been touring
since I was 12
and professionally since I was 15.
And this is the first time
in my whole life
that I haven't played...
music like...
at least once
every four or five days.
One coming right behind you, Momma.
- Boy, she got me hard.
- One pecked my leg.
She got my toe big time,
thinking it was a worm.
Technically,
this is probably the most time
Jason and Amanda
have ever actually spent together.
- They're pecking my toes.
- Amanda very much has her own career
outside the 400 Unit.
So there can be weeks at a time
when they're not together
because they're each touring
behind their own projects.
Usually, she goes somewhere
and I go somewhere
and then we come back together
and we compare our experiences.
And now, all of a sudden,
that has stopped.
The ways that we used to
celebrate being alive
are not available to us now
so we celebrate being alive
by catching fireflies
and watching skunks
and picking flowers
and weeding the garden.
This is not Thoreau.
I'm not saying that this is the way
- humans should live.
- But we don't get...
I don't like it.
I didn't used to be
a stop and look in the bird nest
kind of guy.
But I'm... an egg counter now.
There they go.
How do you like
that new voice you got, babies?
I don't know if it's just
that the lens has gotten so small
because we're in these little bubbles
of our own stuff
but I'm wrestling with what, like,
what are...
what is our purpose now?
I knew she would do that.
She always does that.
Did you see her?
You missed her? She flew right out.
And I always get her at a bad time.
- Three little eggs.
- I caught it!
Nurturing things
and distracting myself
is the best way that I can sort of...
you know, try to not think too hard
on all of this crap.
Hello?
- Hey, Jason?
- Yeah, this is Jason.
Hey, Jason.
This is Josh from Guitar.com.
- How's it going, man?
- How are you doing, Josh?
Yeah, not too bad, man, not too bad.
- How about yourself?
- Doing all right.
We're all stuck in the house still,
but we're healthy.
We're doing okay.
Oh, wait. I'm getting another call
from London right now.
- Let me... hold on there a second.
- Oh, okay.
Are you with The Sun?
No.
- I'm with Guitar.com.
- Okay.
I've got you listed for 12.30.
Can you call me back?
- Yeah, definitely...
- Fantastic.
We'll do that in an hour and a half.
- Okay, talk to you then.
- Thank you.
They never ever get the times right.
I'm so glad you saw that.
Since the pandemic started
we are constantly evolving
our plans for the record
plans for touring
trying to keep the ball rolling,
basically.
The record's called Reunions,
and it is done.
It is complete.
This is the beautiful vinyl
that we will be releasing out
into this mad world.
It's a strange time
to be releasing an album
in some ways, isn't it?
Yeah, it's a strange time
to be doing anything.
It's a strange time
to go to the grocery store. But...
you know,
definitely releasing an album
because you're so used to that...
immediate gratification of going out
and performing the songs live.
Hello, oh, hello.
- Hello.
- I had the lens cap on.
Hello, lens cap
from the world of tomorrow.
Welcome to sound check.
Welcome.
There's Zach.
It's dark out here.
Here's our things.
You can see the only thing
we've opened so far are the Doritos.
And by "we," I mean me.
- Happy record release day.
- Happy record release day.
Amanda Shires being her glam squad.
Be your own glam squad.
Tell us how you feel
about release day.
I feel good about release day.
It's exciting to release an album
that I feel good about.
I think it's a good album,
but it's also really weird...
because the pandemic has changed
the way we do everything
- including releasing the album.
- And we miss our band today.
We miss our band so much.
- We miss our audience.
- Yeah.
We miss our crew. I miss our bus.
Last night I dreamed
That I'd been drinking
Same dream
I have about twice a week
I had a glass of wine
I woke up feeling fine
And that's how I knew it was a dream
It gets easier
But it never gets easy
I can say it's all worth it
But you won't believe me
And you can't expect her
To follow your lead
She's fine with her wine
and her weed
It gets easier
But it never gets easy
It never gets easy
This album was the biggest thing
that I've ever done.
And the process of making it
wasn't easy.
I wanted to be there with my band
making really, really loud noises
and then, you know, eating dinner
and drinking some kind
of non-alcoholic c*ck
and high-fiving each other
making goofy speeches.
And that was not available to me.
It gets easier
But it never gets easy
It never gets easy
It never gets easy
Amanda says congratulations.
I know it's not what you hoped,
but it's awesome.
And thank you very much.
Thank you for understanding that.
Because it is weird as sh*t.
This is weird.
If you got little kids
tell them don't say sh*t
if you want to
but I'm gonna say it again.
This is weird as sh*t
but it would feel weirder
to not put a record out
because when I make a record
I make it about my life
and how my life is then.
And my life changes
so I don't wanna wait a year
and then talk about
what my life was like.
- Thanks.
- Happy record release!
You know, it turned out
being better than I expected
and it turned out
being a great experience
for me and for the audience, I think
but it wasn't what I wanted to do.
And that sort of...
lack of celebration
was... was deflating for me.
When the record was due to drop
I was still holding on to hope
that before too long
we can get out
and do something behind this.
When I finally came around
to the reality
which is I'm not going anywhere
for a good while
depression would kind of set in.
Oh, the guys need some love.
They're really proud of the record
and they just are sitting home
watching from the sidelines.
It doesn't feel right.
It's unsettling, you know.
I feel like I should be on tour,
you know?
I mean, I really do.
My body is telling me
I should have wheels underneath
me right now, you know?
Like I feel the pull of the highway
so to speak.
The way I've been dealing with it
has just been to go
with the flow of things.
I have no idea what Derry's doing.
He looks like
he's building a spaceship.
The new 400 Unit record, Reunions
is the top-selling album
in the country.
In a different time, if you had
the number-one record on the charts
you wouldn't be so worried
about the next month.
Considering the fact
that we're in a pandemic
I expected way less
and was prepared
to be okay with that.
So this is
an incredible surprise for me.
In some ways,
it's a bittersweet thing
but I will say I never thought
I would play in a band
that had a number-one anything.
What I meant to say was
I always knew I'd play in a band
that would have a number-one album.
One, two...
What've I done to help
What've I done to help
Somebody saved me
What've I done to help
What've I done to help
And not myself
What've I done to help
What've I done to help
Somebody saved me
I had a little bit
of a come apart yesterday.
Amanda and I were filming
a live performance for CBS
and about halfway through
the first song
the Amazon delivery guy
came up onto the porch
and dropped something off.
It was, sort of,
like a breaking point for me.
You know, I just told Amanda
I'm f*cking tired of this.
I'm... I've had enough.
I know that we're in
a much better situation
than most people are
but I've still just had enough
of this sh*t.
It just f*cking sucks.
It's like you sit down
to eat a sandwich
and all you have
are two slices of bread.
You don't have anything to put
in between it.
You're trying to pretend
it's a sandwich
and then halfway through it,
somebody comes up and interrupts you.
And you want to say, "g*dd*mn it.
I'm already just eating
two slices of bread
and pretending it's a sandwich.
Why can't you just let me do that?"
He's not aware when he does it,
but he'll be like
"Are you not having any fun?"
And then he stomps around
and is grumpy
and I was like,
"Are you having fun, you know?
What are you doing?"
But then after the recording
he sat down and
just started talking about
all of it.
Kind of just kind of like...
when you get in an over-full bathtub
but it just kind of splashes
everywhere.
You know, when's the next time
I'm gonna play
a regular show at The Greek
for thousands of people?
All crammed in together
jumping up and down
and sweating and dancing
and having a good time.
Is it gonna be five years?
Is it ever gonna happen again?
If it wasn't for Amanda and Mercy
I would possibly go back to drinking
because who gives a f*ck?
Who's even watching?
Who's looking anymore?
It's not like
I'm gonna mess up a show.
I can't go play one.
I'm not going to do that
because I spend a ton of time
with my daughter and with my wife
and I would let them down.
But if they weren't around here
I don't know if I would be safe.
I don't know if my recovery
would be safe.
I got a glass of wine
I got a cigarette
And I should be feeling fine
But I ain't feeling nothing yet
She's leading the second line
Feel like I'm in front of it
And I guess I am tonight
Typical day for the old Jason.
Wake up, it's probably
already past noon.
Get in the van.
There's probably
some bottles of liquor
on the floor of the van
to tide you over
unload the gear, drink some more.
Play a show while drinking some more.
Finish the show, drink some more
and then hit repeat.
There was usually never a day
filled with great decisions.
I mean, the day-to-day
was pretty rough.
Right before Jason went sober
I was actually looking online
for Internet security courses.
Just as a fallback
in case everything self-destructed.
Honestly, I didn't consider
getting sober
until I met Amanda.
You know, I thought
she's... she's not gonna...
stick around for this.
You know, at first,
when you're hanging out
you think that a person,
you see them off and on
they're just having fun that night
or for a couple of nights
and it just got progressively
worse and worse and...
you start noticing patterns
like about...
Like, he never woke up
in the morning.
It was always in the afternoon.
But he always woke up drinking.
And there's a lot of things
that go along with that
that are not fun to be around, but...
One night, I got real drunk
and I said I need help
to quit drinking
and that I don't think
I can do it on my own.
And Amanda said
"Well, you know, if you're...
if you're sure about that
you know, I'm gonna have
to do some things
and you're not gonna like 'em."
I really think that somebody
probably would've helped
or tried to help
if it hadn't been me.
Or I hope somebody would.
So it started with a text from her
that it was time
and I said, "Well, I need to hear
that from him."
And he texted me that
"I think it's time I do something
about my drinking.
I wanna be present
while all this good stuff
is happening.
Not like in
the Drive-By Truckers days."
So Traci went to the rehab folks
and the earliest they could get me in
was Monday.
The Saturday night
we were playing a private show
in Virginia.
It was his last hurrah.
And I don't think
I've ever told him this
that I have the audio and
the DVD of that.
And it's just something
I've always tucked away
just in case he ever slipped.
Well, I moved into this room
If you could call it that a week ago
I never do what I'm supposed to do
Hardly even know my name anymore
When no one calls it out
It kind of vanishes away
And I can't get to sleep at night
The parking lot's so loud and bright
The AC hasn't worked in 20 years
Probably never made
A single person cold
But I can't say the same for me
I've done it many times
Somebody take me home
Through those Alabama pines
They had a bunch of moonshine
from Fredericksburg.
The moonshine capital of the world.
The place where they've always made
the best moonshine.
So I drank a ton of that.
And I think I took some MDMA
at some point.
And tried to get a tattoo
and they wouldn't give me a tattoo
because I was too f*cked up.
Everybody was pissed at me
because I had gotten so drunk
and made such an a*s of myself.
Dude, you're wasted.
Man, this is a party.
It was the first time
I'd ever heard him drunk on stage.
Hey, Derry DeBorja, everybody, yeah!
- Play a song!
- And then, I guess
it was really after the show
that things got really, really ugly.
Amanda and I got into an argument
and, you know, I think I got...
I got kind of scary to her.
That was sort of a, like,
kind of not the best night for him.
So...
I don't think she was going to
stay with me at that point.
I think she was like,
"Okay, I want you to get sober.
I'll help you. I'll be your friend.
But I don't think I can be
in a relationship with you"
you know?
So I thought
my relationship was done.
So when I was in rehab,
I just wrote letters to her...
the whole time, and it worked.
I can write a letter.
A heart on the run
Keeps a hand on a g*n
It can't trust anyone
I was so sure what I needed was more
Tried to sh**t out the sun
The days when we raged
We flew off the page
Such damage was done
But I made it through
Because somebody knew
I was meant for someone
That was f*cked up
in a lot of different ways
but I was lucky enough to realize
that if I can just quit drinking
then I might have everything
I ever wanted.
It's not hard to commit to
somebody, I don't think.
I mean...
if you're...
if you're in love with him.
He proposed, and I said "yes."
But I wanted him to be sober
at least a year
before I continued on.
And it's no... it's no guarantee.
Like, I can trust him
but I can't trust
the addiction at all
you know?
Cover me up
And know you're enough
To use me for good
There's a couple of parts
in Cover Me Up
I still don't like to hear
but I listen to it anyway.
Now he knows that I liked him
even at his worst.
Put your faith to the test
When I tore off your dress
In Richmond on high
But I sobered up
I swore off that stuff
Forever this time
We had a moment recently
where we came to the conclusion
through having a couple
of really hard conversations
that part of our problems still stem
from unresolved issues
from when we first got together.
And things that happened
when I was still drinking.
I didn't understand that
all those years ago
there were times
when she felt trapped
and she felt in danger.
So girl, hang your dress up to dry
We ain't leaving this room
I remember my perspective.
I knew that I wasn't
gonna hurt anybody.
But my perspective
wasn't the only one.
In the last few months
I've been doing a lot of thinking
about what did the room looked like
from the other corners, you know?
What did it look like from the people
who were afraid of me
and didn't know that ultimately...
it was all gonna be okay.
Cover me up
And know you're enough
To use me for good
I had the realization
of what I had put on her.
You know, she was a catalyst
for me getting sober
and cleaning my life up.
I had taken all of this burden
of me becoming what I am now
and I had put it on her shoulders.
And then, what started off
as a little tiny relationship
turned into the record Southeastern
and it was not just ours anymore.
Girl, leave your boots by the bed
We ain't leaving this room
There were people hearing these songs
and when they would hear
Cover Me Up
she would go back to the place
where she was afraid of me.
And nobody would understand that.
And then the part
that hurt her the worst
is that I didn't understand it
because I wasn't willing to go back
and actually look
at what really happened.
It's a lot to feel
like you're the only person
in the world that...
- That knows...
- Yeah.
...what really happened.
And I should've known the whole time.
So cover me up
And know you're enough
To use me for good
Cover me up
And know you're enough
To use me for good
When Jason went sober
he came out of that experience
I think, a more caring
kinder...
more empathetic individual.
I fought against my own ability
to get better.
And when I stopped doing that
all of a sudden, I was like,
"Okay, you're not so bad.
You're kind of an as*h*le,
but we'll figure that out."
And... and then we sat there
together, me and myself
and wrote an album
that changed my life.
Maybe it's time
To let the old ways die
Maybe it's time
To let the old ways die
It takes a lot to change a man
Hell, it takes a lot to try
Maybe it's time
To let the old ways die
Nobody knows
what waits for the dead
This pandemic has been a challenge
for somebody
who's used to being in control.
It's really saved my a*s
to be able to sit down
and play the guitar for hours.
I've kinda reverted back
to when I was an unhip high schooler
and I just spent all my time
in my room playing guitar
because that's the only thing
that really made me happy.
And I'm glad I can't go back
To where I came from
I'm glad those days are gone
And gone for good
Thank you.
But if I could take spirits
From my past
And bring them here
You know I would
You know I would
But nobody speaks to God
these days
Nobody speaks to God these days
The chickens have lain their eggs
beneath the coop.
I'd like to think he's looking down
And laughing at our ways
But nobody speaks to God
these days
Mommy, I got you a present.
And when I was a child
- They tried to fool me
- Thank you.
Said the worldly man was doomed
And hell was real
Some days I found
beautiful dead moths.
Well, I've seen hell in Reno
And this world's just one big old
Catherine wheel
Spinning still
He's made a picnic.
Maybe it's time
To let the old ways die
Maybe it's time
To let the old ways die
Oh, some garden gloves.
It takes a lot to change your plans
And a train to change your mind
Maybe it's time
To let the old ways die
Look at that stinky b*stard.
Maybe it's time
To let the old ways die
Quarantine, day 194.
Maybe it's time
To let the old ways die
I smell alcohol.
That's because
we just put some in your ears.
And I can smell with my ears?
You can use your ears
to help you smell?
- I think your ears...
- That's my daughter.
Don't put your fingers in your ears.
Don't do that.
I like to smell the alcohol.
That's my child, there.
"Well, do you love me the most
with my big, big eyes
that will watch you grow
wise, wise, wise?
It's me, Ollie.
Do you love me the most?
Do you?"
Do you?
Do you love me the most?
- Do you?
- Stop it.
Stop interrupting me.
- What?
- Stop interrupting me.
- Hoo?
- You.
- Hoo?
- You.
- Hoo?
- You.
- Hoo?
- You.
- Hoo?
- You.
Hey, Mercy, knock, knock?
- Who's there?
- Interrupting Mom.
- Interrupting Mom...
- Hello!
In quarantine times
there are breakthrough couples
and break up couples
I've decided.
A lot of people we know
are getting divorced.
And I understand that totally.
But I think for me and Amanda
I think we're having breakthroughs.
I feel like we're getting to know
each other better, I think.
And like today
everything was great, you know?
Yesterday, everything was great.
We'll see what happens tomorrow.
The river is my savior
Because she used to be a cloud
She's happy just to lay there
When she used to be so proud
And even when she dries up
A thousand years from now
I'll lay myself beside her
And call her name out loud
So I see COVID-19
as something that is forcing me
to adapt and to grow.
I'm bound and determined
to make a positive out of this.
And the ultimate positive
is to let it connect me
with other people more.
But now I'm tired
And a little bit confused
Regarding what I meant to do
And what I did
To be back in the room
with everybody else
will make my heart explode.
Because I know I'll be in tears.
I feel like we will all be in tears
because you don't feel whole
right now.
I'd be happy just to play
on the back porch
for the birds
if it was me and my whole band
playing together at the same time.
I'd be thrilled.
The river is my savior
She's running to the sea
And to reach her destination
Is to simply cease to be
And running 'til you're nothing
Sounds a lot like being free
So I'll lay myself inside her
And I'll let her carry me
There's this moment
right before we go on stage
where we're all gathered in the wing
Jason gives a thumbs-up
to everybody with a...
a raised eyebrow to make sure
you know, "Everybody good?
Everybody good?"
And I miss that.
I can't wait to do that again.
I can't wait to be in that huddle.
See you all tomorrow.
There's only one story.
They say three in
your creative writing classes.
But there's only one really,
and that's...
"Will you listen
to what my life is like?"
You know? And let's compare.
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